


Perfect The Way You Are

by KanaWooby



Category: Love Live! School Idol Festival (Video Game), Love Live! School Idol Project
Genre: Angst, Anorexia, Bulimia, Eating Disorders, F/F, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Sexual Assault, Mental Health Issues, Weight Issues
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-20
Updated: 2019-01-20
Packaged: 2019-10-13 12:59:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 25
Words: 146,606
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17488496
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KanaWooby/pseuds/KanaWooby
Summary: Living life as an idol does not come without its share of criticism and problems, which we find out when a certain purple haired shrine maiden is ridiculed by the public for her weight, causing her to question herself and her lifestyle.μ's notices how their friend begins to change, especially Nozomi's closest friend, Eli and are determined to look after her while they all juggle with unsaid feelings of their own.(Contains possibly triggering material:eating disorders: anorexia and bulimia)





	1. Authors Note

Hello everyone, I don't know how you managed to come across this fan fiction but, first of all, thank you so much for opening it. It already means so much to me. I just want to let you be aware of a few things before you begin; First of all this fan fiction is centred around the subject of eating disorders and involves a scene with an attempted sexual assault and could be triggering or upsetting to some readers, so please keep yourself safe and be cautious when reading, I would never want anyone to be hurt or harmed.

This is a re-upload of my fanfiction which has been up on Wattpad for quite a while now but of course I'm lazy and only just got around to posting it here. I wrote this from 2016-2017 but do often come back to make any edits if I feel like I should.

Also if you are affected by anything mentioned in this fan fiction or are feelings down in general I want you to know that you are strong and beautiful and amazing just as you are. You don't need to live up to any stupid standard, you just need to be yourself. You are amazing, you are loved, you are beautiful/handsome, you are smart, you are unique and you are you! You don't deserve to be hurt and upset at all, you've done nothing wrong. And weight is not at all the most important thing, the most important thing is your safety, health and happiness. Please remember this and if you need anyone to talk to I'll always be here, you can find me on my Instagram @dusk_drawings and we can talk about anything you want, (even if you just want to enthuse with me about your best girls or ships I'll be more than happy to do that) I'll always be here for you I promise.

Now, sit back, grab yourself a snack or a drink if you want and I hope you enjoy the ride.

~Dusk


	2. Where It All Began

_"How do you manage to keep up with everyone else, considering you seem so much larger than the others?"_

_"Who's the fattest member of μ's? Of course it's Nozomi"_

_"I think you need to think about dieting"_

_"I love everyone in_ μ's _but this picture was a mistake, look at how big Nozomi's stomach looks! "_

Once again the purple haired shrine maiden was interrupted from her peaceful slumber by the loud notification sounds echoing loudly from her phone. She hoped it would just be one of her fellow idol members wanting to talk to her about something or checking she had a good nights rest, but unfortunately it wasn't. She was greeted by another mirage of negative texts and alerts from people who were insulting her weight and appearance. She didn't used to get many messages like this but ever since μ's recently did their latest beach-themed photo shoot, people had started to bully Nozomi about the way she looked larger than the rest of them when she wore her bikini.

Unlike a lot of famous people that were met with criticism, she would never respond to these hateful messages, however she wouldn't delete them either. Controversial to popular belief, these messages were taking a toll on her for the worst. Nobody knew just how badly they were affecting her, not even μ's, they didn't even know this was happening to her as she chose to hide it. It was what she had told herself was best. She didn't care how much it hurt, she wouldn't hurt anyone else. That was the kind of selfless person Nozomi was. However unfortunately it was a habit that turned toxic rather fast.

The more messages she received regarding her weight, the more she started to wonder if what they said was true and if she should change this. They struck a chord with her and hit a sensitive spot as she was someone who had often questioned her own worth and whether she was good enough to be around the people she was.

Whenever she walked by the mirror and caught a glimpse of herself she would pinch at her skin and spend long periods of time just looking at herself in disappointment, pointing out all the flaws she saw. She was sometimes even reduced to tears. Just the sight of herself made her feel physically ill.

She soon became fed up of her body and seeing imperfections every time she walked by the mirror and caught even the slightest glimpse of herself. She couldn't shake the negative feelings she was drowning in and finally snapped, deciding she needed to do something about it. She couldn't bare to let this continue. 

This was when Nozomi started starving herself.

Since she lived alone she could easily get away with not making herself food at all while at home; although it caused her massive mental and physical pain she, unfortunately, had become so frequently victim to the abuse that she kept with it, no matter how bad it made her feel. She was determined to see it through and her mind became clouded with the obsession of becoming thinner and thinner. It was as if nothing she did was good enough anymore, as if anything she had done never was.

On top of her massive calorie intake drop, she began creating a rigorous exercise regime for herself to follow. It went from actions as simple as taking the longest routes possible if she ever needed to go outside for something to regular runs and jogs, sometimes even just inside her own apartment if she couldn't motivate herself to step outside.

Throughout the entire break away from school Nozomi felt horrible. She was; lonely, hungry, sick, dizzy and very upset with herself. So much so that it was as if a giant rain cloud had unleashed havoc and engulfed her entire apartment - darkening the world in the poor girl's eyes.

The days just dragged on and on as she continued to suffer and isolate herself from the world around her. She didn't feel up to moving around so much and ended up spending most of the days asleep or laying around in bed alone to avoid any sudden urges she might have to break her new habit; usually with the lights off which she supposed was rather apropos to the feeling of darkness that she bottled up inside over the course of the supposed holiday. After all the last thing she wanted was to have the possibility of seeing her body again, reminding her of the mess she thought she was.

She didn't once check her phone anymore, for fear of any new messages regarding her weight or appearance as a whole. But because of this she missed receiving messages altogether and that included those from her best friend; Eli Ayase.

Eli had attempted to contact her on various occasions, inviting Nozomi to go have a day out together, which would have definitely involved paying a long overdue visit to their favourite parfait café which as enjoyable as it was would definitely do a number on her diet plans. However no such event took place as Eli was shocked to find she received no reply whatsoever, which was an instant red flag in the blonde's eyes.

Getting zero response from Nozomi was painful for Eli, as this was not like her best friend at all. They would often text each other back and forth throughout the evening (and night if Eli happened to suffer from any particularly nasty night terrors) as Eli hated knowing that her friend lived alone. As someone with high family values, Eli couldn't possibly imagine how lonely it must have been to live without them - especially at such a tender and vulnerable age.

Eli tried to calm the torrent of worries that buzzed around in her subconscious and dismissed it as the purplette just being too busy or taking a much deserved rest - as she was notably fond of her naps and often pushed herself rather hard so a good break was definitely deserved - and after all she knew she would see her at school on the upcoming Monday anyway. Regardless of this Eli still continued to try to contact Nozomi through calls and texts throughout the week off, hoping that her fellow third year would reply soon but unfortunately she continued to get no response.

The blonde even turned up at the purplette's apartment door but Nozomi refused to go and see who it was; she wasn't in the mood to see anyone, no matter how long Eli stayed there and called her name. She felt like she wasn't good enough to be around Eli - someone who was always so perfect, beautiful, hardworking and had a body to die for - In comparison Nozomi felt so flawed, like she was too unattractive to be seen by Eli, especially compared to Eli's undeniably dazzling beauty. They were, arguably, the closest pair in the group and relied on each other to help them and keep themselves grounded but she just didn't want Eli to see her like she was.

_'I'm so sorry Elicchi...'_

When the week was over Nozomi knew she would have a hard time sticking to her strict routine with having school, her friends, and her school idol group, μ's, to deal with. Although she was in great pain, never once did she even consider the possibility of skipping school. After all, spending time with her friends was so important to Nozomi, especially after she felt so horribly guilty for ignoring Eli all week.

Perhaps she had been too cautious and Eli had already caught onto something being wrong? She tried to reason with herself and thought she would just have to make sure to keep confirming she was okay, what she had always been the best at doing. Years of dealing with her issues alone had taught herself to always carry a strong mask of smiles that on most occasions was impenetrable. She would just have to put it to practice on a more frequent basis now.

_'It will all be worth it once they see the change in me...'_

So with that in mind; she got up, got herself washed and dressed in her uniform and messily shoved her hair into her usual low twin-tails. She slung her bag onto her shoulders, not bothering to get any breakfast or prepare anything for her lunch and left her house, walking to the spot where her and Eli would usually meet. Unsurprisingly Eli was already there waiting for her, a look of worry suddenly shifted into a look of relief as she spotted Nozomi approaching her from a distance.

Eli turned and immediately ran up to her, eyes glistening with happiness at the sight of her best friend. However the first thing Eli noticed was that Nozomi looked a little different. She looked tired and her skin seemed paler than usual but the biggest difference was the way Nozomi's uniform hung off her body in a strange way. Eli couldn't remember a time where her uniform didn't cling tightly to her friends well-endowed form.

Eli was so quick to pick up on even the smallest changes to Nozomi, as she had spent so much time with the purplette. Eli's expression was plastered with worry for her friend but tried her best to hide it by pulling Nozomi into a hug - a habit that being around Nozomi had started. She wasn't normally one to be so touchy but it was different when it came to Nozomi.

"Nozomi, hi! I tried contacting you all week but you didn't respond! I missed you." Her voice was brimming with anxiety that was impossible for Nozomi to miss.

Nozomi felt horrible for making Eli so worried about her. That was the last thing she ever wanted to happen. She didn't even know what to reply with as the feeling of disappointment in herself brewed in her stomach that mixed with the painful throbbing feeling of her empty stomach that desired sustenance.  

"I'm sorry Elicchi and I missed you too." She replied, not even bothering to try to give a reason why as she knew Eli would become suspicious either way as she encased herself in the warm feeling accompanied with the hug. She had missed Eli dearly and it was nice to be reunited and to receive a hug from the one she held so closed to her heart.

Eli pulled away, breaking the hug and took another glance at Nozomi, as if committing her best friend's state to memory. Yes, she was definitely looking a lot thinner, which alarmed Eli. Upon further inspection she also seemed to appear a bit worn-down, if the faint dark circles around her eyes were any indication.

_'Nozomi?...'_

Eli knew Nozomi was strong and probably wouldn't tell her if she was ill; so she decided to keep a close eye on her for the day, not wanting to confront her just yet, especially as Nozomi probably wouldn't want attention drawn to herself if she had a problem.

With that they walked to school together, Nozomi tried her best to keep up with Eli's pace so as not to draw any negative attention to herself and her state. When they reached school and they saw their fellow 7 members of μ's all standing together and Eli ran over to greet them, expecting Nozomi to run as well. But Nozomi had no energy to do that so she just walked slowly to meet them.

"Hi Nozomi-chan!"  
"Nya! Nozomi-chan!"  
"Good morning Nozomi-chan!"

Everyone greeted the two third years and let them join in with their previous conversation, involving the creation of their latest song. Nozomi tried her best to keep up and keep smiling and it seemed to work on everyone, apart from on her two fellow third years.

They could sense something seemed off as they were open to seeing her more often and knew her enough by now to know when something was amis. Even Nico noticed that Nozomi seemed to look thinner but decided against mentioning it. Both girls didn't want to say anything as they knew it was rude to talk about things like weight; especially when people can be insecure about that and Nozomi particularly had been known to be secretly very insecure about herself, not that she openly would want to admit that but her friends had picked up on the telltale signs.

The two third years exchanged a few glances. Nico motioned her head a little in Nozomi's direction and Eli understood that she was asking if something was wrong with her friend. Nozomi didn't seem to notice them exchanging glances and looking worriedly at her as she began to daydream and get lost in her thoughts; That was until the bell rang, signalling the start of classes.

Everyone separated into groups of their years and walked to their separate classes. When the third years reached their classroom, the two troubled friends glanced back at Nozomi and watched her sit down, observing for any signs of something wrong with her. Although she attempted to hide it, she seemed to shake a little as she slowly lowered herself into her seat, supporting her body by resting her hands on her desk. This made them even more worried but they flashed her smiles to make her feel better. After all they knew they wouldn't be able to have any positive impact if they didn't help reassure her.

Throughout class they couldn't check up on her as Eli was directly in front and Nico was diagonally, a few seats forward, in front, much to their dismay. This proved a problem as Nozomi was struggling the most in class as she couldn't concentrate from lack of nutrition. Her body just didn't want to cooperate with her and she felt sick and dizzy and couldn't focus to make heads or tails of whatever the teacher was attempting to teach, but luckily she wasn't called on throughout the duration of the lesson. The Gods must have been on her side. Her spiritual power clearly knew no bounds.

When lunchtime came around Nozomi hadn't brought any food at all, which concerned Eli and Nico even more.

"Aren't you going to eat Nozomi?" Asked a worried Eli, placing her hand on her friends shoulder comfortingly. Nozomi just shook her head in response.

 "I'm not that hungry..."

Eli shot a scared glance back at Nico that silently conveyed a thousand different words.

"But you need to eat something Nozomi." Nico added, concern underlying her tone. She offered her some of her food from her bento but Nozomi politely declined. It hurt Nozomi to deny anything that her close friends offered her but she just kept telling herself the same thing; it was for her own good.

"At least have a drink, you need to have some energy for practice. Are you feeling okay?" Asked Eli, handing a bottle of water to her purple-haired best friend. Nozomi accepted the bottle, albeit hesitantly but she knew her friends wouldn't stop until she had consumed something, and thanked Eli.

_'I guess water could help fill me up without being fattening'_ she thought, slowly unscrewing the bottle cap and taking a small gulp.

"Is everything okay Nozomi?" Asked the usually-bubbly Honoka. Nozomi forced a small smile in response to her and replied in her usual sweet voice 

"Everything is just fine."

Nico just wanted to scream out that she knew something was wrong and she was not okay but she knew Nozomi was sensitive; regardless of the brave front she put on and didn't want to make her feel worse, so she resisted. The last thing she wanted was for Nozomi to feel cornered and completely back into herself. Nico was stubborn but she wasn't a cruel person and she knew when boundaries were being crossed.

Everyone went back to normal conversation but they all couldn't help but feel something was wrong. The atmosphere that surrounded them was unusually heavy. Every so often one of them would ask Nozomi if she was absolutely sure she was okay but they would only receive the same answer. Soon it was if the entire sentence had lost all meaning.

More and more often throughout lunch Eli kept shooting glances at her friend, half because she was immensely worried, but also half because she just kept feeling the overwhelming urge to look at her; Her beautiful turquoise eyes that shone in the sunlight, her flowing purple hair that sparkled like stars in the galaxy, her sweet kansai dialect...everything about her was just so sweet, so fragile like the most beautiful flower in the meadow. The blonde couldn't help but feel this overwhelming surge of love and affection flowing through her body whenever she looked at her friend. What was this feeling? There was no doubt in Eli's mind that Nozomi was a beautiful person, inside and out, so it bothered her immensely when she could tell that something was clearly bothering the poor girl, yet she didn't know what.

Meanwhile, watching everyone eat made Nozomi feel really hungry but as she hadn't eaten in such a long the feeling of sickness came on stronger, tugging at her organs and weakening her body as it attempted to cling onto what little substance it could take in. She politely excused herself for a moment and headed straight for the bathroom, while attempting to look as nonchalant and casual as possible - despite some of her friends seeing right through her act.

"Something is definitely wrong with her." Nico confirmed, watching Nozomi's retreating figure as it disappeared from her line of vision.

"I thought she did look a bit thinner, I hope she's taking care of herself." Umi added, hoping her doubts were not true.

"But it's not like she would tell us if something was wrong anyway." Maki replied, twirling a lock of her red hair. What she said was entirely true.

"Yeah, Nozomi can be stubborn like that." Nico added, resting her hands on her hips.

"You're one to talk Nico-chan." Laughed Rin, her voice still high-spirited as always.

"HEY SHUT UP!" The raven-haired girl snapped, causing some members to chuckle a little, all except a certain blonde who stood quietly, her mind buzzing with thoughts.

_'Oh Nozomi...please tell me what's wrong. I want to help'_ Eli thought. Despite everyone having their qualms about the situation, Eli was the most worried of them all about the purple-haired shrine maiden. After all they were the closest of friends and they vowed to be there for each other through everything. Yet there was Eli, forced to watch as something was happening to Nozomi, which she was clueless about. She only hoped that she could figure things out soon.

~~~

Meanwhile Nozomi was all alone in the bathroom, trying to use to time to recollect herself privately. However this proved to be unsuccessful as a sudden wave of nausea attacked her system at full force, sending her head spinning out of control and her stomach pulsating painfully.

She dashed into the nearest stall; securely locking the door behind her, leaned over the toilet and felt the disgusting taste of bile in her throat as it left her system. Her body craved food so badly and she just wasn't allowing it any at all, which was beginning to wreak havoc on her immune system. After emptying the contents of her stomach out she pulled her head away and tried to steady her breathing for a few moments before flushing the toilet and emerging from the stall in order to splash her face with cold water from the sinks, in hopes of hiding the physical effects of what she was putting herself through. 

She had to keep this a secret. What would the others do if they found out? Not only would she be the heavy weak link of the group but also the person who couldn't even keep herself in check or try to improve herself for the sake of the ones she loved. 

No, they couldn't find out. They wouldn't understand. 

Things would be better if she just gritted her teeth and kept going. Soon she would be healthier, skinnier and a better overall idol - one that people could look up to. It would all be worth it in the end. After all, improving yourself was never meant to be easy was it?

Upon inspecting her appearance in the mirror she felt even worse about herself. Her eyes were now blood-shot red and teary, replacing the usual calm emerald she usually found herself gazing into whenever she found herself situated in front of her reflection. Her lips were chapped and her appearance in general was incredibly pale, taking on an almost chalky look. The sour aftertaste of the bile lingered on her tastebuds, causing her to screw her face up in discomfort.

She knew she couldn't leave immediately with her current state so she allowed herself a few minutes to recollect herself and attempt to conceal her run-down appearance, while taking a few moments to spray herself with a few spritzes of perfume to mask the scent.

Once she was satisfied that she appeared presentable, she practiced her smile in the mirror one last time before exiting the bathroom and returning back to her friend's.

_'It's going to be a tough day...'_

~~~

The rest of the day went by in a blur and before she knew it; it was time for practice. So she walked with Nico and Eli to get their practice clothes and they all got changed. Nozomi told herself she wouldn't miss practice for anything. She knew she would just have to push herself extra hard to keep up with everyone but this proved very difficult in her state. Her weakened and malnourished body simply did not have the strength and nutrients to keep supporting her upright - especially under such strenuous conditions.

Through every step she did, she grew more disorientated and her vision fogged up; Her face began to lose it's colour again and turn pale while her steps became wobbly, her limbs becoming numb and uncontrollable along with her blood pumping more furiously and her ears drowning out the sound of Umi's clapping. Nozomi felt like she was about to collapse.

"Nozomi!"

But just as she did Eli had noticed her and, acting on autopilot, quickly managed to grab hold of her before she fell. The blonde pulled the purplette into her embrace and held her tightly, not willing to let the one she cared so deeply for be hurt. 

Seeing Nozomi in this state hurt Eli immensely, causing her to begin to tear up as she held onto the dazed shrine maiden in her embrace, an uneasy feeling brewing in her stomach as she took in the lightness of the girl's figure. Nozomi quickly apologised,tried her best to brush off the worries of the others and stood up, wobbling slightly and wincing in pain and discomfort - which did not go unnoticed by her peers, much to her dismay.

"I think it's best if you take it easy and have a rest today." Umi said, looking towards Nozomi, hoping to be the voice of reason that she needed.

"B-but I'm fine, I can do it." The shrine maiden replied, trying to sound as happy and well as she could. She had promised not to let her new regime interfere with her idol practice and her friends.

_'Look at what you've done. You can't even do the simplest of things right, can you?'_

"Nozomi, you're pushing yourself too hard! You need to have a break! If not for yourself do it for the fabulous Nico Nii!" Nico protested, almost scolding her, which she then regretted, hoping she didn't come off too overbearing.

While some of them wanted to huff and puff at Nico's use of her signature catchphrase they couldn't deny what she said was the truth.

Nozomi didn't feel in the mood to argue back or try to reassure them anymore so she just sighed and went to sit out of practice, leaning against the roof bars. She watched over everyone as they continued to practice their moves and poses with a mixture of feelings that ranged from being ashamed in herself that she couldn't even hold out for her friends sake to affection for her fellow idols. They were all so important and special to her, especially one specific blonde haired girl, which she couldn't help but avert her gaze to her the most out of the members.

Everything she did was just mesmerising; from her movements while dancing to the simple everyday things that she did, just like any other normal person would do. But when Eli did them it was completely different. At least to her it felt that way.

After practice had finished Eli immediately went up and sat next to Nozomi, intent on doing something to help remedy whatever was happening and began chugging down a bottle of water.

"Hey, do you want to go get parfaits together?" Eli offered, knowing she could take care of Nozomi if they were by themselves. It was clear that Nozomi needed some comfort and reassurance and if Eli could be the person to provide that then she would try her absolute hardest to be of assistance during this obviously difficult time.

Nozomi loved going out with her friend but she wasn't in the mood for eating anything, even as her stomach was saying differently. Before she could make any attempts to resist, a pouty puppy-dog expression suddenly appeared on Eli's face, which grew incredibly tempting and difficult to resist.

"Please Nozomi..."

Nozomi couldn't help but giggle at how cute her best friend was acting, how could she possibly say no? She couldn't bear to disappoint Eli after all. That wasn't what best friends did.

"Of course Elicchi." She replied, smiling at her friend. Eli's expression suddenly changed to a beaming smile "Lets go get changed then, I'm in the mood for some chocolate!" She enthused, getting up, grabbing Nozomi's hand and running to the changing rooms.

"My my you're very energetic Elicchi and you're always in the mood for chocolate!" Nozomi mused in a teasing manor, causing a slight blush to creep up Eli's face. The blonde remained silent and continued to drag Nozomi to the changing rooms, while the other 7 members watched their retreating figures.

"When will they notice how they feel towards each other?" Nico sighed, crossing her arms and leaning up against the rooftop doorframe. Being in the same classes with the pair for the past few years had conditioned her into witnessing Nozomi and Eli's friendship blossoming and she had been privy to plenty of moments which she would definitely deem as romantic. Yet while Eli was dense, Nozomi was insecure and that combination was sure to be difficult when it came to something like a relationship. She just hoped another one of their famous parfait outings together would help both girls gain enough courage to take it an extra step further.

~~~

After everyone had got dressed back into their uniforms, they started to walk out of the school gates, all heading off in their little groups in separate directions; Nozomi, of course, walking away with Eli by her side. The pair could barely remember a time where they hadn't walked home from school together ever since they met. During the journey the blonde tried to catch glimpses of her friend beside her, scanning the expression on her face, as if trying to read her.

_'Oh Nozomi, what are you thinking right now?'_

Unfortunately she was no master at detecting someone's inner feelings, especially when that person was a natural cover-up artist like Nozomi was.

She quickly realised she had been staring too long and quickly turned away, hearing a small giggle coming from Nozomi. She didn't have much time to be embarrassed about it as she relished in the sound she was hearing.

_'Her giggles are so cute. '_

It was moments like that that Eli treasured deeply. Being able to hear and witness things from Nozomi that she wouldn't always show to others made her feel happy. She knew Nozomi was a reserved person and not many knew of her real, goofy side as they never truly bothered to get to know her. But it was their loss and Eli's gain.

Once they reached their favourite café, that they tended to frequently visit due to its substantial selection of fancy desserts and parfaits of the highest calibre, Eli held open the door and signalled for Nozomi to go inside first.

"You are such a gentleman Elicchi." Nozomi giggled again, her voice melodious and soothing to Eli's ears.

Upon hearing that Eli turned away, closing the door behind them, but mostly to hide the blush that was now present on her face. The blonde turned back to see Nozomi following a waitress to a pleasantly decorated table for two. Eli quickly went over to join them and sat down on the comfortable seat provided, facing the purplette.

Eli felt so delighted that she was able to spend some time with Nozomi after being apart for such a long time, however she still couldn't help but get the feeling that something was off but perhaps they would be able to talk about it together.

Nozomi didn't seem to be enjoying herself as much as usual. She absolutely loved spending time with Eli but as she watched all the mouthwatering food get served to the tables surrounding them she couldn't help but feel nervous and that familiar wave of nausea returning.

Nozomi hadn't eaten anything at all in a rather long time and just the thought of food made her feel so hungry but she just didn't want to give in and consume any as her mind drifted back to those large amounts of hateful messages directed at her and her weight.

No matter how tempted she was to order the delicious looking lemon parfait that was displayed on the menu, she stopped herself. As she thought deeper into the situation then she was hit with the obstacle that she was with Eli and couldn't let Eli worry about her anymore than she already had done. If she didn't order something Eli would know something was definitely wrong and could probably use her sleuth skills to put together a possible picture of the situation. She couldn't bare to let Eli into that disgusting underworld that had been created for fear of her reaction or perhaps even Eli being roped in and getting hurt. She would never be able to forgive herself for that.

In the end she hesitantly ordered the smallest and healthiest-looking fruit parfait on the menu and, of course, Eli ordered her usual double chocolate parfait.

_'Classic Elicchi.'_

"Elicchi sure loves her chocolate." Nozomi said sweetly, watching admiringly as her blonde friend started spooning bits of the delicious-looking dessert into her mouth. However she, herself, hadn't even taken a bite of her own dessert yet. She was terrified at the prospect of eating again; all those fattening calories polluting her system when she had worked so hard to avoid them. All her efforts would be going to waste.

She felt as if she wouldn't be able to stop herself from eating more and more if she gave in but the second she registered the worried look on Eli's face, she decided she had no choice. She was cornered. She would just have to eat it, hoping that the pesky voice in her head would keep quiet long enough to finish her food.

But she needed to keep control of the impulse to stuff herself. Keeping in mind the inch of fat she could feel around her stomach, Nozomi managed to force herself to keep control and start of with small mouthfuls of the creamy delight.

She slowly took the silver spoon from it's place on the table, where it seemed quite content and seemed a shame to remove it from it's position she thought, and carefully scooped up a small serving of the cream and fruit and inserted it into her mouth, feeling the sensation of the dessert dissolving and disappearing on her tongue. It was amazingly delicious but the pain she felt outweighed any positive feeling she felt towards it.

Much to her dismay, her stomach was craving for more food so she did her best to silence it's pleas but continued to eat very slowly, trying to avoid consuming what she considered to be too much of her supposed treat. After what seemed like an eternity she casted a glance to her friends dessert glass and realised she had only taken about 3 scoopfuls by the time Eli had finished her entire dessert, even when Eli's was about three times the size of her own.

However the blonde was very patient and kind towards Nozomi and wouldn't leave until Nozomi had finished every single bite, regardless of how long it would take. Throughout the entire ordeal Eli could tell that Nozomi was hesitant to finish it by the subtle but noticeable expressions she made. It was painful to witness but Eli kept telling herself that it was for Nozomi's own good. She would do whatever she could to help her friend through whatever was bothering her.

While Eli did her best to be subtly supportive, Nozomi forced down every bite she could muster, the worries in her mind increasing tenfold as her brain began to calculate how she was planning on getting rid of all the calories that now laid heavily in her system. She could feel the calorie count skyrocketing.

_'_ _At least she's eaten something now._ _'_ Eli thought, pleased with that achievement.

After eventually finishing their parfaits, they paid for their food and left the establishment, starting the walk to Nozomi's apartment - as Eli insisted on taking her home in order to 'protect her' from any possible threats that the darkness could bring. Nozomi knew about Eli's fear of the darkness and supposed it was warranted that she wanted to be protective, especially as they were so close but she couldn't help but feel guilty that Eli was so kind and caring towards her when she thought she didn't deserve all the affection she was receiving.

_'She's doing all this for you, yet you don't deserve it.'_

_'It's because Elicchi is such a nice person that she does all this, but inside she knows you are a vile, fat pig._ _She is just too kind to say so.'_

The voices kept tormenting Nozomi throughout the journey, poking at every doubt and insecurity she had. Upon arrival at her apartment, Nozomi picked up the plant pot, retrieved her apartment keys from their hiding place and placed the key into the lock. She turned it until she heard the faint sound of the lock clicking that allowed her to open the door, greeting her with the sight of her extremely familiar hallway.

"See you tomorrow Nozomi!" Eli said, giving the purplette a firm hug, taking note of how her bones seemed to jut out further than they used to as she carefully ran her fingers along her friend's back comfortingly, before hesitantly turning away and heading out of sight; causing Nozomi to close the door and step further into the place she called home.

Now there she was, alone again. She felt sad that Eli had gone but there was something else nagging at her mind; That damned parfait she had just eaten. It had weighed on her mind since the second that first spoonful passed her lips.

_'I have to get rid of it_ _.'_

Without hesitation she headed into her bathroom and positioned herself over her toilet, tears starting to roll down her eyes as she realised the gravity of what she was about to do. She knew it was wrong but she just couldn't stop herself. It had to be done.

_'I'm sorry Eli, I loved our little outing and thank you very much for the parfait...it really was delicious.'_

She felt horrible that she was about to throw up the parfait that Eli had paid for. But the longer she put it off, the more it weighed on her and pushed her over the edge. So she shoved her fingers down her throat as far as she could, causing her to gag. Not so long after she felt something come back up from her body, causing her to quickly react and lean further over the toilet seat. Just as she did she began to throw up, hacking and spluttered madly. Her stomach growled and throbbed badly while her mouth began to sting and felt like a raging fire, leaving a vile taste in the back of her mouth. 

The heaviness that had accompanied her meal seemed to have lifted but it did nothing to improve her mood that had plummeted dramatically. She felt disgusted by herself.

Once she was sure she had thoroughly cleaned her stomach out, Nozomi stopped herself and tried to regain her breath. Her heart was thumping crazily, she was sweating and she could barely focus as her head throbbed intensely. She pulled the metal handle down, causing what used to resemble a delicious-looking parfait to get flushed away down into the sewers. Nozomi felt her body give in, collapsed onto her knees and began sobbing, her hands buried deeply in her face.

_''I'm so sorry Elicchi...'_

' _I couldn't stop myself...'_

' _I had to do it...'_

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading, I hope this was a good first chapter.  
> I want to give an idea to people just how painful eating disorders can be and how easy it is to be influenced into one but I also want to make it as good and interesting to read as possible and I would appreciate any feedback. Also I want to apologise to Nozomi; I love you please don't kill me for putting you through this, it hurts my heart but I promise that good things will be coming your way!  
> I hope you are all doing well and taking good care of yourselves. If you haven't eaten or drank something in a while please go grab something: whether it's a glass of water or even a bag of crisps, something is better than nothing. We've all got to fuel our bodies correctly after all.  
> Please take care of yourselves and I hope you're having a great day or night.  
> ~Dusk


	3. Without Her

Nozomi had managed to stop herself from crying after spending a few hours alone on the bathroom floor. Unfortunately though after all the crying, her vision was blurry and her head pounded violently. She knew she needed to get back up and get some rest and quickly too. She slowly rose from the floor and tried to manoeuvre herself to her bedroom, gripping onto furniture and ornaments to keep herself steady along the way. Luckily she managed to reach her bed, which now looked more inviting to her than ever, and she flopped down on it - shoving her head deep into her pillow. It didn't take long for her to slip into a deep sleep, which kept her safe for a few hours longer from the torment that she was about to receive from another online hate message that had reared it's ugly head onto her profile.

_"Worst girl from μ's? Definitely Nozomi, have you noticed how much larger her stomach is than the rest? Honoka puts her to shame and she eats tons, she clearly doesn't care about her fans if she doesn't bother watching her weight!"_

~~~

The shrine maiden opened her eyes slowly and tried her best to sit up. Immediately her head and stomach were aching and throbbing, giving her grief. She clutched her head and chest, as she was so used to doing in the morning now. After a while she gained the energy to get out of bed, her movements were slow and unsteady, but she managed to hobble over to the bathroom.

She splashed her face with cold water and looked up at the mirror above the sink; Her eyes were red and dark circles were clearly present under her eyes, her hair was messy and let out of her usual twin-tails and her pale facial structure had changed a lot over the past weeks. Her bones were a lot more noticeable now, she looked really thin - sickly thin others would say. But to her she didn't see that. To her it wasn't enough.

She wasn't satisfied at all. At this point it had become more than just becoming thinner, it had become a point of punishing herself. Whenever she looked at herself as she saw were flaws. Flaws that needed to be corrected.

The purplette turned away from the mirror rubbed her eyes, to help make her awake. But she remained in her tired, dizzy state. At this rate she wouldn't be able to survive at school. She knew that but she didn't care. She wanted to see μ's. She wanted to see Eli. She needed to push through this, otherwise what would she be worth if she couldn't even try to improve herself and stick it out, especially for those she loved and held dear to her. 

So she tried as best as she could to get herself ready, but unfortunately her legs started to give out from beneath her and her vision went blurry - staggering her muscles and leaving her unable to control herself. She quickly grabbed her phone, ignoring the onslaught of hateful notifications that plagued her lockscreen, and hastily dialled for an ambulance by hammering some of her fingers, that she could still manage to keep track of, around her screen in hopes of contacting someone for help.

"H-help...me..." She croaked, her voice dry and weak - her own ears barely able to pick up the words as they left her lips, her head being preoccupied with the painful thrumming of her blood pumping quickly all around her body.

This wasn't right. 

"119, please state the nature of your emergency..."

Just as a voice was heard on the other line, her vision went dark, her heart hammered violently against her ribcage and her body fell to the floor with a loud thud - the phone having fallen out of her loose grip and landed slightly off to the side with another quieter thud.

"Hello? Are you there?..."

~~~

Meanwhile a certain blonde haired girl had just left her house and was walking to the crossroads where she usually met her friend at, with the intention of walking to school together like they always did. Ever since both girls became friends those few years ago, barely a day went by when both girls weren't walking on the same path to school together - which was exactly how both of them liked it.

When she reached their usual meet-up spot she noticed that Nozomi wasn't there, which caused a feeling of worry to begin to brew in the pits of her stomach. She decided there was still plenty of time before their first class began so she would just wait for her purplette friend there. Perhaps she just woke up late or had something to attend to? Yeah, that was probably it.

Seconds turned into minutes very fast and there was still no sign of the shrine maiden. Eli's concern grew rapidly as every second past. She decided to get out her phone and call her friend to see where she was.

_'She probably just overslept, right?'_ Eli tried to reason with herself in attempt to calm the ever-rising tides of nerves that were quickly building up.

Unfortunately for her, nobody picked up and her call just went straight to voicemail.

"Hi Nozomi, is everything okay? I'm getting worried, you haven't picked up. As soon as you get this please can you call me or message me back?"

She ended the voicemail there and tried texting but, again, received no reply. 

Time was still passing and Eli was close to biting at her nails in concern. This sudden withdrawal of Nozomi was eating away at her; first during their break and still now when they back were at school.

Soon after she had to abandon her position and start making her way to school without Nozomi, otherwise she would be late. A late student council president wouldn't be good at all. She couldn't possibly tarnish her squeaky-clean reputation. 

Throughout the entire walk she couldn't help but worry about her friend. She seemed okay when Eli hung out with her after school yesterday, or was it just an act?

Eli wasn't sure, but she was sure of one thing; something bad was going on.

Whatever it was she needed to get to the bottom of it. She couldn't let Nozomi sit and stew by herself. 

"Eli-chan! Hiya!" Barked Honoka, as soon as she saw Eli's figure appear in her line of vision. Eli waved back and walked over to join her group of close friends - one of her last shreds of hope to see Nozomi diminishing as she was met with only 7 of her friends, rather than 8 like it should be and normally would be.

"Huh, where's Nozomi-chan? She usually walks with you doesn't she?" Asked a worried Kotori, not used to seeing the older girl without her companion.

Eli turned gloomy the instant Nozomi's name was mentioned, any endeavour of trying to remain positive flying out of the window. 

"I don't know, I tried calling and texting her but got no reply. She never showed up this morning." She replied, her voice filled with sadness. It wasn't often Eli openly showed her vulnerability so everyone could tell she was incredibly concerned. But they weren't surprised - after all it was Nozomi that was missing and they knew how close both of the girls were. It didn't take a genius to see that.

"She did seem a little...strange yesterday, how was she when you two were together after school?" Stuttered the fidgeting Hanayo, who was attempting to help her distressed senpai. Eli thought back, upon first thought she thought Nozomi seemed fine, but the more she thought about it, the more things started to jump out to her that were different to their usual parfait outings together;

She didn't order her usual parfait, she ordered the smallest and cheapest one on the menu. Also she would normally eat them at a faster pace as she really loved parfait - not that she had timed it once or anything - but she seemed to consume it a lot slower than normal (almost as if she was forcing herself to eat it). As well as that she hadn't really spoken much about anything related to herself; if Eli asked how she was, Nozomi would just seem to avoid the topic and try to divert the conversation elsewhere. Which, the more she pondered it, wasn't much different to normal. Nozomi never found talking about herself easy, which Eli made sure to always respect but when she could clearly tell that Nozomi was in peril and she wasn't opening up, it made things rather tricky. 

Nozomi always knew how to make Eli open up and never failed to provide advice and comfort whenever she had problems, as she had always been more vulnerable with her emotions. If she was being honest she did like getting help from Nozomi as it reassured her that she would always be there for her and did care deeply for her, just like Eli did for Nozomi. Yet, Eli often felt like she wasn't able to properly show her love and affection in return.

Red flags began waving frantically in Eli's mind as she relived the previous days events in a frenzy, desperately nit-picking at every single little detail she could possibly force herself to remember and pluck out of her memories.

Was she just thinking too much about it? After not hearing from her for so long, was her mind just playing tricks with her in a bid to get her to ground herself in Nozomi's presence more to make up for that time of absence or was something really wrong?

"Maybe she just slept in? Nozomi-chan does love her naps nya!" Rin piped up enthusiastically, putting a little bit more hope into everyone.

"Well she has been working hard, she deserves a rest." Umi replied, everyone could definitely agree on that. They all knew how Nozomi often worked herself into the ground for the sake of others - a habit which they wished they could help her break but that was how she was. Breaking habits was never easy regardless of what they were but when it was something that stemmed deeper into herself as a person and her personality, it made it rather difficult. 

_'Please be okay Nozomi, I'm so worried about you.'_

"Don't worry Eli, I'm sure Nozomi is okay! The great Nico Nii is sure of it!" Nico enthused, trying to lighten the mood, making Eli giggle a little at her friend's antics. Nico definitely knew how to make people laugh no matter what was happening, that was for sure. Everyone needed a Nico in times of stress. It was no surprise to Eli that Nico's younger siblings found her idol persona so endearing. 

Suddenly everyone was broken from their thoughts by the sound of the school bell ringing. Eli sighed and broke away from the rest of her friends - all exchanging quick farewells - and started making her way to her third year class, along with Nico by her side, the presence of their other friend very much prominent. It wasn't that Eli and Nico didn't appreciate each others company or get on but things just weren't the same without Nozomi with them - especially when they were left in a state of confusion over where their friend could be. 

Throughout class Eli couldn't help but feel figuratively empty. Things just weren't the same when she didn't have the presence of the purplette she loved so much with her in class. Every so often she would glance at the empty seat behind her, half-expecting to see her friend sitting there and smiling at her with that devilishly enchanting grin she adored, only to be disappointed when she was glancing at the colourful back wall of the classroom - serving as a physical reminder that things wouldn't ever be the same without Nozomi. She had become such a constant in Eli's life that suddenly having that closeness taken away out of nowhere was a punishing struggle.

"Ayase-san! Turn around and pay attention!"

Eli quickly snapped out of her thoughts and turned back around to face the teacher, still not really paying attention to whatever she was attempting to teach. How could she possibly try to learn when there were more pressing matters at hand? Her mind was so clouded with her worries about Nozomi that she didn't notice or even care when people in her class laughed at her for getting told off. It made Eli angry that someone as amazing as Nozomi was probably going through something troubling, but nobody seemed to pay her any mind. To Eli, Nozomi was one of the kindest people in the entire world, but nobody ever seemed to give her a chance.

Not many had the honour of coming to know just what Nozomi was really like; how she was more than her seemingly-eccentric habits led on, how she was caring, motherly, humorous, gentle and was secretly rather self-conscious. There was no-one quite like her and there never would be.

Eli's hands tensed up, almost snapping the pencil she was holding but quickly calmed down as she jolted, narrowly avoiding drawing anymore attention to herself. Eventually, after what seemed like an eternity, the bell signalled the end of class - of which was more of the literal embodiment of hell for the poor student as she never liked being left helpless in a situation, especially when it came to those she was close to.

Nico was the first up and walked towards Eli, concern clearly showing on her face.

"Eli, you were acting so weird in class. What's up?" She asked.

Eli sighed, "It's just...I can't stop worrying about Nozomi..."

"I know what you mean, I'm worried too. It just doesn't feel right."

It wasn't often Nico was expressing her true feelings like this, normally she wouldn't voice her feelings besides in anger, Eli felt honoured to be able to see Nico like this, but also sad as she didn't want her friend to feel this way.

"What are we gonna do?" Nico asked, trying to push her previous words away from Eli's mind. 

"We could visit her after school, I know where her apartment is?" Eli replied, wondering whether this was a good idea or not as she silently weighed up the possible advantages and disadvantages. 

Who knew what they could be faced with; something rather serious must be happening for Nozomi to not turn up to school at all. If she had just slept in, she would have come hurtling through the classroom doors at some point during the lesson - making sure to apologise profusely - and unless Eli had suddenly become deaf and blind in the past few hours that most certainly didn't happen. There was a high chance that Nozomi could be in her apartment, which she was prepared to take. Eli could only imagine how lonely she would get in her apartment all the time so staying there all day couldn't possibly be pleasant.

"Great idea Eli! I think it's best if only us go because if something is wrong I doubt she'll want everyone fussing over her. It's hard enough to get her to open up one-to-one so I'm hesitant that she'd be able to talk to us if everyone was crowding around her."

"That's just like Nozomi." Eli smiled sadly, admiring how her friend would always put others before her and keep all her problems to herself - never wanting people to fuss over her. 

"She's just like the mother of the group." Nico laughed, thinking of all the times Nozomi had looked after everyone in μ's. It was now time that they did the same for her in return.

_'She is a great mother figure, I don't know how the group would be able to survive without our Nozomi...'_ Eli thought.

_'I just pray she is okay...'_

However little did they know what was happening to the poor purplette at that time...

~~~

Just as Nozomi passed out and drifted into unconsciousness she had managed to contact an ambulance, which had managed to trace the call back to her apartment and was now sitting right outside it, it's siren flashing and blaring loudly. A few of the mobile doctors were now standing at the door to Nozomi's apartment and began knocking. 

No response.

This continued for a minute or so until they decided to enter the apartment themselves, luckily for them the door was not properly locked - which raised some eyebrows as it wasn't often people would leave their home doors unlocked. Upon entering the apartment they saw the purple-haired girl lying unconscious on the floor, her phone a few centimetres away from her open grasp. They managed to pick Nozomi's frail body up and place it on a stretcher, before carrying her out into the ambulance and closing the door behind them. Once Nozomi was safely inside the ambulance and placed on a bed, the ambulance took off - driving down the roads to the hospital that was run by a certain tomato-loving red-heads family.

~~~

Now that school had finished for the day, the other 8 members of μ's were all gathered up on the rooftop for practice. Even though everyone tried to remain optimistic, there was a definite gloomy atmosphere surrounding the girls.

"Eli, you keep messing up, stay focused! Kotori, your movements are getting too slow, please try and speed up!" Umi called out, still trying to remain her strict self and do her best to coach everyone, but nobody seemed to be in the mood to practice without one of their members. 

Eventually Eli just stopped dancing altogether, wiping some sweat of her forehead and announced "Hey...I think we should call it quits for today. Nobody can seem to concentrate." 

Everyone turned to the blonde and agreed, collapsing to the ground for a rest and a well-earned drink of water. 

The blue-haired girl quickly made her way over to her fellow second year, almost causing Kotori to spill some of her water in her hurried journey and began apologising for snapping at her about her criticism over her movements. Umi knew Kotori was sensitive and always felt guilty when it came to having to yell at her for anything, especially as she knew everyone was feeling pressured over the situation with Nozomi, all left in the unknown.

"It's okay Umi-chan. No worries!" Kotori reassured the panicked girl, who still seemed unconvinced that everything was fine.

"B-but-"

"No buts Umi-chan! I'm all fine, you're just helping me improve." Kotori quickly interrupted, subconsciously reaching out to take hold of Umi's shaking hands - flustering the poor girl even further at such contact. 

Eli just turned away, missing out on the cute episode and stared out at the view, watching the scenery and people walk by through the gaps in the bars that lined the rooftop. Nico noticed this and, wanting to help remedy the situation, went up to her. 

"Hey Eli, I'm sure she'll be okay. Nozomi is a strong fighter. I bet in a few minutes we'll both be at Nozomi's house all sitting together and sharing some good laughs. After all we've got to stay positive for her, Nico Nico Nii!~" she finished her sentence and did her usual pose, which didn't fail to make Eli crack a smile.

Suddenly a water bottle came flying up and hit the raven-haired girl in the back. "Ow hey! Who threw this bottle at me!?" She yelled, turning to the group of guilty-looking first years, specifically eyeing the chuckling red-head. 

"Maki! Now you'll suffer my mighty Nico attack!" With that she grabbed the bottle and tried throwing it back at her, only just missing.

Eli continued to watch over the bickering teens and she couldn't help but feel like a parent. A parent of a very strange bunch of children.

"Hey come on guys, no fighting." Honoka said, helping silence the arguments.

But instead of calming them, the raven-haired third year grabbed a bottle and threw it at Honoka, hitting her. "Ow!! Heyyyy! That hurt!" She cried, running behind Kotori for cover.

"Honestly you're all like a bunch of children." Umi sighed, crossing her arms over her chest. 

"It's not the same without Nozomi to look after everyone nya." Sighed Rin, glancing across at her best friend Hanayo, who was looking rather scared at the sight of the fighting idols - which began flaring up her protective instincts. She couldn't bare it whenever Hanayo was upset or distressed.

"Guys please stop, you're frightening Kayo-chin!" Rin shrilled, putting her hands on Hanayo's shoulders, trying to calm her. The bickering idols turned around and saw the teary, shaky state the first year was in and all went silent. 

"Hanayo? Are you okay?" Asked Nico.

Rin kneeled in front of her best friend and tried to focus on helping her breathe normally, pushing down a knot in her throat at seeing her closest friends in such a state.

 "It's okay Kayo-chin...calm down...breathe nya."

Slowly but surely, Hanayo managed to ground herself - taking the time to focus herself on her breathing while keeping her eyes firmly locked on Rin. 

Hanayo slowly stopped quivering and shaking and her breathing slowed down to a safer rate. Once she was certain she would be okay, she let her head fall against Rin's chest, brushing her face against it in a bid for comfort - which Rin happily provided by holding her and using her other free hand to rub the back of her head soothingly.

"It's okay now Kayo-chin..." She repeated quietly, absentmindedly tightening her hold on her childhood friend - wanting nothing more than to keep her safe and comforted.

"We're sorry Hanayo" Maki said, looking ashamed.

_'If Nozomi was here, she'd be able to perk us all back up and help Hanayo...'_

_'S_ _he always knew what to do...'_

_'Please be okay Nozomi...'_

After Rin helped Hanayo calm down everyone was left in a deafening silence, the only sounds coming from the environment around them - distant chatters from students as they left the building and the gentle sound of the breeze flying past them. They decided to end practice there, none of them quite feeling up to it anymore and they started to go make their decent down the stairs to get changed. However Eli remained on the roof by herself a bit longer, looking out into the distance passed the rows of various houses, trying to locate the apartment where her purplette friend resided.

_'Don't worry Nozomi...'_

_'I'm coming...'_

After a few moments she turned around and made her way to the changing rooms, where she met up with Nico, who was stood waiting for the blonde to be ready. Once they had got sorted back into their uniforms, they walked out of school and Eli lead Nico in the direction of Nozomi's apartment, her heart throbbing. After a bit of walking, in mostly silence, they eventually made it to the purplette's apartment door - a strange aura setting them unease.

Eli gulped, visibly nervous of what was awaiting them. 

"Nozomi?" She called out, knocking on the door. She received no response, causing that horrible feeling to return and brew intensely in the pit of her stomach. She was beginning to wonder if that feeling would ever fully leave her.

"Nozomi!?" She called out again, slightly louder than before, worry clearly present in her voice. Suddenly Nico shot her hand out to try the doorknob, and to their surprise the door was unlocked - after the paramedics appearance on the scene, unbeknownst to them - and it swung open, revealing a familiar darkened hallway.

Nozomi's apartment had never seemed more desolate and hopeless than it did in that moment.  They couldn't believe the place where such a seemingly-cheery girl lived felt so dreary.

Nico was the first one to get the courage to step inside, watching her step as she did so.

"Nozomi?" The raven-haired girl called out for her friend but again, no reply. Eli snapped out of her stupor and quickly entered the apartment, closing the door behind her, then frantically walked around trying to find any trace of her closest friend.

"Any luck!?" Eli said, clearly panicking. Nico re-entered the room where Eli was and just shook her head sadly. 

"Where are you Nozomi!?" Eli muttered, her voice starting to crack. Her eyes started to fill with tears as she started thinking of the worst possible scenarios.

"Hey Eli, we've got to stay positive! If not for me, do it for Nozomi!" Nico said, still trying to live up to her happy persona, but worry was still evident on her features. Eli nodded, her eyes downcast and suddenly an object on the floor caught her line of vision. She bent down to pick it up and it was revealed to be Nozomi's phone.

"Nozomi's phone!?" She yelled, a mixture of emotions whipping around inside her.

"What's that doing on the floor?" Nico asked, curiously. Eli just shrugged and examined it, not quite sure what she was looking for but anything was better than nothing. She desperately wanted to look on it but didn't want to intrude as she could find some very personal things on there. Since Nozomi liked to keep her problems to herself, her phone may hold more secrets than Eli ever thought. No matter how tempting it was, she decided to wait until she really needed to have a look before looking through it. So she carefully walked into Nozomi's room and slowly sat down on the older girl's bed, which was not properly made like it usually was when Eli came over previous times. The covers were lazily strewn about as if somebody had just woken up after having a nightmare.

She placed the phone on the sideboard, so if she needed it she knew where to find it, and closed her eyes, breathing in the soft aroma of incense and flowers in the atmosphere which usually surrounded Nozomi.

_'Oh Nozomi...wherever you are...I hope you're safe...'_

She relished the moment of being surrounded in Nozomi's apartment for as long as could, taking in all the spiritual energies that reminded her of her dear friend. Eli was not the most spiritual person in the world but after meeting Nozomi, she had definitely become more believing and interested in the matter. After all if Nozomi had a passion, Eli was going to do her best to help fuel it.

Nozomi deserved to be happy. When she was happy, the entire world seemed to light up around her, Eli especially.

After a while she knew it was time to leave, as much as she wanted to stay, desperately clinging onto the hope of being able to catch a glimpse of her close friend. Apprehensively, she stood up and left along with Nico, who had been continuously searching around the apartment for any clues but had come up empty-handed.

They both said their farewells and left their separate ways. However neither could get much sleep that night. They lay, tossing and turning, as the night droned on - their thoughts running wilder and wilder - exhausting them. Regardless of how tired they were, they just couldn't fight the nagging worries that were consuming them. Nothing was the same anymore and not knowing where their friend was hurt even more.

_'Something really bad must be happening...'_

_'Bu_ _t I won't give up! I will find you Nozomi!_ _...'_

_'I promise!_ _...'_

_~~~_

That morning Eli woke up more exhausted than ever. But she wanted to stay as hopeful as possible so she forced herself out of the comfort of her bed and got changed for school. She made herself a soothing mug of hot chocolate to help her feel more awake and alert, which seemed to work quite well, especially as she was very fond of the sweet and sickly substance.

Once she was ready she grabbed her bag and started her journey to school. When she came across the familiar crossroads, half terrified to be met with the same outcome as the previous day, where she would meet Nozomi decided to wait there for a little bit.

_'Maybe she just wanted to get out of the house for some fresh air when we happened to visit? '_

It was a possibility after all. Rather unlikely, but still possible. If there was any chance or explanation for what was happening to Nozomi that involved her being safe, then Eli was all for it.

She kept trying to keep herself determined and hopeful but as the start of school drew nearer and she had caught no sight of her friend, her hope began to fade. She eventually gave up and continued her walk to school, every-so-often glancing behind herself hoping to see the girl she loved, but becoming disappointed every time. But little did she know, she was about to feel even worse when she got to school, where she was hoping to have her spirits lifted by being with her friends.

When she reached the gates she caught sight of the other 7 members and rushed up to them. As she drew nearer she noticed how some of them had red, teary eyes while others just looked completely speechless - some of them even clinging onto each other.

"Guys?" Eli asked, a feeling of uneasiness starting to brew in her stomach.

"Eli..." Maki said, letting go of Nico's hand in order to turn to Eli, her voice completely different to usual - losing it's normal seriousness.

"What is it? What's happened!?" Eli's voice became louder and more frantic, not being able to be kept in suspense for much longer. After everything that had happened she just wanted some answers. She just wanted Nozomi back, no matter what she had to do.

"It's Nozomi...s-she's in the hospital..."

Eli's eyes widened as the words started to process in her mind, all her other senses becoming overstimulated.

_'No...'_

_'No...'_

_'This can't be true!'_

Eli's eyes began filling with tears and caused her to start sobbing loudly into her hands. Due to her loud, intense sobbing she began gasping for breath and retching. Nico and Maki quickly ran to Eli's side, trying to support and comfort their now-broken friend. Eli could barely make out her friends voices and words as they tried to calm her down, but her sight and hearing were fuzzy.

_'Why?...'_

_'How could this happen?...'_

_'She doesn't deserve this...'_

_Nozomi...'_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you enjoyed this chapter but dang it seems like all I've done is write sad stuff, I swear I can be positive honestly, it will just take time to get to that point.   
> Thank you for getting this far and reading this, it means so much to me. I hope you are all having a great day/night, staying safe and taking good care of yourselves.  
> ~Dusk


	4. Treasured Memories

After hearing the news about Nozomi, Eli began to have a complete breakdown. She was in absolute shock that her closest friend was now in hospital; the girl who put others first and kept her problems to herself, the girl who made sure to take care of everyone around her, the girl who had supported Eli through thick and thin and helped her follow her dreams, the girl Eli was desperately in love with was suffering, all alone. 

But then a thought occurred to her....why was she there? 

What had happened to make her need to go to hospital?

 "W-why...is s-she... in hospital?..." in spite of the fact she was struggling to breathe she managed to choke out a few audible words.

Maki hesitantly turned to face Nico, her face crestfallen as she debated what to say. If she told the truth Eli would only become worse. But on the other hand she knew she wouldn't be able to hide it forever and besides Eli deserved to know. They were best friends - there hadn't been a close pair of friends that Maki had ever come across in her entire life, regardless of her lonely childhood she liked to think she knew when a bond was genuine.

Nico seemingly understood the younger girl's stormy expression and just nodded, confirming Maki's thoughts.

"She was found lying unconscious in her apartment yesterday..."

As Maki began regaling Eli with the soul-destroying details, Nico stepped to her side and grasped hold of her hand in an attempt to provide Maki with some comfort. The red-head was too invested in trying to be as gentle as possible to keep Eli as calm as she could to barely even register Nico's presence - or any of the other girls' for that matter.

"When the doctors brought her in for examination they saw how malnourished she was and...diagnosed her with anorexia and bulimia. I'm so sorry Eli..." 

With just those two words the realisation hit Eli and the world around her seemed to crumble around her. She had noticed something definitely seemed wrong with Nozomi, especially regarding food recently, but for her to be diagnosed with eating disorders seemed almost too cruel to be real.

"It's all my fault..." Eli cried, her eyes wide and filled with despair. It was as if all of the light had left her.

"You can't blame yourself Eli." Umi sighed, having recovered from the initial shock and succumbing to the need to help remedy the situation in anyway possible.

"But I should have done something! I should have been there for her!" The blonde cried out in response. It was clear that Eli was not in her right mind anymore - being too far lost in grief to think straight.

"You had no idea she was doing this Eli. You couldn't possibly have known if she didn't tell you." Nico said, trying to calm her fellow third year down. 

"She shouldn't have to tell me...I should have known..." Eli's voice turned into a determined murmur as she clenched her fists and focused her gaze on the ground beneath her, feeling utterly powerless. 

"W-What would make her f-feel this way?...W-What would make her want to...s-starve herself?..." Eli choked, burying her face into her hands - too ashamed to reveal herself to anyone - as a huge tidal wave of emotion rushed through her.

Nobody knew what to say anymore, all harbouring desolate expressions. Instead, Maki and Nico tried their best to comfort Eli, resting their hands on each of her shoulders. Even though everyone in u's were so unbelievably close to each other, Eli and Nozomi went even further and they were practically inseparable. Wherever one went, the other would surely be there too. Their bond was so strong that to see them apart just felt wrong, you could instantly tell something bad had happened if they weren't around each other. So as they all glanced back at the broken blonde, who was sobbing hysterically, their hearts all broke.

Suddenly the bell rang, breaking everyone out of their deep thoughts. Right now class was one of the last places they needed to be, they wanted to be in the hospital with Nozomi. Eli was still sobbing, shaking and struggling to breathe so Maki and Nico supported her up and decided to take her to the nurse. There was no way Eli could function properly in this state. Anyone would be simply cruel to deny that. The school would have to do without their student council president for a while and Nico was especially prepared to testify to anyone who had any objections.

"Take care of her..." Kotori told them, before leaving with Honoka and Umi in tow to their first class, gripping hold of both of their hands tightly. Both girls nodded in unison, before slowly removing Eli's hands from her face - doing their best to ignore the throbbing redness that had developed around the taller girl's eyes and the wetness of her hands as they guided her into the building and in the direction of the nurse. 

They knocked gently on the door and was met with the kind face of the school nurse, who's expression altered into one of concern the instant she spotted Eli's run-down appearance.

"Can we leave her here? She's in no state to be in a classroom right now." Nico asked, receiving a quick 'of course' in reply as the woman opened the door further ajar and helped the others guide the teary girl to somewhere she could sit and rest.

"What happened to her?" The nurse asked - the other two girls exchanging worried glances.

"Uhm...something happened to someone close to her and the news came as a bit of a shock." Nico tried, not wanting to lie but not feeling it would help to mention it, especially not in front of Eli again. She didn't think she would be able to take it.

"Okay, you can leave her with me. You two should get back to class..."

Once she was carefully placed on a bed in the nurse's office, Nico and Maki left to go to their own classes - glancing behind them at Eli's state before they left, closing the door behind them. The girl who usually had her shit together was now broken and nobody had ever seen her like this before. Her emotions had been walled up inside of her for so long and would only ever reveal themselves to Nozomi and Nozomi alone. It was truly a painful sight that no-one should ever have to witness.

"I think you should lie down and have a rest Ayase-san. I'll leave you to have some peace and quiet." The nurse recommended, leaving a glass of water on the table beside the bed before leaving into another room and turning her attention onto her previous work.

Soon the only sound in the nurse's office was Eli's muffled sniffling, as she shoved her head deeply into the provided pillow and tried to contain herself - her thoughts still a jumbled mess. She desperately wanted to just run out of school and head for the hospital but she knew that wouldn't be a good reflection on her as the student council president. It was bad enough she was missing out on her duties for the day but she couldn't go rogue. She also knew going by herself would not be a good idea, not knowing what state she would be in without the others there to help comfort her - so she decided it was best to just try and rest her body for now, which was now aching and her head was still spinning from all the crying. She would just go to see Nozomi after school. She took a few moments to calm herself and when she was certain she was all cried out, she bundled herself in the bed cover and closed her eyes, letting sleep overtake her.

~~~

A few hours later she awoke abruptly when she felt someone shaking her, being ever the light sleeper she was. She groggily opened her eyes to see a blur of different colours and voices surrounding her. Once her eyes focused she saw it was her friends and her guard lowered immediately. They revealed that they had come to tell her they were going to go visit Nozomi after making the mutual decision to skip practice for the day - nobody having had an easy day of school and nobody felt quite like practicing that day. At the mention of the purple-head's name, Eli snapped awake and flung herself off the bed. The rest had helped ease Eli's aching head a bit but now that she was going to visit the girl she loved in hospital, the feeling began to reappear, along with butterflies in her stomach.

As they exited the school, everyone could easily sense the nervousness lingering in the air. Nobody knew quite what they would do when they saw Nozomi and had a chance to talk to the doctors but they just knew they had to do it. Honoka, Rin and Nico decided to help dispel the uneasiness by challenging everyone to a race to the hospital. When Eli acted hesitant, still recovering from her sleepy state, Nico grabbed onto the blondes arm, flashing a big smile back at her, causing Eli's nerves to slowly melt away and be replaced by gentle laughter. 

"Come on Eli. Or are you that much of a slow-coach? Have our idol training sessions already taken it out of you?" Nico teased, grinning as she watched Eli take on a determined look.

"They could never." She replied, also now grinning before she quickened her speed and began chasing after the others.

"Hey! Don't leave me behind!"

The air was filled with the giggles and pants of exhaustion from the eight idols as they took off through the streets of the town, admiring all of the colourful shops and scenery as they passed by them.

The first person to arrive at the hospital entrance was Rin, which didn't surprise anyone really as she always seemed to have boatloads of energy regardless of what she had just done. She probably could have wrestled with a family of crocodiles and still found the energy to complete a marathon run in a good time. Eli would have to make sure to try and get Rin to share some with her one of these days. 

"Tell me why we thought running was a good idea?" Panted Honoka, who had slowed down considerably in comparison to her starting speed and had begun bringing up the rear as the other girls passed her. 

When everyone else made it to the entrance they walked in to the reception area, being led by Maki as she knew her family's hospital inside-and-out. Maki then approached the desk and talked to the receptionist, who immediately recognised her as the owner's daughter, and asked for Nozomi's room number. 

"Ah, Tojo Nozomi, she's in room 106!" The receptionist responded, smiling brightly at the red-head which almost seemed too merry for a place where so much pain was held - which was something the girls didn't particularly want to think about.

Maki thanked the woman and proceeded to lead the other 7 members around the hospital, occasionally exchanging casual greetings with familiar staff that she had met throughout her hospital observation sessions, until they reached the door they had been waiting to find with a daunting plaque above it that read 'Tojo' - which stared almost menacingly down at them. All of the cheeriness surrounding the girls suddenly disappeared as everyone realised the seriousness of the situation. Nozomi was in that room. Eli took a deep breath and turned the door knob, gently pushing the door open and walking into the room.

Her eyes came to focus on the sight before her which displayed a plain-ish white room, with a few medical devices and bits of equipment surrounding a few chairs and a bed that held an unconscious purple-haired shrine maiden.

_'Nozomi...'_

Eli walked straight to her best friend's bedside and kneeled down, glancing at the purplette as if to double check that this was indeed the girl of her worries and began noting her features one-by-one, which seemed more fragile than ever, as if a single touch had the power to shatter her like glass.

Her delicate eyelashes that now protected her closed eyes, her thin, chalky pale face , her chapped lips which now no-longer formed a smile. Eli couldn't believe the state of the girl she loved. She looked so brittle and weak but still so beautiful in the eyes of the blonde, which were now beginning to get teary. She was still Nozomi, nothing could ever change that about her. She was feeble and ill-looking but still Nozomi. 

The other 7 members filed into the room and walked towards the foot of the bed, all with their heads bowed sadly.

The blonde caressed the sleeping maiden's cheeks and noticed how cold she was, all the normal warmth that used to surround her had disappeared. She longed to feel that sensation again, which caused tears to start cascading down her face. 

"Nozomi...." she whispered, her voice barely audible in volume. 

Honoka glanced over at her crying friend and her fellow upset idols, and knew it was up to her to lift the mood. She suddenly placed her hand on Nozomi's chest in the shape of an incomplete star, adopting a resolved look. The others understood what she was doing and started to do the same, all their incomplete stars connecting into one.

Everyone then looked over at Eli, signalling for her to join in. As she did she noticed how the star wasn't complete anymore - just how like μ's wasn't complete without Nozomi. Even with one member missing it wasn't μ's and never would be, everyone felt that.

Eli used her free hand to reach for one of Nozomi's thin, lifeless hands and gently grabbed hold of it, moving it to complete the star.

The sight made the 8 idols smile through their tears, as they started to reminisce on everything they had done together as 9, with Nozomi. Without her they wouldn't have found their group name, they wouldn't have known how Eli felt about wanting to join μ's, they wouldn't have all found each other, they wouldn't have made it this far without the support she gave even before she joined and they wouldn't have been able to write some of the songs they had. Things just wouldn't be the same. They began to wonder if μ's would have ever taken off like it had or whether it would have crashed and burned out quickly.

Throughout their entire journey together Nozomi constantly showed the others just how much she loved them and cared about them but now that the affection had ceased, the girls knew they had accidentally taken it for granted. How they longed to be able to goof around with her again.

"Nozomi...we all love you so much...μ's isn't the same without you...please wake up and when you do we will be right by your side to help and support you." Nico, who was trying to keep as optimistic as possible, told the unconscious girl. After hearing what Nico said, everyone was surprised as she would normally not seem to talk seriously to her fellow third year, due to their constant teasing wars but they couldn't have said it better themselves. It was no secret to them that Nico was fond of every single member, Nozomi especially. 

After a while everyone decided to leave Eli to have some alone-time with Nozomi, as everyone knew just how close they were. The blonde pulled the chair up to Nozomi's bedside and sat down on it, leaning over slightly so she could get a closer look at the sleeping beauty. She reached her hands out and grabbed one of Nozomi's withered hands and held it tightly, trying to bring the warmth back into them.

"Oh Nozomi...We all miss you so much..."

There was no movement or reply from the purplette, making Eli even more upset. Despite this she forced herself to continue. Nozomi deserved to hear what she had to say, awake or not. Eli just prayed that somewhere Nozomi could apprehend her words.

"Please wake up...we wouldn't be able to make it without you...we need you by our side...nothing is the same anymore..."

Tears began to emerge from Eli's eyes once again, regardless of how hard she tried to suppress them.

"I just want to know...why?...Why would you feel like you had to starve yourself?...What happened to drive you to this point?...You are perfect as you are and always have been...you don't need to change anything about you...I love you for you...I want my adorable, goofy best friend back...the one that was happy and healthy and was always right by my side..."

Even after continuing to pour her heart out, she received no reply, causing her to begin crying more, letting her tears cascade down her face, some landing on Nozomi's body. The blonde's mind became clouded up with all the dearest memories she had created with her.

From when they first met...

_"Erm...excuse me!"_

_"Who are you?"_

_"I-I....I'm Nozomi Tojo!"_

To the last words they exchanged before Nozomi was hospitalised...

_"Thank you for walking me home Elicchi, but you really didn't need to!"_

_"It's okay don't worry about it, I insisted after all! I couldn't have you walking home late by yourself could I? See you tomorrow Nozomi!"_

Hearing that familiar sweet kansai dialect replaying in her head reminded her just how much she missed that voice and how long ago it was since she last properly heard it.

"...H-hey Nozomi?...Remember that day we first truly met?...When you came running after m-me and told me your name...I never properly got to thank you for that...if it wasn't for you I probably wouldn't have made any friends at all...I wouldn't have been able to join μ's without your help...I wouldn't have been able to become student council president without you by my side...I would still be that cold girl that refused to make friends...you helped me so much...you changed me for the better....you took a chance on me no matter how rude I was...you never gave up on me and stayed by my side through everything...you saved me...and I promise that I will return the favour and do the same for you...no matter what it takes j-just...just please wake up..."

The blonde's mind wandered again, filling her with the many different memories of her and Nozomi that they had created over the years and that she continued to treasure with all her heart.

Like the day she joined μ's...

_"You know...ever since we became friends and joined the student council, somethings always poked at the back of my mind....Eli ,what is it you really want to do?....I'm with you a lot so I get you and I can tell that you're holding something back...it's like you never do anything for yourself because you're afraid you might enjoy it...even your desire to keep the school open, it's only because you're student council president, and maybe that's the reason that the director won't respond to your requests! So tell me...what do you really want to do?..." Eli was rendered speechless by Nozomi's words. The sparkle in the purplette's eyes and the heartfelt emotion in her words brought Eli to tears._

_She could trust her, right?_

Like the first time they went out for parfaits together...

_"Here Elicchi...open wide!" Nozomi cooed, showing Eli a silver spoon with some brown-coloured dessert on it. The blonde chuckled a little and slightly opened her mouth, allowing Nozomi to push the spoon into her mouth and take it out again, the dessert now gone. "Mmmm this is delicious! Is it chocolate?!" Eli said, swallowing the tasty dessert._

_"Yup, it's a chocolate parfait!" Nozomi giggled, enjoying the view of the smiling Eli._

_"Harasho!" Eli replied, savouring the sweet taste of the parfait. She was definitely glad that they had gone out together._

The day Nozomi nursed her back to health and refused to leave her side until she got better...

_"Elicchi!!!"_

_Now, in front of Eli, stood a sopping wet purplette with a concerned look splashed all over her features. "N-nozomi?" Coughed Eli._

_Before she could do anything else the blonde was tackled in a huge hug by her friend, one that almost sent both girls tumbling to the floor._

_"Why didn't you tell me you were ill!? I was so worried about you! Baka Elicchi!" Cried Nozomi, burying her head into Eli, while still being soaking wet from the terrible weather she had to fight through to reach Eli's house. Soaking wet or not, Eli was happy to see her and delighted to be able to have Nozomi in her arms._

_"I'm fine, hey, there's no need to worry." Eli replied, - her voice more hoarse than usual despite her attempt at evening it out to avoid suspicion - pulling away from the hug and giving Nozomi a small, reassuring smile. Nozomi, however, was not convinced._

_"Mou Elicchi, I know you're lying to me. Now come on, let's get you back in bed!"_

_With that she grabbed Eli's hand firmly and started dragging her up the stairs to Eli's room, where she then did her best to settle Eli deep into the comfy duvet of her bed. The purplette then tucked the blonde in and sat on the edge of the bed, causing the bed to sink down a little with a creaking sound._

_Nozomi gently caressed Eli's cheek and forehead, checking her temperature with the back of her hand._

_"I knew you shouldn't have worked yourself so hard. Now don't you worry, you won't have to lift a finger today, I'll be here to look after you!" She announced, smiling happily at the ill blonde._

All these memories were so dear to Eli, making her despair even more. Nozomi had done so much for Eli, no matter how cold and distant she had been to the poor shrine maiden. Through it all she had always been there. She would always go to the ends of the earth to help her, even if it ended up with herself hurt afterwards. Eli had never met anyone like Nozomi before but she couldn't have been happier that they had met. There was and could only ever be one Nozomi to her.

Suddenly Eli was filled with an overwhelming emotion of love as she stared at the sleeping purplette and reminisced. In a soft, but slightly shaky, voice - which she somehow managed to find - she started to sing quietly "Yume no meiro...y-yuri no m-meiro..." 

It might have seemed silly to others that she had begun to sing at a time like that but it was a song that deeply resonated with both girls. A song that had been written with so much emotion, love and passion. A mutual feeling that both girls shared. This song was their song and it was incredibly special. She hoped that if she sang it, maybe it could reach Nozomi - wherever she was.

She intertwined her hand even tighter with Nozomi's cold, limp one, trying to remember the sensation she got when she used to hold her friend's hand. It was always warm and fuzzy and made Eli feel secure but now...there was no similar feeling besides a cold emptiness. That beautiful radiating feeling that she got when they held hands on stage and sang together was gone. She wanted it back more than anything. 

She tried to sing more of their duet but couldn't choke out anymore words before she once again broke apart, sobbing quietly, burying her face into Nozomi's frail body. She breathed in Nozomi's scent, it was much fainter than usual but it was still just about there. She kept her head in the same position, as if trying to hold onto the scent that warmed her heart. Once the tears had stopped falling, Eli slowly closed her eyes and tried to relax, as if she could just pretend that she was just having a normal sleepover with Nozomi - who had simply fallen asleep at Eli's side. It didn't take long before Eli's eyes grew droopy, weighing down on her like a ton of bricks. Her vision darkened and blurred as she slowly leaned her head downwards. After a few moments Eli succumbed to her emotional exhaustion, her hands still connected to Nozomi's and her head resting on the purplette's chest, wishing they could both meet again in her dreams. 

~~~

After a while had gone by, Eli was disturbed from her sleep by the door of the room creaking open to reveal a nurse. She informed the drowsy Eli that she would have to leave as the hospital was shutting down for the night and visiting hours were over - making sure to reassure her that she could come back and see Nozomi tomorrow after sensing the girls apprehension to leave. Eli didn't want to leave Nozomi's side at all and tried her best to refuse and remain right where she was, right where she wanted to be. But eventually she gave up, not having the energy to cause any arguments (it wasn't the nurse's fault after all) and was forced out of the premises. Upon walking out of the main hospital entrance, Eli stared up to the window of the room that Nozomi was staying in.

_'I_ _will find out what drove you to this state Nozomi...I promise.'_

She then turned away, breaking into a run - having come up with an idea to help try and gain some insight into what had driven Nozomi to do what she did to herself. She ran to Nozomi's apartment with a determined look on her face through the entire journey, not even caring when she barely avoided running into people. 

Soon after she was greeted by the familiar sight of Nozomi's apartment and wasted no time entering it. She made a beeline straight for Nozomi's room and looked over to her bedside table where the purplette's phone was still sat. She really didn't want to invade Nozomi's privacy but this had gone too far, something had to be done and she had to find out how and why this happened.

Hesitantly, she plonked herself on the edge of the bed and grabbed the phone. She spent a few minutes staring at a black screen, debating whether or not to turn it on. She knew there had to be something on there and she knew she would most likely not like what she found. Biting her lip, she went for it and caused the screen to light up - with a picture of her and Nozomi greeting her. Her heart flipped when she saw that Nozomi had put a picture of them both as her lockscreen. The picture displayed one of their many parfait outings together; Eli smiling into the camera with a mountainous chocolate parfait sat in front of her, with a silver spoon in her grasp at the ready while Nozomi also smiled into the camera, her own fruit parfait on display. She wished she could spend more time to inspect the picture but quickly shook away the thought as time was of the essence and unlocked the phone properly. 

Right from the off she was brought to a familiar website, that she recognised as everyone in μ's had their own accounts on it in order to be able to post more about upcoming announcements and in general keep in touch with supporters to show how thankful they were. It had seemed like a good idea at the time, to keep up with the internet age and help promote μ's and they had been weary of possible downfalls of the idea when discussing it. Luckily they had had much success with the venture and despite receiving one or two spam comments every now and again things had been very positive.

She tapped the screen and brought up Nozomi's profile page but was not prepared for what she saw. Tons and tons of messages and comments from people that were attacking the poor girl's weight lay bare for her to read, every obnoxious sentence burning it's way into her mind. As she scrolled down through them all, she was struggling to hold back a huge river of tears. It seemed as if she would never stop crying that day. 

_'So this is why...'_

_'But...'_

_'Why didn't she tell us this was happening? I can't believe people would do things like this! How can some people be so cruel? Nozomi did nothing to deserve this!'_

The feelings of sadness were quickly replaced by frustration. People, who claimed to be fans of μ's, were attacking Nozomi with horrible words and had driven her to such a state that wound her up in a hospital bed. Nozomi, who had done nothing wrong and looked absolutely stunning as she was, was being harassed and tormented and nobody else knew about it! Also by the looks of things, it had been going on for quite a few weeks now, she noticed as she scrolled even further through all the disgusting comments. Eli felt like she was going to be sick. She quickly turned off the phone and put it to the side before she could become anymore angry.

She was going to do something about this, but she didn't know what she could do so she decided she would have to tell the rest of μ's the next day about what was going on, after all they deserved to know. Eli leaned over and grabbed a nearby cushion and hugged it tightly to her chest, resting her head on the top of it. She picked up a small trace of Nozomi's scent on the cushion and buried her head into it - wanting to savour it as she didn't know if she would have the chance again.

"...Nozomi..." Eli mumbled, weakly, letting tears fall onto the cushion. Before she knew it she collapsed on the bed, still hugging the cushion tightly and fell into a deep slumber, tears staining her face.

_'Don't go...'_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I still feel so sorry for our girls for putting them through this.   
> Hope you are all having a great day/night, be sure to take care of yourselves and get something to eat or drink whenever you need it and once again thank you for reading.   
> ~Dusk


	5. What She Did For Us

_The ear-piercing shrill of the heart rate monitor rang out in Eli's ears, driving her further away from reality. As soon as she registered what that sound meant, her baby blue eyes widened in shock and disbelief._

 

_Nozomi was..._   
  
  


 

_She was..._   
  
  
  


_dead..._   
  


 

_No_ _,_ _this couldn't be happening...it was all a joke right??? Any second now Nozomi would open her eyes, Eli was sure of it. But as she waited and waited still the same soul-crushing sound echoed throughout the room - no movement at all coming from the unconscious purplette._

_Tears began cascading down Eli's now-pale face as she started to come to her senses. She tried to search for any sign of life or hope that could help convince her otherwise but if a group of doctors and nurses running into the room filled with panic was anything to go by. Eli knew this was real - and her beloved was not coming back...._

_"I'm sorry but your friend, Tojo-san, has unfortunately passed away."_

_The words weighed Eli down as if anchoring her deep into the ground beneath her feet. Her blue eyes widened larger than even the depths of the Pacific Ocean. Her mind began to crash down, existence as she knew it seemed to crumble away._

_No, it was cruel to be real!_

_She had to see for herself!_

_Hoping to ease her pounding head she darted her head back in the direction of the bed. Her worst fears came to light as she was greeted by the horrific sight of the girl she loved completely unresponsive to anything that what happening around her._

_The body of the blonde began caving in on itself, causing Eli to sink to the ground, trying to hold onto whatever hope she could find. But she came up empty._

_Her whole world was gone. The girl that gave her hope, happiness, laughter and a reason to live was gone..._

~~~

Eli shot awake, her heart beat racing madly and her eyes stinging. It was just a dream.

_'Just a dream...'_

_There was no way it was going to happen._

Eli wouldn't let it happen.

_'Nozomi is safe...'_

_'The doctors will take care of her...'_

As she managed to regain her sight she noticed that she was in fact not in her own bed, or her own house for that matter. She immediately recognised where she actually was though, the bedroom of the girl of her worries.

Memories of last night flew into her mind, all the horrible things she read that were directed at her best friend, which almost seemed to cruel to be real, but unfortunately they were very much real. She sat up and clutched onto a pillow, that she happened to fall asleep cuddling up to last night, and just became lost in thought for a while.

She knew she had to do something, but what?

What could she do?

Still clutching onto the pillow with one hand, she retrieved her own phone from her pocket and unlocked it, tapping on the messages app. Resisting the urge to tap on the familiar name of the purple-head and re-read their last text conversation, she scrolled past and tapped a button, which created a new group text conversation. She added all the other 7 members, Nozomi not being included of course, and started to type a long message, explaining what she had found out. She could already predict the uproar it would cause amongst the members but that shared bit of emotion could be exactly what they need to assist them in tackling this endeavour.

After she was satisfied with her message, which consisted of a burst of emotion and ended up reducing her to tears twice while typing, she hit send and just gave herself a few extra moments to collect herself and think. After a while she turned her phone back on and saw some notifications coming from the other 7 members, all feeling distraught over what had been going on without them even realising.

After a few message exchanges from the horribly upset idols they decided to meet up and do something to help remedy the situation. After all they knew the pressures of having to keep fit to be idols in the first place, without other people's constant hate and pushing to become even thinner - Honoka and Hanayo could definitely sympathise with Nozomi's pain, having struggled with their own weights, but they felt even worse as she had managed to hide it so well without complaint. Nozomi was indeed a strong, tough girl but everyone has their breaking points.

They agreed to meet up to discuss a plan of action, after all they were not going to just let this happen. And what better place to meet up than the mother of μ's' favourite café?

Eli, of course, was the first to arrive and took a few moments to enjoy the familiar sights and smells the café offered; the bustling and homely ambience providing more ease for Eli and the familiar smells of different drink concoctions from the various buzzing machines dotted around the cash register area, permeates her nostrils - reminding her that she had yet to have breakfast.

Everything was just the same as the last time she visited, except now there was no-longer the presence of the purple-head she loved dearly. The blonde tried to shake that thought out of her head.

_'_ _Don't think like that. Soon enough Nozomi will be back with us and we will be able to support her._ _'_

She walked over to a booth and sat down, waiting for the other girls to arrive as she glanced around at everyone around her. She thought it was amazing how people so close to each other could live so different lives. How you can pass thousands upon thousands of people a day, all tackling different problems that you wouldn't know about and then they could depart from your life in the matter of seconds, making you never see them again.

Before she could think any deeper the sound of the café entrance door opening echoed throughout the establishment, causing Eli to turn her head to face a few very familiar people.

"Eli-chan!!"

The other 7 members filed into the café and bounded up to Eli, trying to put on their best positive faces to perk Eli's spirits up. After all they knew that, although what had happened had also absolutely destroyed the rest of them, Eli was Nozomi's closest friend, her companion, wherever Nozomi went Eli would surely be by her side - so they could only imagine how dreadful she must have felt. Nobody ever liked feeling powerless to anything, especially not the struggle of someone who you were close to and Eli was no different. They knew that the best thing they could do would be to help make her smile and support her and that's exactly what they swore to do.

Eli flashed the biggest smile she could muster at everyone and beckoned them to sit with her in the booth.

"So what should we do?" Asked Honoka, creating a serious atmosphere while she casually flipped through the menu. Honoka would be damned if she went to a place that sold such nice food and didn't order anything - that just wasn't right in her mind.

"I was thinking we could write a song for her..." Eli started.

"After all it's what we all do best, and it would be nice to make a song dedicated to the mother of μ's, also we'd be spreading a positive message."

"That's a great idea nya!" Rin piped up.

"We could perform it for her once she's out of hospital." Kotori added, already imagining the gorgeous outfits she and Nico would spend time making for the performance. No performance was complete without the correct clothing of course. Appearance and aesthetics were a key part of most things, especially in the idol industry.

"I'm sure Nozomi-chan would love that." Umi said, causing everyone to smile at the thought of Nozomi's reaction to what they were planning. Nozomi was always incredibly touched whenever they did the simplest one things - which they all chalked up to the fact that she had spent her childhood relatively alone without friends - and it was always a great sight to see. No matter how many all-nighters they would have to pull to get everything ready, they knew it would be worth it for her.

If it could make her realise that she wasn't alone anymore then it would all be worth it.

"So how are we going to do this?" Asked Nico, trying to make herself seem more interested in the sweets section of the menu as it held the power to fulfil her morning sugar fix - a grumpy Nico without her morning energy was never good.  
  
"I think it would be best if we all came together to write the lyrics, I'm sure Nozomi-chan would appreciate that...I-I mean as long as you're okay w-with that Umi-chan!" Hanayo stuttered, trying her best to add to the conversation, she wanted to do something to help a fellow member of μ's, especially when that member was Nozomi, who had done so much to help them.

"Of course I am." Umi replied, smiling politely. She turned to her side, reaching into her school bag and brought out a notepad and pen so they could start jotting down some ideas.

After a waitress came to take their individual orders - everyone ordering a wide range of breakfast, dessert and drink options to give them the extra buzz they needed that cold morning - everyone gathered around and started chatting, throwing out ideas and words, their faces glistening with hope and motivation. The sight truly was beautiful.

Eli watched over everyone, smiling happily at the sight of all the members of μ's working together on a song, she knew if Nozomi could see them now she would be so happy. She knew it had always been Nozomi's dream for everyone in μ's to write a song all together, their words and feelings all woven as one. The only thing that was missing was the purplette herself, but Eli tried to push that thought out of her  
mind. Everything that μ's did just didn't seem right anymore, not without their metaphorical mother. And with a belly full of a delicious cup of hit chocolate - with cream and marshmallows decorating the top - she felt more relaxed than she had in days.

As everyone began exchanging ideas for the song, they began to reminisce about all the times that Nozomi had helped them (and there were plenty of them) which were all treasured memories indeed. Without her, many of them wouldn't have become who they were today. How could you properly thank a person for doing such an amazing thing?

"Nozomi-chan has always been so kind and helpful. I can't thank her enough, especially for the time she helped me with my own weight and my dieting..." Hanayo started, her mind trailing off into a happy place.

_It was when Honoka and Hanayo had been strictly informed by Umi that they would need to go on a diet, which they had now been attempting to follow through with,_ _'_ _attempting_ _'_ _being the key-word as Honoka had a habit of being good at persuading and food was definitely a key point in her life._

_Hanayo had been trying really hard to stick to it, half because she was afraid of having Umi unleash her ultimate wrath upon her, and half because she wanted to be able to stay in the best shape she could so she could follow her dream of becoming an idol. But while Honoka wasn't doing such a good job at losing weight, Umi seemed more bothered about it than Honoka did._

_Meanwhile Hanayo hadn't been judged as strictly, well by others at least. In her mind she wasn't having the easiest of times, but of course she did her best to keep this hidden so she didn't worry anyone. Fortunately one certain shrine maiden did notice Hanayo acting a little out-of-sorts and had decided to have a talk with her._

_"Hanayo-chan is everything okay?" Nozomi asked politely, sitting down on a bench, beside her shy kouhai._

_"N-Nozomi-senpai! Yes everything is just fine." She stuttered, fiddling with her fingers. It wasn't out of Hanayo's character to be nervous and shy, as that's just how she was, and everyone loved her for it, but Nozomi could sense it was more than just her normal level of nervousness. She picked up on a sad aura surrounding the poor girl._

_"Now now, no need to be formal Hanayo-chan! We're all friends here!" Nozomi piped up, cheerfully, giving encouraging smiles towards Hanayo._

_"S-sorry Nozomi...-chan!"_

_After lightly chuckling at Hanayo trying her best attempt to start being more casual, she put a more serious look on face. "I can tell something's bothering you and I want to help."_

_Upon hearing Nozomi's words, Hanayo was a bit taken-back. She tried her best to keep looking in the direction of Nozomi and her patient expression of care that she had on her face, but she couldn't help but dart her eyes away. She wasn't the best at keeping eye-contact, and now considering their conversation she was definitely not going to be any better at it now._

_"I-its just...I'm not feeling too good about this diet..." Hanayo started, she knew she could trust Nozomi, she always had a motherly side to her and was definitely a great person to go to for help and support._

_"You're feeling like you're not doing good enough at it aren't you?...aw Hanayo-chan...I think you shouldn't have had to go on a diet at all, but Umi knows what's best for us, but she didn't mean anything cruel by it I promise, she just takes this really seriously as you can tell_ _._ _Also I think you have done really well with sticking to it, even if it meant giving up eating your rice, and I know how special that is to you, after all I don't know how I'd cope without my parfaits and yakiniku!_ _" She paused, where they both shared a chuckle._

_"_ _I know it's hard but try not to worry, I promise we're all supporting you through this...also don't tell anyone but I figured after all this hard work you could use some..." With that Nozomi reached into her school bag and pulled out something that was wrapped in_ _some shiny foil._

_Hanayo's eyes widened as she could already tell what it was from the shape._

_"Is it really_ _what I think it is_ _!?" She squeaked, after being passed the packaging. Nozomi smiled sweetly and motioned at her to open it. Upon doing so_ _both girls were hit with the tantalising scent of of steamed rice and that was when Hanayo_ _realised she was right_ _in her guess_ _. It was a medium-sized white rice ball_ _, packed with flavour and perfect for rice-lovers alike._ _Just looking at it made her mouth water._

_She had missed having them but if it was from Nozomi then it wouldn't do her any harm to indulge every once in a while - she could think of it as a congratulatory gift to herself for sticking to her diet for so long and getting through it._

_If a bit of dieting meant she could still have some of her lovely rice then it would all be worth it._

_Nozomi put her fingers up to her lips_ _and winked._ _"Sshhh it's our little secret_ _oka_ _y?"_

_Hanayo nodded and thanked her, before trying her best to be as less messy as possible while enjoying the taste of her favourite treat again._

_~~~_

It didn't seem like that long ago to the first year but upon reflection it was actually quite a few months ago now. It was a bit saddening how Nozomi helped her feel better about her weight, but was now in hospital due to struggling with her own. Regardless, Hanayo tried not to think about that as she knew Nozomi wouldn't have wanted that. Instead she channelled all her feelings and emotions into that happy memory and tried her best to take some inspiration to help with the song.

"I remember the time Nozomi-chan climbed up that huge mountain with me and Umi-chan nya!" Rin smiled brightly, placing her hands onto Hanayo's shoulders, as she liked doing often.

_The sky was getting darker now as night was fast approaching, which was unfortunate for the three 'avid' mountaineers. By saying_ _'_ _three avid mountaineers_ _'_ _, I mean it was more like one mountaineer leader_ _who treated the experience as if she was in a wrestling ring_ _, one terrified climber that seemed as if she had been forced by her will to do this and one supportive helper, who_ _stood back,_ _ma_ _king_ _sure to hang back with the terrified climber and help her when she needed it._

_After a while of tiring adventure they managed to find a flat surface point of the mountain, still having not reached the top yet, much to Rin's disappointment. Nozomi immediately sensed how worked-up she was about the entire ordeal and decided that it would be best to just set-up camp here and call it quits. That's exactly what_ _they_ _did,_ _despite much protest from Umi - who had been dead set on reaching the peak. In an attempt to calm both of her companions, Nozomi offered some words of wisdom._

_"Do you know what's the most important thing about climbing mountains is? It's not about having the courage to challenge it, It's about having the courage to back down_ _,_ _"_

_Even Umi seemed surprised at those words. Nozomi did have many ways of surprising people._

_"Hey Rin, get ready to leave. Would you like to have ramen for dinner?" Even before asking this, the purplette definitely knew what her friend's response would be, even without seeing the ecstatic look that soon covered Rin's face._

_"Totally!"_

_~~~_

Rin knew Nozomi had a habit of knowing how the other members were feeling and what they wanted, even if they didn't choose to say it, she had experienced this a lot, especially with being in the same subunit together. Rin could hardly remember the amount of times, even just in Lilywhite practice sessions, that Nozomi had helped out either herself or Umi without them needing to say anything. It was just another one of those amazing qualities she had. Unfortunately it made her extremely good at hiding her own feelings and nobody else in the group ever seemed to be able to properly read her - at least not to the same extent that she could with others.

Snapping out of her thoughts she turned around to her red-haired fellow first year and noticed the deep thought she was in, her fingers plunged into the tufty edges of her fluffy hair as she absentmindedly twirled the locks around - barely registering the tickling sensations they gave her slender fingers as she did so.

"Nya! Maki-chan, remember when Nozomi-chan helped you be less tsundere with us!"

This comment earned a laugh from every member and a blushing frown from Maki as she ceased her hair assault.

"W-what?!" She groaned, feigning ignorance, however she did remember the exact memory that Rin was referencing and she was eternally thankful for what happened.

_Those past few days had definitely been an experience for Maki. μ's had been invited around to Maki's beach house as a type of 'summer camp' and everyone was seeming to let loose and show their true selves....well almost everyone._

_Maki_ _had_ _always had trouble expressing her feelings, and Nozomi picked up on this quite quickly, especially having known Eli for a while now, who had been rather similar. Throughout their summer camp Nozomi had_ _consistently_ _tried her best to include Maki in_ _her own conversations and_ _what everyone did._

_When Maki was about to go to the store to buy some food, she had insisted she was fine going by herself but Nozomi tagged along last minute._

_Who could possibly say no to such a sweet face? Even Maki, the queen of stubborn, couldn't._

_On their walk Nozomi had a talk with Maki_ _, trying_ _to get her to open up and get involved a bit more_ _. M_ _aki was slightly confused as to why_ _Nozomi_ _was_ _even_ _bothering with her_ _as she had always been that way since before she even joined_ _μ's_ _but felt happy that she was being so understanding with her and the fact that Nozomi_ _actually cared and_ _wanted her to be more happy and comfortable around everyone. Of course she wouldn't_ _admit_ _that_ _out loud_ _but something told her Nozomi already knew what she was thinking._

_But her kindness didn't stop there. That night when everyone had decided to go to sleep, which lasted for less than a minute before everyone was woken up by Honoka, a pillow fight_ _then_ _en_ _sued_ _\- courtesy of Nozomi_ _, who then jokingly blamed Maki. Even after at first refusing to get involved, Maki ended up firing a pillow_ _of her own_ _at Nico and knocking her down. She had to admit it was fun to get involved with everyone else, especially if that meant getting the satisfaction of hitting the 'number idol in the universe' with something_ _, despite her hidden fondness for the girl._

_After having fun striking down fellow members and getting hit back, things went a little spooky after they ended up waking up the sleep_ _ing_ _Umi, who_ _was proven_ _to be extremely cranky when her sleep was disturbed. She ended up joining in, only with a more violent drive inside of_ _her, literally knocking others down for the count._

_Luckily before the bluenette could take down the terrified Rin and Hanayo,_ _who were cuddling up to each other in fear,_ _pillows were thrown in her direction and knocked her back down unconscious_ _\- promptly ending the pillow torture._

_The throwers_ _of the final killing blows_ _were non-other than Nozomi and Maki. It had been an exhilarating few moments for everyone, including Maki but she couldn't deny how nice it felt to feel truly a part of μ_ ' _s. But instead she decided to keep up her front and sighed_ _._

_"I'm glad that's over"_

_"You're the one who started it Maki-chan!"_

_"I was not! That was Nozomi." She replied, eyeing the purplette, only to receive a sweet, innocent smile back._ _.._ _And then a pillow to the face_ _shortly after._

_"Take this!"_

_"Aw come on Nozomi!" She cried, pulling the pillow away from her so she could see again._

_"Just listen to you saying my name...so natural." Nozomi mused. The thought that Nozomi was doing all this to help Maki to feel more involved suddenly hit her. She was_ _internally_ _very grateful, but continued to hide that_ _, she wasn't in the mood to get all mushy so late at night._

_The next morning, af_ _ter waking up from her sleep, she looked around the room to find everyone asleep, except Nozomi_ _as her_ _bed was empty. She yawned and walked outside_ _, in search of the missing girl,_ _where she was greeted by the sight of Nozomi by herself, still in her sleepwear, looking out at the sea_ _as the blazing sun began to peek above the horizon._

_"So what are you up to now?" Maki asked after being greeted by the purplette._

_"_ _Don't worry I'm not planning anything else with you." Nozomi assured, still keeping her relaxing, gentle voice._ _No matter what situation, Maki noticed Nozomi always kept the same tone of voice - one that could relax anyone in a matter of seconds (and would certainly be great for an ASMR video)._

_"Hey Maki?_ _You_ _know_ _,_ _I love all the members of μ's_ _and I'd hate to think that anyone felt left out..."_

_So Maki's thoughts from before were right, Nozomi did understand how she felt and was trying to help her_ _, even if she had slightly odd ways of showing it. But the world needed strangeness, especially when it came in such kind and caring forms._

_That day she came to the realisation that m_ _aybe she_ _really_ _could_ _afford to_ _open up a bit more and join in..._

_~~~_

While Maki had had issues expressing herself and her emotions, Nozomi tended to just hide her emotions away altogether - which Maki had always secretly wished she could help her get over but that would not be easy. Especially after she had found herself going to Eli to discuss such things with her one day and hearing how despite Eli's closeness with the girl, she had desperately tried but had been unable to reach her.

Hearing everyone's thoughts and feelings about Nozomi made Eli's heart thump fondly. She was so amazingly proud of Nozomi and everything she had done in such a short amount of time. To Eli, nobody could be more influential than her dear friend. She wouldn't have even had the guts to join μ's if it wasn't for Nozomi.

_After her confrontation with her_ _purple-haired_ _friend, Eli took off in tears, having just opened up about actually wanting to join the idol group. She slumped herself in her seat in an empty classroom and leaned against the window, just thinking_ _to herself._

_"What I want...does it even matter?"_

_Not so long after, her thoughts were interrupted by a hand coming into her line of vision_ _and_ _upon turning her head she was greeted by the sight of 8 girls, Nozomi included_ _\- all giving her reassuring looks._

_"Miss president...no...Eli-senpai...we have a request for you..."_

_"Please come and join μ's! We'd all love for you to come and sing with us, as a fellow school idol!"_

_Even after Eli began to refuse, she was interrupted by another voice, this time from_ _Umi_ _._

_"Nozomi-senpai told us everything...."_

_'She did, did she....' Eli thought._

_Just then Nozomi stepped forward, pushing Eli even further into what she wanted to do._

_"Why don't you give it a try?..Having a reason is so unnecessary, you do it because you want to....that's the way we all start down the road of doing the things we really want."_

_Nozomi's words got to her. In that moment she thought that maybe doing what she wanted to do was not such a bad thing. In the end she accepted the outstretched hand of Honoka and officially joined μ's, along with Nozomi._

_~~~_

That was the day that Eli began seeing Nozomi in a different light. She knew she loved Nozomi before then, but she didn't know in exactly what way she loved her. There were many different ways to love someone after all, yet for once she could put a label on it.

Ever since they joined μ's together, her feelings only grew stronger. Through every adventure they went on together she loved Nozomi more and more. To Eli she really was 'the goddess who created μ's'.

"Hey Eli! Hellooooo!?"

Suddenly Eli broke out of her thoughts to see Nico waving frantically in front of her.

"S-sorry!" She stuttered, coming back to reality.

"Honestly Eli! What are we going to do with you?!" Nico tutted.

"We've decided to have another meet-up tomorrow, that way we can gather our thoughts by ourselves tonight and come back with some more fresh ideas." Kotori said, setting aside her now-empty mug, trying to catch Eli up on the development of the situation.

"Okay, I'll see you all tomorrow!"

After all their plates and mugs had been cleared away and the tab had been dealt with, they all exchanged their fair-wells and decided that they would meet up together at Honoka's bakery the next day to continue from where they left off.

Everyone seemingly left in their separate directions for home, some walking in groups, others walking alone. Except Eli decided to go for a calm stroll around town, some fresh air was just what the doctor ordered.

Everything was so serene and peaceful, and surprisingly quite empty. But Eli didn't mind that at all, it was nice to just be able to walk around without the loud hustle-and-bustle of life.

She found herself subconsciously drifting towards the Kanda Shrine and the second she stepped on it's grounds, felt a calming presence envelope her.

_'_ _Just like Nozomi said, there is lots of spiritual power here._ _'_

_'No wonder she enjoys coming here so much.'_

She chucked to herself at the thought, she was in no means a master in the spiritual arts, but she had been keen to learn more about it after hearing about it from Nozomi whenever she felt like opening up a bit.

She felt like she needed to take advantage of the energy surrounding her so she walked right up to the shrine and clapped her hands in prayer. She silently made her wish to the gods and reopened her eyes, basking in the beauty of the shrine for a moment longer.

After her visit she decided she wanted to go back and visit Nozomi in hospital. She would tell her all about what μ's was planning for her, how much everyone missed her and tell her all about her experience at the shrine. She knew Nozomi would like that, whether she was conscious or not. It just felt like the right thing to do, especially now that she had become more level-headed since the plan had been put into place.

So she quickly set off in the direction of the hospital, feeling a lot more rejuvenated than before.

Not long after, she had made it, she greeted the receptionist and was given clearance to go up to Nozomi's room, where she was eagerly waiting to get another glimpse of her. However as she was walking up the corridor she heard a familiar muffled voice coming from Nozomi's room. She stopped at the door and quietly took a peek through the window, which let her see inside the room slightly. Her eyes came to rest on a familiar figure, sitting on a chair, talking to an unconscious Nozomi...

_'_ _What is she doing here?_ _'_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all for being so kind and supportive and patient! And thank you all for reading another chapter of this feels trip.  
> I hope you're all doing well and looking after yourselves, remember to eat and drink and take any medication if you need to.  
> ~Dusk


	6. Seeing Her Again

There was no mistaking the raven black pigtails and the strikingly familiar voice, which she half expected to come out with her signature catchphrase any second - it was definitely Nico. 

Sure, Nico was a very dear friend of Nozomi but Eli didn't expect her to visit her by herself so soon and by the looks of things she must have come straight after leaving the café, as she was still wearing the exact same outfit and carrying the same strapped bag around her body. 

She thought she probably shouldn't listen in as it was rude to eavesdrop on a private moment but if it was for Nozomi, Eli wanted to hear it. Before she could feel bad for what she was about to do her ears pricked up, registering Nico's voice as it became louder and more clear.

"Hey Nozomi? You don't need to worry, we're all taking care of Eli for you...We know how much you care about her. Don't think I haven't noticed how you both look at each other, how you're always together and how you always support each other...you love her don't you?"

It was safe to say that Eli was now listening intently at the mention of her name.

_'She...she loves me too?'_

But then again this was Nico who, bless her soul, could get things wrong. The only way she would ever be able to find out the truth would be from Nozomi herself.

"That's completely okay you know? We all can tell that you both mean a lot to each other and you should see how worried Eli has been about you. She hasn't been the same since this happened...she needs you, we all do..."

Nico's voice grew quieter and softer with every syllable, the words feeling like training weights as they fell off her lips and hung in the air.

"Also we've got a special surprise for you, so you better wake up soon!" Nico's voice turned shaky and although she was trying her best to stay positive, it was evident to Eli that she was now crying. Eli wondered if the crying would ever be able to stop over these next few days - at least until Nozomi had woken up.

It was truly a rare sight to see Nico so vulnerable like that, especially regarding how she usually was with her positive bravado. But it just told Eli how much Nico really did care about Nozomi, despite her stubbornness towards the topic of caring for others. It made Eli chuckle a little as she recalled how she had once been like that herself but Nozomi had managed to change her mindset and opened her up, making her feel able to confidently show her care for those important to her. Everyone deserved to know that they were cared for, so when she thought about it, not doing that for so many years seemed rather stupid. The thought of being so open and showing of her emotions was something that used to rule her because she didn't want to come off as weak but if somebody was going to call her weak for showing someone else that she cared about them then she shouldn't care what they thought. She made a promise to herself that she wouldn't let other peoples opinions influence her in such a negative way anymore and it was Nozomi she had to thank for that revelation. 

"Do you remember the time where you helped me study? I'm still really thankful for that, even though I was a nuisance and probably made things difficult for you. I really appreciate the fact that you took up your own time to help me, even though you weren't even in μ's at the time...It was down to your help that I managed to pass those exams so now I want to be the one to help you. I'm sorry that I didn't talk to you when I could and it might not be much help now but you are perfect as you are Nozomi...even though we disagree on things I'll always be here for you...and when you wake up I'll be right by your side to help make you smile!"

After a few minutes Nico stood up and gathered her things to leave, but not before giving Nozomi's cold, frail hand a reassuring squeeze. Eli quickly hid behind the corner and observed Nico as she walked down the opposite side of the hallway and disappeared around the corner. Once her fellow third year was no longer in vision, Eli entered Nozomi's assigned room, carefully closing the door behind them to maintain their privacy.

Upon making her way to Nozomi's side she noticed how her facial expression seemed calmer than the last time she visited, even if it wasn't the radiant smile that Eli missed and would have liked to see, it was a start; A sign of improvement and good things to come.

"Hey Nozomi?" she started, as she kneeled beside Nozomi's bedside and took her hands in her own, wrapping them up, trying to bring warmth back into her closest friend's hands. "I overheard Nico talking...is it really true? Do you like me? Because to tell the truth...I've always loved you. Your beautiful, long purple hair, your glistening turquoise eyes that I can't help but get lost in, your infectious smile that never fails to brighten up the room...everything about you is perfect. I just cannot understand how you could ever believe that you aren't beautiful and why you would want to harm any part of yourself...Why did those people have to say all those things?..."

Just thinking about Nozomi feeling bad about herself, caused Eli to tear up. The girl who she valued so highly didn't even value herself. It didn't take long for Eli to start sobbing quietly, burying her face into Nozomi's stomach. Despite her condition she was still as comfortable and cozy as ever, so much so that Eli felt like she could have laid there for hours on end. It felt nice for Eli to be able to let out all her emotions in front of Nozomi, whether she was able to hear them or not. Just being in the presence of the purplette was enough.

She could practically feel Nozomi's hand gently stroking her hair and her sweet voice trying to calm her down, even if it wasn't possible or real. The only way she noticed was when she lifted her head to see Nozomi's body still lying still and her hands in the same position they had always been.

"I-I'm sorry Nozomi...I'm sorry that you didn't feel like you could tell us what was going on or how you were feeling....you've always been this way, selflessly putting others before yourself, not wanting to worry others about you...but I've always worried about you, your future, your health...everything. I know you don't want me to but I can't help it...you keep so much inside of you and it isn't healthy, me of all people know this because I'm just as guilty. But you always told me to be honest with my feelings yet you never seemed to take your own advice. All of your dreams and hopes and fears are all locked away in the deepest parts of your soul and I want to be the one to get them out. "

She stopped to take a deep breath, attempting to gain back control of her wavering voice.

"Please wake up Nozomi. Nothing is right without you! We all miss you so much! I miss you so much!"

By this point Eli had started sobbing hysterically. She didn't even bother to try wiping away the tears that fell, she just let them fall onto Nozomi's body, hoping by some miracle they would let her know just how much Eli needs her. How much she missed her.

All she wanted was a sign, a movement, something to tell her that Nozomi was here and she was alive but she received no response.

The only sounds in the room came from the faint beeping of the heart monitor and Eli, as she sobbed over the body of the purplette. Every ounce of love she had in her seemed to flow with her tears, along with strings of muffled words that if anyone was within earshot probably wouldn't have been able to make out.

When Eli had managed to calm herself down she tried to wipe her eyes, which were now swollen and red, to hide the fact she had been crying. With her heart heavy, she gently leaned down and rested her forehead against Nozomi's, letting the cold temperature intertwine with her own warm lips. After a few seconds she gently placed her lips against Nozomi's, conveying a sweet, gentle kiss that overflowed with emotion. She was hesitant to pull away as she didn't want to leave, wishing to be able to continue to stay by Nozomi's side as long as it took. 

"Rest well Nozomi, please wake up soon." She whispered before standing up and taking one last glance at her friend. A sad smile adorned her lips as she turned away and walked out of the room, hoping that Nozomi somehow was able to feel that kiss and the emotions that came with it.

She headed back home, despite feeling refreshed from having some closure, she couldn't escape the feeling of despair that was still brewing in the pit of her stomach as everything continued to play out. It just stewed inside her, as if waiting for the perfect time to overflow and consume her entirely. But she was determined not to let that happen. She would hang on for Nozomi.

When she finally reached her house, she opened the door and exchanged a few small greetings with her parents and younger sister before heading straight for her room, where she flopped herself onto her comfy bed, not feeling like properly interacting or engaging with anyone at that very moment. After everything that had transpired she was dead tired and was left longing for sleep as her body physically ached. 

As she lay there lazily, she got a sudden overwhelming urge to check her phone, so she grabbed it and switched it on. As her home screen lit up she tapped on the social media app that had caused Nozomi so much pain recently and went onto the purplette's profile.

Still present were the cruel messages from before, except a few more were now added into the mix. This caused Eli's despair to shift to pure anger.

_'How can they keep being like this!? What has Nozomi done wrong!? She's in hospital because of this and they don't even seem to care!'_

She had the immense urge to give those people a piece of her mind but then thought of Umi's strict voice telling her off for it the next day after she no-doubt gets into hot water after threatening strangers (that in her opinion completely deserved it). It probably wouldn't solve anything anyway. Flying off the handle in a public angry rant would NOT be something befitting the nickname 'cute and clever Elichika' at all.

_'Just you wait....you'll learn soon. Nobody messes with her and gets away with it!'_

_~~~_

The next day Eli decided it was time to change - to be strong for everyone else. She would stop moping about and, make time to interact with her family and friends properly, hoping that it would help keep that bubbling sensation in her stomach at bay. If she kept her faith then she knew that Nozomi would have to wake up. So Eli made sure to turn up to the next μ's meeting as bright and early and jovial as possible.

Everyone was quite surprised at Eli's change of attitude once they arrived at Homura but were glad that she seemed to be so focused and happy, even during such a hard time. She was even participating in the song writing process more-so than Umi, the song-writer herself!

"I think this part should go more like this!" Eli added, as she crosses out some song lyrics and replaced them with some others that she thought were more befitting.  

"Great idea Eli-chan!" Honoka exclaimed, punching her arm up in the air, almost hitting Kotori.

"Careful Honoka!" Umi yelled, running over to Kotori's side, checking over her for any injuries.

 "Are you okay Kotori?!"

"Careful Umi, your gay is showing!" Nico called out laughing, making the bluenette blush awkwardly, earning giggles from every other member.

Umi snook a glance at Kotori, who was just smiling sweetly back at her - not producing a single giggle. No matter how many times Nico teased her about their relationship, Umi would never fail to get embarrassed, while Kotori would just smile, making the bluenette wonder how she really felt about everything, her heart entombed in an odd sensation. Umi was never good with anything remotely romantic, having chosen to shelter herself from all of that until she deemed fit and safe to emerge (despite beginning to wonder when there ever would be a good time to do so). While Kotori never seemed to have any problem with anything like that, no matter how mushy or affectionate or how much it made Umi want to curl up into a ball and hide away forever. 

That very mindset caused Umi plenty of confusion. Kotori clearly knew Umi's thoughts on such things but did that mean she would have no interest in seeing her as a possible partner? Or was she just overthinking it? Kotori probably preferred someone who actually had the courage to partake in such public displays of affection rather than her anyway, being ever the lover of giving hugs and affection to those she was close to.

 _'Now's not the time to think like this Umi!'_ She mentally scolded herself, before putting her straight face back on and getting back to the task at hand, trying to emerge herself in it to forget her troubles.

It was definitely a great day for μ's and the day only got better from there after a certain red-headed idol's phone buzzed.

"I'll just take this..." Maki announced nonchalantly, walking a short distance away and staring at her illuminated phone screen that told her that her hospital was trying to contact her. She immediately pressed the 'Accept Call' button and pressed the phone to her ear.

"Wow, Maki has friends? Who knew?" Nico joked, keeping her voice on the down-low so as not to let Maki overhear. She didn't mean anything malicious by it, seeing Maki doing most things seemed to provoke Nico into having a reaction like that for some odd reason. It was something everyone had come to accept.

Everyone then pulled away from their tasks and watched, trying to read Maki's expression as she spoke on the phone, desperately trying to figure out what was going on.

"REALLY!?" Maki suddenly shouted, beaming with a large smile, which was unusual for the tsundere. "Thank you for letting us know, we'll be there right away!" And with that she hung up the phone and ran back over to everyone else, looking ecstatic.

"What happened!?" Everyone asked, eagerly waiting for the news that had made their usually monotone friend so excited. The sight definitely surprised them but there hopes were too high in that moment to care.

"It's Nozomi, she's awake." Maki cheered, causing everyone to break out into even larger smiles. Tears of joy begin streaming down Eli's face as she dreamt of being able to see Nozomi and talk to her again just like they always did. It was a simple pleasure that she had definitely taken for granted.

"Well what are we waiting for? Let's go!" Eli announced, beginning to dash off to the hospital, abandoning her post and storming passed the others.

"Wait for us!" 

Everyone began running after her, struggling to catch up to the blonde, who was determined to reach the hospital as quick as possible, not wanting to leave Nozomi alone for another second if she could help it. The urge to see her again was too overwhelming as it challenged that horrible anxious feeling that had been stewing inside her for long enough. 

It didn't take long before Eli reached the entrance to the hospital, waiting impatiently for the others to arrive while she pondered what she was going to say to the purplette. There was so much she wanted to say but she wondered whether it would be the right time to say it.

What would be the right thing to say to someone who had just been hospitalised for eating disorders?

Before she could think anymore 7 other heads popped up in view and were bounding closer to the blonde. 

"Tut tut, so slow!" Eli tutted, wagging her finger at them.

The others broke out into groans and giggles, they were just loving how alive and goofy Eli was acting. She was definitely back to her normal self. 

They all took each other's hands and started running around the hospital to Nozomi's room, being careful not to obstruct the path of any hard-working doctors in their mad dash to reach their destination. Upon reaching Nozomi's marked room they were greeted by a doctor, who was just leaving said purplette's room.

"How is she?" Asked Eli, sweat dropping a little as the gravity of the situation suddenly hit her.

_The girl she loved was right in that door..._

_The girl she stole a kiss from..._

"I think it's best if you go in one at a time. Due to her current condition too many people around her at once could overwhelm her. Ever since she woke up she hasn't been speaking much and hasn't been seeming in the mood to eat, due to her state we want to be sure she does get something to eat, so try to help her to eat okay? She will be in need of some support from her friends. We can discuss further actions later but something tells me you just want to see her again so I won't stop you any longer."

Everyone nodded and watched as the doctor walked away, leaving the 8 idols worried for the safety and health of their friend.

"I think you should be the one to see her first Eli-chan. You are her closest friend after all." Honoka said, placing her hand on Eli's shoulder reassuringly.

Eli turned to face everyone who were all nodding in agreement and smiling at her. Before Eli could respond Nico walked up to her and said "Go get her Eli!"

Eli nodded, turning away from the group before turning the doorknob and pushing the door open, stepping inside of the familiar room. Her eyes immediately travelled to the bed at the side, which held a purplette who was sitting up, her head buried in her hands with an untouched tray of food beside her legs.

_'Nozomi...'_

Eli's eyes sparkled with hope as she was reunited with her closest friend, the memories they shared running through her mind at lightening speed. All the tears, laughs, jokes and teasing and the feeling of love burning brighter within her.

"Nozomi..." She whispered to herself, savouring the taste of the purplette's name in her lips. She took a deep breath before calmly speaking so the purplette could hear her this time.

"Hey..."

She slowly approached the bed and watched as Nozomi rose her head up, revealing her pale face, that held a shocked expression, and red puffy eyes.

"Elicchi...."

Hearing the sweet voice she missed so much once again tugged at the blondes heartstrings, but she promised she would remain strong for her friend, breaking into tears so quickly wouldn't be of any good. Eli gently perched herself on the edge of Nozomi's bed and took one of the purplette's hands into her own. It was still quite cold but a definite improvement from the previous day. To be able to intertwine her fingers with Nozomi's properly again sent sparks up Eli's entire body. It just felt right.  

She glanced back over to the upset purplette with a look of reassurance and affection displaying over her features to try and calm the poor girl, who was noticeably anxious - which Eli couldn't blame her for. She would do her best to ease Nozomi's worries. Despite her run-down appearance, to Eli, Nozomi still looked as stunning and perfect as always. She was still Nozomi after all. With that in mind Eli wondered how on earth Nozomi could ever not be beautiful.

The blonde gently rubbed her thumb against the back of Nozomi's hand in hopes of comforting her.

She noticed Nozomi keeping her head down and gentle sniffing sounds coming from her, sounding as if she was about to cry. So Eli quickly took her chance to envelope Nozomi in her warm arms, gently stroking the back of Nozomi's head as she melted against Eli's touch and began crying openly - a sight that even Eli had not seen that many times previously and didn't particularly like witnessing but if it helped then she would endure every single second of it. She would do anything for Nozomi. Anything to ensure she would get better again.

"Sssshhh it's okay..." Eli whispered, embracing Nozomi tighter, not wanting to ever let her go. She felt tears start to stain her clothes but she didn't care, they were tears of the one she loved. Any old shirt or pair of pants could be replaced but Nozomi could not. Not ever.

She would gladly be completely drowned in the tears of her if it meant securing her safety. She wanted to be able to be there for Nozomi and be able to finally get her to let all her pent-up emotions out. All those fake smiles that she had put on throughout the years were finally starting to slip away to reveal her true emotions that had since remained locked away. However painful it was to let it show, Eli knew it was for the greater good of her friend - bottling things up never did any good. She was finally seeing Nozomi let down her façade, her mask of fake smiles was cracking.

Witnessing Nozomi in such a fragile and vulnerable state caused Eli to shed a few tears herself, but she just nuzzled her head on the top of Nozomi's, letting her breathe in the faint lingering scent of her shampoo, or what was still salvageable of it as the subtle scent of the sterile room attempted to overpower it.

After a few minutes Nozomi started to run out of tears to cry, her throat becoming dry and hoarse. Eli pulled away from Nozomi, making sure to go straight to take one of the purplette's hands back into her own. 

"Are you feeling better now? Do you think you could try eating a little?" Eli asked, gently and hesitantly, not wanting to put any pressure on her.

Nozomi just gently shook her head in response, not wanting to hurt or offend Eli, but she just didn't feel like eating. She wasn't sure if she ever would, at least not for a while.

"Are you sure? For me?" Eli tried making a puppy-dog face to make Nozomi smile, but she just shook her head again and apologised.

"You don't need to apologise, it's okay..." Eli replied, trying to hide her disappointment. 

"Just promise me you'll try, even if it's just a bit..."

"Okay Elicchi, I'll try..." Nozomi said, earning a satisfied smile from Eli. She trusted Nozomi. 

"Good girl, I'm so proud of you Nozomi..." Eli gently placed her hand on Nozomi's cheek and caressed it softly.

"We all are so proud of you, for everything. You've done so much for everyone and we don't know what we'd do without you. Honestly without you, I wouldn't have made it this far, not even close. You saved me Nozomi. You reached out that day and have stuck with me ever since. I wish I had managed to tell you how thankful I am before but now I'll be sure to let you know everyday just how much you mean to me and to all of μ's. It's not μ's without you Nozomi. You complete us and we promise that we'll all be right by your side, supporting you until you get better, no matter what..."

Nozomi looked speechless from all the heartfelt emotion in Eli's words, making her barely able to respond. Her mind was stilly fuzzy, making her barely able to function but she could pick up the raw and undisguisable emotion that Eli radiated. She wanted to trust in it. 

"Elicchi..."

Their eyes shone brightly, their pupils meeting each other's in a loving gaze; Eli's warm and comforting, Nozomi's unguarded and appreciative. Both girls felt like they could have stayed there forever but Eli was the first to break eye-contact, remembering the rest of their friends would want to have a talk with Nozomi again. She couldn't hog her forever, there would be plenty of time to spend with her later but for now she had to be responsible.

"I'll let you have a talk with the others now, I don't want to keep you from seeing them. But just remember I'll always be here for you and you can always share your true feelings with me. I'll take care of you, I promise..."

And with that she smiled sweetly at Nozomi, before giving her one last reassuring hand squeeze and heading for the door. When she opened the door, revealing the corridor, she was greeted by the other 7 idols, who were impatiently waiting to see Nozomi.

"How is she?" Asked Umi, with a panicked look on her face, clearly having been nervous the entire time Eli had been away.

Eli turned her head back, to get one last glimpse of the purplette, before turning back to the girls. "She's still not in the best condition...please try and get her to eat something, even if it's just a little..." she begged, extremely concerned for her closest friend's health.

Everyone nodded before Nico stepped forward into Nozomi's room, closing the door behind her. Eli desperately wanted to know what they would discuss but decided not to intrude this time as they needed this time to themselves. After all she knew she could rely on Nico to take care of Nozomi and make her smile. That was one of the great things about Nico, no matter how much of a handful she could get at times, her heart was in the right place and her speciality was always the welfare and happiness of others. 

The blonde sat down on one of the waiting chairs and started talking to the others, while trying to convince herself that Nico could get Nozomi to at least take a bite, hopefully without having to use any forceful methods.

After what seemed like an eternity Nico emerged from the room, her eyes a bit red. She shook her head disappointedly, which told Eli that Nozomi had not eaten anything yet. She refused to give up hope and still kept faithful as Nozomi's fellow Lilywhite member, Umi, got up and went into the room.

One by one the members went in and out of the room, all shaking their heads in the same upset manner when they came out. It seemed like nobody had had any success with the purplette.

_'Oh Nozomi, I had no idea all this had affected you this much. Please take care of yourself, I can't lose you again...'_

Eli desperately wanted to go back into the room where the girl of her dreams was situated, but she knew the poor girl was probably overwhelmed and exhausted so decided she would come back later. In the meantime she had a discussion with the doctors about the next plan of action.

She had been wondering whether it would be appropriate for her to be able bring Nozomi back to her house to take care of her there. Familiar places tended to be reassuring to those in times of crisis and trouble so Eli wanted to do everything she could to help. After all hospitals were terrifying places, and staying here for countless hours on end by herself was something she knew Nozomi would not want.

So after some thought she approached some doctors and inquired about her suggestion. In the end they had agreed to let the blonde take her friend home the next day, providing Nozomi was okay with that arrangement. They made it crystal clear to contact them with Nozomi's health updates and progress often in case she would need to come back, which Eli hoped would not be the case. In addition they gave her the hospital number and let her know that they would contact her later with some more information on the medication that they had prescribed for her to take. In the end they had come to the agreement that Eli would collect Nozomi the next day, leaving time for the hospital to do some more check-ups and analysis's on her condition to be extra certain that the medication would be correct for her and that she would be up to leaving and would still be able to recover safely in Eli's house. 

As she left the hospital that day, she had a glimmer of hope and motivation lit inside her. She was going to help Nozomi no matter what it took. She was going to keep her safe, regardless of what she had to do. She made a promise to herself and Nozomi: she would always be there for her and she planned to honour that promise.

That evening Eli spent her time readying her house and a room for her new guest, even her younger sister Alisa helped out, especially as she was quite fond of Nozomi herself. Hearing her sisters thoughts and feelings towards the girl she loved warmed Eli's heart, especially as Alisa really looked up to Nozomi and thought very highly of her.

It made Eli feel bad that she hadn't been entirely truthful to her sister about the reason Nozomi was staying over for a while. She had told her that Nozomi had fallen ill, which wasn't entirely a lie, but she wouldn't dare reveal to the innocent young girl why or how it had happened - at least not yet. She was still a young child who had a slightly distorted view on the world and she wanted to let her continue to feel happy and carefree and not be corrupted with such dark things. Eli would try and keep her away from all of that disgusting underworld for as long as she could. Alisa still had her youth and her innocence and Eli did not want to see it fade away. Luckily the younger Ayase didn't pry any further and just continued to help set up Eli's room into a place that would be comfortable for Nozomi to stay in for a while.

Once she was satisfied with the improvements Eli wasted no time hopping into her bed, wishing for the new day to come quickly so she could see Nozomi once again and be able to prove to her just how much she truly meant to her.

Although she was having her doubts and worries about everything, her tiredness took over easily and resulted in her being succumbed into slumber rather quickly, as she did her best to fight off her fear of the dark which still held a strong bearing on her to this day.

Maybe one day she would be able to fight against it but for now she was solely focused on Nozomi and Nozomi alone. Her silly phobias could wait. 

~~~

The next day Eli woke up filled with determination. Today was the day she would bring Nozomi to her house and help take proper care of her. With a spring in her step, she launched off her bed and rushed to get changed into her everyday clothes, ready for the day ahead.

She shovelled down her breakfast as fast as humanely possible and headed straight for the door, still half putting on her shoes as she felt the cold air from outside make contact with her skin and send shivers through her spine. Not leaving anytime to get caught up in the cold weather (despite having become more used to it than the average Japanese person due to her Russian heritage) she sprinted out of her home and headed for the hospital, biting her lip at the fact that the route there had become increasingly more prevalent in her life recently.

Racing past the front desk at the reception, she made her way up the staircase to the floor where Nozomi was staying, apologising to those around her as she rushed past them and disappeared in a quick tornado. At least she was polite. 

Before long she met with the same hospital room door where she stood with the others the previous day. Taking a deep breath she opened the door and stepped inside, her eyes immediately drifting over to the bed that held the purplette she loved so much. Upon further inspection she noticed her beloved friend was currently asleep and could make out the purplette's chest gently rising and falling from underneath the sheets as she breathed in and out. 

 _'What on earth could she be dreaming about?'_   Eli thought, hoping it was all good things. She had always pictured Nozomi's mind as a whimsical and magical place and loved the idea of Nozomi having some wacky and wonderful dreams that could help brighten her up over her recovery period.

It made Eli feel at ease to know she was able to get some sleep, even after everything that was happening to her. Instead of disturbing Nozomi's sleep she decided to just perch on the end of the bed and watch over her protectively. She wanted to be able to look after Nozomi from the second she opened those beautiful turquoise eyes of hers.

Everything was so serene and peaceful, Eli felt like she could just drift to sleep along with Nozomi but she was determined to keep herself awake. Instead she focused all of her mind on the rhythmic beeping of the machines in the room and the soft breathing coming from the sleeping goddess.

Noticing that a stray lock of purple hair had suddenly wafted down into Nozomi's face, Eli quickly but gently swiped her finger along Nozomi's cheek, moving the hair out of her face. At just that quick touch Nozomi subconsciously rubbed her cheek against Eli's finger and nuzzled into it. The adorable sight was enough to nearly make Eli squeal in delight.

She then cupped Nozomi's cheek with her hand, letting the purplette snuggle deeper into it. Eli wished they could stay like this forever... 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you everyone for reading and I hope you are enjoying this book, I really can't thank you enough for all the support I've been getting, you are all so kind and sweet!   
> Hope you are all doing well and taking care of yourselves :)  
> ~Dusk


	7. Part Of The Family

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Basically Eli's gay and Nozomi's adjusting to her new recovery regime.

Having wilfully decided to let the exhausted girl sleep on, Eli took the time to look around the room and take everything in.

The room was pleasant enough, painted in a bright white colour which only further highlighted how well kept and how well sterilised it was, barely a speck of dust in sight. The only pieces of furniture included the bed itself, two small chairs beside each other next to the bed, a bedside table and various pieces of equipment surrounding the bed - emitting different sounds which Eli hoped were all indicating good things.

Out of no-where Eli heard a soft groan come from the sleeping girl, followed by some movement of her head, seemingly nuzzling deeper into the pillow she was resting against. The blonde couldn't help but internally melt at the adorable sight in front of her. Another reason she was glad that she had offered to take Nozomi in was the fact she would be able to see her every single day in the throes of her precious moments when she was sleeping and waking up.

Eli doubted many sights could top the sight of an awakening Nozomi.

To Eli nobody was as precious as Nozomi, no one could ever come close.

As Eli watched over her lovingly she noticed the purplette fluttering her eyes open, revealing her glistening turquoise hues that Eli found oh-so entrancing. A weak, tired voice then called out for Eli.

"Elicchi?..."

"Good morning sleepyhead." Eli replied, smiling sweetly at the purplette. Nozomi stretched a little, revealing her still-pale and fragile arms out from underneath the crumpled sheets. Eli mentally winced from the sight of Nozomi looked so sickly, but she wiped the distressing thought away to focus on the fact that she would make sure Nozomi got better and became healthy again. After all she had to focus on the positives.

"I've come to take you home, back to where you belong. I promise I'll stay by your side and take care of you no matter how long it takes." Mid-way through speaking Eli gently grabbed one of Nozomi's hands and ran her thumb comfortingly along the back of it.

"Are you sure Elicchi?...I don't want to bring you or your family any trouble..." Nozomi said, feeling guilty for the possibility of imposing on Eli and her family. She had already caused so many problems, she didn't particularly want to add anymore to that list.

"Don't be silly Nozomi, you're practically family anyway! And we all just want you to be safe and well." Eli mused. This was entirely true, Eli had informed her family all about Nozomi being ill and they had all been on-board with taking her in. It made Eli more happy than she could explain that her family thought so highly of her friend. Nozomi had truly had a large impact on the lives of others, Eli and her family included.

They had noticed how Eli had become more cheerful and open to others when she became friends with Nozomi and had welcomed Nozomi into their household with open arms ever since. Nozomi fit right in with them whenever she came over and she even saw them as her own family, due to her parents never truly being there for her. Soon enough The Ayase Household became like a second home for the shrine maiden. A place where she could be surrounded by a loving family that she never got to have.

Since she was so used to living all by herself for so long, being able to laugh along in the warmth and safety that was other people's company gave her a sense of belonging for the first time. It was in those moments that she wouldn't feel alone anymore. Eli and her family had helped Nozomi so much and it meant more to her than they could ever imagine.

"Thank you..."

~~~

Getting Nozomi safely back to Eli's house proved more difficult than first thought. Due to Nozomi's lack of nutrition, her body had become extremely weak and fragile, where bursts of too much movement could prove easily tiring or detrimental to her health.

Eli, of course, kept this in mind and kept supporting Nozomi the entire way home, even when the purplette had to occasionally stop to catch her breath, Eli remained by her side, reassuring her that she would be home very soon. Eli was not the most patient person in the world, especially when it came to important duties like student council work as she preferred to get it all finished and sorted as fast as she could but Eli would be prepared to wait all eternity for Nozomi.

She could take life a bit slower for her.

The blonde did intend on hiring a taxi to help pick them up but Nozomi insisted that she shouldn't spend money on her like that and that it would be beneficial for her to get some fresh air and exercise. Hesitantly, Eli did end up complying with Nozomi's request but still kept wishing she hadn't. However she also didn't want for Nozomi to feel guilty or bad about herself and her state in anyway if she did go behind her back and call a taxi so she grit her teeth and kept supporting her friend, trying to keep her worries at bay.

Once Eli's home came into view the blonde felt much more at ease as she knew Nozomi would be safe there and well looked after. She wouldn't have to worry about being alone anymore. Even Nozomi could feel some of the stress leave the blonde, of course her spiritual power still remained as strong as ever, or it might have just been down to her intuition. After being surrounded by Eli for such a long time, she had become an expert at reading her and analysing her thoughts and mood, even if said girl chose not to voice them. It was simple little movements she picked up that let her piece together whatever was going on in Eli's mind.

When they reached the doorway, Eli fished deep into her pockets and took out her house key, one arm still supporting Nozomi. The shrine maiden couldn't help but think how lucky she was to have Eli, she was like her knight in shining armour and was quite dashing in her role if she did say so herself.

As soon as Eli opened the door and welcomed Nozomi into her home she was warmly greeted by Eli's little sister in the form of a comforting hug.

"Nozomi-onee-san! Welcome home!" She cheered happily.

Nozomi mentally giggled at how adorable she was and how her and Eli really were alike at heart, regardless of the strict front Eli put on most of the time. They were both just as soft, loving and excitable as each other. Eli just smiled and watched lovingly as she felt a sense of pride wash over her as she mentally thanked her sister for being so kind to Nozomi.

_'_ _You're definitely part of the family Nozomi..._ _'_

_'W_ _e all think that_ _...'_

_'You_ _don't_ _need to_ _worry..._ _'_

"I hope you get better soon Nozomi-onee-san!" Alisa chimed, beaming happily at the grateful older girl. Her smiles truly were infectious, making Nozomi's jaws ache from so much intense usage at once.

"Also Thankyou for taking care of Onee-chan!"

_"_ I will always gladly love taking care of Elicchi but I should be thanking her and you!" Nozomi replied, trying her best to keep smiling for the younger Ayase.

She didn't want Alisa to know of her full situation, not wanting to dull the obvious spark of childlike joy that Alisa had and the positive views she held towards the world. She wouldn't ruin that for her.

Eli blushed a little at the words they exchanged but felt a warming sensation in her heart; Alisa truly cared about Nozomi and had noticed that she had made Eli much happier. She couldn't help but wonder how Alisa would react if they did go further into a relationship but Eli quickly shook those thoughts out of her head, for now she was focused completely on making sure Nozomi was okay and would recover.

Her silly feelings would just have to wait, there were more important matters to deal with.

After exchanging a few words, Nozomi thanked Alisa again and was then greeted by Eli's parents who gave the purple-haired girl reassuring smiles and kept letting her know that they would do anything to make her feel comfortable while she was here.

"I really hope I'm not intruding or bothering you." Nozomi apologised, bowing, her face showing an expression of guilt which hurt Eli's heart.

"No, no don't worry dear! You could never bother us!" Eli's mother replied.

"Besides you're already part of the family to us!" She then added before smiling sweetly at Nozomi, causing her to nearly tear up at the kindness everyone was showing her.

After exchanging a few words with each other, Eli interrupted and told everyone she would take care of Nozomi from here and that she was very tired and would probably want to get some rest, so everyone bid her farewell and hoped that she had a good rest before going back to their daily schedules. Eli then lead her friend into her own bedroom, except when Eli opened the door and revealed said room, Nozomi quickly realised that a lot had changed since she last stepped foot in there.

Eli's bed was the first, and biggest, change she noticed; the sheets, pillow and covers were now purple and the bed was brimming with fluffy blankets and cushions as if set up for a cuddly den. Also lying half-tucked under the sheets was a fluffy tanuki plush toy that Eli had purchased for if Nozomi felt the need to want a companion during the night (despite wishing she, herself, could be that companion she didn't want Nozomi to feel obligated to let Eli sleep beside her).

Nozomi's cute face of shock caused Eli to let out a giggle - smug that for once she had managed to surprise her friend and not vice versa.

"Let's get you all tucked in then!" She mused, passing Nozomi a pile of pyjamas for her to change into - which she had kept aside specifically for her. Nozomi gratefully accepted the clothing and went into the bathroom to get changed, gently closing the door behind her. Meanwhile Eli perched herself on the edge of the bed, being careful not to crumple the sheets or mess up the den she had spent a while making especially for her guest.

It didn't take long before Nozomi filed back into the room, now fully dressed in the sleeping attire, which Eli couldn't help but think how breathtaking she looked in it as it clung onto her body. The blonde got up off the bed, took Nozomi's gentle hand into hers and led her to the bed, making sure to help her get safely tucked under the sheets.

The way Nozomi seemed to melt into the covers and nuzzle her head into the fluffy pillows made Eli mentally fawn at the sight. The purplette then reached her arms out and brought the tanuki plushie straight into her arms and buried it against her chin and chest -another sight that made Eli weak at the knees, but fortunately she had again perched herself on the edge of the bed to avoid any possible accidents in result of Eli having a small gay crisis.

"Sweet dreams Nozomi..." she whispered, before gently moving a stray lock of purple hair out of her friend's face and gently stroking her hair rhythmically until she saw Nozomi's chest gently rising and falling from under the sheets, indicating she had fallen asleep.

It was no surprise that the poor girl had drifted off so quickly, after what she had put herself through caused a huge depletion of her stamina and energy, it made the simplest of tasks much more difficult for her to complete so she needed a lot of rest in order to be back to her old self again.

Eli got up and walked towards the door but not before giving one last glance of adoration at the sleeping shrine maiden. After that she gently left the room, quietly closing the door behind her so as not to disturb Nozomi's sleep, and ventured into the kitchen.

She knew Nozomi had to eat something but she wasn't sure what she would feel comfortable eating and how much of it she would want. The blonde already deduced it would be better to feed her after she just woke up so she would barely process her actually eating something so she wouldn't feel as bad about it later.

Eli already knew about Nozomi's favourite food, yakiniku, and decided to take a shot at making some, with the help from her mother of course. Nozomi deserved to be able to indulge in her desired food and Eli was sure it would make the purplette feel truly more loved and cared for.

After a fierce battle against the meat and vegetables, Eli emerged victorious with a beautifully organised plate of the purplette's favourite food. As Eli helped her mother clean up the equipment and the mess her own thoughts were interrupted by her mother's voice.

"You know I'm really glad you managed to find someone like her, I can tell ever since you two became friends, you have been much more happy and open. She brings out the best in you Elichika."

Eli smiled at her mother's words, which highlighted that she clearly thought very highly of Nozomi. "Is that so?" Eli replied, as she washed up a plate in the sink. "I'm really glad I found her too. I hope that I can help her like she has done with me."

As Eli started to dry the plate, it became so glassy that she could see her own reflection staring back at her; The reflection of a now happy young woman which showed just how much she had changed compared to how low she was just two years prior. Nozomi really knew how to change people for the better that was for sure. It made the blonde wonder just how different she would have been without her, it was a thought that she dreaded to think.

She mentally shivered and went back to washing up and chatting casually to her mother. Once they were finished Eli's mother suggested that Eli should wake Nozomi and take her a meal. So Eli grabbed a tray out, carefully placed the plate of home-made yakiniku on it and admired her hard work. But she felt like it needed something more...

She thought it might be nice to decorate the tray with a flower, as she thought flowers were precious just like Nozomi was to her. It did seem rather cheesy but she thought Nozomi would appreciate the sentiment regardless. So she quickly slipped on some shoes and hurried out the door to the nearby field that was always blooming with flowers, even more so now that it was summertime.

When she reached the field she was greeted by an array many different colours, all uniquely bright and beautiful.

_Which one would be perfect for Nozomi?_

Her eyes travelled around until they came to rest on a small batch of white lilies. They looked so simple, yet so elegant at the same time, much like Nozomi in a way. She knew then that they would be the right ones so she approached them, bent down and carefully plucked one from the ground, admiring it's charm as she did so.

With that she rose up from the ground and merrily dashed back to her house, neatly kicking her shoes off and returning to the almost-complete meal. The blonde gently placed down the lily beside the plate and cutlery then stepped back and flashed a satisfied smile.

_'Perfect! Just like her...'_

She blushed at her thoughts and shook them away, feeling a little embarrassed even though nobody else knew what she was thinking. She grabbed onto the sides of the tray and carried it into her bedroom, where Nozomi was currently sleeping. Eli gently nudged open the door and was greeted by the adorable sight of her crush snuggling up to the plushie, buried under lots of fluffy blankets and the purple bed covers.

The blonde smiled at what she saw and slowly approached the bedside, before putting the tray down beside her and perching on the edge of the bed, quietly observing the sleeping girl. Eli couldn't deny how precious Nozomi looked when she was asleep, in honesty she felt like she was going to squeal out loud but, of course, refrained from doing so. She had to keep her composure, she was the esteemed student council president, yet she was losing her cool so easily from simply seeing someone sleeping. In her defence, Nozomi WAS incredibly adorable.

Eli hated to disturb her but she knew Nozomi had to eat, especially considering her current state, so she gently leaned closer to her - calculating the most gentle way to wake her from her peaceful slumber. On impulse she swiped Nozomi's bangs out of the way and gave Nozomi a quick, loving peck on the forehead before gently shaking her shoulder in attempt to wake her.

"Nozomiiii, wakey wakey!" Eli whispered gently, receiving a few muffled groans and movements from the purplette in response. After a few seconds the purplette's eyes began flickering and slowly revealed her turquoise hues to the blonde.

When the purplette's eyes began to focus on the scene in front of her she was greeted by a smiling Eli looking down at her. 

"E-elicchi?.." Nozomi weakly said, still attempting to properly wake up.

"Wake up sleepyhead..." Eli replied in a calm, soothing voice. Nozomi felt as if she was being coaxed into going back to sleep again if it wasn't for that fact Eli was trying to help her wake up properly.

The purplette nuzzled her head further into the plushie before attempting to sit up, covering her mouth politely while she let out a quiet yawn. She wrapped her arms around the plushie and placed it on her legs in front of her, hugging it tightly to her chest while she gathered her bearings.

"I made you a little something to eat, you must be really hungry. Don't worry if you can't eat it all though..." Eli said, hesitantly as she picked up the tray and placed it in Nozomi's view.

When Nozomi saw that Eli had made her her absolute favourite food and even nicely decorated it with a beautiful flower on the side, she felt her brain short-circuit. What were words anyway? She was astonished at the clear amount of effort Eli had put into her meal. She was extremely grateful but she couldn't deny the feelings of guilt she felt as Eli went to so much trouble, especially since Nozomi still didn't really fancy eating anything.

But the longer she looked at the delicious meal in front of her, the more she was enticed to eat it, after all Eli had made it for her. She couldn't let it go to waste. After a quick mental battle with herself she broke out of her conflicting thoughts and gave Eli a smile and thanked her for the food.

She felt a little uneasy as she placed the tray on her lap and eyed the food, stumbling grumbling and mouth-watering. It did look and smell incredible, she had to admit. But after going a while without eating she felt uncomfortable eating in front of others - especially Eli. The thought of Eli finding her disgusting for her eating habits saddened her immensely - even if she wasn't completely sure why Eli would have that opinion as she thought she ate like many others did but the voice in her head seemed to think otherwise.

However as soon as Eli put on an adorable puppy-dog face, pleading for Nozomi to take a bite of the creation that she had put her blood, sweat and tears into, Nozomi finally caved in - giggled a little and went to take a small bite. She was doing it for Eli after all, so it was okay wasn't it?

After spearing a piece of the meat and placing it in her mouth, letting the flavours dance on her tongue as she chewed she felt her stomach plead for more and more. It was absolutely deliciously cooked it was done just the way she liked it. The beef was so tender and the vegetables were crunchy and packed with flavour. Eli definitely was a master in creating culinary delights.

As she chewed on her meal, making sure to eat it slowly so she could get used to it and try to convince her brain that having this meal was a positive thing and that she deserved to eat, she took another glance at the white lily that decorated the tray. It was indeed beautiful and elegant. She was very flattered, even if it didn't seem like much to others the offer meant more to Nozomi than anyone could imagine.

Eli smiled sweetly as she watched the purplette cutely chew on her food, happiness shining in her eyes. It made Eli feel good that Nozomi seemed to be happy and genuinely enjoying the food. It had been a while since Eli had seen Nozomi crack such an adorable, genuine smile - it had been way too long. She definitely wanted to make sure she could make Nozomi show off her perfect smile more often, no matter what she had to do in order to make it happen. Heck, she would sacrifice any amount of her precious chocolate just to see Nozomi happy. There would be tons of chocolate in the world and plenty of opportunities to enjoy it but there was only one Nozomi and there would only be so long they could spend together.

Watching Nozomi eat with such a cute look of enjoyment sent Eli's heart racing, causing her to stare at Nozomi with a look of doting affection, as if Nozomi was her own precious child. After a while Nozomi was still eating but Eli decided to give Nozomi some peace to finish her meal, so she got up and left the room, leaving Nozomi in the quiet room all by herself.  She trusted her to finish the meal. She had to have faith and trust in her. She was still the ever-reliable best friend she had had these past few years after all. She was just going through a hard time and Eli would be damned if she didn't try her hardest to help.

Eli was still hesitant about leaving the room but she couldn't help but feel forceful at the way she pleaded for Nozomi to eat, even though it was for her own good and health. She made a mental note to apologise later but then decided to just leave Nozomi by herself for a little so she could have some time to think.

She decided she would text μ's and tell them how she was getting on as she was sure they would be hounding her about it and desperately wanting to know how their metaphorical mother was getting on. She was not at all surprised when she turned on her phone and was greeted by a mirage of texts from each member, expressing their worries about Nozomi's wellbeing.

Eli giggled slightly at the sight of Umi's particularly thorough message, which ending up including giving Eli an entire rundown on how to check Nozomi was okay and to make sure to tell her if there were any slight problems or suspicions that she had about the purplette.

_'Typical Umi.'_

The more light-hearted of the messages were of course from Honoka and Rin but also, surprisingly, Nico. Eli knew Nozomi and Nico were actually quite close, besides the occasional teasing wars that they found themselves sucked into, but she never expected Nico to show this much care towards her, especially since she was normally one to deny her true feelings when it comes to caring about people (similar to Maki really)

Their kind words of support for Nozomi made Eli's heart flip: they truly loved and cared for her, which Eli had known all along. They even left little messages for Eli to pass on to the purplette. The most entertaining was Nico's as it went from things like;

_"Make sure you get better okay!? Or I'll have to come over there and sort you out myself!"_

To other more cutesy and lighthearted things like;

_"Thank you for everything, remember to keep smiling and being you! Nico Nico Nii!~"_

Eli could practically picture Nico doing her hand-pose in her mind like she was so prone to doing. Honestly, now she thought about it the entire group were incredibly close but also very strange, but that was what made them amazing.   
After typing a few essays in reply about how Nozomi was seeming to feel a bit better and was currently enjoying a nice homemade meal, Eli reached into her pocket and pulled out a familiar phone that belonged to the purplette.

She had been internally debating on whether or not to give it back to Nozomi. On the one hand nowadays people need their phones, Nozomi would want some type of glimpse into the outside world and Eli was planning to communicate with Nozomi lots when she was at school and the shrine maiden would still be cooped-up in bed. But on the other hand there could be more cruel comments that could restart Nozomi on another downward spiral, which Eli really really REALLY did not want. She couldn't bare seeing Nozomi in such a state ever again. Just remembering it sent tears to her eyes, which she quickly blinked away.

After a bit of internal battling Eli made her decision and got up, deciding to go check on the person of everyone's worries.

She knocked gently on the door, making it evident to Nozomi that she was going to enter as she didn't want to suddenly barge in and invade Nozomi's privacy. Upon hearing a quiet hum that reassured her she was good to enter, she turned to doorknob and pushed open the door, revealing the purplette sitting on the edge of the bed, staring out of the window, seemingly in deep thought.

Eli's eyes searched around for any sign of the tray or the meal she had cooked and when she landed on it, she walked over and inspected it, making sure Nozomi had eaten it. She was glad to find the plate was indeed empty, she also noticed the disappearance of the hand-picked lily, but as she turned her head back towards the purplette she noticed how she was holding said lily close to her chest, as if afraid to let it go.

Eli smiled and picked up the tray, taking it back to the kitchen before appearing back in the room and sitting beside the purplette. 

"I hope you enjoyed your meal, I'm very proud of you for eating it all." Eli said, placing a hand on one of Nozomi's shoulders. It felt rather bony to touch but Eli quickly shrugged off any of those analytical thoughts. She was on the road to recovery, that's what mattered. She would get better. Her body would fill out properly again and Eli would have her best friend back. 

Nozomi turned to look at her and replied with a small smile, Eli could instantly detect some nervousness behind that smile but chose not to bring it up. She chalked it up to the fact that she had just eaten a full meal after not doing so for so long.

"Here you go..." Eli said softly, handing the purplette her phone, which Nozomi graciously accepted, thanking her. The way Nozomi's face lit up like a Christmas tree made Eli giggle softly as she watched Nozomi admiringly as she turned on her phone and read an onslaught of texts from the others, asking her if she was okay and making sure that Eli was taking proper care of her.

Nozomi smiled widely as she replied to the worried texts of her friends before switching off her phone and throwing her arms around the blonde and whispering a calm "Thank you..." into her ear.

Eli was taken back a bit by Nozomi's sudden hug but quickly relaxed into it and held the purplette close, gently stroking her soft purple locks and breathing in the faint smell of incense that clung onto Nozomi's slim body. No more words needed to be said at that moment. Actions spoke louder than words after all.

They just held each other tightly  for a while, trading their warmth, which told each other a thousand words that had gone unsaid by the pair. Feelings of safety and affection washed through both of their bodies, providing comfort for them, making them reluctant to pull away. As they did their eyes met, baby blue stared into turquoise. Their eyes shining lovingly into each other's, Eli looked down happily while Nozomi looked more in awe, taking in every beautiful feature on the blonde's face as if etching it into her memory.

The only sounds they could hear were the frantic beating coming from their racing hearts as their surroundings seemed to be drowned out. The only things that existed in those moments were each other.

They stayed that way for a few moments until they broke out of their haze upon hearing loud knocking coming from Eli's front door.

Eli bounced up and rushed towards the door, having a hunch of who may be on the other side, and opened it to reveal the familiar sight of her other 7 close friends. 

"Hiiii Eli-chan!" Honoka immediately bellowed, bounding up to the front of the group and flashing a goofy grin.

"W-what are you guys doing here?" Asked Eli, even though she could easily guess the reason why.

"We came to see how Nozomi-chan is of course nya!" Rin chimed in, running up to Honoka's side, dragging Hanayo along with her.

"And to make sure you're taking care of her properly!" Nico huffed, folding her arms, clearly concerned about Nozomi's wellbeing being in Eli's hands. Nico knew how Eli could get around their friend and despite knowing that she cared deeply for her it didn't mean she wouldn't make her fair share of mistakes. Honestly Eli could be such a bumbling lovesick fool around Nozomi and Nico knew that that wouldn't help at all.

Eli laughed at her friends' eagerness to check up on their fellow member and even Nico's sour comment, knowing she meant well. The blonde invited them in and watched as they all ran ahead into the room where Nozomi was situated, a huge smile plastered on her face.

"Nozomiiii-channnn!!~"

"Yay, you're okay!"

"We missed you!"

"GROUP HUG NYA!"

"Rin-chan, don't crush everyone!"

_'We really are just like a family aren't we?'..._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you enjoyed this chapter, Thankyou for all your continuous support. Thankyou for reading this as well, it really means a lot.  
> Hope you are all having a great day and that you are all happy and taking care of yourselves.   
> ~ Dusk


	8. A New Start

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Nozomi begins her recovery journey with Eli's help.

The rest of the day flew by in a blur for both Eli and Nozomi. Everyone did their best to be extra energetic and kind for Nozomi's benefit, even Nico and Maki managed to get along with no fuss which was refreshing, especially for Nozomi as she could always sense something between them even if they wouldn't admit it. Denseness and stubbornness seemed to be a revolving problem surrounding many people's love troubles and that was certainly no different regarding the members of μ's.

By the time everyone had said their farewells and headed home it was pitch black outside, besides the faint glowing from the street lamps and twinkling from the stars above that dotted the sky. 

They had managed to help Nozomi crack a few smiles and even burst into giggles at some points, which Eli fondly remembered as she couldn't help but feel her heart leap around in her chest at the sight of the girl she loved being happy, despite everything that was going on. Eli just hoped those were genuine as she knew Nozomi was one to hide her problems away behind a mask. It was infuriating for Eli to watch when she could tell her friend was hiding something, but she would hate to make her uncomfortable or cause any disputes, so she tended to keep her mouth closed and tried to be supportive and encouraging whenever possible.

But recently due to Nozomi's conditions, Eli had been able to attempt to break a hole through those masks that she wore, she had witnessed the purplette let out her bottled-up emotions which, although was incredibly painful to witness Nozomi like that, was a good sign. It meant Nozomi might be able to open up to Eli more and let out what she was truly feeling, well Eli hoped so but she knew how Nozomi was and how she would always put up a strong front to stop others from worrying, which had become a rather toxic habit but Eli knew Nozomi meant well, even if it ended up hurting herself more in the process: it showed she cared so much about her friends that she would go to such extreme lengths to ensure them she was okay and didn't need to be fussed over. 

While everyone viewed Nozomi as a strong individual, Eli knew the sad truth of how vulnerable and insecure she really was and how if she dug deep enough she could reach the negative thoughts that swarmed through Nozomi's mind and effected her a rather great deal. But there were small windows of opportunity where Nozomi let herself become vulnerable, even if for just short moments. Eli wanted to be ready for then, so she could finally understand just what was going through Nozomi's mind. It had always been a mystery to her, one that she wanted desperately to uncover more than ever now.

But that night Eli was able to witness another part of that mask, that Nozomi worked so hard to keep up, crack some more. After everyone had left both girls were indeed exhausted, after all you could only take so much of Rin and Honoka's constant energy and decided to get ready for bed.

Eli quickly shook off her casual green long sleeve shirt and clipped off the suspenders, before kicking down her pants and throwing a simple nightdress on her body. She didn't even bother leaving the room Nozomi was in, if she was being truthful she didn't mind if Nozomi watched her. The thought of that even being possible made Eli blush profusely but she shook that thought away as she turned back round to face the tired purplette, who was rubbing her eyes gently.

Eli then walked up to her sleepy friend and made sure to tuck Nozomi deeply and safely into the covers, as well as covering her in various fluffy blankets and littering the area around her head with pillows. As the icing on the cake Eli grabbed the tanuki plushie and placed it into Nozomi's hold and watched as the purplette hugged it tightly and let it rest beside her.

"Goodnight Nozomi...Sweet dreams..." Eli whispered, caressing Nozomi's soft cheek. However just as she turned away she felt something, or rather someone, grab onto her wrist tightly. Nozomi felt a growing anxiety rising from the depths of her stomach as she watched Eli turn to leave. She didn't know why but she suddenly felt very scared. Eli whipped her head around and came face to face with Nozomi, her face held a panicked expression, as if she felt Eli would leave her forever.

"Nozomi?" Eli asked, intrigued but also worried about her friend's strange behaviour as she registered the death grip that the purplette had on her. Nozomi looked down, not meeting Eli's worried gaze anymore and tried to croak out a string of words. 

"P-please don't go..."

Eli's heart broke at the sight of Nozomi looking so lost and vulnerable. 

"I'm sorry, this is selfish of me..." She added, letting go of Eli's wrist and in turn breaking Eli's heart even more than she thought possible. This wasn't the girl she knew, or maybe it was the side of her she had hidden away starting to show itself. Either way Eli wanted nothing more but to ease the girl's concerns so she smiled sweetly back and took Nozomi's hand back. 

"It's not selfish at all and I wouldn't dream of it."

Eli could see the hesitation in Nozomi's eyes, showing that she was scared to admit what she wanted but Eli knew exactly what it was. She took her hair out of it's ponytail, letting it flow loosely around her shoulders and then upturned one side of the bed covers.

Making sure to turn on her usual nightlight to help ward off her fear of the darkness, hoping it wouldn't disturb the purplette, she then laid herself down right beside Nozomi. The blonde faced the ceiling until she felt a sudden weight on her shoulder, upon looking down she noticed it was Nozomi resting her head on her, her face seeming relaxed as if the intense look of panic that previously plagued her features had never happened.

"Y-you won't leave will you?" Nozomi squeaked, clinging onto Eli's arm, a bit of the worry resurfacing on her gentle features. Eli's gaze softened at Nozomi's new-found clingy side. It was so rare for Nozomi to ask for what she wanted. Eli didn't feel like leaving nor did she want to.

"I promise, I'll be right here for you all night and I'll still be here when you wake up in the morning." She could feel Nozomi's body relax, showing that her words had reassured her enough that she felt safe. Eli peered down at the purplette as she watched her eyes become droopy and flicker until her emerald irises were concealed away out of sight.

It was that moment where Eli could truly realise just how much Nozomi's body had thinned due to her condition; Her bones were definitely standing out more and her face that was usually more rounded, which Eli always thought was adorable, was now sharper like the edge of a blade. Her head soon became clouded with worry, but she reassured herself that Nozomi was going to get better, she refused to give up on her - on the girl she loved dearly.

But Eli was also aware that she would have to go back to school tomorrow, without Nozomi as she was in no condition to return. She would just have to trust that the purplette would take care of herself, which worried her even more. The gentle sound of breathing brought Eli out of her thoughts as she noticed Nozomi was asleep.

_'Wow, she really must have been tired. '_

Eli couldn't help but observe Nozomi as she slept; the gentle rising and falling of her chest, the subtle way her hand still gripped onto Eli, the relaxed expression she bore (a complete 180 from previously in the day) and the way Nozomi's head unconsciously nuzzled deeper into Eli's shoulder at random intervals. It warmed Eli's heart to know that Nozomi would be safe during the night, Eli would be able to keep protective watch over her and make sure she was okay.

With this in mind Eli, herself, began to feel drowsy, especially after such a mentally taxing day, and she began to succumb into the darkness, being the most at peace she had been in a long time.

~~~

_BEEP!_   
  
  


_BEEP!_   
  
  


_BEEP!_   
  
  


Eli's eyes slowly sprang open, revealing her dazed-looking baby blue irises. She groaned and threw her arm over the side of her bed, snoozing her alarm and luckily avoiding knocking anything else off the bedside table. She gently wiped her eyes, trying to properly take in her surroundings. When she did however, she noticed that she was missing the presence of a certain purple-haired shrine maiden.

Her senses heightened in a flash as she frantically searched her room for any sign of her friend, but saw no trace of her. Without thinking she shot up off her bed and charged out of her bedroom and into the kitchen, only to find the girl she was searching for was occupying herself at one of the counters, seemingly making something - which smelled particularly delicious.

"Good morning Elicchi!" Nozomi greeted her, turning to face the blonde with a huge smile on her face, putting an ease to Eli's worrying.

"Good morning Nozomi!" Eli replied, walking up to observe what she was doing.

"I made some breakfast for you, are pancakes okay?" The purplette said, gesturing towards the stack of pancakes that she had freshly prepared, which had been drizzled in some tempting chocolate sauce. Eli almost drooled at the sight but quickly managed to hold it back.

"Of course they are! But you shouldn't be making food, you're the guest after all!"

"It can be a small thank you gift for taking care of me."

Nevertheless she graciously accepted her breakfast offering and took her pancakes to the table, inviting Nozomi to sit down with her. Straightaway Eli noticed how rather than food, Nozomi only carried in with her a partially-filled glass of water, causing a slight frown to creep to the surface of Eli's mouth. She guessed Nozomi couldn't go back to eating full meals at all points of the day straightaway, she just made a mental note to make sure Nozomi showed her proof of the lunch she eats and Eli would make sure to help her family make a nice, hearty dinner for the purplette.

Eli politely ate her pancakes, marvelling at how appetising they were while engaging in some light conversation with the girl sat opposite her.

"I should probably go get changed for school..." Nozomi started, rising from her seat.

"Nooo you don't!" Eli interupted, poking Nozomi gently on the forehead.  

"You are in no condition to be going back there, you need to get some rest, school will just have to wait."

A slight frown made it's way into Nozomi's face, sending a dagger of guilt to Eli's heart. 

"I want to make sure you're okay...me and the others are worried sick...we only want you to be happy and healthy and safe...we don't think it's best for you to return until you are feeling a bit better. The last thing you need is the extra stress from school and the student council."

"B-but what about practise?" Nozomi made a puppy-dog face up at Eli, her turquoise eyes shimmering with gentle tears that threatened to surface.

"I think it's best if we stop you from going for a week and then see how you are. If you exercise as intensely as we always do in practice it could worsen your condition...but I promise you'll be able to come back soon. I just want to make sure you're okay...I care about you...we all do..."

Eli's voice was sweet and soothing like honey, creating a warm and fuzzy feeling in the shrine maiden's stomach. Nozomi blinked, her eyes wide, but kept silent. Eli sensed that there was more worrying her than what she let on. It didn't take long for her to realise what it was: Nozomi was scared to be alone.

After the isolated life she had been living for so long, Eli knew that Nozomi tended to get lonely very easily, no matter how much she reassured others that she was fine. The blonde really didn't want to leave her but she couldn't really skip school, being the student council president and all, but she would make sure to contact Nozomi whenever she got a free second in the day.

It would be odd going through the school day without Nozomi by her side, she could not deny that but it would make coming home later all the more special.

"Hey...don't worry...I'll be sure to check up on you as soon as I can and when I get back we can do whatever you want, okay? Just promise me you'll take it easy. No strenuous tasks or secret exercise sessions...and please make sure to try and get something to eat while I'm gone? For me?"

Eli tried her best to replicate the puppy-dog look that previously plagued Nozomi's face. The purplette had to admit, she could not say no to that lovable face.

"O-okay, I'll try my best for you Elicchi."

Eli smiled in return.

"That's all I could ever ask for."

After finishing up their breakfasts, Eli left to get changed into her uniform while Nozomi offered to wash-up, or rather she just went and did it anyway. After finishing her morning ritual, Eli emerged from the bathroom to find her younger sister now awake and engaged in a conversation with Nozomi. Not able to resist cracking a smile, Eli walked into the room, managing not to catch any of the discussion.

Eli greeted them both and made sure Alisa was ready to set off for school, while Nozomi sat back and lovingly watched the two Ayase sisters interact, feeling a twinge of happiness take over, causing a genuine smile to form.

After a few moments of Eli fussing over her younger sibling, they both bed farewell to Nozomi, Eli making sure to leave her mother's contact number on a notepad just in case of any emergencies, courtesy of the frequent nagging worries the blonde had in the back of her mind. She was hoping it wouldn't come to using it, but she guessed it couldn't hurt to be careful.

The second Eli closed the front door behind her she desperately wanted to push it back open again, run straight into Nozomi's arms and promise that she would never be alone and would never leave her. The feeling was so strong, even Alisa could pick it up and sense Eli was distressed.

"Is something wrong Onee-chan?" She asked innocently.

As much as Eli hated to lie to her own sister, she couldn't possibly tell her what was really fully happening, she was still trying to process it all herself.

"Everything's fine Alisa." She nodded, before starting to steer the conversation to a more light-hearted topic as they walked to their school's, remembering to split up to go their separate ways as they usually did.

~~~

Eli sighed and threw her bag down on the chair, that would usually be occupied. She had only just arrived at the student council office and was already feeling rather lonely without the usual antics of her friend to keep her spirits up. Eli had to admit, everything had been noticeably quieter without her here. But it was for Nozomi's own health and safety so Eli told herself she couldn't be selfish and put Nozomi through much more stress than she was already dealing with.

In an attempt to distract herself she plopped herself down in her usual seat and began sifting through the large piles of documents she had yet to sort out. It already looked like it was going to be a long, difficult week just from first glance. She quickly decided, as she had a free few minutes to spare, to text Nozomi to ask how she was doing.

 ** _Elichika_** 🍫 ** _:_** _Hi Nozomi, I've arrived at the school, I hope you're doing okay ^~^._

It didn't take long before Eli received a reply from the purplette, which eased her worries a thousandfold.

 ** _Non-tan_** 🔮💜 ** _:_** _I'm really glad you've got there safely Elicchi (_ ＾▽＾ _) Be sure to not work too hard today and take care of everyone during practice for me! I miss youuu! (_ ノ﹏ヽ _)_

Eli smiled admiringly at the sweet text she had just received. No matter what they were talking about, Eli always felt a huge wave of warmth wash over her whenever she talked to Nozomi. The aura's Nozomi's texts emitted were utterly captivating to the blonde.

 _'How cute'_ Eli thought.

After a bit of back-and-forth texting Eli had to leave to go to class, even though she desperately wished she could just keep on talking to Nozomi forever, as the Student Council President truanting class would be a definite no-no. Even though she would gladly receive an ear-full from a teacher if she could get to converse with her purple-haired friend even just a little longer, she had to still think of her education.

So she bid farewell to Nozomi, shut off her phone and hurried down the corridors to her first lesson, arriving with just a few minutes to spare.

~~~

As the day progressed Eli found it harder and harder to pay attention to whatever pointless drabble her teachers were attempting to teach her. Eli's mind was too clouded with thoughts about her friend to even consider working out some silly equations. They could figure themselves out for all she cared. Sitting in class and trying to learn was the last thing she needed. But there was nothing she could do besides endure the day, contact Nozomi whenever she possibly could and just look forward to seeing her again at the end of the day.

After a tiring day Eli was making her way home, excited to be able to see Nozomi again. Even though it had only been a few hours, she felt as if she hadn't seen Nozomi in years; her long, elegant purple hair, her enthralling turquoise eyes, her soothing voice and just the genuine happiness and affability that Eli felt whenever in her presence. The more they were apart, the more Eli missed these little things that she could always see when she was in the company of the other girl. It was the little things that made life better.

Although she thoroughly enjoyed practice, she couldn't deny how different things were without Nozomi by her side. Luckily she managed to keep her calm and ended up having a pretty good practice session, besides that inescapable feeling of something, or rather someone, being missing - making the group incomplete - that lingered in the air.

Suddenly as if on cue, Eli's phone buzzed, causing her to avert her attention to it, before tapping the 'Accept Call' option as it flashed on the screen.

"Hello, is this Ayase Eli?"

The formal tone in the person's voice was instantly recognisable. It was the doctor she had spoken to at the hospital.

"Yes, it is." Was all she could force herself to reply with, her anxiety increasing expeditiously.

"I am calling to inform you about something's we will need you to do in regards to your friend, Tojo Nozomi." Hearing her best friend's name said in such an official and formal way seemed foreign to Eli.

"We think it is best if you contact her parents, as they will need to be aware of her current condition. She probably won't be happy but we can't not let them know. Also we will have to ask you to go to the pharmacy, we have prescribed some antidepressants for her that she will need to take regularly. I'll send you the prescription through message that you'll need to show to the person at the counter."

Taking in all the information made Eli dazed but the second she heard the word 'antidepressant' her heart shattered.

_'Nozomi, of all people, needs to take antidepressants?!'_

It seemed too cruel to be true, but Eli knew it was real. Terrifyingly horrible but real.

Eli continued to listen and respond to the doctors instructions and then changed her direction to that of the pharmacy, having to text Alisa to walk home without her. She hated to do it but she couldn't let Alisa come along, it would destroy her little sister to know what was really happening, especially after how close she was getting to Nozomi and how highly she thought of her. It was for the best.

Upon arriving at the pharmacy Eli walked up to the counter, taking in the huge array of different medicines that surrounded her on various shelves. She hadn't had to go to the pharmacy or the doctors often, besides on the odd occasion when Alisa was ill, but it had always given her an uneasy feeling in her stomach. Being surrounded by so many different medical-related things made Eli uncomfortable, especially in the situation her closest friend was currently in. But regardless she put on a brave smile and presented the woman at the counter the image of Nozomi's prescription that the doctor had sent her.

After checking its authenticity the woman nodded and went to retrieve what was needed and arrived back a few minutes later, holding a small, labelled, orange-coloured container. Eli accepted the container and finished her transaction, making her way out of the pharmacy and started heading in the direction of her home.

Now that Eli could feel the weight of the pills in the container, it just resonated the strong feeling that this was indeed real life.

_'How could someone who seems so positive and optimistic, be so sad to the point where they have to take these? '_

The fact that it was Nozomi, Eli's absolutely closest friend, made the situation a million times worse. With a heavy heart she raced herself home as fast as possible, desperate to see that the purplette was okay with her own two eyes.

As soon as she stepped inside the house she saw Nozomi, who looked like she had patiently waiting for her. Immediately she saw Nozomi light up and dart straight for her, enveloping Eli in a giant bear hug. 

"Elicchi! Welcome home!"

As worried as she was, Eli had admit it was one of the best greetings she had ever received. But as she could feel the warmth from Nozomi seeping into her own skin, her worries melted away as she could confirm that the girl she deeply cared for was in fact alive and in one piece. But it didn't escape the fact Eli couldn't definitely see just how pale Nozomi still was, despite having supposedly eaten a lot more. But she knew how hard it must be Nozomi, especially having to be alone for most of the day while trying to convince herself to eat in order to recover, so she knew the last thing Nozomi would need at the moment was a lecture. However, she still had to tell Nozomi was she had been told to do by the doctors, even though she could instantly tell the purplette wouldn't be very happy with it.

After breaking apart from the hug, Eli gave Nozomi a comforting smile before leading her into the bedroom, scared for how this next conversation would turn out. Eli signalled for Nozomi to sit down on the bed beside her, waiting until she felt the bed dip slightly under Nozomi's weight.

"I got a call from the hospital."

Just from those words Eli felt Nozomi tense up slightly, she knew that Nozomi knew that something bad was coming. The blonde grabbed one of Nozomi's hands in hers, reassuringly, attempting to lessen the purplette's worries.

"I know you may not like it, but... firstly we'll have to contact your parents about everything that's happened..."

Instantly Nozomi's expression changed from worry to holy-crap-I've-just-seen-a-ghost terrified. Never before had Eli seen Nozomi so frightened, even though she had seen many equally heartbreaking expressions from her recently.

"Hey, don't worry...it's all going to be okay. I'll do all the talking which will help soften the blow. I know they'll just want you to be okay, just like the rest of us do."

Nozomi didn't respond, instead just looked down at her lap to avoid looking into Eli's eyes. Eli could tell Nozomi was retreating back into herself but she wasn't going to give up. Eli persevered and attempted to get a look at Nozomi's hidden expression, just barely managing to catch Nozomi's eyes begin to shimmer.

The sight made Eli want to burst out crying alongside her but she had to keep strong. Nozomi needed that from her, even though she would never say that. 

"Hey, it's going to be okay I promise...." 

The blonde gently cupped her chin and brought Nozomi's head up to face hers, teary turquoise eyes met reassuring blue.

That's when the waterworks started. Having to watch Nozomi break down in front of her again was heart wrenching.

She was clearly badly afraid of how her parents would react and Eli, herself, was curious to what they would do. After all they hadn't played much of a role in her life as she had lived alone for so long, her parents always away for one reason or another. But Eli admired deeply how much of a great person Nozomi was, despite not having someone properly teach her how to act or even to take care of her properly. Nozomi had figured everything out for herself. Eli had always been close to her family and couldn't imagine life without them, but it was completely different for Nozomi, so she couldn't possibly imagine the dreaded loneliness she had been feeling all her life.

_'Just how would her parents react? '_

They had left her all by herself for so long.

_'Would they even do anything at all? '_

Through every hardship or illness, Nozomi had conquered them all by herself. Eli wasn't surprised that Nozomi was introverted and closed in on herself, even if she desperately wished she wouldn't. But having had no one to initially talk to about her problems, she had most likely become accustomed to dealing with everything by herself. 

_'No, of course they would. Nozomi is their own daughter!'_

But yet Nozomi was the best person at helping others with their problems. Without the purplette, Eli was certain she would have been completely stuck and lost. Nozomi was Eli's anchor to reality, always keeping her at bay.

But now looking at Nozomi's state, she clearly was lost deep in her mind, which Eli guessed was currently not a good place to be. The blonde wanted so badly to calm her, to be able to become Nozomi's anchor to reality.

She could only imagine the negative thoughts that were brewing up there. It was then that Eli remembered the pills. She dug her hand into her pockets and brought out a container that contained lots of small white cylindrical consumables.

"The doctor also said you should take these to help you feel better..."

She extended her arm out towards Nozomi and watched as the purplette dried her eyes and hesitantly took the container out of Eli's hands, looking it over. She examined the dosage labelled on the container and popped open the cap, before spilling out a few of the pills into her other palm.

Eli retreated quickly out of the room and came back holding a glass of water. She passed the glass to Nozomi, who reluctantly swallowed the pills as fast as possible and washed them down with a few gulps of water. After managing to keep the pills down her face formed a sour expression from the taste and feeling of the medication as it began to travel through her body.

Eli relaxed a little as she knew the pills would help and would soon take effect, hopefully keeping Nozomi calm enough so they could make the call to her parents.

"Let's go give them a call. After we have done we can watch a film together, how does that sound?"

Nozomi hummed in agreeance, definitely seeming to have calmed down substantially. 

"That sounds lovely Elicchi."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading this chapter and I hope you are all having fun, taking proper care of yourself, eating and staying hydrated :) If you ever do feel bad about eating just remember you are perfect as you are, everyone needs to eat and drink no matter what so please remember to feed yourselves.  
> ~Dusk


	9. The Thoughts That Won't Go Away

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Nozomi's parents are notified, Eli worries and things become too much.

Telling Nozomi's parents had been an extremely petrifying experience for both girls. It had definitely been different to what both of the girls had expected to happen that was for sure. But when they thought about it more, they weren't surprised. After all Nozomi's parents hadn't really seen or properly spoken to Nozomi in years. With a maintained distant relationship between them it could only mean trouble.

It started by Eli bringing out her phone and tapping on Nozomi's parents number, which she had secretly kept just in case she needed to make a call for emergencies but she never thought she would end up having to use it - especially under the current situation. With Nozomi at her side, she took a deep breath, readying herself for whatever reactions she would have to deal with and pressed the 'Call' button. At first the call went okay, or as okay as it could have gone despite the circumstances but then Eli remembered the reason for calling and gulped, not ready to say it out loud as it would be like admitting it was all real. That it was really happening to the girl she loved, to Nozomi.

After a few minutes of mental preparation she put on the most serious voice she could muster, without it sounding too threatening, and explained the situation, filling the purplette's parents in on everything. Meanwhile Nozomi buried her head into Eli's shoulder, gripping the blonde's free hand tightly in her own. This panicked Eli a bit.

 _'It was just her parents? What could possibly go wrong? '_ She thought, blissfully unaware of how naïve she was.

As Eli talked she noticed how quiet the voice on the other end of the line had gone and dreaded what she would hear after her spiel was over. The blonde did her very best to assure Nozomi's parents that Eli would take care of her properly and she would make sure she was happy and healthy once again.

But what Eli was replied with shocked her even further.

**_"So, she brought this on herself then?..."_ **

Eli had no idea how to reply to that. This was one reaction she had definitely not thought of. Half of her wanted to yell back down the phone while the other half silenced her, forcing her to sit completely still, seething in silent rage. Nozomi was hurting so badly and yet her parents didn't seem the least bit concerned at all. If anything they seemed angry at Nozomi!

_'How could they talk about Nozomi in such a way, never mind the fact that she's their own daughter!? '_

Shooting a death glare down the phone that had the power to cut through anyone, she wondered whether to give Nozomi's parents a good talking to but decided against it when she felt tears run down her shoulders, remembering that Nozomi was in the room with her and was witnessing the entire conversation unfold. Flying off the handle would only hurt her more. Even if they were neglectful and were not handling the situation well, they were still her parents - the only ones she had.

_'Were Nozomi's parents always like this towards her? '_

_'If they were why didn't she tell me? '_

Truthfully Eli didn't actually know that much about Nozomi's family at all, only that they were usually always away and had left Nozomi by herself for most of her life. Nozomi had kept rather quiet about that aspect of her life as Eli didn't want to push anything, knowing that it was probably a touchy subject. 

Turning her head back to the upset Nozomi, Eli knew she couldn't just listen to Nozomi's mother spouting such horrible nonsense. She had to do something. She couldn't stand to see Nozomi so sad, especially when she just wanted some help and support. She had spent so long keeping things to herself and now Eli had managed to help her try to reach out for help and she was getting a terrible response. She didn't want Nozomi to feel like she couldn't ask for help anymore because of this experience, that would only makes things much worse. Her protective instincts kicking in, Eli pushed all the nagging thoughts and worries to the back of her mind, a determined glint appearing in her eyes.

"Why would you say that about your own daughter?!" Eli probed, gripping tighter onto Nozomi's hand that she had been holding, in an attempt to calm both, herself, and Nozomi.

**_"What way Ayase-san? I'm simply stating the situation like it is."_ **

Eli was definitely not expecting to be having a conversation like THIS. She had prepared for some panic and tears but instead received something worse.

"Aren't you at least worried about her!? This isn't easy for her you know!"

**_"She'll survive. She should know she would have to deal with hardships, just like she did as a child, that's just how life is."_ **

The monotonous tone in Nozomi's mother's voice spooked Eli. There was no sign of any concern or worry in her voice. It was almost as if nothing had happened. Yet to Eli, her life had crumbled the second she saw Nozomi in pain.

_'How could her own mother be like this? '_

_'And what did she mean by 'just like she did as a child'?'_

At this point Eli was too riled up with emotions and un-said words that were desperate to escape, so she quickly steered the conversation to a close and hung up, trying her best not to throw her phone down in a fit of rage.

She looked back at Nozomi and saw her with her head hung low, her purple bangs hiding her face away, making Eli unable to detect what expression she was making. However it wouldn't take a lot to guess that it wouldn't be a happy one. In the moment Eli took the chance to quickly throw her arms around her close friend and just hold her tightly.

Nozomi flinched a little at the unexpected contact but rapidly calmed down and melted into the embrace, letting herself be comforted. She needed this. She needed Eli to help her feel better.

"I'm so sorry your parents are like that." Eli apologised, wondering whether this was how they had always been. 

"Have they always been this way?" She hesitantly added, wondering whether to bring up a possibly sensitive topic after what just took place.

Nozomi nodded slowly, causing Eli to be taken over by an emotion that she hadn't experienced since she looked at all those cruel messages that were addressed to her close friend; Hate. Hate towards such horrible parents that have neglected their only child for years on end and then are not even bothered when she was going through a rough time and was in need of support, that she had lacked her entire life.

_'Could her parent's attitude be to do with why Nozomi has had to live by herself for so long? '_

_'Did something happen with them when she was young?'_

She decided those questions would have to wait as it was clear Nozomi would be in no condition to give any answers at the moment.

After the emotional ordeal Eli decided it would be nice for them both to be able to spend some relaxing quality time together, in order to take the previous conversation off their mind for now. Dwelling on it would do no good - however Eli made a mental note to have a serious talk with Nozomi's parents at a later date. She wanted some answers from them and was going to get them even if it was the last thing she did.

"I think it's time we did something together. How about we watch a film and get a take-away? You deserve a nice rest after everything you've been through." Eli proposed, earning a cute smile in return from Nozomi. 

"I would like that a lot Elicchi."

However for a moment Eli noticed a flicker of change in the purplette's expression; going from happy to sad in an instant, before quickly being replaced with another smile. It was disheartening to notice that Nozomi still felt the need to use that mask of hers. Something must have been on Nozomi's mind, but considering everything that had been happening recently it could be a multitude of things that were causing her to overthink. Eli just hoped she could use the time they spend together as an advantage to help chase those cruel thoughts away.

With this in mind Eli rose from her seated position, bringing Nozomi up with her and kept a tight grip on her hand.

"Let's get going then, I know of a great Japanese take-away we could order from..."

~~~

After they both mulled over the many choices on the take-away menu, Eli insisted Nozomi on choosing the film of course, as it was only fair and she would have happily sat through anything as long as she got to be with Nozomi.

After a bit of waiting, the take-away arrived and they were presented with lots of small containers filled to the brim with enough different types of Japanese food to satisfy anyone's hunger: from udon to katsu chicken. Eli hoped that this would encourage Nozomi to eat, even if it was just small things at first at least she was eating and at least it was something substantial, even if it wasn't the most nutritional of choices they could have picked. Everyone needed something to treat themselves with every now and then, too much of most things whether they were good or not could have their knock-on effects.

Having made her decision, Nozomi placed the DVD disk in the player and watched as the television flickered to life. Eli laid down on the sofa, surrounded by a very comfy and fluffy looking pile of blankets and pillows. She scooted further back into the sofa cushions, allowing some room to be freed up and gestured for the purplette to lay down beside her, to which Nozomi gladly did.

Eli took the opportunity to cuddle up close to Nozomi, trading each other's body heat which calmed them both down. After a few minutes of mentally fighting with herself, Eli managed to gather up the courage to tightly wrap her arms around Nozomi's body and hold her in a warm embrace.

For a brief moment Eli feared that Nozomi would try to break free but instead she seemed to settle down further and nuzzle into Eli's hold, reassuring the blonde that she was comfortable with what she was doing.

While her thoughts were floating around all over the place, happily dancing at the action of being able to practically cuddle Nozomi, they were halted as the very cause of her happiness spoke. 

"Thank you Elicchi."

Her voice was soft and gentle as it always was, but even more so, just like how it used to be,

_'There you are.'_

It almost seemed like Nozomi was slowly morphing back into her old cheery self when they were both spending quality time together; which Eli hoped was the case, even though she knew they still had a long way to go, she was treasuring the day she would see the light return back in her friend's shining eyes.

"You don't need to thank me at all, I am just glad we can spend some time together." She replied, her voice filled with sincerity.

"Me too." Nozomi hummed, as they readied themselves for the start of the film that was rapidly approaching.

~~~

As the film progressed deeper into the storyline Eli found her attention diverting from the screen, down to Nozomi, more and more often. It wasn't that the film was boring or anything, it was more that Eli wanted to keep checking up on the purplette and couldn't help but sneak glances as she watched Nozomi's cute little reactions when something happy or upsetting happened on screen.

To Eli, the moment they were sharing was absolutely perfect. One she would definitely treasure forever. However there was one thing still lingering in the back of her mind. Should she go for it now?

"Hey...Nozomi?..." she said softly, waiting for a response that never came. Instead she looked down and realised that Nozomi had drifted into a peaceful slumber in her arms, her chest rising and falling ever so discreetly.

_'I probably shouldn't disturb her.'_

_'She needs all the rest she can get.._

' _She deserves it.'_

So Eli slightly tightened her grip on Nozomi's body so she wouldn't accidentally tumble off the sofa, hoping she wouldn't cause too much movement and wake the sleeping shrine maiden. When she peered back down at the purplette and observed her gentle features as she rested, she couldn't stop herself from planting a quick kiss on Nozomi's forehead, after gently brushing her purple bangs away from her face.

The blonde smiled lovingly at the sight and even found herself succumbing to the darkness that had never looked so inviting to her in her life. She knew she was safe from the horrors and nightmares as long as she had Nozomi right by her side. Just as Eli fell into a deep sleep, her little sister Alisa appeared in the room and saw her sister holding Nozomi tightly in her arms, both sleeping peacefully.

"Thank you for making Onee-chan happy." She whispered to Nozomi, even though she knew nobody could hear her, she just felt it needed to be said openly. 

~~~

As the sun crept through the room, Eli found herself slowly waking up and focusing back into reality. Upon her vision becoming clearer she found that she was still embracing her sleeping friend, who was adorning the most adorable sleeping expression Eli had ever seen. Take the cutest thing you have ever seen and then increase it a thousandfold and that was how adorable Nozomi looked in Eli's eyes.

There was always something extremely calming about watching Nozomi as she slept soundly. Eli thought it was partly due to the fact that Nozomi would be safe from any negative thoughts as she was in her own dreamland, well she hoped that was the case anyway. Judging by the tranquil expression plastered on Nozomi's face, Eli thought that she seemed to be dreaming sweetly and her doubts began to ease. This made her wonder what it could be that Nozomi was dreaming about?

Would she be dreaming about going on some exciting adventure, or was that too childish of a thought? Maybe she was dreaming about her getting to visit a Michelin star restaurant, famous for it's superior yakiniku? That was a tempting option and seemed very Nozomi-like. Or maybe, just maybe, could she be dreaming about spending time with Eli? The blonde allowed herself to revel in this idea, hoping that there was a chance that this was true.

After breaking out of her reverie she looked around the room, trying to regain her bearings properly. Upon closer inspection she looked down and noticed that now they were both wrapped up in a blanket, which was definitely not there when she fell asleep however many hours ago. Her cheeks tinted scarlet and her face heated up at the thought of one of her family members finding them in the position they were in.

As her eyes scanned around the room she noticed that her younger sister was sticking her head around the corner, smiling back at her from a distance and putting a finger up to her lips. So that answered that question - it must have been Alisa who found them. Eli smiled and nodded in response, seeming to understand what her younger sister was meaning. Satisfied with her sister's response, Alisa walked out of her spot and continued with her routine. 

It was then that Eli noticed Nozomi stirring in her arms, slowly being roused awake from her slumber.

"Good morning sleepyhead." Eli cooed delicately, earning a tired smile from the purplette and softly coaxed her into an awake state. The blonde gently caressed Nozomi's cheek and brushed any stray locks out of her line of vision, allowing Nozomi to regain her sight properly. In that moment Eli couldn't help but think that she would love to wake up like that every single day.

The serene morning atmosphere, accompanied with the gentle rising light from the sun and their warm embrace, everything seemed indeed perfect. There had never been a moment Eli would have rather stayed in, compared to that one, in her life. Trapped in her own mind, she barely managed to catch the troubled expression that formed on Nozomi's once-smiling features.

She then noticed Nozomi attempt to huddle closer up to her and tighten her grip on Eli. Along with the subtle movements Eli looked down at the girl and saw a distant, sombre look in her eyes. The blonde frowned and furrowed her brow, desperately trying to deduce what was going through the purplette's mind. From the way she looked it didn't seem like it was something good.

"Hey...is everything okay?" Eli asked, concern filling her voice. Nozomi seemed to whimper in response and cling on even tighter, if that was at all possible.

It was then that Eli could tell what was bothering her. She would have to be left alone all day again. As much as Eli didn't want to leave her, she had no choice. Eli couldn't miss school with the amount of work and responsibilities she had and Nozomi clearly was in no state to return for a while.

Eli desperately wanted to be able to shower the purplette in affection and promise that she wouldn't leave, but  she couldn't lie to her, that would hurt even more. So instead Eli just promised to make sure to spend all the rest of her time that she had spare with Nozomi, doing whatever it is they wanted to do. In response Nozomi cracked a wavering smile, the part that managed to stay put was a genuine smile that she desperately wanted to stay in place. But as her lips shook and faltered, her mind flooded with doubts.

_'Why should Eli have to give up all her time for me?'_

_'Do Eli and her family really want to do all this for me?'_

_'Aren't they fed up yet?'_

_'They probably just want me out of here as fast as possible.'_

_'Wouldn't their lives be better if I wasn't here?'_

Nozomi did her best to force her smile to be as strong as possible, however Eli could detect a barrel of emotions bottling up inside her. She could see all the signs she had picked up on previously whenever Nozomi was distressed or troubled. She just didn't know how to release them safely.

She didn't want to hurt Nozomi but she knew that Nozomi had a hard time opening up to others and recently she had been doing that a lot more due to her current state. Too much of releasing her emotions might hurt her even more.

Eli did all she could think of and took hold of Nozomi's hand, interlacing their fingers tightly together, hoping this would reassure the purplette and put her mind at ease from the negative thoughts that were no-doubt looming over her.

After a while of holding each other close, Eli hesitantly apologised for having to break their comfortable embrace and left to go about her normal morning routine so she would be able to make it to school at the appropriate time.

Once Eli made sure Nozomi had taken her medication they exchanged one last lingering hug and approached the door.  If she was hesitant at leaving before she was even more so now. She could practically feel Nozomi's anxiety radiating off her in that hug, especially how the purplette seemed to struggle to release her grip on Eli's body.

As she waved to Nozomi and shut the front door, Eli felt an uneasy and gloomy feeling take over her. She desperately wanted to fling the door back open, scoop Nozomi up in her arms and never let her go, but that was unfortunately not possible, no matter how good of an idea it seemed to get as she travelled further away from her door-front.

Leaving never got any easier and mornings were both incredibly painful for both Eli and Nozomi. Eli knew she was hurting Nozomi by leaving her alone but she tried to convince herself it would only be for a bit longer.

At least Eli had her friends all day, however Nozomi was all alone, like she had been most of her life. It just wasn't fair.

_'Just for a bit longer...please hold on Nozomi...'_

_~~~_

After what seemed like an eternity a week finally passed. The same horrible morning routine was still happening, the same horrible feeling of worry about Nozomi only increased as every time Eli returned home, she couldn't help but notice how Nozomi's eyes seemed to get even more distant as the days passed, regardless of her attempt to disguise it. It tore Eli up inside to have to witness Nozomi slowly and silently crumbling away.

So she made extra sure to spend as much time possible with Nozomi as humanely possible. The blonde made sure to send Nozomi texts from her and μ's whenever they got a spare moment and sometimes would send little videos of a μ's practice session. It was nice for Nozomi to receive but it did nothing to help combat the feeling of pure loneliness that had taken over her.

Even when other members buried her in messages about how much they missed her or funny jokes that Rin and Honoka would think of in an attempt to cheer her up, it didn't help completely ward off the negative storm that brewed inside her.

As well as all of her other worries to carry, the voice had become relentless with bombarding her with even more baggage - the thought that she had become a burden to everyone and that everyone would be better without her. However she wasn't about to let Eli see the pit of self-loathing she had fallen back into and attempted to stay her previous jovial self, keeping her smiling mask as firmly locked in place as possible. Eli was trying her best and revealing the partial worsening of her condition would only discourage her. 

There were odd moments where Nozomi's mask would crumble a little, showing Eli the insecurities that the purple-haired was keeping locked deeply inside of her. The blonde would try her best to get through to her, but most of the time would only receive another fake smile and her reassuring words would fall on deaf ears.

Her mind would often wander back to all those cruel comments that picked on every insecurity Nozomi had.

 _'If so many people think this, then it must be true.'_ she thought, feeling herself withdrawing even further from the world around her, as she scrolled back through the sea or cruel words and comments from her supposed 'supporters'. Even when she came across the occasional kind and supportive comments she couldn't shake the negative feelings away.

But after a week had passed Nozomi just couldn't handle it anymore. All the doubts, anxieties and emotions had been stirring up around in her for so long that it was impossible to hold them in. Something clicked inside her that day and she felt like she had to leave.

She had to get out of the Ayase household and find her own way of keeping herself going. She wasn't sure how or what to do but she just had to leave. She couldn't bare having Eli and her family have to take care of her any longer. She felt like she didn't deserve all of their constant support and kindness.

She believed they would be truly happier without her to worry about. They wouldn't even miss her if she was gone. Unfortunately she couldn't possibly know with the state she was in at the time, but she could not have been more wrong.

~~~

Eli had never been more excited to get home to Nozomi before. 

Why you may ask?

Because during the day she had received a call from the hospital and after all the constant daily updates Eli had been giving them about Nozomi and her state, they agreed that Nozomi would be able to go back to school the very next day.

That would mean no more loneliness for her best friend and μ's would be able to be united once more and if this past week had taught anyone with any type of sense anything it was that μ's without Nozomi was not μ's at all.

However as Eli jovially ran through the front door and shouted out for Nozomi she got the shock of a lifetime.

"Nozomi, I'm home! And I've got great news!" Her words echoed throughout her house, as well as various neighbours' homes, but she didn't care about that. All she cared about was being able to see Nozomi again and the adorable reaction she would make when she found out the news. Only, it never came.

_'That's odd, Nozomi always greets me when I get back.'_

_'Maybe she's just asleep?'_

To ease her worries she wandered into the bedroom, hoping to find Nozomi sleeping soundly all wrapped up in the bed. However she was greeted by the sight of a fully-made bed in a darkened room that held no signs of life. That was the first red flag that set Eli's anxiety ablaze.

"Nozomi?" She frantically raised her voice, running from room-to-room in search of the purplette. But she came out unsuccessful and in hysterics.

"Nozomi!?" She tried again, her voice cracking as her eyes filled with tears. She scanned around, trying to gather her bearings on what she should do.

She had noticed Nozomi had become rather upset and withdrawn over the past week, but never had she expected something like this to happen in result of that. Before she knew it she was hyperventilating and the room was getting fuzzier. She desperately tried to steady her rapid breathing down and tried to reassure herself.

_'You won't get anywhere if you don't stay calm...'_

After a few moments her breathing slowed down and her brain was once-again active, or as active as it could be at the moment. She tried going back through the house, searching for any clues whatsoever towards where Nozomi could be.

It was then she noticed that Nozomi's belongings were all missing and she also managed to discover a note on the bedside table.

_Elicchi,_   
_Thank you very much for everything to have done for me recently, I really can't thank you enough. But I can't possibly keep taking up all of you and your family's time and effort to look after silly old me. I have taken my leave in hopes that I won't be a burden on you and your family any longer. Please thank your family for me, they have done more for me than I could ever have imagined. And please take care of Alisa for me and give her some big hugs._   
_~Nozomi_

Although the note was quite short and brief Eli could feel all the emotions that the purplette was feeling as she wrote it, even the ones that she suppressed and didn't write about. To hear how Nozomi thought about herself burdening her family brought tears back up to Eli's eyes. Now she reflected back, it was rather obvious that Nozomi would be feeling this way even with Eli's constant reassurance. With being abandoned by her own family from such a young age and feeling unwanted, while being given all the resources to be independent and take care of herself - her current situation had been very similar to that which Eli guessed had brought back some suppressed feelings and memories that hurt her.

_'How could I let this happen?'_

Eli had sworn to keep Nozomi safe and happy but in her mind she had failed that.

Unfortunately the note didn't seem to reveal her plans of where she was planning to go but Eli could pinpoint a few of the purplette's favourite places of interest, which was where she could be. She didn't trust Nozomi being on her own anymore, regardless of where it was. She didn't feel like she would be safe from her own mind. She needed to find her and quickly before things escalated. However she knew she would need some help in her task so she pulled out her phone and dialled her mother's number, frantically fiddling with her fingers as the phone rang.

After a few seconds the phone picked up and she could hear the comforting voice of her mother greeting her. Eli quickly explained the situation as best as she could and tried her best not to bring herself back to tears (but ended up doing so anyway). Nevertheless she managed to calm down significantly quicker as the sweet, calming voice of her mother soothed her worries. Eli knew her mother was always a reliable person and with her help she would be sure to find Nozomi. Mothers always had their ways of helping which were almost seemingly magical.

The biggest worry on her mind however was what would she do when they found her and what state would she be in. It was apparent that Nozomi was in a rather dark place at the moment and would not be fully thinking rationally which made Eli worry even more.

It was already getting dark outside and a girl as vulnerable as Nozomi walking around by herself wouldn't stand much of a chance. Eli then decided as much as she was terrified to do this; she would contact μ's for help. That way they could cover more ground and ensure Nozomi's safety quicker if the worst were to happen. She quickly accessed the group chat, with all the other members and quickly explained what was going on, alerting all the members to come to her house as soon as possible.

Nico was the first to reply, using her subtle worried-but pretending-not-to-be technique, which was the exact same thing Maki did when she received the message a few minutes later. Umi, as expected, had the more rational approach to the situation and suggested everyone splitting up into small groups to begin the search. Everyone agreed and set off to meet at Eli's house, all desperately worried about their purple-haired friend. But nobody could quite worry like Eli could.

To Eli, the purplette was her entire world, her anchor back to sanity, the girl she treasured the most, the girl she loved dearly without any hesitation. The girl who saved her. Now it was Eli's turn to return the favour.

Eli began to crumple in on herself, wanting to just hide away and the next time she looked up to see Nozomi standing right there. But unfortunately it was impossible. The only thing that stared back at her was a photo in its frame that Eli had insisted on putting up and leaving up a while back. The photo was a selfie of Eli and Nozomi, both smiling and celebrating together after a successful concert. The smile on Nozomi's face made the blonde think back to the time when that beautiful expression was not fake.

_'When did the true smiles stop?'_

Looking back at how happy they had both become begged the question;

_'How could this have happened?'_

By the time Eli's mother arrived home Eli had exhausted all of her tears from her body, her eyes bloodshot red and nails gnawed down significantly from the stress of the situation. Eli leaped up from her position, which was her head in her hands on the sofa and bounded up to her mother with a pleading look on her face.

Eli's mother couldn't bare seeing her daughter so distraught and she equally couldn't bare seeing Nozomi hurting so badly that she would runaway from them, especially after the amazing impact she had noticeably had on Eli. From her observation Eli and Nozomi had helped each other greatly and after the years she had watched them be together she knew that they were close and if they were separated, god only knows what would happen. To her it was obvious that they needed each other so she was going to do everything in her power to reunite them both again. The relationship they had deserved to be saved.

In order to ease Eli's nerves, her mother wrapped her daughter in a long, comforting hug, hoping to convey all her love through it. Luckily it managed to work really well and Eli seemed to calm down, not completely but that was understandable due to the circumstances. Once they pulled away from each other Eli's mother made sure to reassure Eli that they would find her.

Once the rest of Eli's family returned from work and school Eli informed them of the incident and told them all the places Nozomi would be likely to be; the shrine, her apartment, the parfait café that they frequently used to visit and possibly even Otonotizaka were the places that sprung to mind first.

After hearing about what happened Alisa ended up bursting into tears, which hurt them even more, but it proved how much of an impact Nozomi had on them all and how much she truly was loved and cared for by them.

When the rest of μ's arrived they all split up and went their separate ways, following Eli's instructions, determined to find the girl who had brought all the Ayase's and everyone in μ's so much happiness.

"Don't worry Eli, I promise we'll find her..." Kotori said sweetly, sensing the tension surrounding her blonde haired senpai and gently resting her hand on Eli's shoulder. Eli noticeably relaxed a little more, even if it was only a little Kotori was glad she could help at all.

"Thank you Kotori, I'm just really worried...will she even want to see me again?" Eli replied, sounding frightened and doubtful.

Suddenly Nico stepped forward and spoke "Eli. You and Nozomi are best friends. You're as thick as thieves even. Ever since I met you both you've been practically attached at the hips. Throughout everything you've always been together, regardless of what it was and this situation is no different, I know she'll never want to be without you, she's just...in a bad place right now, but more than ever that means she needs you by her side, even if she is hesitant about it."

Eli wasn't sure when she had started crying again but apparently she was as she felt something cold trickle down her cheek. It was a rare occasion to hear Nico talk this way, as she tended to mask any of her feelings associated with care or love, yet she always knew how to voice them when the time was right.

As much as Eli's brain wanted to try to convince herself that Nico was wrong, it could not seem to think of anyway to disprove her.

"Thank you Nico, you are right." Eli replied, truly meaning every single word.

"The fabulous number one Idol in the universe will always be right, Nico Nico Nii!" Nico mused, showing off her Idol pose at the end, causing an eruption of laughter between the other idols.

Nico had done her job as an idol, she had made her friends smile. This made her only the more determined to find Nozomi, so she could make her smile as well.

But as determined as they were, there was no-one more so than Eli.

_'Don't worry Nozomi...'_

_'We're going to find you...'_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading and supporting this and I hope you enjoyed this chapter, even though it wasn't particularly happy. It still hurts to have to write Nozomi being in pain like this but I've always thought that something would be going on behind that smile of hers and as someone who has suffered with and seen others suffering with eating disorders I wanted to write something that could look at issues such as these. Nozomi will always have a place in my heart.  
> I hope you are all doing well and that good things come your way. Please remember to eat plenty, stay hydrated and take care of yourselves properly.  
> ~ Dusk


	10. The Search For The Maiden

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The search ensues, μ's being determined to find their lost member.

The once dark, silent night was interrupted as various frantic voices rang out, calling the same name over and over again. One that anybody with functioning ears would hear, regardless of where they were in the entirety of Japan.

"Nozomi!"

However there was one voice noticeably louder than all the rest and that voice belonged to none other than Eli Ayase.

She was frantically dashing passed people, not even bothering to look back and take note of all the murmuring from passersby when she nearly knocked them over in her flurry of panic.

She had a job to do and she wouldn't let anyone get in the way of her doing it.

The first location on Eli's list was to visit Nozomi's apartment, hoping that she would have just gone straight back there after leaving. She knew Nozomi wouldn't have been in a good state of mind and possibly wouldn't have planned out where she was going when she left, but that one part of her just kept hoping.

The blonde tried her best to stay positive, repeating a quiet mantra to herself of "She's going to be okay." and "We're going to find her." in an attempt to calm herself down and keep her from teetering over the edge of insanity.

In addition, running, just a few steps behind Eli, was a panicked Nico. It was so strange to see Nico looking the way she did. If the situation wasn't as serious as it was, Eli would have made a note to use her expression as some quality blackmail material but decided against it due to the circumstances and the fact that she was in fact an even bigger mess.

"Slow down Eli! The fabulous Nico Nii can only go so fast!" Nico whined, panting for whatever breath she could manage to catch while attempting to match the pace of the quarter Russian. However she might as well have not bothered as her complaint fell on deaf ears as Eli continued her frantic race to the familiar apartment, only stopping when she finally reached the front door.

The neighbours were probably going to file a few noise complaints that day.

Suddenly a wave of anxiety swept Eli up, freezing her in her spot as she extended her arm out to grab onto the doorknob.

What if she really wasn't there?

All she could do was try and time was of the essence.

So she closed her eyes tightly, desperately wishing for Nozomi to be safe and in one whole piece on the other side of the door. Just as Nico managed to catch up Eli twisted the door knob and pushed the door open, revealing the hallway to her sight.

"Nozomi?!" She called out, not caring about the level of noise she was making. Hell, she would shout loud enough for the entire universe to hear her and send her angry letters of complaint as long as she could ensure her best friends safety. As she ventured further into the apartment, a scared Nico following silently behind her, she noticed that everything was eerily still and quiet. The only sounds she could hear were the frantic breathing coming  from herself and Nico and the rapid pounding heartbeats they were producing.

After a sweep of the entire apartment Eli surmised that Nozomi was not there. Her last stretch of hope was drastically wearing thinner by the second as she continued to gaze longingly into an darkened, empty apartment.

Nico noticed Eli's mood drop even lower than before and quickly tried to do her best to put the blonde at ease, or at as much ease as possible considering the dire circumstances.

"Hey, don't worry Eli. We will find her. I promise." She reassured, placing her hand on top of one of Eli's shoulders, transferring whatever warmth she could back into Eli's shivering and ice-cold body.

The blonde took a deep breath, attempting to coax her mind into becoming more rational. Although it proved difficult she managed to reassure herself that this was only the first place they had checked and there were plenty of other places where she could be.

All she hoped was that Nozomi was safe, wherever she was.

"Come on, the quicker we move, the quicker we will find Nozomi. And when we do we'll give her all the love in the world!" Nico mused, her voice getting cheerier as she spoke. Seeing Nico's mood change so fast made Eli chuckle, her own mood inflating slightly.

"Of course we will." Eli smiled and started heading out of the door, thinking of where to try next.

'...'

'...'

_'...THE SHRINE!'_

Eli knew Nozomi found solace at the shrine and often went there, even not during her assigned work hours, to have some alone time as the blonde has previously caught Nozomi doing multiple times before. Nozomi being surrounded by all the spiritual energy that she thrived on would definitely seem like the perfect place she would be.

_'The perfect place for the perfect maiden...'_

Eli found herself filled with a new sense of determination, even stronger than before, even though it waxed and waned as doubts occasionally took control of her mind.

The trip went by in a similar blur to the previous journey, Eli's mind focused solely on one thing the entire time.

When the shrine came into her view, time seemed to slow down as she rushed closer and closer, seeking out a familiar figure with long, flowing purple hair.

However when she found herself stopping and standing right in front of the shrine, she had caught no sight of her friend. Her heart rapidly thumped as she attempting to catch her breath and scan around for Nozomi in the process - promising herself and Nozomi that she wouldn't lose her mind.

"Nozomi!?" She yelled, her voice hoarse as she tried her best to shout as loud as she could despite still being out of breath.

_'...Where are you?....'_

She was about to run around and search around the corners but was stopped when three familiar idols came into view, their heads down low.

"She's not here, we looked everywhere." Kotori said drearily, which shocked Eli as she knew Kotori's voice always radiated happiness and hadn't really heard it sounding like that before.

"We're sorry Eli." Hanayo chirped sadly, looking down at the ground before Rin wrapped her arms around her in a comforting hug.

"Don't worry Kayo-chin! We'll find Nozomi-chan! I know it!" Rin enthused, hoping to brighten everyone's mood up. Eli took a few moments to look over her two kouhai and notice how close they really were.

They were usually always seen together, always reassuring and helping each other through the difficulties they faced, regardless of what it was. Their friendship was special indeed and Eli secretly wondered if it would even be right to call it a friendship.

Did it go even further than that?

Were there any lingering feelings between them two?

It was highly plausible, they really were a perfect match for each other. Despite their differences in personality they made everything work.

Watching them together reminded Eli of her friendship with Nozomi. They too were also extremely close. Maybe, just maybe, Nozomi was holding inside some of her own feelings about Eli...

_"Elicchi!"_

_Eli recognised that voice anywhere; the one she found comfort in. It didn't take long before Nozomi was stood right in front of her, a huge smile plastered on her face, while hugging a nicely decorated heart-shaped box of chocolates to her chest along with a small plush teddy bear._

_"Happy Valentines Day!!! I got these for you!" She mused, extended her arms out and offering the presents to Eli._

_"Thank you Nozomi, but you didn't have to get me anything." Eli replied, cheerily accepting the gifts and looking down at the chocolate that was already calling her name. Nozomi, of course, noticed this and giggled._

_"I did it because I wanted to treat my dear Elicchi! Now go on! Have some, I know how much you love your chocolate!"_

_Eli excitedly opened the chocolate box, picked up a piece of the confectionary and pushed it into her mouth, savouring the sweet taste she loved dearly. Except she loved the person in front of her so much more._

_Nozomi, in that moment as she watched Eli be in sheer bliss, looked so joyful and pure in Eli's eyes. Even as she attempted to search deeper, there were no fake emotions of positivity, just love and affection. But Eli dismissed it as love for a close friend. Nozomi couldn't possibly love her right?..._

Memories like that were rushing back to her more frequently ever since she found her best friend to be missing. But revelling in them proved difficult as they were slowly running out of ideas of where she could be, sadness affecting the memories that should have been happy.

Eli couldn't stop a single tear from falling from her azure eyes as she looked at the shrine and took in a deep breath. The strong smell of fresh air mixed with incense assailed her nostrils. It was a scent she had become all-too familiar with: mostly because it was the scent that always hung onto Nozomi, but lately had been getting fainter and fainter.

She treasured every breath she took, it reminding her of the girl she loved; Her whimsical way with words, her goofy, flirtatious grins, her glistening turquoise eyes that resembled shining emeralds from the most hidden of temples, the soft feeling of her slim fingers when she held hands with her: the scent brought all the feelings she bore rushing around her and enveloping her in a warm embrace. But it could never compare the the actual feeling of when Nozomi herself held her.

After savouring the feeling she returned to reality and bowed her head in respect, clapped her hands together and squeezed her eyes shut. If Eli could trust anyone to help her find Nozomi, or even just guarantee her safety until she was found, it was the gods. If Nozomi put so much faith in them she would too.

Before meeting Nozomi she hadn't given much thought about the possibilities of God's or spiritual power but after knowing Nozomi for a while she began to wonder whether they actually were real. Whenever she was around the purplette she could always feel an aura of calmness and safety radiating off her. It may have just been Eli and her heart driving her insane due to being in the presence of the girl she loved but after some of the things that had happened she wouldn't doubt the prospect of spiritual power being at work. Not to mention the fact that Nozomi's tarot card predications were always scarily accurate.

Eli attempted to shake her fear of the dark as the sky developed into a darker blue, the stars beginning to dot around and she prepared herself to try for the next location.

Every place was being whittled down rather quickly, which panicked Eli but she just kept trying to tell herself that it would mean Nozomi would have to be in one of the places they had yet to search. She just HAD to be. Eli didn't know what to do if that wasn't the case.

Once again Eli found herself darting off, leaving her fellow idols behind in her slipstream - huffing and puffing. Everyone wanted to shout to Eli to make her be careful but they knew how the blonde felt about Nozomi and their pleads would probably fall on deaf ears, that were already focused on a completely different goal: Finding Nozomi and ensuring her safety.

They knew Eli wouldn't stop searching until she physically collapsed from exhaustion, they just hoped it wouldn't come to that. The best thing they could do was follow on behind her and be there to comfort her regardless of what would happen in the next few hours.

As hopeful as they could be there would be no denying the sight they would come to meet would be painful. If Nozomi had left like that then there was no telling what sort of state she was in. They knew it probably wouldn't be a good one, as much as they could be hopeful it would be naïve of them to assume everything would be fine.

Before they could properly comprehend the fast changing scenery around them, they realised they were standing in front of the café which the members knew Eli and Nozomi had become frequent customers of. Eli, of course, could be seen through the glass window inside the building already, looking frantic and probably frightening a few of the customers unintentionally in the process.

They quickly entered and approached Eli, who turned to them with her head hung low. That was all they needed to know: Nozomi was not here either. The other seven idols exchanged looks of worry as they saw Eli slowly becoming more and more utterly broken and helpless by the minute.

Normally Nozomi would know how to help and Eli would be back to her normal self in no time, but considering the circumstances that was no longer possible at this point. The only way for their beloved Eli to return would be to find Nozomi, preferably as fast as possible.

So, taking initiative, Nico stepped forward, placed a reassuring hand on Eli's trembling shoulder and spoke softly.

"Hey, don't worry. We will find her...We promise...We haven't checked everywhere yet have we? And we've got to keep smiling for her right?...Nico Nico Nii!"

Adding her catchphrase and matching pose for effect she watched as Eli's mouth carved into a small smile, making Nico lighten up at the sight. The real Eli was still there, hanging on, even if by just a loose thread.

"So, where to next captain?" Kotori piped up, causing Eli to return to her mental list of locations. The last place she could think of was their school: the place that held such fond memories for everyone in μ's. After all it was where everyone met.

"It might be a long shot, but I thought about trying Otonokizaka. She hasn't been there for a while now and might have wanted to visit again?" Eli replied, albeit hesitantly.

"Good idea Eli! Let's go find Nozomi-chan nyaaa!" Rin mused, taking Hanayo by the hand and dashing out of the café, not even fazed by the stares she was receiving from the customers.

 _'Classic Rin'_ Eli thought, giggling a little. Although it was rather quietly needless to say Nico noticed and smiled. The small moments where Nico saw Eli returning to her normal self were ones she was coming to treasure that night. It was the same for all the members as well.

Her being able to make them happy egged Nico on. She always wanted to see them happy. That was just the kind and caring person Nico really was, despite the front she put up most of the time.

"Let's go bring Nozomi home..." The raven-haired idol said, gesturing towards the door. Eli nodded, a spark of hope relighting within her as she followed Nico out of the café door, completely forgetting that all of that had taken place in a public setting with strangers to witness it. To be honest in that moment, Eli didn't care. As embarrassing as it was Eli would have rather them seen her break down completely as long as Nozomi was found safe and sound - although she would probably not admit that, not that the other members didn't secretly know that already.

They followed the familiar roads that linked the café to their school with ease, as everyone attempted to lighten the mood and remain optimistic. The stars in the sky were much more prominent now and the moon had risen to a substantial height - indicating their time was running short.

Upon reaching the school gates they took a moment to gaze up at just how beautiful Otonokizaka looked under the moonlight. It was a sight that even Eli was calmed by. In that moment she felt like everything would work out alright: that she would be reunited with Nozomi.

Yet when she looked around and realised Nozomi wasn't there, she wasn't able to process it at first. The last string of hope she had was beginning to fray. To make things even worse Eli then received a message to her phone, a loud ping sound vibrating through the air.

She hesitantly took out her phone, switched it on and was greeted by a message from Umi, explaining that her group had had no luck in finding Nozomi. She felt a large shooting pain through her heart and mind and her vision wavered as her eyes fogged up with tears.

_'No...'_

Her heart and mood plummeted significantly. Any sense of hope or optimism she had left decayed in that very moment, as every member was engulfed in a dark feeling of helplessness. They had all checked everywhere that Nozomi would have most likely been but turned up empty handed.

Who knew where Nozomi could be?

Eli was inclined to start thinking the worst.

What if something bad really did happen to her? If so Eli would never forgive herself.

The blonde clenched her hands into fists and bit her lips, choking back an oncoming stream of tears and loud sobbing. However this didn't go unnoticed by the others.

Everyone could sense the edge that their friend was close to teetered over and felt utterly powerless that they couldn't help but that didn't stop them from trying.

"Don't worry Eli, we're not going to give up! Not on you or Nozomi! We will find her!" Nico enthused.

"I will text the others to meet up at the café. We can discuss our next plan of action there." Kotori added, pulling out her phone and beginning to text the other members about their new proposition.

"Let's go, the sooner we meet up, the sooner we'll find Nozomi and get her back to safety." The raven-haired third year suggested to Eli, who replied with a few sniffles and a nod of her head.

She had to hand it to Nico, she was incredibly good at dealing with bad situations. She was always smiling, always reassuring and always making those around her happy. Her smiling easily became infectious. It was a pleasure to be able to witness the true sides of her, even despite their first impressions of the rather sour, stuck-up girl. It was in moments like these Eli truly appreciated the fact she had Nico with her. Sure, she was not Nozomi but she was still an amazing friend. One that was clearly determined to find her friend just as much as Eli was.

She began to walk back to the café with others, wondering how a supposedly happy day had ended up this way...

~~~

After about half an hour all eight idols and the youngest Ayase sister were sitting around a table at Eli and Nozomi's favourite parfait café, unfortunately without the presence of the latter.

Eli sat herself on the end of the table, leaning against the window and glancing out into the dark night, hoping to catch a glimpse of familiar purple hair. Sat beside Eli, on the same plush bench, was Nico, Maki, Rin and Hanayo. Across from Eli sat Alisa, Kotori, Umi and Honoka, the latter stuffing her face with all the confectionary and bread she could get her hands on, which earned her a brief scolding from Umi, who was sat beside her.

"But Umi-chan! I can think better when I'm eating!" Honoka whined, still gripping tightly onto one of her bread rolls, refusing to give it up.

"But nothing Honoka! This is not the time to stuff your face like a glutton!"

"Calm down Umi-chan." Kotori pleaded, knowing Umi could get a little too loud at times and wanted to stop her before she attracted too much unwanted attention from the customers around them.

"But!-" The bluenette started, trying to defend her actions, until she was then interrupted.

"Umi-chan....pleeeaaassseee!"

Critical hit. Kotori's pleading was super effective.

"Sorry Kotori-chan." Umi replied, bowing her head down and receiving a cute giggle from her ash-haired friend. She knew when she was beaten. Everyone knew Umi had a soft spot for Kotori, it was plainly obvious to anyone who had functioning eyes.

Kotori then patted Umi on the back, a big smile etched on her features. Meanwhile Honoka was still stuffing her face - this time full of delicious-looking desserts.

With the lighthearted conversation buzzing around the table and the atmospheric chatter from the other patrons of the café, the mood lifted slightly. They all knew Nozomi wouldn't want them to worry and be upset so they wanted to to try their best to keep optimistic, if not for themselves for Nozomi and the survival of Eli's sanity and wellbeing.

While the other idols were distracted Alisa turned to look at her older sister who was gently poking at her chocolate parfait with a silver spoon and losing herself in her thoughts.

_'It's just not the same without her...'_

"Onee-chan, please be honest with me...." she started, causing Eli to look up and focus her attention on her younger sister.

"What is wrong with Nozomi-onee-san? It can't be that she's just ill. Please tell me, I want to help."

Eli hadn't expected this from her sister and didn't know how to reply. She hated lying and she knew Alisa wasn't stupid but she didn't want to risk opening her up to something as serious as what was happening. She didn't like the thought of her sister knowing about the evil injustices in the world, especially due to the pure image she had helped Alisa paint of it in her mind.

She knew sheltering her little sister from sensitive topics wasn't probably the best thing to do but she couldn't help being the protective older sister. Exposing Alisa to the harsh truths of the world was something Eli was never going to be prepared for.

"I'm sorry Alisa...it's just...Nozomi has been having some trouble with herself recently..." she started, unsure of how to word it. Eli knew she wouldn't be able to say the whole truth openly and plainly without breaking down in the process, which was something she did not want to do in a public setting with her friends and sister.

"Oh, I did notice something seemed wrong with her before. The usual feeling of happiness that always surrounded her didn't seem to be there anymore. It always used to make me feel all warm and fuzzy."

_'She felt that too? If only Nozomi could hear how positively Alisa was talking about her....'_

It would definitely have been a nice thing to hear from Alisa, had it not been said in such a sad tone and in these circumstances.

"and...I heard something..."

Eli's eyes widened a little.

_'What could she be talking about?'_

_'What did she hear?'_

"At night...I didn't know if my ears were playing tricks on me but I think I know what it was...it sounded as if someone was being sick...I-I think...it might have been her...but why would she be throwing up like that?"

Eli gasped, unable to reply at her sister's revelation. She didn't even notice that Nozomi was being sick again, yet her sister did. She was truly more observant and clever than Eli gave her credit for, even though Eli already knew Alisa was a smart girl.

_'Nozomi w-was...making herself sick!?'_

_'Why didn't I notice!?'_

_'How could I not notice!?'_

_'What kind of friend am I!?'_

Eli felt her bottom lip quiver, a rush of emotions desperate to get out of her system. However she bit her tongue in attempt to quell her rising sadness and tried to remain as composed as possible.

"S-she...she hasn't been happy with her appearance....and has been having problems in regards to eating and drinking...." Eli stuttered, not quite being able to believe she was disclosing this to her sister.

"But Nozomi-onee-san is beautiful and perfect the way she is!!" Alisa cried out, almost scaring Eli at her sudden change in pitch and tone.

"She is beautiful and funny and adorable and I love her! She is like family! She deserves to eat and drink! The next time I see her I'll make sure she knows how amazing she is!" She carried on, determination resonating through her voice.

Eli's heart filled with affection at the sight of her little sister wanting to help and saying how much she loved Nozomi.

_'I wonder how she would react if me and Nozomi were to date?'_

Normally Eli would have been embarrassed by thinking like that but now she genuinely wondered. Maybe she could talk to Alisa about it after all. She may not completely understand but Alisa had always been a great listener, even at times when she didn't need to be and was fed incorrect information, usually by the television and mass media.

The rest of the group noticed Eli's positive change in mood and tried to treasure it as long as they could, just praying for the inevitable to not happen that would wreck her mood and send her back spiralling into darkness.

Eli began even joining in with a bit of light-hearted conversation, whilst scooping small mounds of parfait onto her spoon and whisking away it into her mouth where the flavours danced on her tongue, causing her to sigh happily at the taste she had missed.

_Soft, creamy and chocolatey..._

It was a rare moment for Eli to feel so calm and now that she knew how Alisa felt, she felt like now they truly could find Nozomi and that they would look after her and never let her go.

That's all she wanted.

To have Nozomi safe in her arms.

Nothing else had ever mattered more to her in her entire life.

Not ballet, not saving Otonokizaka, not even joining μ's.

Nobody had ever mattered so much to her.

Nozomi was her lifeline; her companion, her second-half, her symbol of hope, her anchor into sanity.

Her everything.

If she didn't have Nozomi, she didn't know what she would do...

"What should we do next?" Kotori suddenly asked, starting off the more difficult conversation of how to find Nozomi.

"Do you think we should contact the police?" She added, looking at Umi for support or any type of response.

"I don't think a few hours is long enough to file any kind of report Kotori..." the bluenette replied, watching as Kotori's expression saddened, her heart feeling a pang of guilt at not-only the current event but the way Kotori's face morphed from her usual jovial self into such an upset expression that completely didn't suit her. It wasn't like Kotori at all.

"Eli, do you have any ideas at all of where she could be?" Maki added, causing everyone to turn their heads in the direction of the blonde.

Eli squeezed her eyes shut, frantically tapping on the surface of the table and biting her lip, attempting to think as hard as she could.

_'Come on Eli! Anything! Anything at all that could give me a clue to where Nozomi could be!'_

It was then that Eli remembered something. Something Nozomi had said to her a bit ago; one dark night, similar to the one they were experiencing currently.

_"The night sky looks beautiful doesn't it Elicchi?" The purplette started, keeping her eyes fixed on the darkness and the twinkling stars above her as if she was in awe. "It does." Eli replied, smiling happily while going to join Nozomi at her side, looking up at the sky._

_"One day I want to take you star-gazing properly...you can get some amazing views from here, it always calms me down..." Her voice was soft and gentle, her eyes turning distant and sombre._

Eli's brain whirred around and it clicked.

_'The park!'_

It might have been a long shot but it was indeed a possibility!

Eli's eyes shot open, alarming the others as they continued to watch her with growing interest.

"I know where she could be!" The blonde blurted out, trying to piece together a proper sentence amongst all the feelings buzzing around inside her.

"It might not be right but there's one place that Nozomi said always calmed her down! The park! She may have gone there to look at the stars!"

Hearing Eli's excited tone perked everyone at the table up massively.

"That's great Eli nya!" Rin smiled, her cheery personality returning back at full throttle.

"Well what are we waiting for!? Let's finish up here and go!" Nico laughed, shoving the last few bites of her fluffy strawberry shortcake into her mouth and chewing swiftly. Of course Honoka was still the first to finish, despite being the one who ordered the most food in the first place, and leapt up from her spot on the joint bench.

"Alright! Let's bring back Nozomi-chan!" She announced, throwing one of her fists up into the air in a celebratory fashion, earning giggles from everyone else, including Eli.

_'If only you could see how much they miss you Nozomi...'_

_'How eager they are to see you again...'_

_'But we'll find you and bring you back safely real soon!'_

~~~

Originally she had just intended to go for a calming walk around the nearby park to clear her head and then head back to her apartment, however due to her condition she started to get extremely light-headed. This caused her to stumble a little, so she attempted to take refuge in a nearby alley, hoping to be left alone until the faint feeling disappeared. She didn't know if she would be able to make it back to her apartment now, in her state - at least not just yet.

But it seemed the world had other plans for her as she heard an unfamiliar voice address her as she stopped to regain her shaky breathing, leaning on a brick wall.

Perhaps she should have just gone straight back to her apartment and turned in for the night early. Being asleep meant she didn't have to listen to what that voice in her head told her, she didn't have to feel her stomach squeezing in on itself as it begged for sustenance and she wouldn't have to face the world. She could just lay back, close her eyes and drift away from reality.

"Hello? Is everything okay?"

Nozomi gasped, her eyes quickly shooting in the direction of the voice. A man with shaggy brown hair appeared in her vision. He was rather tall and looked a few years older than Nozomi. Upon noticing how shaken-up she looked, the man stepped forward, his face showing a mixture of emotions.

"Hey, do you need help?"

He soon came face-to-face with the panicking girl. Nozomi desperately tried to quell her breathing into a more normal pace.

"I may be able to help you, come with me..." He said, reaching one of his arms out for Nozomi to take.

After a few seconds of internally fighting with herself she extended out her arm and let the man get a good grip on her hand, before he tightened it even more. She looked into his eyes, deep brown ones bearing back at her that held a mischievous glint behind them.

Something about this man just didn't seem right to her. But he was trying to help right?...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all for reading, I hope this chapter was enjoyable for you.  
> Also who is this mysterious guy? A blessing or perhaps a curse? (Yup, that's my attempt at being mysterious, a huge fail but I tried right?)   
> I hope you are all doing well, eating and drinking properly, getting enough sleep and taking care of yourselves.  
> ~Dusk


	11. Reassurance

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Nozomi is found but in what state?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please proceed with caution, depictions of sexual assault are contained within this chapter, please stay safe!

The moon had risen higher up in the sky, illuminating the town beneath it, however two people were concealed away from plain sight.

The strange man led the hesitant Nozomi deeper into the dark alleyway, while she kept completely silent and observed the man beside her in an attempt to read him. It wasn't often that a stranger just offered to help you from out of the blue. Not that there weren't kind people like that, but Nozomi couldn't shake the feeling there was some reason behind the man's actions.

Maybe she was just on-edge and her doubts were silly, or maybe she was right to have them but in that moment she couldn't tell. At least not until what happened next.

Suddenly he moved his hand out of Nozomi's grasp, up to her shoulder and shoved her hard against a wall, banging her head on it and disorientating her - the back of her head throbbing dully. She could barely comprehend what was happening as the world span around while the man began grasping at her clothing and tugging it upwards.

When her vision came back into focus she realised what was happening and attempted to wriggle out of his hold. He quickly noticed and slammed one of his hands firmly over her mouth, producing a pained but muffled yelp from the purplette.

_'_ _Someone please help me..._ _'_

"Sssshhh! Be quiet!" He hissed, slamming her head against the wall again, sending her vision spinning and creating a huge, concealed bruise on the back of her head. However Nozomi still struggled, not wanting to give up. She didn't want this and was determined to stop it, even if she hurt herself a bit in the process.

She tried screaming out, though her voice was hoarse and muffled while tears pricked in the corner of her eyes as she was forced to choke back her sobs, feeling absolutely powerless while the man carried on furthering his disgusting advances.

"I'm doing this for your own good! I'm trying to help you ya know?..." With that he delved his face into Nozomi's and captured her vulnerable lips into a rough, messy kiss, silencing her from producing any loud noises that could draw attention to them.

_'_ _...Elicchi..._ _'_

_'_ _...Please help me..._ _'_

She wanted Eli. She needed Eli.

While Nozomi was distracted and her mind was fogging up, he immediately reached for her shirt and undid it, granting him closer access to her slim body. His brown eyes became clouded with desire as he stared her up and down before reached his arm out to fiddle with the hem of the purplette's skirt.

Nozomi tried her best to resist and squeeze her legs together, trying to block him from pulling her clothing off as he desperately tugged at it.

"Such a bad girl! Don't you know to do as you're told!?"

This comment shattered her heart into pieces, reminding her of a similar conversation she had been involved in with her parents, even though the circumstances had been very different, the same hateful words had been exchanged.

_"Ugh, useless child! Do as you're told!" Her mother shouted, almost spitting on the poor, young child in front of her. Nozomi looked down sadly, feeling ashamed for having upset her own mother, although she initially thought she was doing her parents a favour by getting a surprise present and trying to wrap it up for them._

_She had been saving up for her mother's birthday for a long time, although never having had a proper birthday herself she had heard the children in her class enthuse about them many times. She thought her mother would appreciate all the thought and effort. She thought she had done a good thing. Even if she had made a mess, she still tried her best...yet it wasn't good enough..._

Nozomi's body weakened as waves emotions hit her heavily, rendering her helpless and struggling to anchor herself back to the real world. The only thing that convinced her she was still alive was the horrible man in front of her, using her as if she was an object.

She couldn't believe it. But she just did not have any energy left to fight back or defend herself. She had no choice but to comply. She knew if she disobeyed again she would suffer another blow to the head and she didn't think she could last through another one without losing herself to unconsciousness.

But unbeknownst to her, a group of very familiar girls that were frantically running around searching for her were very close by.

~~~

Meanwhile Eli was leading the pack, dashing around each alleyway, thinking of the worst case scenarios of the situation, with Nico, Kotori, Umi and Maki followed behind. While Alisa, Honoka, Hanayo and Rin were searching around the park, leaving not a single inch unexplored between them.

"What happens if we can't find Nozomi-chan?" Kotori whispered to the others, sadly.

"I don't know Kotori...but I just hope it won't come to that..." Umi replied, feeling a pang of guilt and sadness due to not being able to help Kotori feel better. She hated seeing her so deflated.

Nico watched the display of emotions, trying to bite back her own tears as she saw her usually happy friends look so defeated. She never wanted things to end up this way. She had always promised to keep others smiling, so that was what she intended to do.

She turned her head slightly to glance at the red-head who stood beside her, who was also watching Kotori and Umi's tender moment together, a look of fragility displaying on her face, which Nico had never seen before. Feeling a sudden wave of confidence, Nico stretched out her hand to touch one of Maki's, alerting her kouhai into spinning around to face her, a shocked expression painting over her previous one.

"Nico-chan?" She asked, slightly confused, her heart rate increasing as a small blush crept up her face.

Nico smiled kindly back at her and took Maki's hand into her own, spreading her warmth to Maki's freezing cold hands.

"It's just me Maki-chan. You don't need to look so worried."

Maki attempted to dismiss her worries, in hopes of not appearing weak in the moment.

"I-I'm not worried...just a little surprised..."

The raven-haired girl inwardly chuckled at the response she received. Teasing Maki was always a nice feeling, something she had clearly picked up from spending time with Nozomi and observing the ways she interacted with people. As she remembered her purple-haired friend Nico frowned slightly, reminding her of the situation they were stuck in currently. Maki noticed this change and felt her heart drop. Seeing Nico sad was never a good sight, especially after she worked so hard to keep others happy.

Although Maki was never good at dealing with emotions, whether that be someone else's or her own, she could tell what was on Nico's mind. She intertwined her hand with Nico's, snapping the raven-haired girl out of her thoughts.

"Hey don't worry. We'll find her...Nozomi-chan is strong, she'll be fine. And once we find her we can bring her back and things will all be okay..."

"I know, I know. I'm sorry, I know moping about won't solve anything." The elder girl replied, slowly trying to shove a quirky smile back on her face. "I'll make sure to keep smiling! So flash me your biggest smile Maki-chan! Nico Nico Nii!"

"Good, I don't like seeing you sad, it doesn't suit you." She replied - laughing a little at seeing Nico's change in attitude, while using her free hand to twirl a lock of red hair around in her fingers, attempting to hide her embarrassment from what she had just admitted.

Meanwhile Eli stood alone, watching both the pairs of girls with a sense of pride. They really had grown a lot over the short time everyone had been together and she was immensely proud of everyone of them. However she couldn't help shake the sudden feeling of loneliness that overtook her as she turned to her side and the purple-haired girl was no-where to be found.

She wasn't where she belonged, right by Eli's side...

While she was close to everyone in μ's, that couldn't compare to how close she was to Nozomi. They shared everything together and were always by each other's sides, always supporting and cheering each other on. But now, as she stood by herself in the freezing cold, on a dark night, she couldn't help but feel lost.

It just wasn't right.

When things looked bleakest Eli's ears managed to pick up on a strange sound seemingly coming from around the corner to where they were. She turned on her heels and followed the sound; unsure of what she would find, her heart racing madly, yet she was compelled to keep pushing on.

Perhaps, just perhaps it could be Nozomi...

But as she turned the corner and her eyes managed to adjust to the darkness that was presented to her, her heart dropped down further than it had ever before. In the distance she made out the familiar figure of the girl she loved, shoved up against a brick wall by a strange man, who had his hand near where nobody should have it.

Before she could even think about what to do Eli's legs automatically rushed forward with all the strength and energy she didn't know she possessed. In a brief second Eli's curled up fist collided with the man's face, sending him plummeting onto the floor, one of his hands now no-doubt covering a nasty newly-made bruise.

Nozomi collapsed onto the floor, still shaking in fear at all of the rapid movement that was happening around her, overwhelming her already-dizzy self. Her body curled up, her arms wrapping around her knees and body, wishing to just disappear, the events replaying through her mind, torturing her with every second that passed. But at that point Eli was too caught up in her seething rage to take her icy glare off the man she had just punched.

"How dare you do that..." she began, her voice sinister and low to begin with as she approached him.

"How dare you hurt her in such a vile, disgusting way..." She continued, her voice's volume rising louder and louder, her expression still clearly fuming with anger.

"HOW DARE YOU!" She screamed, sending a painful kick to the man's stomach, winding him severely.

"YOU SICK PERVERT!" She continued yelling, alerting the other girls from a few streets away to head in the direction of her voice as she continued yelling and kicking at the man beneath her.

"WHAT KIND OF VILE PERSON TAKES ADVANTAGE OF SUCH A KIND-HEARTED GIRL!?"

It was only when Kotori and Umi managed to reach Eli and pull her away from the man that she stopped pouring her threats and aggression out of her system, preferring Eli not to be put in prison for killing a man, regardless of what horrible act he committed.

"Eli! Calm down!" Umi protesting, holding Eli back from lashing out again, while Kotori grabbed Eli's other free arm.

"IF I EVER CATCH YOU ANYWHERE NEAR HER OR ANYONE ELSE AGAIN I WON'T HESITATE TO TEAR YOU TO SHREDS!"

After finishing spitting her anger-fuelled vitriol she took a moment to compose herself before ordering the man one last time.

"Get out of my sight..."

It was only then that Eli turned her attention from the man and back to Nozomi. She moved from aggressive Eli to protective Eli in an instant, her eyes and expression softening significantly as they landed on Nozomi's curled up figure. The girl she loved had been reduced to this poor state that hurt Eli immensely to witness.

She wriggled out of Umi and Kotori's grasp and ran to Nozomi's side, kneeling down and desperately trying to get her attention.

"Nozomi! Oh my god! I've been worried sick! Are you okay!? Did he hurt you!?" She frantically babbled, just hoping from any response from Nozomi regardless of what it was. She wrapped her arms around Nozomi and cradled her head, losing herself in the softness of her still-luscious hair. To be able to feel Nozomi in her arms again sent waves of affection crashing through Eli.

' _She was alive!_ _'_

_'_ _She was here!_ _'_

_'_ _She was safe now!_ _'_

However her anxiety increased when she received a pained wince from the purple-haired girl as Eli ran her fingers over the bruised area on the back of her head.

Eli's eyes widened even further as she felt the lump that was partially concealed underneath Nozomi's fluffy purple hair. The blonde's heart cracked as she could physically feel the damage that the disgusting man had done. He harmed her. And just by the sounds of pain Nozomi produced she could tell it was a rather nasty wound.

_'_ _Oh Nozomi..._ _'_

She could feel Nozomi's body shaking in her hold and hear the intense and unnaturally rapid beating of her friend's heart; making her tighten her hold further, gently stroking the purplette's back and cooing soothingly into Nozomi's ear in an attempt to ground her, doing her best to remain calm in the situation, even though her insides were screaming with worry.

"Ssshhh...Sssshh...You're safe now. You're okay. I won't let anyone hurt you...Everything is going to be okay...I'm here for you..."

With every word she uttered she felt tears press at the back of her eyes until she couldn't hold them back anymore, thousands of different emotions hitting her at full force.

She had done it.

She had found Nozomi.

And now she was not going to let her go.

She was going to help her.

"Hey..." She said softly, placing her hand upon Nozomi's cheek and gently coaxing her to lift her head up to meet Eli's. When unfocused turquoise met worried azure blue, Eli noticed just how lost Nozomi looked, clearly battling an inner turmoil, causing Eli to frown.

This was not the girl she had come to love. She couldn't believe that the girl in front of her was her Nozomi; the happy mother of μ's. In that moment she could tell that it was like Nozomi's spirit had completely deflated, along with her bodily form.

"Just focus on me okay?...Deep breaths..." Eli started breathing in and out, hoping Nozomi would copy her, which she did. After a bit Nozomi's breathing seemed to be at a more normal rate; not as normal as Eli would have liked but that would be tricky considering the circumstances, she couldn't possibly expect Nozomi to properly be able to calm down after what had just transpired.

Luckily some colour had also returned to Nozomi's still-pale cheeks, helping Eli calm a bit more. Eli leaned her forehead against Nozomi's, testing her temperature: she was burning warm, even in a rather cold night.

As comfortable and tempted as she was to stay in the same position forever, never wanting to let Nozomi go, she knew it would be better if they could go back home where she would be safe and warm. Then they could have a proper talk.

"Let's get you back home..."  
As she pulled away from Nozomi she was immediately faced with a reluctant expression and no movement, It took only seconds before Eli realised why she wasn't moving.

_'_ _Oh Nozomi..._ _'_

_'Ple_ _ase come home..._ _'_

_'I want you to be safe...'_

"Nozomi?" She asked, leaning back closer to her friend, who was looking down, rather guiltily into her lap.

"I-I...I can't Elicchi..." she stuttered, Eli's facial expression softening and she gazed worriedly at her friend.

"I can't possibly keep burdening you...or your family..."

"You will never be a burden, and don't ever say that you are," Eli interrupted her and cupped Nozomi's cheeks in her warm hands, the heat from the blonde against Nozomi's face made her heart flutter.

"Really?" Nozomi asked, unsure of herself. Eli was met face-to-face with a pair of glistening turquoise puppy dog eyes. They were pleading and begging for reassurance, as if a small part of her was hoping Eli was really being truthful but there was also contradictions in them, as if they were drawing Eli in. She could so easily get lost in those deep green pools. The eyes that sparkled so brightly.

"Yes, really. You never bother any of us and never will, we love having you around. You light up our lives and bring us all closer together. My mother has told me so many times how grateful she is that you came into our lives. And Alisa looks up to you, she's told me just how much she admires you and how she considers you family, and we all agree with her. I wish your parents could see just how much you've grown but that is their own loss as they have been so blind to what an amazing person their daughter has become. You are such a kind, funny, helpful, caring and extremely beautiful person, even without the help and guidance from your parents. You figured things out by yourself which is extremely difficult and I can't put into words how proud me and the others are of you. "

_'_ _Eli called me...beautiful!?_ _'_

Nozomi stared back at Eli, wide-eyed, hanging onto every single word that came out of the blonde's mouth.

"Not only that but you have helped us all, me especially. You guided me through the hard times, even when I was being a real stubborn pain, you never gave up on me. You reached out and by doing so made me a better person. You haven't left my side ever since, I honestly don't know what I would do if I didn't have you with me anymore. It wouldn't be right that's for certain. I need you by my side because you've saved me. I want to be able to return the favour and do the same for you. You can trust me, I promise. Please Nozomi..."

_'_ _Come on Eli....just say it now!_ _'_

Eli's eyes began watering as she tried to push herself to finally say what she had been holding inside.

"I-I...-"

Suddenly the blonde heard a familiar sweet voice call out her name, it echoed down the alleyway, along with a few pairs of rapid footsteps that approached closer by the second.

In the matter of a few seconds Hanayo, Rin, Honoka, Maki and Alisa were a few feet in front of Nozomi and Eli, their faces half showing relief, half screaming with worry at Nozomi's shaken-up state.

"Nozomi-onee-san!" Alisa cried out, diving towards Nozomi and giving her a huge bear hug, with just enough time for Eli to move out of the way, tears streaming out of her eyes, while Nozomi looked back in shock.

As she registered the grip around her body, Nozomi felt as if she was encased in a warm, fluffy blanket as her nerves started to dissipate. Hugs had always been something Nozomi had loved and found solitude in and the Ayase's knew this and made it their duty to provide seventeen years worth of warmth that she had been denied by her own parents for all those years.

"I was so worried! I missed you so much! Please don't leave ever again! I love you so much! We all do! And you're beautiful just the way you are! Please don't ever change! You make me and Onee-chan so happy, please come back!"

Processing Alisa's heartfelt words, Nozomi was brought back to her senses and wrapped her arms around the younger Ayase sister and held her tightly, feeling so thankful to have met the amazing people in front of her.

Eli watched the scene play out fondly as the two most important people in her life hugged each other, showing nothing but affection through it. She briefly glanced back at everyone else; noting how relieved they all looked, even as some hugged each other with a gentle tears escaping their eyes.

She closed her eyes shut, wanting to revel in the moment as long as she could. She felt safe and secure: more than she had ever before. The newly spoken words seemed to momentarily silence the onslaught of doubts that had been whipping around inside her for a while now.

"I'm so sorry..." Nozomi whispered through her tears, suddenly being overthrown by hatred towards herself for causing everyone to become so worried about her. While she knew the voices she had been hearing deserved the blame, they always found their ways of pinning it on herself and her appearance as a whole, to the point where she didn't even know what or who to believe anymore.

"You don't need to be sorry Nozomi..." Eli said comfortingly, placing one hand on her shoulder as Alisa pulled away slightly, causing Nozomi to look back in her direction.

"It's okay to need help, there's nothing wrong with asking for it it. You don't have to keep things to yourself...You are never alone Nozomi...We promise we will always be here to help and we won't give up on you, ever. No matter what. We all love you unconditionally and want you to come home, to where you belong."

"B-but I'm scared..." Nozomi replied, her voice quiet as she was not used to saying what she felt so openly to others.

"It's okay to be scared, we'll be here to We'll figure out life together Nozomi and I will never give up on you...Please Nozomi...come back home, we need you..."

Although Eli hear Nozomi reveal her true feelings made her heart ache, she was relieved that she was finally opening up, even if it was slowly.

"E-elicchi..." Nozomi replied, unable to form a proper sentence as her heart soared from the love and sincerity that had poured out of Eli.

"We'll be by your side forever, we will never leave our goddess..." Eli said, staring into Nozomi's eyes with longing; longing for her closest friend to accept herself and longing for her feelings to reach her.

"I'll make sure to tell you everyday how much you mean to me and how beautiful you truly are!" Alisa added, gathering her energetic tone back.

As both of the blonde sisters held their hands out for Nozomi to take, for one moment the voices in her head were silent. Both of them looked so inviting, so caring, so similar to each other. It was easy to tell they were sisters, despite the subtle differences, Nozomi couldn't help but inwardly smile at that.

She steadily reached out both of her hands and grabbed onto one of Eli's and one of Alisa's, letting them tug her up from the hard ground, carefully helping her regain her composure as she wobbled slightly after standing up.

After regaining her balance and senses she looked over at her other idols, who were smiling reassuringly back at her, some with glassy eyes and some holding onto each other. Nozomi took a minute to admire how much they had all grown, not just physically but also mentally.

Honoka showed she wasn't afraid to take risks and was adamant on keeping on searching for Nozomi, even when things seemed hopeless.

Kotori, who always was seen smiling and cheering along others finally let others see her sadness and vulnerability, while giving her all into helping everyone stay calm.

Umi, who was always strict and incredibly serious, had learned to calm down and not fly off the handle during the situation, even if she needed some assistance, which was completely okay.

Hanayo, who was normally rather easily frightened had not asked anyone to save her once that day and had stayed strong, even without needing to be pulled forward by the others, or even Rin.

Rin, who had more energy than anyone Nozomi had ever met, had learned to slow down and think things through properly along with helping her fellow close friends through the difficult times.

Maki, who had always been so reserved and refused to show her true emotions towards others, had broke out of her shell and shown just how much she loved and cared about Nozomi and everyone else in μ's.

Nico, who had been known to cause trouble at times had shown her responsible and caring side as she took initiative in helping find Nozomi, all the while keeping a smile on her face.

And then there was Eli, who was, well Eli. Full of unconditional love and support, who never gave up on Nozomi no matter what, who managed to put aside her absolute biggest fear in order to help her.

Eli and Nozomi smiled at each other, their gentle breathing visible in the cold of the night which transferred thousands of feelings between the two

"Our family is complete once again..."

_'_ _Come on Eli! Say it!..._ _'_

"Nozomi....I-"

"Nozomi Ayase!!" Alisa cheered, earning an eruption of giggles from the idols, at Nozomi's new and rather well-fitting nickname and eliciting blushes from Eli and the purplette, but both inwardly were smiling happily.

_'_ _Nozomi Ayase...what a beautiful name..._ _'_

_'Per_ _fect for a beautiful girl..._ _'_

"I like it." Nozomi giggled sweetly, causing everyone around to burst into smiles as they heard a genuine laugh from her, one that was so warm and full of love. It felt like the real Nozomi was slowly returning, they just needed to keep going.

"Me too." Eli replied, intertwining her hand with Nozomi's and gazing affectionately into her friend's eyes. Nozomi's hand was incredibly freezing cold, making Eli wonder how long she had really been outside by herself, but the quicker they were, the quicker she could warm up.

As Eli began guiding Nozomi back home, gently swinging their arms up and down as they walked, a high-pitched squeal could be heard coming from a certain ash-haired idol, followed by a look of excitement and doting as she watched her two senpai's walk away together hand-in-hand. However Nozomi and Eli were to enamoured by each other to even notice their kouhai's reaction.

"Kotori?!" Umi said, a worried expression glazing over her previous smile as she desperately began checking over her friend, trying to figure out if she was okay or if she needed to contact a hospital.

Kotori's expression softened as she clasped her hands together in front of her body, staring as if in a dream-like trance, making a sigh of content. Meanwhile Umi began panicking as she couldn't seem to break Kotori out of her strange stupor, at this point she was beginning to regret not bringing her bow along.

"Are you okay!?" She pressed, this time successfully getting through to Kotori as she noticed a shift in her expression as if she had come back to reality.

"Yes, I'm perfectly fine thank you Umi-chan!" She replied, turning to face her childhood friend, a cute smile dawned on her face, making Umi breathe a sigh of relief as she could confirm her friend was okay.

~~~

As the pair entered into the Ayase household, they were both engulfed in a feeling of warmth. Nozomi, still clutching tightly to Eli's hand, felt herself slowly calming down, feeling safe in the comfort of a familiar place, especially one that belonged to Eli and her amazing family.

The blonde stole a glance to the beautiful woman beside her and observed as her lips formed into a genuine smile, which warmed her heart more than the heater in her house ever could. But Eli couldn't miss the tired look in Nozomi's eyes, that she knew Nozomi was desperately trying to cover up.

"Come on sleepyhead, let's get you ready for bed." Eli said softly, guiding Nozomi into the bedroom and coaxing her to sit on the bed.

Normally Nozomi would have just heard the word 'bed' and managed to tease Eli about it but today there were no such teasings. Just a quiet yawn and the nod of a head. Eli had to admit she did miss Nozomi's usual teasings. It was part of her character.

After laying some clothes out for Nozomi, Eli left the room so she could change in peace and watched as everyone else filed into her house, their moods seeming much lighter than a few hours prior.

"Where's Nozomi-chan?" Asked Rin, adopting her usual cheery demeanour.

"She's just getting ready for bed, I can't imagine how tired she is after everything that has happened." Eli replied, casting her eyes back in the direction of the closed bedroom door.

"I'm proud of you Eli." Umi said, shooting a casual smile at the tall blonde.

"Yeah, you did it. You brought her back!" Honoka cheered happily.

"And after she hears the song we have written for her, I'm sure she will be able to love herself once again, just like we love her." Kotori added, keeping her eyes on Eli, especially during the 'love' part. But Eli didn't seem to notice as she just kept looking at the closed door that separated her from the girl she loved, a smile plastered on her face as she was filled with a new-found determination that she would keep Nozomi safe and they would help her recover, no matter what it took.

"Thank you guys, now I think it's about time we went to bed, it's been a hard day. I'll ask Nozomi if she feels up to coming back to school tomorrow, now that she can. I think it will be better for her, staying at home by herself won't do her any good."

With that everyone exchanged farewells, hugs and then went off in their separate directions, heading for home. All except Alisa, who went to her own room to make preparations for sleep and Nico, who asked to stay and have a talk with Eli privately.

"Well first I think we should make some food for Nozomi to eat, after everything that's happened she will need some good food in her. Luckily the great Nico Nii is a spectacular cook! And with you as my chef apprentice we will make a great meal!" Nico mused, already heading in the direction of the kitchen, her mind focused on her task while Eli laughed and went to quickly check on Nozomi.

Upon entering the bedroom she saw Nozomi, now clad in a cute purple hoodie and shorts, sitting on the edge of the bed, clutching onto the tanuki plushie as it sat on her lap. Eli's heart softened at the adorable sight, watching how she cuddled up to the soft toy affectionately.

Eli couldn't help but think that Nozomi would make a really good pet owner, the unconditional love she would give it would be second to none but unfortunately she knew Nozomi's parents would go ballistic if she were to suddenly get a pet for her apartment, mostly because they thought keeping animals was a waste of money, even though it would be nice company for Nozomi to have whenever Eli couldn't come round.

But maybe when they got older they could share an apartment and possibly even get a pet together, but that was if Nozomi wanted to of course.

"Elicchi, thank you." Nozomi spoke, her tiredness present in her voice as she turned her head to face Eli as she walked further into the room. She approached the bed and ushered Nozomi under the covers, where she tucked her in, after surrounding her head with fluffy cushions.

"You don't need to thank me, I'd do anything for you. Now, rest. You've earned it."

She watched as Nozomi gently laid her head down on the pillow, her eyes immediately beginning to flicker, indicating just how tired she really was.

She decided against mentioning the prospect of eating to her, hoping it wouldn't weigh on her mind so she could get some rest before Eli brought the soup in for her later.

"Good night Nozomi." She spoke softly, not wanting to disturb her friend when she was entering the land of dreams. The place where she should hopefully be safe.

As she left the room, carefully and quietly shutting the door behind her, she hoped Nozomi would be able to sleep soundly and have a good dream. She had earned it.

When Eli arrived in the kitchen, Nico had already decided on making some soup as it would be nice and warming, while not being too heavy for Nozomi and her body to handle. She had to get used to taking regular meals again so it would be better to start light. Nico made sure that she would only settle for the finest quality ingredients in her masterpiece for Nozomi.

Eli helped retrieve all the cooking equipment from her kitchen cupboards and followed Nico's orders precisely, determined to make this soup the best Nozomi had ever tasted.

"You always have this look on your face when you do something to do with Nozomi." Nico pointed out, making Eli blush that she had apparently been at all obvious about her feelings.

"Do I?" Eli feigned ignorance, knowing she always did seem more focused and determined whenever her best friend was involved in something.

"Even Alisa can sense something, I talked with her before and you know how much she adored Nozomi, if you two did get together I'm sure she'd be delighted. You need to tell Nozomi how you feel! It's getting painful to watch." Nico informed, throwing her chopped up vegetables into the brewing pot.

"I know, I want to...it's just...what if she doesn't like me in that way?" Eli said hesitantly, adding her portion of vegetables to the pot.

"Eli, This is you jumping a lot of conclusions." Nico put down her knife and imitated a jumping motion from her right side to her left with her hands, driving her point home.

"Nozomi absolutely loves you, you big dummy!" Nico shouted, as if it was the most obvious thing in the world, which it seemed like it was to everyone but Eli.

"Are you sure? What if she likes someone else?"

"I'll believe that as much as I believe an advert for fat-free cheeseburgers. I've seen the way she is around you, how her eyes light up when you are together and how determined she always is to make you open up. And I've seen how sad she can get when she's not with you, no matter how good she is at hiding it. She really loves you Eli. Anyone with two functioning eyes and enough sense to keep them breathing can see that."

"Clearly not then if I couldn't." Eli laughed, wondering if what Nico said was really as true and obvious as she made it out to be.

Nico tutted and began stirring the soup mixture, adding sprinkles of various herbs and spices every so often. The amazing aroma from their culinary creation caused Eli's stomach to growl.

"Good thing we made a big pot, come on Eli, let Nozomi rest a little longer and have some yourself, you're going to need lots of energy." Nico said, pouring out some soup into a bowl for Eli and handing it to the blonde.

Eli thanked her friend and went to sit down, spooning the delicious, warm liquid into her mouth. All the while Nico watched happily and began gathering her belongings to leave. She trusted Eli to take care of Nozomi for the night by herself from here.

"Be sure to take care of Nozomi for me, I'll come by after school tomorrow to help out, I'll see you both tomorrow! Nico Nico Nii!"

Eli giggled as she watched Nico leave her home with such enthusiasm. As she finished up the rest of her bowl and readied a tray to take Nozomi's to the bedroom where she lay, her mind darted back to what Nico had told her. Had what she said really been true?

_'_ _Could Nozomi really love me?..._ _'_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you very much for reading, I hope you enjoyed this latest chapter. Also if anyone you know has suffered from sexual assault please don't be afraid or ashamed to talk to someone you trust about it.  
> I hope you are taking care of yourselves, having a great day/night and remember to eat, drink and take your medication if you need to!   
> ~Dusk


	12. Back To School Blues

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Nozomi tries to get back into the swing of things...

Eli slowly pushed the door open a bit and looked inside, seeing Nozomi safely tucked under the covers, cuddling up to the tanuki plushie, fast asleep.

She smiled at the adorable sight, taking in every single inch and storing it into her memory as she quietly made her way inside the room - placing the tray on the floor for a moment and perching on the edge of the bed, feeling it dip ever so slightly.

Her eyes travelled down to the sleeping girl at her side. Her face was still sharp like a knife, as if the roundness that used to be there never existed. She missed it. Although it was one simple feature, it highlighted Nozomi's personality extremely well; Kind, gentle, motherly and caring with no malicious intent whatsoever.

Nozomi's hair was much thinner now, resembling closer to thin strips of paper than what used to be her fluffy hair with plenty of bounce to its name.

In addition dark circles had found themselves forming all around her eyes, the shine they used to hold having severely dimmed. The list went on and on and that was only the outside, Eli dreaded to think of the state of Nozomi on the inside.

She was willing to bet that her best friend probably hadn't had her period anytime soon either.

It was crazy to think the horrible things that society could do to people, how it could twist and distort their perceptions into unhealthy lifestyles.

It disgusted her.

Nozomi deserved to be happy and healthy and shining brightly doing what she loved the most, with those she held dear to her.

Not this.

Recovery was no easy task, that much was obvious but Eli was prepared to stay by her side every step of the way. Nozomi needed her and she wasn't about to go anywhere.

Before she was even consciously aware of her movements, she found her arm stretched out and her palm gently brushing against Nozomi's cheek, feeling the remaining softness of her skin, despite it being more pointed than Eli was used to. It was as if whenever Nozomi was around, Eli was caught up in some kind of magical spell.

_'It's probably all that wonderful spiritual power of yours...'_

In reaction to Eli caressing her cheek, Nozomi began stirring awake, latching tighter onto the plushie and burying her head deeper into the pillow, a clear indication she was still tired. But Eli knew she needed to eat.

"Wakey wakey." Eli urged, while beginning to ruffle Nozomi's soft purple hair. It did the trick as Nozomi's eyes flickered open and revealed her bright turquoise hues to Eli.

"E-elicchi?" Nozomi croaked out, her voice laced with sleep.

"I just came to give you some food and your medication, don't worry it won't take long and then you can go back to sleep."

Eli bent down to retrieve the tray of soup and placed it in front of Nozomi as she sat up slowly. She noticed Nozomi's quiet wince as she clutched her head, letting go of the plush toy.

"Are you okay Nozomi?" Eli asked, hurriedly making her way to Nozomi's side and placing a hand on her partially-exposed thigh, that wasn't hidden under the covers.

"I'm fine Elicchi..." she replied, her voice sounding quiet and strained. Eli remained at her friend's side and watched as she hesitantly brought the tray closer to her and grabbed hold of the silver spoon.

Eli could see the fear in Nozomi's eyes due to the prospect of eating, so Eli shot a reassuring smile in Nozomi's direction, silently encouraging Nozomi to eat. It seemed to work as Nozomi plunged the spoon into the soup and brought it back into her mouth.

Although the process was slow Eli remained by her side as she ate - not that Eli really paid attention to the passing of time as she was completely transfixed on watching the girl she loved.

If Eli was honest, she wouldn't have minded staying like that for a while longer. Just getting to take a proper look at Nozomi gave her unexplainable happiness. She easily became lost in all aspects of her friend.

Once the bowl was empty, Eli took the tray off the bed and put it on the floor, before worming her hands into Nozomi's.

"Well done, I'm very proud of you." Eli assured, wanting Nozomi to understand that she was doing really well. Throughout the process of eating a little colour had returned to Nozomi's face and her hands had warmed up slightly, although not enough for Eli's liking but it was an improvement nonetheless.

"Now, it's medicine time." Eli announced, attempting to sound sarcastically upbeat as she knew they didn't taste particularly nice from the expressions Nozomi always made after taking them over the past week.

Nozomi pouted cutely in response but complied as Eli handed Nozomi the pills she had to take, along with a glass of water to help wash them down. Eli observed as her friend took them and gulped down the water rather quickly, before making another sour expression in response to the taste.

"There you are, all done!" Eli concluded, flashing another bright smile at Nozomi, who returned with one of her own.

"You're such a strong girl!"

"You're too kind Elicchi. I'm really not..." Nozomi replied, her voice sombre and shy, as if she was hiding away.

"How are you not? I know for a fact you are incredibly strong, you always have been." Eli stated, determined to overthrow those doubtful voices in Nozomi's head, hoping to convey to her that she was as strong as Eli knew she was.

"B-but-" Nozomi began before Eli poked her on her forehead and interrupted her.

"None of that. You are strong. You are! You've done so well. I know it's difficult but I can see how hard you try. Fighting away those voices can't be easy but you are doing it. You've come so far and we are all overwhelmingly proud of you - you're our wonderful goddess."

Nozomi was speechless. Hearing how proud Eli had really been of her helped silence the nagging doubts about Eli thinking she was weak that had been consuming her for the past week.

Eli watched as a thousand emotions splattered onto Nozomi's face, as if she was trying to comprehend what Eli had said. Eli tightened her grip on Nozomi's hand in an attempt to truly convince Nozomi what she said had been the truth.

Of course it had been. Eli wouldn't say it if it hadn't.

Eli had always been proud of Nozomi and everything she did. She helped form μ's, she helped Eli open up and do something she wanted to do, she never failed to make others happy or help them out even if she hurt herself in the process. Nozomi was definitely a hard-worker. If anything Eli thought Nozomi often tried too hard, although she couldn't complain as it was a trait she knew she possessed as well.

"Thank you Elicchi..." she replied, still in a partial state of shock and disbelief.

"No need to thank me at all, you're the one that deserves all the thanking in the world, especially having to put up with my stubborn butt for nearly three years." Eli joked, recalling how she had acted all those years ago when they first met. It seemed like only yesterday to Eli, but it was as if she had known Nozomi her entire life.

"It's been my pleasure to take care of you, and your stubborn butt, which for your information I find very cute!" Nozomi teased, watching as Eli pouted and her face developed into a deep shade of red.

"Nozomi!" she groaned, still knowing what Nozomi said was all fun and games. If she was honest she rather enjoyed her best friend's teasings, besides the fact she would always end up embarrassed. She had definitely missed them.

Eli began rubbing circles with her thumb on the back of Nozomi's hand to help comfort her. Despite Nozomi's still-alarming thinness, her hands were still soft and smooth, just how Eli loved them. Suddenly she remembered something that she hoped would help bring Nozomi's spirits up.

"Also the doctors said you could return to school tomorrow, only if you are ready to of course!"

"I'd love to, it will be nice to go back." Nozomi replied, wanting nothing more than for things to go back to how they used to. She had missed μ's and their practices. They were her family and her escape from the bad thoughts. Despite getting to see them on the odd occasion, Nozomi hadn't been able to fully see and appreciate her friends for a while and she wanted nothing more than to drown everyone in hugs and hear everyone's laughter again. After all laughter was the best medicine.

"Everyone will be glad to see you again. It's not been the same without you with us. Now, let's get you sorted properly for bed."

With that Eli began shifting the pillows and cushions around, placing them at every possible angle near Nozomi's head, so if she did get particularly restless her head wouldn't suffer any pain from it.

While Eli momentarily left her friend's side to grab a pile of fluffy blankets she saw Nozomi stretch from the corner of her eye. She watched as Nozomi bawled her hand up, placing it into her hair and began to take it out of her signature hairstyle, letting her long purple hair flow downwards freely. It was a rare occurrence when Eli got to see Nozomi with her hair down so she made sure to treasure every second and commit every little detail of the experience to memory: noting the way her hair fell, the ends spraying out in different directions on the top of the bed.

It was then that she looked more like a grown woman than a teenage girl. It was a sight Eli couldn't get enough of. She continued to watch in awe as Nozomi left her scrunchies on the bedside table and attempted to settle back down into the bed.

As the purple-haired girl sank deeper into the covers and mounds of blankets, it was then that exhaustion took it's toll and Nozomi easily settled down, her eyes shutting.

In the spur of the moment Eli leaned forward, brushed Nozomi's fringe out of the way and planted a loving kiss on her forehead, eliciting a soft hum from the sleepy shrine maiden. The feeling of Eli's soft lips against Nozomi's skin was blissful for them both, as if it banished all negative energy from them.

"Goodnight Nozomi, sweet dreams."

Upon pulling away she watched as Nozomi's eyes slowly sealed themselves closed. If Eli had to pick one of her most favourite things in the world, Nozomi's peaceful sleeping face outshone all of her favourite things in existence - because Nozomi would always be her most favourite thing in the world.

In that moment she began feeling extremely sleepy herself, so taking a chance, she squeezed herself next to Nozomi on the bed and cuddled up close to her, easily drifting off to sleep without even a single embarrassing thought about her actions.

She was fast asleep so quickly that she missed her mother peering into the room and seeing the two girls sleeping together, her adorning a loving expression. They truly looked so perfect together; their bodies fitting together like two jigsaw pieces as they made subtle movements in their sleep, slowly snuggling even closer to each other, longing for comfort and warmth from the person they loved the most.

With a confirmation that they were both safe, she whispered "Sleep well." to them, hoping it would somehow reach them in their slumber and left the room, closing the door quietly behind her.

~~~

Morning came too quickly for Eli's liking as she stirred when the sunlight caught her face through the window. She yawned and stretched out, attempting to snuggle back close to Nozomi, however when she tried she found she was alone on the bed. She pouted sadly, wanting nothing more than to feel the warmth of her best friend and just forget everything that was expected of them: all responsibilities thrown into the wind.

If it wasn't for Nozomi, Eli wouldn't have become as happy as she was. Life, strenuous everyday tasks and responsibilities had ruled her life for so long, so when Nozomi offered her an escape from all that, she felt like it was only right to indulge herself every-once-in-a-while. After all everyone deserves a break.

"Nozomi?" She called out, aware she probably sounded needy. She rolled out of the bed, removing the bed covers from trapping her body back into slumber and shuffled to the bedroom door, opening it slightly and peering out in search for the purple-haired girl.

She was immediately hit with a bright light from the next room, indicating Nozomi was indeed awake. After a little scanning of her surroundings she spotted Nozomi, her back facing Eli as she put her hair up into her usual twin-tails with some familiar lavender scrunchies, running her fingers through her long purple locks as she did so.

When Eli's eyes became more focused she noticed Nozomi was already dressed in her Otonokizaka uniform, indicating that she really was happy and eager to be able to go back. Especially since Eli knew just how much Nozomi loved staying in late and sleeping.

She stepped into the room; revealing herself, watching as Nozomi whipped around to face Eli, a bright smile appearing on her face as she did so.

"Good morning Elicchi!" She mused, her voice sounding lighter than it had been recently, making Eli's heart flutter. She was sounding more like her usual self, which was incredibly reassuring. To Eli, the slightly playful tone she always had returning gave her a sudden burst of energy.

"Good morning Nozomi." She replied warmly, walking up behind the purplette and wrapping her arms around her neck, nuzzling her face into the back of Nozomi's head. She felt like she could fall back asleep right there and then. A tired Elichika tended to equal a clingy Elichika.

"My my, you are very tired aren't you Elicchi? Good thing I made you a lovely breakfast!" Nozomi giggled, gesturing towards the table, where a plate of warm pancakes were sitting, drowned in chocolate sauce and decorated precisely with berries, enticing Eli to dive right into them then and there.

She unravelled her arms from around Nozomi's neck and shuffled over to the table, yawning and wiping her eyes in an attempt to wake up. Nozomi giggled as she watched her sleepy best friend attempt to sit down properly and navigate the cutlery from the plate to her mouth.

Her face immediately lit up as the first bite of pancake hit Eli's tastebuds, awakening her completely.

"Harasho! Thank you Nozomi!"

For the next few minutes Eli devoured her homemade breakfast with gusto, savouring every bite as the fluffiness of the pancakes warmed up her being, filling her body with the buzzing energy  she needed while Nozomi watched it all happen, smiling adoringly and giggling to herself at how her secretly-dorky friend was behaving.

It was moments like this Nozomi felt special. She got to see the jokey, playful side of Eli that was not shown to many others. The most rewarding part was seeing Eli's goofy smiles when she was particularly happy or enticed by something (usually chocolate). It more than made up for all the effort Nozomi put into making Eli a breakfast she would like.

After Eli finished devouring her pancakes, she wiped her face clean elegantly with a napkin and gathered her utensils onto her plate before whisking them away into the kitchen, where they found home in the sink.

After clearing away the breakfast mess, Eli turned back around to face Nozomi, taking in every inch of her appearance. It seemed like forever since she had seen her wearing her school uniform, but in that short time she noticed that it had in fact gotten quite baggy over that time in comparison to before. The revelation made Eli frown, hoping that things would get better from here on in. Nozomi deserved to feel secure and happy with herself and Eli was determined to make it happen.

She watched as Nozomi casted her eyes around the living room, not missing the smile that curled on her lips as she took in the sight of all the decorations, trinkets and photographs that held sentiment to the Ayase's. As she scanned, Eli noticed her eyes come to a stop on one particular photograph, her expression shifting to one of a curious nature.

Eli walked over to get a glimpse of what particular picture had caught her eye. When she found out which the said picture was, she smiled knowingly. It was one of Eli and Nozomi that they had taken together after the purple-haired made an impulse decision to use a nearby photo booth after their very first parfait outing. Eli recalled the memory fondly, although cringing slightly as she remembered how stoic and stubborn she was at the time but being glad that Nozomi managed to persuade her to do it after all. It marked an important date in their friendship: one that Eli did not want to forget and was sure she never would.

The photo was the third and final one they took from the roll and it showed Eli being more casual after getting used to the prospect of getting their pictures taken, as she smiled happily at the camera, her arms wrapped tightly around Nozomi's frame in a bone-crushing hug, while Nozomi laughed happily looking in Eli's direction. It was the first set of photo's from many that they had taken in that booth and was well-deserving of a place where it could be properly viewed and appreciated. After all Nozomi was important to Eli and all the Ayase's, so it only made sense for it to belong there.

Eli could sense Nozomi's wonder about why a picture with her included it in would take pride of place on display in the Ayase family living room.

"I put this up because it's an important memory to me. My parents and Alisa were more than happy for me to do so. We really do see you as part of the family you know." She said, hoping to alleviate some of the confused thoughts that were no-doubt plaguing her mind at that moment. Nozomi hummed gently in response, still seemingly lost in her own world.

They both continued to stare at it tenderly, reminiscing about how far their friendship had come over the years.

"Good morning!" A high-pitched voice called out, getting louder as the person came closer to the pair, breaking them out of their memories.

"Good morning Alisa-chan!" Nozomi greeted warmly; a kind smile on her face that was so distinctly her, as Alisa bounded up towards her, clad in her school uniform and initiated a hug. After pulling away Alisa gave Eli a hug and excitedly ran off to grab her school bag.

"She has so much energy, it makes me wonder how she does it. I could do with a bit of that myself." Joked Nozomi, causing them both to laugh in agreeance.

"Sometimes I wonder if she can be too energetic." Eli tutted, reflecting on a variety of times where Alisa's seemingly infinite supply of energy had caused for her own downfall, usually by injuring herself or falling over.

Alisa returned, still smiling widely with her infectious smile, however today it seemed like it was even more positive than normal, if that was even possible. But Eli wasn't one to question why Alisa was so happy, it was a good thing after all.

"All ready to go!" She confirmed, getting ready to head out of the door, Nozomi and Eli following her.

After locking the door securely and beginning their journey to school, Alisa slipped in the middle of the pair and took one of each of their hands. Eli looked down questionably, meeting Alisa's joyful gaze. 

Eli shared a look with Nozomi and as if an entire conversation was had in silence they seemed to understand each other, beginning to swing their arms around, eliciting cheery giggles from the younger Ayase sister.

It was then that a thought hit her as she took in the beautiful sight of her sister and her best friend smiling and laughing openly; they were just like a couple and their young child. They were truly like a family, if the entire morning had been any indication.

The air was filled with cheery conversation and laughter as they dropped Alisa off in front of her school personally before heading off in their own school's direction where they settled into a comfortable silence and walked hand-in-hand. However something began aching in the back of Nozomi's conscience.

She was supposed to be happy to see her friend's again right? She loved them deeply and cherished everything they did together, yet she still felt uneasy at the prospect of seeing them again, especially after the events of the previous night that had been relentlessly tormented her ever since they had taken place.

 _'What will everyone in μ's think of you after everything that has happened?'_ The voice attacked, pulling at every single doubt and insecurity Nozomi had.

As they approach nearer the school, Eli feels Nozomi's grip tighten on her hand and sensed something was wrong. Nozomi's mask cracked for a half a second before cementing itself back into place, showing her reluctance which Eli's keen eyes did not miss.

"Hey, don't worry. It's going to be okay. Everyone will be happy to see you back again, I know it. They all love you and just want you to be okay, as do I." Eli reassured, breaking the silence.

However the voice was relentless, whatever Eli attempted to make her believe went through one ear and out of the other as her brain managed to come up with a counter to every positive thing that was said.

_'They will see you as a bother. You've skipped a week's worth of practices and aren't even allowed to get properly involved like before. You're just holding them back.'_

Nozomi gritted her teeth and held her eyes tightly shut, trying to fight away her doubts that were now the cause of an oncoming headache. When she had the courage to open her eyes again her head hurt even more.

She didn't feel ready to go back anymore. She didn't want to face them. In her mind she would just slow them down.

Before another torrent of insults could hit her at full force they arrived at the school gates, Eli catching sight of their friends and waving towards them. Nozomi looked up and saw everyone, enthusiastically waving at her and Eli, bright smiles all around. Rin was unable to contain her excitement and rushed up to them, enveloping Nozomi in a huge hug, shouting out how much she missed her. Nozomi laughed happily, wondering how on earth her mind could turn something so friendly and pure into anything remotely self-crippling.

She didn't want to let the doubts dominate her like they had been recently. But the voices were indeed strong today.

_'They are lying.'_

_'They didn't miss you, they just want to protect your feelings.'_

She frowned inwardly as the possibility sunk in. Despite scanning everyone's beaming faces and seeing no contradictions in them, she couldn't help but believe what her mind was telling her.

Feeling defeated she was pulled towards the group and roped into a conversation, putting back up her mask to hide her inner chaos - after all Nozomi didn't like troubling people with her details or needs when she could help it. But she had to admit that just being around her friend's did help ease her worries more so than if she was holed up by herself. She was so out of it that she didn't even notice Nico pull Eli to the side.

"How's Nozomi? Is she okay? Did she eat?" Nico began bombarding Eli with questions on Nozomi and her health, her voice cracking from worry.

"I don't know how she is truly feeling unfortunately...but I managed to get her to eat and take her medication." Eli replied, peering over at Nozomi and watched her facial expression, which remained a firmly glued smile. Eli knew better than to assume it was real.

"At least she's eaten...that's good." Nico relaxed, her nerves ceasing a little.

"We'll just have to look after her during classes."

Eli nodded in reply, hoping that Nozomi's mind and body would be able to handle the busy and hectic school environment. She'd already made a mental note to take most of the initiative herself which the forever-extending pile student council work that was waiting for them.

After Eli updated Nico on the situation they went back to join the group, Eli making sure to stand next to Nozomi.

Upon arriving back Eli saw Nozomi was now invested in a conversation with their kouhai, seeing and hearing them spill all their love and emotions about Nozomi being reunited with them. If Eli had to compare it to something, it would have easily been mirroring the playful love of young children showing affection to their mother, which she figured was definitely apropos to Nozomi's motherly instincts.

Mid-way through a conversation, the bell tolled and everyone split up and made their ways to class: Nico and Eli sticking close to Nozomi's side all the while.

~~~

After Nico and Eli managed to safely navigate Nozomi to their classroom, waiting a little later specifically to avoid any accidents befalling their friend in the mad rush of students trying to be on time to class.

Luckily when they got there their teacher hadn't yet arrived. So far things were looking promising. School was already a difficult environment to be in, even at the best of times, so both Nico and Eli knew they had to keep an extra close eye on Nozomi, readying themselves just in case they needed to take her out for some time to calm down and gather her thoughts back.

Once the class had settled down and the teacher arrived, beginning the lesson: Eli glanced behind her to get a glimpse of Nozomi, as if somehow she would change after class finished. She was sat, leaning on her arms before she smiled politely at Eli. Once Eli could confirm that Nozomi was safe in class and seemed to be okay, she turned around and attempted to pay attention to the lesson.

Throughout class Eli found herself turned around more and more, as if Nozomi would disappear had she not kept looking. Every time she was met with the same bright smile that Eli found absolutely adorable. She found herself suppressing squeals inside of her but remembering to keep her cool as she would rather not embarrass herself in front of her entire class.

Classes went by with relatively no problems, despite Eli seemed to be having more trouble than Nozomi did due to her consistent worrying. So when it was time for lunch, Eli breathed a sigh of relief and turned herself around to face Nozomi properly.

"Ready to go for lunch?" Eli asked, offering her hand out for Nozomi to take.

"Of course Elicchi, lead the way." Nozomi replied, intertwining her hand with Eli's as they began to follow Nico up to the rooftop.

"Come on you two, it will be graduation before we get there at this rate!" Nico moaned, rushing ahead, with the intention of giving the pair a few extra minutes alone together.

In order to keep Nozomi's spirits high, Eli took initiative on conversation, steering it in the direction of more positive topics.

When they reached the roof, Nozomi was hit with the realisation of having to eat. It was bad enough if it was just with Eli but after everything that had happened she desperately did not want to be watched over by 8 people, regardless of whether they were her close friends or not.

But then Nozomi remembered she never actually prepared or brought any lunch and thought that perhaps she would be let off, her nerves starting to melt away.

That was until she sat herself down along with everyone else and Eli, who sat beside her, pulled out a purple bento box and passed it to Nozomi.

Never had such a simple act of kindness sent such a stabbing pain to her heart and mind. The voices began returning, hitting her at full force with insults as well as the undeniable guilt of how Eli would feel if she didn't eat it. She knew Eli had put so much effort into making it for her and not eating it would weigh on her conscience more intensely than if she did.

However her mind was quick to challenge that theory as the familiar fear of food that she had developed crept to the surface of her thoughts.

_'You can't eat in front of them! They already think you're fat as it is!'_

Nozomi did her best to ignore her brain as it protested heavily against what she was about to do. She wanted to prove it wrong just as much as herself. So she hesitantly opened it, under the watchful gaze of her fellow third years, while the other members tried to be less obvious with their approach and started cracking jokes to keep Nozomi's mind off the prospect of eating, in hope she wouldn't feel bad for doing so.

Upon opening the bento Nozomi found on top of the extremely delicious looking confectionary, was a folded note.

Confused, she picked it up and unfolded it, her eyes completely focused on the paper, missing the delighted expression on Eli's face.   
After scanning over it, she found out that it was in fact from Alisa.

 _I hope you enjoy this lunch me and Onee-chan made especially for you! I know it may seem hard but please remember you deserve to eat! We love you just the way you are Nozomi-onee-san! You are a beautiful and amazing person!_  
~ _Alisa_

Nozomi keep re-reading the note, although it was short it didn't fail to tug on her heartstrings. Alisa really did know how to help, despite people's doubts due to her being younger. A few tears threatened to escape her eyes, until she remembered where she was, blinked them away and held the note close to her chest, savouring the heartfelt words it contained, hoping it would silence the voices long enough for her to eat.

However horrible she felt when she did eat, she couldn't deny how hungry she really was. After weeks and weeks of consuming little-to-no food and drink whatsoever, her body had become damaged and it wouldn't let her eat as much as she used to.

Eli placed a hand on Nozomi's shoulder, silently begging her to at least try to eat what she could. Nozomi could not possibly even consider saying no to such an adorable wounded puppy look from Eli. She never could.

She patted Eli on the head, chuckling in amusement at the endearing sight of her best friend being so supportive of her without being too overbearing and reached for the chopsticks that were provided for her.

She decided to start with the lighter side of the meal, picking up a tomato with the chopsticks and slowly inserted it into her mouth, chewing thoroughly as her body reacted to the food, causing her stomach to grumble.

Delighted at the sight of their friend eating, everyone turned their attention to their own food and began exchanging pleasantries with each other.

Nozomi listened intently, trying to distract herself from the voices that gradually became louder, the more she took from the bento. Despite Alisa and Eli trying to stay on the lighter side in order to make Nozomi feel more comfortable, the voices did not think it was any different than filling her body with all the unhealthy junk foods in the world.

"....Yeah! I was surprised when I got that right too!...."

_'You can't even stick to your diet! How are you ever going to earn your place in μ's!?'_

"...Don't let yourself get lazy Honoka..."

_'They could get so much further without you holding them back and you know it!'_

"...I can't help it! Sleeping is my super power!..."

Nozomi's focus drifted in and out of the conversation that was happening around her, as her mind strived to overpower her attention. However Nozomi kept strong and fought through it, almost shoving the last few bites of her homemade lunch into her mouth before she could convince herself otherwise.

 _"_ Well done." Eli praised quietly, patting Nozomi on the shoulder after noticing she had completely finished her meal, feeling a sense of pride wash over her: Nozomi truly was a trooper.

Nozomi closed up the bento and passed it back to Eli with a thankful smile, keeping Alisa's note in her pocket in case she needed anymore encouragement throughout her time at school.

She had done it. She had made it through lunch. She just had to make it through the rest of the day, keeping her food in her system and without giving in to the demands of those horrible, but extremely persuasive, voices.

Nozomi knew it would take some getting used to in order to be able to get through the day like she used to be able to but she remained determined. She wanted to prove herself wrong. She was going to change; For μ's, for herself, for Eli.

She had just a few more classes and then practice to go...

~~~

After what seemed like an eternity, the normal school day had ended and it was time for practice. Due to her state, Nozomi had been warned to participate in only light activity to begin with so when her body became stronger, she would be able to join in fully again.

While getting changed into her practice clothes, Eli kept an eye on her, observing her still rather slim body as she removed her school shirt and replaced it with her practice shirt:  
Her spine jutted out further than it should have and her hips were pointed and her ribs could have been mistaken for a skin-coloured xylophone.

It was painfully clear just how much damage had already been done to Nozomi's body, but this drove Eli on more to help. She wouldn't rest until Nozomi was back to her old self again. She couldn't deny how much she missed the roundness of her friend's gorgeous face, the perfect eye-catching curves that Eli loved to be able to feel when they hugged and the genuine spark in her eyes that had since been extinguished.

Noticing she had been staring for way longer than she should have, Eli blushed and quickly finished getting change herself, before walking up with Nozomi back to the roof for practice to begin.

Everyone had previously discussed arrangements about what Nozomi would do during practice and all of μ's did their best to support her, making her feel included and giving her encouragement whenever she looked down or particularly exhausted. They were adamant on helping Nozomi through this difficult time, wanting their spiritual friend to be restored to her normal self once more.

Umi had taken a serious and practical approach, deciding on which warm-ups to do, how long for and roughly how many she should be able to do. She had also chosen less tiring activities to occupy Nozomi with whenever Umi thought that everyone should run through the latest choreography again, without wanting to make her overdo it.

Rin and Honoka had put their energetic and humorous personalities to use; making jokes, doing silly dance moves and trying to keep everyone's mood up throughout the duration of practice. Whenever they managed to succeed in making Nozomi smile and laugh, they fist-bumped in a celebratory fashion, knowing they had truly done their best to help out in the way that was most fitting for them.

Hanayo had pulled Nozomi to the side and had a small talk with her - telling her how she felt proud of her for being so brave and strong despite everything and confessing how she knew what it was like to feel uncomfortable in her own body. She described just how much she looked up to Nozomi for being herself and bringing everyone together and how grateful she was for helping her open up more. Regardless of the fact she wasn't the best with words, Hanayo was so passionate about her love and care for her fellow member that the words just flowed out easily and even Nozomi picked up on this, feeling touched that she had managed to help her kouhai like she had.

Nico and Maki had managed to keep the quarrelling to a minimum, which actually proved easier than expected. They were even spotted sharing smiles and jokes with each other, nearly causing the other members to have a heart attack, while the pair just stared at them with confused expressions. Nozomi could definitely see that they had grown closer together overtime and couldn't have been happier.

Kotori had decided to showcase some of her new fantastic costume designs to everyone, taking in all the feedback, making sure to have put extra time and effort into making Nozomi's absolutely perfect, using all her fashion knowledge to pick a design that would help Nozomi see her body in a better and more truthful light. She deserved to see just how beautiful she and her body really was.

While Eli had suggested on them warming up together, which Nozomi graciously accepted with no questions asked. They both had always done well when they had practiced together and this session was no different, despite the added difficulties.

It was one of the first times that day where her head was not filled with negative thoughts, but with joyful feelings and memories of all her time with μ's. It reminded her just how far they had come, as individuals and as a group.

Once practice had come to an end and most of the idols had nearly collapsed from exhaustion and hard work and drowned themselves in litres of freezing cold bottled water, everyone said their final farewells to each other: making sure to tell Nozomi how happy they were that she had returned and to make sure she took care of herself, Nico being especially adamant about that part.

Nozomi gave everyone an affectionate hug in return, hoping it showcased just how touched she was by everyone's sentiments. Everyone felt much more relaxed having Nozomi back around them again and it was fair to say they had definitely missed her hugs. There was just always something comforting about them, as well as the aura that she carried around with her.

But the most relaxed for once had to be Eli. Seeing all her fellow idols be reunited again, all looking out for each other was a great sight to see; making her feel like a proud parent. She also couldn't miss the genuine beaming smile on Nozomi's face as they walked home together, which made her feel even better. It was as if she was slowly but surely reverting back to her old self; the person that saved Eli and whom she treasured the most. A cheerful, kind girl who was more beautiful than anyone Eli had ever known, inside and out.

The entire atmosphere while walking home was much lighter than it had ever been for the past few weeks; although Eli knew it wasn't an indication that everything was completely fine, she relished in the smiles she retrieved, hoping that she would see them again much more often.

As Eli glanced to her side, taking in the sight of her smiling best friend, she felt her heart soar higher than any aeroplane she had ever traveled on. It was surprising how peaceful she looked, despite everything that was happening to her. It made Eli furrow her brows, wondering if this was a mask or whether it was genuine. There were no faults or cracks at all and even when she spoke she sounded more like her usual self.

But it was terrifying that Nozomi could keep on being positive even if she was facing her own personal hell. Eli was no master at reading others like Nozomi was so she had to rely on her gut instinct and whatever signs she received from Nozomi herself as to how she was truly feeling.

"Thank you Elicchi, for taking care of me. I'm so glad to be back." Nozomi spoke, her words full of sincerity.

Eli squeezed Nozomi's hand tightly, rubbing the back of it with her thumb.

"I'll always be here to take care of you and we're all glad that your back with us too."

Nozomi relaxed more at Eli's words and rested her head against Eli's shoulders, which the blonde welcomed and tilted her head, resting it against Nozomi's. The fuzzy feeling of their heads connecting drove them into a comfortable silence. Two people who meant everything to each other let their hearts connect and beat as one.

_'Maybe we should have a day out together? She's definitely earned one.'_

"Hey Nozomi?" Eli began, breaking the ice.

"Would you like to have a day out together this weekend?" Upon proposing the idea, she became flushed - shades of scarlet tinting her cheeks.

"I'd love to Elicchi." Nozomi replied happily, latching into Eli's arm playfully. Eli savoured the adorable expression on Nozomi's face, it reminded her of how she always used to be; A happy, kind, motherly carefree spirit. It seemed that side of her was attempting to breach the surface of the sadness and it was beginning to break through, which pleased Eli.

As they continued to walk home, feeling more elated than they ever had in the past week, a thought occurred to Eli.

_'Did I just ask Nozomi out on a date?...'_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry if this chapter wasn't that eventful but it is all building up into more intense and some fluffy moments, even with some other characters ships setting sail, I promise you.  
> Nozomi just needed a chapter to try to settle back into her normal life. I tried to show through this chapter just how challenging it can be for those suffering when they try to recover back to their old selves.  
> I hope you are all doing good, staying strong and taking care of yourselves. Remember to take time out if you really do need it, there's nothing wrong with having breaks. You deserve to feel happy and confident in yourself, regardless of how important attending school/college/university/work is, you and your health should come first. If possible try to treat yourself and give yourself things to look forward to to keep you going, I wish you all the best!   
> Original release date: 22/12/17  
> Edit date: 18/09/18  
> ~ Dusk


	13. The Date

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eli's gay, Nozomi's gay and they both go on a day out together.

After a few days of Nozomi slowly getting back into her old routine, she soon felt excited at the prospect of attending school and seeing μ's everyday. It was a perfect example of you don't know what you have until you lose it. But it proved to her that μ's was a better when they were all together, when they were united as one.

But the reason Nozomi was currently dashing around in Eli's guest room in a flurry of excitement and panic was due to the day out that Eli had planned for them to go on. They hadn't done something nice with just the two of them for quite a while so it was refreshing to get out of the house and spend some quality time as friends.

She could tell that Eli was particularly excited for their outing from the energetic wake-up call she received from her in the early hours of the morning.

Nozomi wanted to look her absolute best, picking out a particularly lovely looking long sleeve top and eggplant skirt to match. She decided to stray from her usual twin-tails and opted to put her hair into a fancy side-braid. Afterwards she began to observe herself in the mirror, trying to her best to convince herself that she had picked the right outfit that most definitely did not make her look gross in any possible way.

_Only the best for Elicchi._

She had to admit that her clothing did seem a little tighter against her figure than normal, which was partially reassuring for her.

Once she was satisfied, she did a quick twirl in the mirror; watching as her skirt gently floated up and settled back down again, filling the air with a sonorous giggle that echoed off the walls of the room. After she made her way to the door, opened it and stepped out into the hallway where Eli was waiting for her, her face noticeably lighting up at the sight of Nozomi.

Upon seeing Nozomi emerge from the room, Eli's eyes widened. She couldn't deny how utterly stunning her best friend looked, especially when accompanied by a spotlight of the morning sunlight that trickled through the window. Eli always loved it when Nozomi wore her hair in a braid, it always made her look like more mature, even when she had her devilish, signature smirk curling on her lips. Eli's attention was completely ensnared by Nozomi and her breathtaking appearance.

"You look amazing." Eli breathed, managing to fumble a little over just those few words.

Nozomi blushed at the honest compliment as she tried to push out of her mind any doubts that Eli could be lying. Of course Eli wasn't lying at all, but her mind wouldn't let Nozomi believe that without putting up some kind of fight.

"You're flattering me Elicchi! You look very handsome."

Eli had opted for a dark blue dress with a thin white line pattern emblazoned on it, concealed underneath a long, pale blue coat that had fluffy black cuffs, along with a fuzzy, white knitted scarf and a black hair bow to finish up her look.

"Shall we begin?" Eli offered her hand out to Nozomi in a gentlemanly manor. Nozomi giggled "Such a gentleman Elicchi." and took her hand, letting Eli guide her out of the house to begin their day out together.

Eli had been planning a basic outline for the day ever since she had thought up of the idea to spend a day out together. She was absolutely determined for it to go well. She hoped to prove just how important Nozomi was to her through this special day. Today it would just be the two of them; no worries, no expectations, no responsibilities - just for them to spend some long-awaited quality time together.

~~~

Firstly Eli had decided that they would go shopping; wandering the nearby shopping centre freely, taking in all the fancy decorations and buying whatever caught their fancy. Eli also thought it would be a good idea to get to know even more about Nozomi, being able to watch what catches her eyes.

They sauntered hand-in-hand down to the shopping centre and as they entered they were immediately hit with the sight of a large array of colourful shops, ornaments and people. So many people. Eli's anxieties immediately kicked in, making her grab Nozomi's hand tighter. She promised herself she would keep Nozomi safe and nothing bad would happen and it was a promise she intended to keep. She was even willing to threaten the shop-goers with physical violence if anything were to harm her purple-haired friend.

Nozomi felt Eli stiffen up as they entered and wanted to help her relax, so she smiled brightly, rubbed the back of Eli's soft hand with her thumb and spoke gently "Don't worry Elicchi, everything will be fine."

Eli turned to Nozomi and kept her gaze locked on her and her mesmerising beauty. She wanted to commit every single detail of her into her memory; from the way her braid draped over her shoulder to the smallest details printed on her clothing. She noticeably calmed as Nozomi's words sink in, knowing Nozomi was right and Eli was probably just overreacting and expecting the worst; although after what had happened she supposed some irrational worry was warranted.

When Eli had managed to gather enough courage they took a large stride inside and then began walking to the closest set of shops to look through the windows and admire what was on display. The first shop they stumbled upon was a bookshop, which seemed to peak a mutual interest between the pair so they decided to go inside to browse.

When they entered, they were surrounded by shelves after shelves of colourful books, not one looking like another. Nozomi looked ahead in awe, a heavenly smile gracing her features, seeming completely enamoured by the sight like a child in a sweet shop.

Eli watched fondly and curiously as Nozomi walked ahead, gently running her fingers along the spine's of a row of books, seemingly searching for something in particular. Meanwhile Eli attempted to gaze at the nearby shelf for a book that could peak her interest until Nozomi was finished. Unintentionally she found herself wandering towards the romance section, occasionally her eyes picked up an interesting looking book which she would pick up and scan the front cover.

More often than not she would find herself peering back over in the direction of her friend, watching as she elegantly flicked through a book with an inquisitive look on her face that Eli found endearing.

Her mind began to wander as she lost herself in her thoughts. Suddenly two arms wrapped themselves around Eli's neck, bringing her out of her stupor. Eli nestled into the warming presence they provided.

"Are you ready to go Elicchi?" Nozomi purred excitedly, nuzzling her face into Eli's blonde soft hair, catching her off guard.

Eli hummed in response as Nozomi pulled away and latched herself onto Eli's arm, after she remembered to put the book she was half-reading back.

"Did you find something you like?" Eli asked as her eyes spotted a new bag in Nozomi's hands.

"Yup!" Nozomi cheerily replied, opening the bag a little to give Eli a glimpse at the book she had purchased. She couldn't help but suppress a goofy grin as she watched Nozomi. In the past few weeks she had never looked so bright and free which reminded Eli how much she dearly missed her friend's smiles and genuinely infectious happiness.

_Don't worry Nozomi...I won't give up on you.._

_I won't rest until you are happy again..._

~~~

After leaving the bookshop, they walked deeper into the mass of shops until a certain shop caught Eli's eye (and tastebuds) and drew her in. Of course it was a sweet shop! This time it was Nozomi who watched on fondly as Eli enthused at every type of chocolate she saw that peaked her interest, which ended up being most of the confectionary that shop had stocked.

It warmed Nozomi's heart immensely at the sight of Eli looking so carefree, almost like a small child, which when they first met she would have never expected Eli had quite such an enthusiastic side to her. It showed that not everyone is really like they first appear, but that's the beauty of being able to get to know them; witnessing the sides of them that they don't let others see. And Nozomi felt more honoured than she could describe to be able to witness the cuter sides of her friend.

When Eli had came back to join Nozomi's side she was now carrying a shopping basket, brimming full of different kinds and brands of chocolates in all different colours, shapes and sizes.

"That's a lot of chocolate! Are you sure you can eat it all?" Nozomi teased, despite knowing full-well of how her blonde friend could behave around chocolate.

"Who do you take me for!? Need I remind you of my special chocolate eating powers!?" Eli replied jokingly, feigning hurt that Nozomi could even possibly doubt her obvious abilities in the 'subtle' art of chocolate eating.

"Elicchi sure loves her chocolate. You could eat for the entire population of Japan! Let's get this paid for then." Nozomi giggled, watching as Eli slightly struggled to heave the heavy basket up to the nearest checkout desk. Nozomi tutted and reached her hand out to help Eli lift up the basket, their hands touching for a brief moment, sending shivers up both of the girl's arms. Eli looked up at Nozomi, her eyes wide and glistening while Nozomi gazed back, herself becoming lost in Eli's bright blue eyes. In that moment they were both the only people in the world, their hearts joining together.

Suddenly as a cashier approached them from behind the counter, they were brought back to reality, smiling warmly at each other before turning to place the surprisingly large amount of chocolate onto the counter.

Before Eli could reach into her pocket to retrieve her wallet, Nozomi was already handing her own money across the counter, causing Eli to pout.

"Don't be sad Elicchi, it's a little present from me to you." Nozomi said, giving Eli a pat on the head as she began retrieving the bag of chocolates and saying a farewell to the cashier.

Eli felt bad that she had picked up so much chocolate and then Nozomi had ended up paying for it, however that thought quickly was overthrown when Nozomi picked up one of the bars, unwrapped the shiny foil and broke off a square, dangling it in front of Eli's face.

"Open up Elicchi!~" She giggled as Eli complied, receiving the square of chocolate in her mouth and letting it melt on her tongue. How she loved chocolate, but it was much more special since Nozomi had given it to her; her two favourite things had been combined. Needless to say Eli was in heaven.

After receiving a pleasant hum in response from Eli, Nozomi took her hand, causing Eli's heartbeat to rise significantly as she basked in the warmth her best friend provided. It was  warmth meant just for her. Her alone.

The familiar heart-pounding feelings began creeping back in Eli's mind, threatening to bubble over and overwhelm her. They were so close to each other. Yet Eli had to refrain from blurting something out in the heat of the moment. Pushing her feelings back down into her stomach, they began venturing further along the row of shops.

After a bit they found themselves peering into the window of a fortune telling shop. Nozomi, being the shrine maiden and student of tarot that she was, clearly would be in her element; but also being the selfless person she was, she said nothing about going inside. But Eli wasn't about to let her retreat back into herself, for Eli knew Nozomi would want to go in but was too polite to ask. So Eli decided to give her a little push of encouragement - by 'little push' I mean she tightened her grip on Nozomi's hand and began charging into the entrance, dragging her along.

Upon entering they were engulfed in a dark room, surrounded by lots of fancy decorations and ornaments of a spiritual nature; dream catchers, expensive-looking crystals, incense burners, tarot cards and such. It was truly a tremendous sight for Eli, as she saw Nozomi scan the shelves with a beaming smile, her focus purely directed onto a shelf full of particularly fancy patterned books. Instead of saying something, she merely watched on in silence, treasuring the sight. She knew she had definitely made a good decision bring them there and mentally high-fived herself.

Although Eli was not particularly fond of the shop being on the darker side of the light spectrum and didn't have that much of a strong knowledge on things of this calibre, she would have happily stayed in the shop with Nozomi and her wonderful smile for the rest of the entire day. She was more than happy to learn about what Nozomi was passionate about, remembering the adorable expressions she made in the past whenever she read Eli's fortune.

Those were memories that Eli treasured, despite Eli sometimes not fully understanding the meanings behind certain cards she would happily listen to Nozomi's enthusiastic ways of explaining them. If it made Nozomi happy she would make sure she let it happen.

Even if Eli had to personally witness someone throwing away a full box of the world's finest Belgian chocolates, she would gladly do it if it meant Nozomi would be happy - of course this was only in the most extreme of cases as if Eli witnessed any type of chocolate going to waste she would be probably beating someone up.

Her thoughts were interrupted by a mild vibration from her coat pocket. She fished her hand into it, retrieved her phone and switched it on to reveal an incoming text from none-other than Nico, the super idol herself.

**_Nico:_ ** _Hey Eli, how's your date with the Washi-monster going??_

It was a typical Nico message. Eli knew it was her way of showing concern for her friends, even if it was a tad sarcastic. Nico has been the first person to find out about their little planned outing and hadn't stopped bugging Eli about it since; constantly asking what she had planned and giving her strict orders on how to properly look after Nozomi if she felt down or was struggling with anything.

Eli thought for a moment and quickly typed out a message.

 ** _Blonde Banana_** 🍌 ** _:_** _It's not a date Nico. Besides I don't think Nozomi would want to go on a date with me anyway. But so far it's going good, she seems a lot happier now._

Within a minute or so she received a reply, one that she couldn't help but smile in response to.

**_Nico:_ ** _Yeah right, I can smell smoke all the way from my house, it must be a certain SOMEONE'S pants on fire. I know for a fact that Nozomi would love to go on a date with you! Do I have to change your nickname to 'Dense Blonde Banana' now? That's good, be sure to take good care of her or the great Nico-Nii will never forgive you!_

Eli chuckled at the message, knowing it was all written with good intentions. Eli knew that Nico trusted her the most out of everyone in the world to be able to take care of Nozomi, especially considering how close they were.

 **Blonde Banana** 🍌 **:** _If you say so, as much as I'd love that to be true I don't want to jump to conclusions. And whatever happened to just 'Eli'? Of course I'll take care of her no matter what it takes._

After sending her reply she turned off her phone, remembering to ready herself for an interrogation about every detail of the day out together from Nico later and tucked it back safely into her pocket, just being able to catch a notification before she did.

 _Nico changed your nickname to 'Dense Blonde Banana_ 🍌 _'_

Coming from right beside her she heard a familiar harmonic giggle that trickled into her ears like sweet honey. It was a sound that never failed to make Eli's heart flutter rapidly within her chest as her breath caught in her throat. She suddenly felt a soft finger poke her cheek gently followed by the entrancing voice of her best friend.

"Eliiiicchiiii~" She dragged out the nickname as if attempting to get the blonde's attention in a teasing manor. Eli noticeably snapped back to reality.

"Mou Elicchi...am I really that boring?" Nozomi moaned, pouting as she pretended to act wounded - rather adorably if Eli had to say so.

"No no don't be sad! You're amazing and the most interesting person in the entire world! " Eli blurted out, probably too quickly for her liking as her brain shifted into 'Protective Eli' mode that was always ready to reassure Nozomi of how amazing she was if she ever put herself down.

Needless to say Nozomi was speechless after what she had heard, out of all the responses she expected that was not one of them; She had been expecting a sarcastic joke in return or a little blush at most. It had honestly caught both of them off guard.

"Y-you really think so?..." Nozomi stuttered, blushing profusely.

"Of course I do." Eli replied, voicing it as if it was one of the most obvious things in the world. Eli took the opportunity to take both of the girl's hands into her own and squeeze them tight, as if driving her statement home.

"I could listen to you talk about anything forever." Rather than Eli becoming embarrassed her mind seemed solely focussed on smiling at her friend, as if she hadn't been holding back from saying this for all the time they'd known each other.

"You're such a charmer Elicchi." Nozomi replied teasingly, her previous nerves nowhere to be detected as she was somehow able to turn Eli into a flustered mess just when she finally thought she had the tables of teasing turned for once. There was truly no beating Nozomi at her own game.

"I can never quite catch you off guard can I?" Eli sighed, feigning defeat, despite letting the sides of her lips curl into a grin.

Nozomi giggled at that. She enjoyed being able to read and respond to people like she did, she wanted nothing more than to let people be more honest and open up, that label extended to Eli as well. Except she always forgot about one person - herself. All the years of being left alone by her parents had taken it's toll, making her independent but also feel as if she had to sort her own problems out all by herself. Eli had on multiple occasions tried to convince her to open up but it is never easy to break a habit, regardless of what it is.

After their conversation, Eli noticed Nozomi casually eyeing a box of different colourful trinkets; upon closer inspection realising the box was full of rather pretty gemstones labelled as 'worry stones'. Eli wasn't too familiar with things of this nature but if it interested Nozomi and would have some positive effect on her she would gladly buy it. Using her common sense she could easily deduce that the stone would be able to help with anxieties and stress which definitely would be helpful to Nozomi, especially after everything that was going on.

Instincts taking over her, she reached towards the shelf and gently took a purple coloured gemstone from the array and held it in her palm. It felt smooth and cold but she had to admit it did feel rather relaxing in an odd way. Nozomi would definitely understand it better, being the spiritual girl she was, so Eli made up her mind and walked towards the counter and presented the stone to the woman behind the counter.

The woman smiled kindly during the entire interaction and gave Eli a cute, little black decorative box to put the stone in safely. Alongside this she showed Eli a small piece of paper, before laying it neatly on top of the gemstone and closing up the lid of the box and handing it back to Eli. After her purchase Eli made her way to Nozomi, who had been invested in browsing the entire shop, not even seeming to notice Eli had made the purchase.

Eli poked Nozomi's cheek, catching the purplette off guard and capturing her attention.

"You surprised me there Elicchi!" Nozomi giggled, recovering from her little shock.

"I got a little something for you..." Eli began, presenting the little decorative box to Nozomi, watching as her expression softened and her friend's hand as it brought itself up to the area where Nozomi's heart was beating.

"You shouldn't have..." Nozomi replied, touched that Eli would buy her something all by herself, even in a dark shop like the one they were currently in. She truly was cute and clever Elichika.

"I wanted to." Eli replied sincerely, gently flipping the lid open on the box to reveal the fancy purple gemstone and a small piece of paper laid on top, containing a short message;

_'A worry stone is a precious gift. It takes away your worries, your morale it uplifts. Just rub it with your thumb when stressed and all your anxiety will come to rest.'_

"If you are worried about something and get too scared to ask for help, I thought this might help a bit...." Eli explained, interrupting the silence as Nozomi took in the sight of her present.

"Thank you Elicchi. It's beautiful." Nozomi replied, taking the box from Eli's hand's and admiring it up close.

 _'Just like you.'_ Eli thought, taking a moment to appreciate how gorgeous Nozomi looked with a peaceful look on her face as she examined the gemstone.

"Ready to go? I have some more places in mind..." Eli said, Nozomi nodded in response and safely putting the small box into her shopping bag and taking Eli's hand in hers as they began to leave the shop.

~~~

"Go on, try it on!" Enthused Eli, pushing Nozomi in the direction of the clothes shop changing rooms, her holding a hanger with a beautiful-looking dress that had caught Eli's eyes that she had thought would suit Nozomi perfectly. Next on the agenda had involved them ending up in a clothes and jewellery shop, with Eli being enthusiastic about picking something nice for Nozomi to wear, hoping it would help boost her confidence and be able to see herself in a more positive light like Eli did, thus their current predicament.

"I don't really have a choice do I?" Laughed Nozomi as she tried to regain a strong grip on the hanger, despite being pushed around.

"Do you want the long answer or the short answer?" Questioned Eli, a thoughtful look on her face.

"There are two answers?" Giggled Nozomi, confused and intrigued at the same time.

"The short answer is no." Eli began, bearing closer to Nozomi's face and giving her cheek a prod.

"And the long answer is noooooooooo." She concluded, stretching out the last word significantly, earning a burst of laughter from her friend.

"Okay then Elicchi." Nozomi submitted, walking into an empty changing room and drawing the curtains closed, putting up a barrier between them.

Gentle rustling could be heard from Nozomi's side as Eli waiting patiently for her friend to emerge, conjuring up images in her mind of how stunning Nozomi would look in that dress. From behind the curtain Nozomi carefully took off her clothes, taking time to properly look at herself. She had to admit the difference in her hips had become increasingly more visible to her; that were now more jagged and sharp than before as her sides formed an hourglass in between. Despite knowing she had done her body harm she couldn't deny that she did feel rather pleased that her work was taking effect.

As she remembered the event of her passing out, she couldn't help but wonder if she had done too much. But then she looked closer, furrowing her brow in concentration as she took in every single inch of her skin. Much to her disappointment her eyes travelled down to her stomach, where she spotted the slightly thicker layer on skin that sat there, taunting her.

_No. It's not enough._

Nozomi fought the urge to cry from her findings, despite the painful stinging behind her eyes. She shook her head and began to climb into the dress, trying to convince herself that she would look nice in it just like Eli had promised her.

When Nozomi did withdraw the curtains and reveal herself to Eli, the blonde was awe-struck. Nozomi looked absolutely breathtaking.

The dress did an amazing job at showing off Nozomi's truly amazing figure and exposing her collarbone with it's ruffles; cutting off the reveal just above the girl's cleavage and painting her body in different pale shades of white, yellow and purple, along with it's faint purple and blue flowers that were dotted around the fabric.

Eli felt like she had never been more right about anything in her entire life. That dress on Nozomi was indeed perfect.

"You look amazing!" Eli blurted out, struggling to initially find the words to speak in that moment.

"Really?" Nozomi asked skeptically, still feeling unsure after spending a few moments observing herself and scrutinising her figure in the mirror.

"Of course! You look absolutely beautiful!" Eli continued, gushing over how amazing her friend looked, before suddenly realising what she had said and breaking out in a big blush.

"You're too kind Elicchi." Nozomi replied, attempting to direct the attention away from the blush that was currently creeping up her face from Eli's honest words. Her heart began beating crazily as what Eli said sank in.

_She's lying to you_

Eli noticed Nozomi as she looked over herself in the mirror, no-doubt scrutinising herself unnecessarily.

_Elicchi would never lie!_

"Hey." Eli began, stepping forward towards Nozomi and taking both of her hands.

"Don't listen to whatever cruel things your mind is telling you. I would never lie to you. You really do look stunning in the dress Nozomi."

 _'You always look stunning'_ Eli wanted to say, but couldn't bring herself to let the words out.

"Now Elicchi needs to try something on!" Nozomi perked up and pushed Eli towards the nearby clothing section, before returning inside the changing room to change herself back into her normal clothes. By the time she had redressed herself she was met face-to-face with Eli, who was carrying a fancy dress of her own; which Nozomi enthusiastically responded to by clapping her hands together as her eyes lit up and ushering her into her own changing cubicle.

As the curtain drew closed, Nozomi's attention drifted away until she spotted a nearby glass case in her line of vision which peaked her curiosity. Inspecting it further she noticed it was filled with lots of particularly fancy jewellery and began to get an idea...

~~~

Upon emerging from the changing cubicle Eli, dressed in the new clothes, was greeted by a smiling Nozomi. Eli looked amazing, but there wasn't any moment Nozomi could ever think of where she didn't look amazing. Eli was a beautiful person after all. Nozomi tried her best to press down the excessive beating of her heart along with the bubbling feelings that came along with it.

"You look wonderful Elicchi." Nozomi said sweetly, causing Eli to beam back at her. There definitely had been a lot of smiling today, not that it was a bad thing at all, if anything Eli was over the moon that today had been such a success.

After seeing Nozomi's captivating smile, how could Eli possibly resist buying the dress? So after she redressed herself into her previous outfit, they went to the checkouts and paid for their new clothes, their mood the highest it had been in a long time which was reassuring.

After a long day it became evident that they were both in need of a good hearty meal, if Eli's stomach rumbling was any indication, so Eli proposed finding a nice restaurant to go to. Nozomi couldn't deny how hungry she was, even with the lingering fear of facing food again, especially in a public setting, but she knew Eli wouldn't take no for an answer.

She wasn't about to let Nozomi hide away from this. She needed to eat, just like everyone does. It was horrible how a normal every-day thing that humans simply needed to do to survive and live was something that could have turned so wrong. It just showed how society can really shape and change the people in it; for better and for worse.

They wandered for a while, Eli debating where the best place to take Nozomi would be. It would be obvious that they would need to go to a place that wasn't too crowded to make Nozomi more comfortable, but Eli insisted on making it a restaurant that was known for it's quality food and lively environment as she wanted to make Nozomi feel special. After a while Eli found herself drawn towards a lovely restaurant that offered a wide variety of foods from different parts of the world, Russia included, so she just had to go.

Upon entering they were brought into a dimly light room with dark red wallpaper, fancy crystal chandeliers and hundreds of neatly set tables; all set out in the same organised fashion. All this was accompanied by some light background music, which reminded Eli a little of some classical pieces she used to dance to in her childhood when she took ballet, and a group of busy waiters and waitresses.

"Welcome, would that be a table for two?" Piped up a waitress in a gentle voice, matching the relaxed atmosphere of the restaurant. Eli took initiative and nodded, thanking the waitress and she led them to a small table across the room.

Eli pulled out Nozomi's chair, gesturing for her to sit down, before slowly pushing it closer to the table once she had taken the seat. She then walked around the table and took her own seat, accepting the menu she was passed by the waitress.

Since they were eating out, Nozomi had the opportunity to stray on the lighter side of the menu which reassured her and helped keep the voices at bay for a bit. But she was frightened at the thought of having to eat a meal in public as her mind drowned in thoughts of the people around them judging her for what she ate, how she ate, how much of it she ate and the list went on and on.

Luckily she managed to make it through the ordering process and placed her order, along with Eli's and then they were left by themselves.

Eli noticed Nozomi's hesitance, despite her not showing it and keeping a firm smile glued on, so she decided to initiate most of the conversations so as to keep Nozomi's mind busy and off the negative correlations her mind created towards food.

Soon the waitress arrived at the table and presented two plates chocked full of food in front of the pair. In front of Nozomi laid a neatly sorted salad, lined with many different types of vegetables that were cut into fancy shapes and organised nicely on the plate. In front of Eli was a plate of delicious-looking pelmeni, stacked on top of each other, creating a mountain effect with small sprinklings of herbs on the top of each dumpling. Then the waitress presented a fancy-looking chocolate milkshake; covered in dollops of whipped cream, sauce and sprinkles, before placing it in front of Eli. For Nozomi, the waitress laid out a large, clear glass bottle filled with freshwater. Despite her choices being clearly rather light, Eli was happy as long as she was getting some food and drink in her system.

"Itadakimasu" They both said, before grabbing their silver cutlery and beginning their meals; Nozomi however left her fork hovering in mid-air for a while, a lettuce leaf stuck to it, trying to psych herself up to eat it. This accompanied by a strong dizzy feeling in her head and stomach that had been pounding harder and harder at her as the day progressed from lack of nutrition.

 _'It's only salad, besides it will be rude if I don't eat something!'_ She attempted to reason with herself.

_Just think what it will do to your body..._

Eli watched worriedly as Nozomi battled herself internally going back-and-forth urging herself to take the first bite, her eyes completely vacant. Eli put down her utensils and reached over the surface of the table, grabbing Nozomi's free hand and her friend's attention.

"Hey it's okay. You can do this." She reassured, giving Nozomi's soft hand a gentle squeeze.

Nozomi was really beating herself up about this and Eli wanted nothing more than to help; to be that beacon of hope that her friend desperately needed.

After a few moments and exchanged looks, Nozomi couldn't fight off the light-headed feeling any longer, wishing to quell it and hesitantly raised the fork and brought it up to her mouth, laying the lettuce on her tongue and gently chewing down on it.

"Well done. I'm so proud of you." Eli added, resuming her meal as she watched Nozomi swallow another forkful of her salad. Sure, it was only salad but it was full of vitamins and minerals that her body needed and would have been lacking. Even if it wasn't as filling as most of the meals on offer, it was still good food that would do good for Nozomi and her body.

After a while of friendly conversation and eating their meals, they had both cleaned their plates, the fancy patterns on each now visible, the waitress returned to take them away. It was then that Nozomi remembered what she had secretly bought for Eli.

"Elicchiiii." She started, dragging out the last syllable in a teasing manor. "While we were out I got something for you..." After she finished speaking, she bent over to retrieve something from her shopping bags.

"You didn't have to." Eli replied, feeling honoured that Nozomi went to so much trouble for her. Despite feeling a little bad, she couldn't fight off the curiosity she had for whatever her present could be.

Nozomi revealed a small box to Eli and passed it to her, along the surface of the table. Eli took it and analysed the box, attempting to make a guess before she took off the lid to reveal what it actually was. Her eyes were met with the sight of a beautifully shiny silver bracelet with two charms; one galaxy purple and one azure blue.

Eli's eyes widened as she took in the sight. It must have been rather expensive due to the high quality of it's appearance which concerned her a little but she was too enamoured by the adorable gesture and the two little charms that most likely were to represent her and Nozomi.

"Thank you Nozomi, it's gorgeous. I will treasure it always." She said, while slipping it onto her wrist, admiring it's beauty even further; before her eyes travelled to the girl in front of her, to admire the beauty of the girl who gave it to her. There was no competition between the two; Nozomi would always outshine anything and everything in Eli's eyes. She was beautiful inside and out, this gesture just reinforced that.

After being fascinated by the new item of jewellery that she had been gifted, Eli turned to eye her chocolate milkshake before plunging towards the straw and taking a big gulp, her eyes widening largely. After pulling away, she ended up bringing a small mound of whipped cream away from the glass on her nose, which immediately caught Nozomi's attention.

"Messy Elicchi!" She giggled, leaning carefully over the table to dab the cream of Eli's nose with a napkin. Eli's cheeks turned scarlet at the close proximity of them but also admiring how motherly and caring Nozomi was. As soon as Nozomi settled back into her seat and pulled away Eli immediately missed the tingly sensation of Nozomi's gentle touch.

"You're such a child." Nozomi joked, earning a guilty chuckle from Eli.

"I'm not a child...I have the medical documents to prove it!" Eli defended, pouting.

"I know I know. Elicchi is very grown-up! Very dashing if I do say so!"

The last compliment caught Eli off guard, turning her into a blushing mess once again. But she wouldn't have it any other way.

~~~

She wished the day would last forever but as the sky darkened and the moon rose higher in the sky, Eli was reminded that nighttime was coming swiftly and nighttime meant darkness. Despite having to put up with it significantly more recently, she was no less enthusiastic to deal with it.

Gathering her courage Eli decided to make the perfect ending to their day out together she would take Nozomi on a relaxing walk around the park.

As they walked, the glistening moonlight highlighting the pair as they settled into a comfortable silence, where nothing could be heard but the distant chirping of the crickets. The twinkling stars that dotted in the sky seemed to be watching over them from above like guardian angels lighting their way, accompanied by the dim light from the street lamps and the occasional swarm of fireflies.

The park was relatively devoid of people, despite the odd couple that they passed here and there, which set Nozomi on edge. Only a few days ago Nozomi had run away, attempting to spend sometime alone at the park but the world had other ideas when she was cornered in an alleyway, which was only a few miles away from where they were currently walking. But the fact she was with Eli soothed her nerves dramatically. She trusted Eli with every single fibre in her being, knowing she would be in very safe hands. Even when the nearby bushes shook a little, the sound echoing around the park, Nozomi remained optimistic that she was safe.

Just to be able to take a quiet walk together, without any pressures or stresses looming over them, felt magical. Sometimes just being able to do something so simple and ordinary with the person that means the most to you can make the experience extraordinary. They both had each other and that was enough for them to be happy.

After a bit of walking they came to a stop underneath a light, shining down from a street lamp.

"I had a really good time today Elicchi...thank you..." Nozomi said, her breath becoming visible in the cold air.

"I'm so glad. I had a great time too..." Eli replied, taking hold of both of Nozomi's hands in her own, hoping to warm them up in the freezing night.

They both became speechless, however words were not needed in that moment. The warmth and gazes they exchanged with each other, the gentle in-sync beating of their hearts, their quiet but audible breathing were enough for them. The moment spoke volumes, more than any words they could form possibly could.

Suddenly the breeze kicked up a little, swishing into Nozomi and Eli; causing Nozomi to shiver, letting a pained expression form on her features as the freezing temperature ravelled itself around her. Eli immediately sprung into action, her protective side coming out. She removed her scarf from around her neck and wrapped it around Nozomi's, cradling her head in a fluffy blanket of yarn.

"Let's get you back home." She declared delicately, her words dancing around in the air as she wrapped one arm around Nozomi's shoulder and began guiding her safely back home, while Nozomi trembled and her breathing went ragged.

Eli had been prepared for the cold weather, having chosen to wear acceptable warmish clothing however Nozomi had strayed on the lighter side of clothing therefore not having the proper warmth and protection to keep her body at a suitable temperature. Feeling Nozomi shaking in her arms, Eli held onto her tighter and whispered into her ear.

"It's okay, soon we'll be back home in the warmth where we can huddle up with a hot chocolate. Does that sound nice?"

Nozomi looked up at Eli, her eyes wide (and incredibly adorable in Eli's opinion) and nodded, burying her head deeper into Eli's snuggly scarf.

The entire walk back was done in silence, yet it was a completely comfortable type of silence, where Eli kept her arm safely wrapped around Nozomi, as if being able to sense her worries that were flaring up at the familiar sight of a connection of alleyways.

Once they had walked further enough out of sight of the darker alleyways and Eli's home was in sight, Nozomi relaxed, knowing that soon she would be safe and warm with Eli really soon.

~~~

As Eli closed the door with her foot behind them, her arm still tightly wrapped around Nozomi, they were engulfed in a warm, welcoming atmosphere. Eli guided Nozomi to the living room sofa, gently easing her down before speaking "Now, I'll make us both an 'Elichika's Hot Chocolate Speciality'!"

Nozomi visibly lit up and chuckled lightly at the funny nickname as Eli wandered into the kitchen to create her masterpiece. She decided to change into something more comfortable and casual for a cosy night-in, leaving the sofa to make her way to the guest bedroom.

Inside she removed her skirt and long-sleeve top, leaving her in only her lingerie and then walked over to the full-length mirror to get another look at herself. Taking in her figure, she ran her slender fingers up and down her sides, noting how they curved and felt oddly bony.

She didn't feel fat but perhaps she just couldn't see it herself? After glancing at her stomach her brows furrowed as she then ran her fingers over her skin and gave it a sharp pinch, wincing quietly.

_See, look at yourself!_   
_You've still got so much more improving to do if you ever hope to be fit enough!_

The dreaded voice that had mostly remained silent that day suddenly returned at full velocity, being quick to shoot down any feeling of confidence she had managed to create. She had been eating more than before due to Eli and the others keeping a closer eye on her, yet she still felt achy and light-headed at the best of times. Her eating habits had been coming in peaks and drops, which was definitely taking a toll for the worst of her yet it sometimes helped her feel better. She knew she was eating at times but she also knew she wasn't eating too much all the time.

However as she inspected her body and poked at the skin that was glued to her stomach, cruelly seeming to mock her, she felt disgusting.

 _It's not enough!_ The voice demanded, becoming more restless as Nozomi's mind became plagued by lingering thoughts and doubts about it all. Incidentally today she had managed to get off with only eating a salad and accompanied by a rather large amount of walking Nozomi would have normally been quite happy with that, but the voice insisted it was still not enough. She had to push harder if she wanted to truly stick to this.

Then Nozomi remembered the dreaded hot chocolates! She wasn't sure how many calories would be in one, especially with Eli's homemade creation as it would no-doubt have lots of added extras, which made her even more anxious. She hadn't had a proper drink all day, even at the restaurant where she had only absentmindedly taken the occasional sip of the water that was provided, so she was allowed to indulge just this once right? 

Her mind once again was dragged deep into an unhealthy obsession, her self-confidence dropping dramatically as the seconds passed. In order to silence her mind Nozomi tore her attention away from the mirror, throwing her long-sleeve over it and tried to divert to attention onto picking something suitable for her to wear.

Suddenly her nightdresses never seemed so inappropriate to her, in her mind seeming to show off too much of her body.

_Elicchi won't want to see all of that..._

She settled on a pair of long pyjama pants and a cream-coloured fox hoodie, with a pair of cute little ears attached to the fluffy hood. It reminded her of Eli. Foxes were cute, clever and cunning just like Eli was - even when the blonde had her fair share of dorky moments she was still cute and clever Elichika to Nozomi and always would be.

As her mind drifted back to the blonde she remembered all about Eli and her famous hot chocolate, deciding to make her way back to the living room to wait for her arrival.

As she did she was hit by the warmth of the boiler having kicked in and was surprised to find Eli already changed into her own pyjamas, her hair taken out of its usual ponytail and left flowing gracefully down her back with two colourful mugs filled with warm and creamy liquid along with a generous swirl of whipped cream and chocolate sauce for decoration. Classic Eli.

Eli smiled warmly, making Nozomi's heart heat up more than the hot chocolate did as she made her way back to the sofa, gratefully received the mug and took a small sip of the liquid, savouring it's provided warmth as it slipped down her throat. It helped quell the aching feeling in the pit of her stomach as it had grown in anticipation of receiving any kind of food or drink that it had been reprieved of.

As the liquid began to settle in their stomaches, Nozomi seized the opportunity to lean into Eli and rest her head against Eli's shoulder, her hands still gripping the mug tightly. Eli returned the favour by leaning her head down just on top of Nozomi's and wrapping her free arm back around Nozomi's body.

It was safe to say it had been a very successful day, despite having the little blips of insecurity throughout. But Nozomi had enjoyed herself, spending the day with just Eli was something she had desperately needed. And now being able to enjoy a nice evening together, huddling up for warmth and watching a film would be the perfect ending.

Despite all the hardships it was clear that Nozomi and Eli would always be together, nothing in the entire world would be strong enough to separate them.

_Hey Nozomi? I'll always be with you...._

Suddenly a loud 'ping' sound interrupted the comfortable silence, signalling from Eli's phone. She sighed and brought it out of her pocket and switched it on to reveal her lockscreen and a message from Nico.

**_Nico:_ ** _OH FOR HEAVENS SAKE JUST KISS ALREADY,YOU BUMBLING BANANA! And to think the fabulous Nico-Nii went through all the trouble to check up on you two!_

"Who was that from? Nicocchi?" Inquired Nozomi, peering over her shoulder to look at Eli as she watched her face alternate between a thousand different emotions.

"I'm going to kill her....."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The dress I was describing in the clothes shop was supposed to be from the Fairy Tail Nozomi Promo UR card; I picked it because her promo UR was the first time I ever saw her and I loved her instantly. (I was introduced to LLSIF before the anime)  
> Hope you are all doing good and taking proper care of yourselves. Remember to eat and drink and take your medication if you need to! :)  
> ~ Dusk


	14. "I Have An Idea!"

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eli receives a call from her grandmother and Honoka has an idea to help μ's.

The next day was definitely a massive improvement compared to the last few weeks in both Nozomi and Eli's moods, thanks to their outing together from the previous day. Eli could immediately tell Nozomi was happier which in turn made her happier. The best part was it actually all seemed completely genuine.

Eli didn't think she had ever been more cheerful at school before, which was a definite 180 from in her first year, up until she met Nozomi and was pulled out of the pit of gloom she had decided to sit in.

To be able to see the fruits of her labour  pay off, in the act of repaying Nozomi after all the good she had done to help Eli, was very rewarding for the blonde. Seeing Nozomi smile again was a prize better than anything she had ever desired in her life.

But the true icing on the cake came during the day while hanging out at lunch with their fellow μ's members. Despite lunch always being a particularly challenging time for Nozomi, the happiness that was overflowing from her that day was infectious.

Everyone gathered together in the club room, each of their respective lunches out on the table in front of them - including a purple bento box that Eli had specially prepared for Nozomi.

"I've been thinking..." Honoka began, causing everyone to ready themselves for another strange scheme from their beloved leader.

"I think 'thinking' is a bit of a strong word..." Nico replied, cutting her off.

"Now now Nicocchi, do I have to remind you what will happen if you're mean?" Nozomi threatened, holding her hands up in a grasping position.

In a flash Nozomi pounced up right behind Nico, placing her hands around her chest and fondled with Nico's breasts firmly, as the black-haired idol quickly dropped the sweet she had hold of back into her bento in surprise.

"Washi washi!~" Nozomi smirked.

That was a surefire sign that Nozomi was truly becoming happier if she was even doing her signature breast rubbing again. Even Nico seemed happy about it, despite the initial shock of the situation. Nico thought she would never admit to missing Nozomi's signature washi washi technique but she was surely mistaken, not that she would admit that openly though. She didn't think anyone could.

Besides Umi - who was muttering to herself, completely red-faced as if someone had ashamed her and her entire family - everyone was all smiles and laughs as they watched it happen.

"Unhand me you fiend!" Nico exclaimed, attempting to struggle out of the strong hold Nozomi had on her.

Nozomi pulled away, giggling, as Nico slumped over the table, trying to gain her breath back after the unexpected attack.

 _'There you are'_ Eli thought happily, keeping her gaze glued on the purple-haired girl who was walking closer and closer to Eli in her seat.

"As I was saying I had a great idea!" Honoka continued from her previous statement, everyone preparing themselves for what could either be a genuinely good idea or the worst idea in history; most of them expected the latter.

"For out next live we can throw out our favourite foods to the audience as a way of showing our love and appreciation to them!" And most of them were correct in their assumption; it was indeed a terrible idea.

"Honoka. No." Maki flatly said, bursting Honoka's bubble of energy and positivity.

"Imagine the mess we would make!" Umi shouted, already conjuring up images in her mind of the worst possible scenarios that the idea could cause.

"Aw, you guys are no fun!" Honoka moaned, slumping back into her chair and returning to nibbling a piece of bread from her lunch. Her creativity was truly wasted on her friends.

"I like it!"  Rin piped up, jumping out of her seat to high-five Honoka over the table.

"Imagine all the ramen flying around!" She clasped her hands together, her mind wandering to thoughts of her favourite food.

"See! Someone understands my genius!" Honoka said, holding her head up proudly with her hands on her hips while the other members tutted and giggled.

Suddenly Nico pointed out of the window.

"Oh look Honoka, it's a spaceship, coming to collect you for experiments!"

Honoka desperately looked out of the window, wanting to spot the spaceship that Nico had supposedly seen.

"Where's the spaceship?! I wanna see it!" She moaned, causing the rest of the group to laugh and groan at their leaders obvious stupidity in that moment.

"Are you ready to go Elicchi?" Nozomi asked, turning away from her bickering kouhai with her fully-packed bag, to face Eli with a look of adoration on her face that Eli basked in.

"Can you go on ahead? I just need to take care of something, but I'll meet you in the student council room soon." Eli replied, doing her best to be convincing.

"Oh okay, be careful then Elicchi, I'll see you soon." Nozomi responded, hiding her disappointment as she waved to everyone else and left the club room, heading in the direction of the student council room, preparing her mind for a the ton of work she would no-doubt be facing.

Truthfully Eli felt a large pang of guilt at the prospect of leaving Nozomi by herself for a while to suffer through the large hoard of student council documents, but Eli had no choice. She wouldn't be able to get a chance to talk to the others secretly otherwise, so she would use every second she could; after all this was meant for Nozomi so she would put her all into it.

As soon as they were sure Nozomi was out of earshot, Eli began talking.

"Okay, so how are we getting on with the song for Nozomi?" Asked Eli, immediately becoming invested in the topic.

"Here's what we managed to get done so far..." Umi started before she leaned over and browsed through her bag and pulled out her song lyric book and began flipping through the pages. She came to rest on a certain page before pushing it towards the middle of the table so everyone could crowd around and have a look.

_Hurry up!_   
_Before I knew it, my true emotions grew too large to contain._   
_It's painful to never do more than dream of it._   
_I want you to be mine!_   
_I don't want to be bewildered by your gentle eyes._   
_Accept all my love for you as it is, Please!_

Eli scanned the words on the page, in her head conjuring up images of being able to sing the lyrics in front of Nozomi and be able to let out her feelings freely. The words truly helped represent how Eli felt towards her fellow third year. She just hoped her feelings would reach her friend and that they would be accepted.

"I love it." Eli smiled, her eyes sparkling with happiness and pride as her eyes repeatedly read the paragraph of lyrics. It was looking to be a very promising song indeed - a perfect dedication to the goddess of μ's.

"Thank you." She continued, receiving beaming smiles from her peers, even Maki managed to form a slight smile at the sight of how happy Eli was. Despite acting in her tsundere fashion she really did care and enjoyed making her friends happy.

"Nozomi-chan is going to love it too." Hanayo spoke, as Rin walked behind her and clapped her hands down on both of the rice-lovers shoulders in a friendly manner.

"Of course she will nya!" Rin added, already excited at the thought of being able to perform the song for her beloved friend.

For the next few minutes they tried to come up with new lyrics to add to the song, everyone pitching in to create it, just like Eli knew Nozomi wanted - yet she had never admitted it to the others.

After being successful in conjuring up another successful verse of lyrics, Eli's eyes darted down to her phone screen to check the time. Realising she had stayed behind for nearly 30 minutes she shot up from her seat. She hadn't planned on leaving Nozomi for that long.

Eli then quickly packed up her remaining belongings, bid her fellow members farewell and left to go find Nozomi and help out with the student council work.

Upon reaching the door, Eli noticed it was already slightly ajar and took a moment to peer in. She was met with the sight of her best friend working away through the large pile of documents, a look of concentration on her face as her pen tapped away. Eli took a few moments to watch Nozomi in silence as she signed the papers and sorted them into separate piles, admiring her focused work ethic. Nozomi had always been a hard worker but like Eli, she had been known to push herself too hard which was rather worrying.

Nozomi suddenly noticed Eli was standing outside the room and staring at her, so from out of nowhere she spoke up.

"Are you gonna come in Elicchi?"

Eli was startled at the sudden remark from her friend, who's gaze had not left the pile of documents she had been signing.

"Nothing gets passed you does it?" Eli sighed, making her way into the room, setting her bag down and moving to sit on the spare seat beside her Vice President.

Nozomi winked playfully, causing Eli's mood to bubble happily as her eyes became momentarily transfixed on the beautiful girl in front of her. Then her eyes caught sight of the piles of documents and snapped her out of her thoughts.

"I'm sorry about the delay, I hope I didn't leave you to do it all." Eli said, guilt present in her voice.

"No problem at all Elicchi." Nozomi replied sweetly, finishing off signing a document before she gently pushed a small separate pile of the documents towards Eli, before continuing with her own rather large pile.

As Eli looked over the size of the pile she was handed she couldn't help but notice how small hers was in comparison to what Nozomi had already done and frowned, which did not escape Nozomi's keen observation. Suddenly she felt something poke her forehead, bringing her out of her slump.

"So serious Elicchi." Nozomi teased, bringing her finger away from Eli.

"Sorry." Eli apologised, her face flushing red from Nozomi's action. It was as if she could still feel the warmth from Nozomi's finger still in the same spot. She shook her head, clearing her mind of such thoughts and tried to busy herself with the work in front of her.

But throughout their time fulfilling their duties, Eli found herself glancing at Nozomi more and more often; unable to stray her thoughts away from her to completely focus on what she was doing.

~~~

When practice came around, everyone was pumped up and full of energy; which resulted in little-to-no errors during their choreography practices and no seemingly extreme punishments - well extreme to Honoka anyway - from Umi.

As everyone stopped to take a break, everyone broke off into little groups, however just as Eli was about to approach Nozomi she saw Rin bounce up to her and engage in a conversation that Eli couldn't quite hear...

"...So what do you think I should do Nozomi-chan?" Asked Rin, her usual bubbly behaviour replaced by nervousness.

"I think maybe getting her a nice present, like flowers or something she likes, would be a good idea." Nozomi replied, showcasing her knowledge to her kouhai, hoping she could help.

"I know the perfect gift! White rice! She likes that!" Rin's energetic demeanour returned as she punched the air in celebration as she now had a good idea of what to do.

"Thank you Nozomi-chan nya!" Rin pulled Nozomi into a bear hug, putting all the ounces of energy she had left into it. After a few seconds they pulled away and Nozomi watched fondly as Rin spun around happily, satisfied that she had began forming a plan for what she was going to do.

"I'm always happy to help you Rin-chan. And good luck!"

Eli watched on happily, but couldn't help but wonder what they were talking about, but she had no thoughts of intervening - especially as it could have been a private matter. As Rin bounced away and went to join in a conversation with Hanayo and Kotori at the other side of the roof, Eli began making her way over to Nozomi when she was suddenly surprised by a voice.

"I've got an idea!!" Honoka yelled, standing up rapidly, startling her fellow members.

"Oh this can't be good..." Maki mumbled to herself in response.

"Why don't we have a training camp!?" Honoka continued, determined to disprove the fact her ideas were inferior in any way.

"Honoka! That's....not actually a bad idea..." Nico replied, half-shocked as she began contemplating the idea.

"I'm so proud of you Honoka-chan!" Kotori piped up, clapping her hands together in admiration as she praised her best friend for her good idea - which wasn't an often occurrence.

"Thank you Kotori-chan! I've got it all figured out; We can ask to use Maki's family's beach house again, also it will be a good chance for each of us to get to know each other better." Honoka reasoned, already winning over everyone of her fellow idols - bar Umi.

"That is all well and good Honoka but what about getting there with all our stuff, how we plan to pay for everything - and NO we are NOT just going to scrounge off Maki again - figuring out how long we are staying there and that's just the tip of the iceberg!" Umi ranted, despite her angry demeanour everyone knew she meant well and just preferred to have a well thought out plan together to keep her mind at ease.

"Settle down Umi-chan..." Kotori pleaded, rushing over to place her hand on Umi's shoulder in an attempt to calm her.

"It's all going to be okay...We can get the train there and I'll happily use some of my wages to help with the money issue." Kotori always had her way of calming Umi down like no-one else could. Whenever her eyes caught sight of her friend's adorable pouty an pleading expressions she couldn't help herself. Honestly they would have been dead at the hands of Umi a while ago without Kotori.

"Because you're much too kind Kotori-chan."

"Umi-channnn!" Whined Kotori, emphasising the last letter of the honorific.

Okay Kotori-chan, thank you...But make sure you get paid back and remember we WILL be mostly practising Honoka!" Umi scolded, already stressing about the aspect of wasting valuable practice. time

"Yeah...suuuure we will Umi-chan...." Honoka droned, putting emphasis on the 'sure' to showcase her sarcasm and grinning widely from ear to ear.

Eli smiled at the conversation between the girls, excited at the idea of having a training camp. Perhaps it would be an opportunity to get even closer to everyone - one person specifically. Maybe it would be a good chance for Nozomi to open up and be reassured that she was perfect the way she was.

It didn't take long before her mind was buzzing with excitement at the idea.

~~~

When Eli and Nozomi arrived back home from school they decided to just laze around for a bit, flicking through their phones and talking about whatever came to mind.

"No Elicchi, I DON'T think bribing Umi-chan with Honoka-chan's family manjuu will be a good idea at getting her to calm down." Nozomi laughed, cute little creases forming on her face as she chuckled.

"But food is a very powerful thing. Look at Rin and her ramen!" Eli replied, trying to add some logic to her statement.

"Look at you and your chocolate." Nozomi fired back, chuckling even more as she playfully kicked her legs up behind her on the bed.

Touché Nozomi, touché.

However their conversation was interrupted when Alisa bursted through the door energetically, waving the house phone in Eli's face and told her it was their grandmother on the other end of the line. Nozomi watched silently as Eli's face lit up before she turned around to her to apologise for having to take the call and the two Ayase sister's walked out of the room, leaving Nozomi all by herself.

Nozomi knew how fond Eli was of her grandmother so didn't really mind her leaving, just as long as Eli was happy that was the main thing she wanted. And after all she could handle being alone for a few minutes as it had been a running theme throughout her life...

~~~

"Hello grandmother!" Eli greeted down the phone, once she had made her way into the living room where she could have her private chat.

_"Hello Elichika! It's so nice to hear your voice again! How are you doing!?"_

"I'm doing well thank you, how are you doing?" Eli replied, happy to hear from her dear grandmother.

_"I'm doing just fine thank you Elichika. But are you sure? I heard that something happened to your friend Nozomi-chan and you had been rather upset?"_

Eli's heart stopped for a moment. She didn't want to make her grandmother worry but if she already knew something was wrong maybe it would be best to ask for her advice?

"Well...." Eli started, hesitating as she wondered if it was okay to bring it up

_"You can tell me anything you know. I'm here to listen and help. You don't have to hide anything from your old grandmother."_

Dwelling on it for a few moments, Eli continued to think, the only noise coming from her gentle breathing until she decided to come clean. So that's what she did; she started from the beginning, how Nozomi seemed down, how it moved on to not eating much, how her body transformed overtime and even the incident where she fainted and was brought into hospital. All the while Eli's grandmother listened carefully, hearing her granddaughter pour her heart and soul out to her.

"I just want to help her but I don't know if I'm doing any good or not!" Eli cried, swallowing a lump in her throats as she fought tears.

_"Don't worry, you are doing everything you possibly can. I'm sure Nozomi-chan really appreciates what you are doing, she's just having a rough time and she'll need a great friend like you by her side."_

"I-I guess. I'm just worried..." Eli said, casting a glance back at the closed bedroom door that Nozomi was just behind.

_"You are really fond of her aren't you?.."_

The answer to this was completely obvious for Eli.

"Yes...I am. I-I...I think I love her..." Eli stuttered, squeezing her eyes shut and preparing for what her grandmother would think.

_"Ah my darling granddaughter! I knew this day would come!"_

"Y-you're not mad?" Eli questioned, her voice wavering.

_"I'll accept anything and anyone if they make you happy. And if that person happens to be a girl then that's okay."_

"Thank you, thank you so much grandmother!" Eli's voice rose in volume. She felt absolutely elated to know that her grandmother accepted and supported her.

_"I know from everything i have been told that she is a sweet girl. I'll have to come over soon so you can introduce me to her and I'll just have to make sure to give her a lecture on how to treat you!"_

"Grandmotherrrr!" Eli groaned, falling victim to another one of her grandmothers teasings.

_"I'm just teasing! Now I think I better let you get back to your little girlfriend~"_

There it was again. Another critical hit, doubling Eli's rising blush.

"Mou, grandmother. She's not my girlfriend..." Eli moaned, her voice trailing off.

_"Ahhh, not YET. I can tell you two are very close and I'm sure you will make beautiful couple. I'll say goodbye now before I take away your entire night. You can do this Elichika! I love you, goodbye."_

With that her grandmother hung up the phone and Eli brought it away from her ears, trying to comprehend what had just happened. She definitely felt a lot more confident; her grandmother accepted her and believed she could help get Nozomi better, so she believed it too.

Unfortunately at that exact same moment Nozomi was anything but okay...

When Eli had left the room Nozomi had began passing the time by scrolling through the internet, initially at whatever peaked her interest until her nagging curiosity got the better of her and before she knew it she found herself on the website that began her troubles. She didn't know why she decided that revisiting it would be a good idea but there she was anyway.

Upon first glance she noticed a few positive messages on her profile from her kind fans, saying how much they adored her and complimenting her. They made Nozomi break out into a cute, toothy smile. Even if she didn't believe all the good things they were saying about her, she couldn't deny how nice it felt to have such kind-hearted people in the world that would go out of there way to write something positive about her.

However her happiness died off quickly when she scrolled further, coming across yet another mirage of cruel words that were aimed at her, like she was staring down the barrel of a loaded gun. She had no trouble believing in those words when she read them.

_'_ _You are_ **_fat._ ** **_'_ **

_'_ _You are_ **_ugly._ ** **_'_ **

_'_ _You are_ **_untalented._ ** **_'_ **

_'_ _Everyone would do so much better_ **_without you._ ** **_'_ **

_'_ _You are_ **_worthless._ ** **_'_ **

They all sank into her mind, tormenting her until she found the familiar sting of tears pressing up against her eyes. Her stomach dropped, a horrible buzzing feeling brewed within her. It hurt. It really hurt. She wished she hadn't looked but there was no going back now.

 _'See? Everything you do is not enough.'_ The voice cruelly mocked her.

Realising her emotions were beginning to take over her, she did her best to muffle her sniffling by shoving her head into the nearest pillow on the bed, shutting her phone off and grasping it tightly as she slowly let the tears fall. The last thing she wanted was to worry Eli anymore than she already had done.

She wanted to be freed from the negative mindset that had built itself inside her. She wanted to be hugged and told that everything was going to be okay. She wanted Eli to be with her. But it would be selfish to ask that of her friend who was already doing so much to help. Nozomi couldn't help but feel guilty for the trouble she was seemingly causing, which only made her cry harder.

On top of the insults she was receiving from others and her own mind, the guilt of what she had put her friends through was massively weighing on her.

The more she let her emotions out the more tired and dizzy she became, moving her free hand up to place it on her head as it still lay against the pillow. Before long she found herself succumbing into an exhausted sleep, her phone still clutched in one of her hands.

She became so lost in her sleep that she wasn't awake to hear the bedroom door reopening and Eli coming back into the room, along with her voice.

"Nozomi?" She called out, her voice sweet and gentle as she walked into the room, only then noticing Nozomi seemed to have fallen asleep.

Eli noticed the position she had fallen asleep in and quickly grew concerned, causing her to hurriedly - but quietly - approach the sleeping girl and kneel down to get a better look. Eli couldn't properly see much of Nozomi's face at all but she could make out the hand that was resting in between her forehead and the pillow she had her face buried into which caused for alarm.

However the final straw was the little wet dots that she could make out on the pillow which suggested that she had been crying. Eli was filled with worry at this point, wondering how a girl who seemed so beaming the last time they spoke had been reduced to tears until she fell asleep.

It was then she noticed the phone in Nozomi's other hand which she thought probably played a part in the fiasco. Her friend's grip on the object was noticeably loose so she gently pried the phone out of her hand and brought it up to her face, switching it on. After unlocking it she was greeted by the same website she had seen before and the same bundle of hateful comments Nozomi had seen only minutes before.

Eli became enraged. After all the pain they had caused her people were still continuing to bombard the poor girl with horrible words, that were all completely untrue.

_'_ _How dare they..._ _'_

As Eli read them her rage and sadness grew by the millisecond. She couldn't believe that people were still continuing to do such a thing.

Didn't people realise the gravity that their words held on the lives of others?

Had they learnt nothing from countless horrible news reports that has been airing over the years that were centred on the traumas - and even deaths - of people after being victims to bullying?

What were they trying to gain from this (besides a good beating up courtesy of Miss Eli Ayase)?

Nobody deserved this kind of torment, Nozomi especially. She knew it had to stop, she wasn't going to sit idly and do nothing anymore. In a fit of her bubbling emotions she put down Nozomi's phone and picked up her own, switching it on and unlocking it, her eyes taking a few moments to glance at her lockscreen which was an especially cute picture of Eli and Nozomi together, smiling brightly during a successful parfait outing.

The thought of her watching the once-happy girl, morph into this girl who thought so little of herself brought tears to her own eyes.

Every fibre in her body was urging Eli to just let her emotions run wild in a public message, letting all the cruel people know what they had caused while the one last thread of reason held her back, reminding her she could potentially hurt Nozomi even more from doing so.

Luckily she managed to win herself over and coax herself into putting her phone down, without having unleashed her fury on the touchscreen keyboard. Taking deep breaths she decided to ask μ's for some advice while on the training camp; if they all banded together then they might be able to draw Nozomi's attention away from the hate until their special song for her was ready.

Her mind buzzing, she decided to get herself ready for bed, trying to be as quiet as humanely possible so as not to wake Nozomi. At least if she was sleeping she would be safe, Eli hoped.

She didn't know if her dreams would be any better than her current reality though.

After getting herself changed and ready for bed she decided to climb into the bed with Nozomi. She couldn't stand to leave her alone for the night, even if she would only be a few steps away. Eli knew Nozomi would need someone with her if she was feeling bad. So she carefully laid down next to Nozomi, gently wrapping her arms around her friend's body and pulling it close to her.

For a brief moment she felt Nozomi move around but sighed of relief after she settled, her head having nuzzled itself into Eli's chest as if desperate for warmth - which Eli was only happy to provide for her and giving her a clearer view of the tear-stained pillow.

"Sleep well Nozomi." She whispered, laying her head on the pillow and keeping Nozomi in her embrace. The evenings events had taken a toll on Eli and it didn't take long before she joined her friend in the land of sleep, her mind racing around with thoughts and ideas.

_~~~_

"Just like Honoka to be late!" Huffed Umi, as she paced up and down the bus station.

"Don't worry Umi-chan, she will be here soon!" Kotori immediately jumped to the rescue, attempting to calm down Umi before she got even more restless and angry. Nobody wanted an angry Umi.

The next day was the beginning of the training camp and everyone had decided to meet at a local bus stop which would take them to Maki's beach house. Eli had decided against mentioning the state she had found Nozomi in that night, not wanting to seem like she was prying, despite only having the best possible intentions. Truthfully Nozomi did seem happy that morning, just like she had yesterday at school but Eli guessed it might have been one of her masks she would put up in order to shield her real emotions from the world.

Hopefully this trip would help Nozomi forget those things she read. Eli vowed to be by her side for the trip whenever she could so she could help make sure of that.

Sometimes people just needed to do something different and out of their normal schedules to help forget what was troubling them.

Before Eli could become even more of an anxious mess, she saw a flurry of ginger hair rush past her followed by a loud "Honoka! There you are!" from her blue-haired kouhai.

"Sorry Umi-chan! I woke up late!" Honoka whined, preparing herself for a scolding from her friend.

"How irresponsible of you! We've been waiting for half an hour!" Umi yelled, causing Honoka to shrink under her intense gaze.

In order to stop any potential incidents happening Nozomi quickly stepped in and put on reassuring smile.

"Now now girls, it's okay, Honoka is here now and that's what matters."

Umi sighed and nodded, showing she was withdrawing the anger back inside - probably to save it until Honoka decided to perform another one of her usual troublesome escapades.

"Thank you Nozomi-chan!" Honoka mused, back to her cheery-self, as she glomped herself onto Nozomi and wrapped her arms around her tightly in a hug.

Nozomi returned it and smiled lovingly as if she was caring for her own child.

"What would we do without our Nozomi-chan nya?" Asked Rin, causing Eli to join in with the group of smiling idols as she completely agreed with Rin's words. The truth was they wouldn't have become μ's at all without her. It was nice to hear how fondly they all thought of Nozomi, showing they truly did love her and care for her.

"We'd probably all end up killing each other!" Honoka joked, her voice still incredibly positive despite the choice of words.

"Very true. Now let's get going!" Eli announced, watching over everyone as they began walking inside the bus station while she waited behind. As expected Nozomi hadn't moved yet and was waiting for her younger friends to get on first - showing how caring she was of them.

"Are you ready Nozomi?" Eli asked, walking to her friend's side and offering her hand for Nozomi to take.

"Of course I am Elicchi." Nozomi replied, taking Eli's hand in her own, noting how warm it was in comparison to her own. With that they walked into the station and waited for their bus to arrive, holding hands all the while.

~~~

After the bus arrived, everyone climbed aboard and took their respective seats. Rin, Honoka and Umi sitting beside each other, in front of them sat Hanayo, Kotori and Nico while behind them both sat Nozomi, Eli and Maki. In order to pass the time Rin and Honoka began enthusing about all the foods they wanted to try, with Hanayo, Umi and Kotori occasionally chipping in with their own views: usually Umi was saying how their food ideas were strange, Hanayo mentioning rice and Kotori mentioning cheesecake while attempting to persuade Umi be more supportive of Rin and Honoka's food decisions.

Meanwhile Maki, Nico, Eli and Nozomi were involved in discussing matters related to Love Live! and μ's in general; that ended up in them hearing the phrase 'Nico Nico Nii' at least ten times during the entire trip. But they didn't mind, well, Eli and Nozomi didn't. Maki usually retaliated with one of her snide remarks and was close to initiating a few arguments until Eli and Nozomi came to the rescue and redirected the conversation.

Time seemed to pass very quickly and before they knew it the bus had reached their stop and they had to get off; Eli made sure to stick close to Nozomi's side while she exited the vehicle, ready for any sighs of wobbliness as she descended the small bus steps and stepped her foot onto the sidewalk.

After everyone had safely got off the bus, they all headed towards Maki's beach house, once again stopping and standing in awe to admire it in all it's glory; reminiscing on the last time they were there and the memories they made. It had really been a good idea on Honoka's part to come back.

Upon entering the first thing Honoka did was race upstairs and find the first room with a huge bed in it and dived onto it, losing herself in the coziness of the covers.

"I'm in heavennnn!" She mused gleefully, her voice travelling throughout the entire house.

Kotori took a moment to look at the rooms as she entered them, remembering just how pretty they were from their last visit - but also noting how expensive all the decorations must have been, but it wasn't as if Maki's family would be struggling from it.

Umi was obviously running after Honoka in attempt to stop her from doing anything silly or breaking anything, not wanting Honoka to end up receiving the bill to pay for damages and then somehow getting someone else, usually Kotori, to pay it off for her.

Nico, Rin and Hanayo found themselves drawn back into the kitchen, wondering what posh culinary delights Maki would have her in fridge and cupboards, even though Rin and Hanayo would mostly be happy with ramen and rice as usual. Maki followed them, but leaning against one of the counters and provided a usual onslaught of 'Maki-like' commentary as they fumbled around the room.

Eli and Nozomi made their way to the living room and sat themselves down next to each other on the plush sofa, sinking down into the material. They were all turning into a family more and more each day. Nozomi and Eli were truly proud parents.

"It seems like only yesterday we were here before." Nozomi began, gazing at the walls as she spoke as if lost in her own mind.

"Yeah it does, except hopefully this time we hopefully don't have to fight for our lives with pillows by accidentally waking up Umi!" Eli laughed, replaying the entire scene in her mind.

"Don't act like you didn't secretly enjoy it Elicchi." Nozomi retaliated in a teasing manor.

"Besides getting nearly knocked out with a pillow to the face it was kinda fun." Eli replied, taking the time to push her worries out of her mind slowly as she sank further into the sofa and the cushions.

They wondered what they would get up to this time around...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading my latest chapter, I hope it was to your liking.   
> I hope you are having a good day/night and remember to take care of yourselves properly; eat, drink and take your medication if you need to.  
> ~ Dusk


	15. Heart To Heart

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's a day of honesty, hopes, dreams and feelings all spilling out.

After everyone had gone on their little individual or small grouped adventures, everyone gathered into the living room to decide what they would be doing and to have the opportunity to play some games and just kick back and be silly together. The playful atmosphere, similar to their last visit, was present the entire time. It was as if all worry had somehow disappeared, even Umi seemed at ease which was a big change.

A trip out together was just what the doctor ordered and was clearly working already. Over the course of only a few hours Nozomi had managed to keep her inner thoughts at bay, making sure to keep out of the way of any mirrors if she could help it - wanting to avoid any unnecessary strain mentally. Luckily, despite Maki's supposed high view of herself, the Nishikino's didn't own too many mirrors so it made the task easier.

The light-headed feeling that Nozomi had been lumbered with constantly since the entire ordeal started stayed, waxing and waning in intensity throughout the afternoon and evening but Nozomi did her best to carry on with a smile glued to her face. With the added bonus of Eli keeping close to her the entire time, despite when nature-called but even then she would wait outside the bathroom in case she was needed, Nozomi's mood had significantly increased in the course of the few hours they had been there.

Even Nico and Maki had managed to get along rather well. Maki had taken the chance to have a play at her piano and Nico had gone in to listen. Nico found something calming about the way Maki played, the weaving of her slender fingers upon the black and white keys just soothed her, even if she was too stubborn to admit it. And despite everyone expecting an argument to break out at least, if not actual ornaments being broken, they were surprised to hear nothing of the sort. Only the melodious sound of Maki's piano genius followed by a few casual conversations between the two idols echoed from the room that day.

But after spending a while in little groups everyone decided to gather in the living room to spend some time altogether and to eat as the day was getting on and they were beginning to get peckish. Everyone knew it would be a difficult time for Nozomi so they decided to take things easier and try to take her mind off the prospect of eating. Nico, being the skilled chef she was, took the liberty of cooking a good, hearty meal for everyone in the form of a delicious-looking curry along with white rice, much to Hanayo's benefit.

A smaller, but still substantial, portion had been dished out for Nozomi. Despite her tricky relationship with food she still needed to eat, just like everyone did. But forcing her to shove down piles and piles of food would do no good to her body or her mental state.

With the support of her fellow idols Nozomi managed to finish her plate, while Eli even slowed down her pace so Nozomi wouldn't feel guilty for being the last to finish. She truly was prepared to do anything in her power to make Nozomi feel better and more comfortable, which emphasised just how much she cared for her best friend.

After everyone's stomaches were completely filled up with Nico's amazing creation, everyone lazed about (well, Honoka mostly) and shared casual conversation or played games.

"Wow Honoka-chan, you're amazing!" Rin praised, completely fascinated at how her normally-clumsy friend had  
managed to successfully balance a huge tower entirely out of dominos. 

"There's no need to thank me..." Honoka exclaimed, placing both her hands on her hips proudly. Within the duration of a few seconds the tower began wobbling and collapsed all over the table and floor, dominos laying scattered all over the carpet.

"...Like I said there's no need to thank me..." Honoka shrunk under the accusing gazes that were sent her way after the accident.

Watching her friend's all laugh, or in Maki and Umi's case look cross, brought a bright smile onto Nozomi's features. She really loved all of her friends, especially in moments like this. The moment seemed like the perfect time for what she had discussed with Rin a day prior. Nozomi nudged Rin a little, which went mostly unnoticed from the others besides from Eli who had been keeping a keen eye on her friend. Rin nodded understandingly, took a deep breath and stood up.  She made her way over to where Hanayo was seated, next to Kotori as they conversed about costume ideas, and spoke gently.

"Kayo-chin, can I talk to you about something?" She asked, nervousness showing in her eyes and voice as it shook slightly. Hanayo nodded, worried as to why Rin was acting strange but reached out to take Rin's hand as she was pulled gently over to the dining table and instructed to take a seat, which she did.

From seemingly thin air Rin presented a large bouquet, bustling full of colourful flowers, arranged in a pattern of yellow and green.

"F-for Kayo-chin." Rin stuttered, holding the bouquet out for her friend to take. Hanayo gasped and graciously accepted them, taking a swift sniff at the floral aroma of the flowers.

"Thank you Rin-chan..." She replied, confused as to why Rin suddenly had made a seemingly impromptu decision to give her a gift.

"But also..." Rin began, before quickly dashing off into the kitchen and coming back moments later with a steamy bowl of fluffy, white rice and a pair of wooden chopsticks set nicely on top.

"Rin made some rice especially for Kayo-chin!" She mused, placing the bowl of delicious-looking rice in front of Hanayo, now seeming much more confident and energetic in her approach, especially as she watched her rice-loving friend's face light up at the sight of her favourite food. The mood was set and Hanayo's reaction seemed promising: it was now or never...

Rin took the opportunity to start speaking, taking both of Hanayo's hands into her own and squeezing them gently.

"Kayo-chin...Rin has been your best friend for lots of years and Rin wants you to know just how much happier she is when she is with you...You are always by Rin's side and helping her and Rin never want to part from you! Also Kayo-chin is super super cute..."

"B-but Rin-chan is much cuter than me..." Hanayo trailed off, but the silence was filled quickly by Rin's voice becoming higher and more urgent. She wasn't going to let Hanayo talk bad about herself, not on her watch.

"No! Kayo-chin is the cutest! R-Rin...R-Rin loves you Kayo-chin! More than anyone else in the world! So much that I want to hug you and cuddle you and be yours and nobody else's!"

She stopped momentarily, taking in Hanayo's expression, breathing in and out before she spoke once more.

"Rin really loves you..." Rin's enthusiasm died out as she finished speaking, waiting anxiously for Hanayo's response. She hoped she hadn't overwhelmed the poor girl, knowing how anxious and overwhelmed she could get in certain situations even from all the way back in preschool when they first met. Rin could distinctively even remember defending Hanayo and turning to her 'protective cat' mode when a teacher asked her to talk in front of the class and scolded her when she wouldn't.

Nobody messed with her Kayo-chin! Not even particularly scary 10-foot tall teachers!

However this was more than just a preschool speech during class. Rin had just let her true, lingering feelings out to the girl she loved. Whatever happened next could be either extremely positive or extremely detrimental.

Hanayo was speechless after hearing Rin's true feelings come barrelling out of her mouth at a hundred miles an hour. But at the same time she had never felt happier in her life; to hear that her closest friend, one whom she loved way more than she had ever loved herself, loved her back. In one swift move Hanayo wrapped her arms tightly around Rin and clung to her, tears welling up in her eyes.

"Rin-chan...I love you so much too!..." Hanayo squeaked, her words partially muffled as she buried her head into Rin's stomach, still in her seat. Rin returned the embrace, revelling in the soothing feel of her soft clothing, concealing an even softer stomach. She had always loved how Rin's warm body felt, Hanayo always managed to feel safe and fuzzy even if it was just the slightest brush of her hand against her friend.

The rest of μ's watched on fondly as the scene played out, even Umi had managed to stay conscious despite still declaring it 'slightly shameless', as Rin and Hanayo took a few moments to hold each other tightly. It wasn't much of a surprise that they got together, everyone could plainly see just how much they loved and cherished each other. Anyone who had ever come anywhere near the pair could see that. They soaked in the precious moment like a sponge, the past accident involving the destruction of 'Domino Tower' and its remnants had seemingly been long forgotten.

Eli casted a knowing glance towards Nozomi, knowing she had to be responsible for this. The pieces of the puzzle began to fit together in her mind as she quickly replayed the conversation she had witnessed between her and Rin the previous day - despite not having really heard any of it she could hazard a good guess as to what they were talking about now.

"So that's what you were talking to her about..." Eli mused, approaching Nozomi and resting her hand on her friend's shoulder.

Nozomi turned her head to face Eli and smiled, before turning back around to face the adorable new couple as Rin began feeding Hanayo some of the homemade rice with a loving smile on her lips. "Love is in the air Elicchi."

~~~

After everyone gave their congratulations to Hanayo and Rin, along with Nico giving a stern talk to Rin on how to treat Hanayo with respect, her motherly instincts having kicked in for her fellow idol-loving kouhai. Luckily Maki was there to swoop in and pull Nico away before she could frighten Rin anymore, knowing that the couple would be completely fine together as she had, on hundreds of occasions, seen how caring they are towards each other.

After that everyone decided to get changed and ready for bed, each finding a separate room to change in; however Rin and Hanayo had no qualms about sharing a room or even their clothing. When they emerged from the room and joined everyone else in the huge living room, Hanayo was dressed up in one of Rin's cat hoodies and a pair of shorts while Rin also wore one of her other cat hoodies along with a pair of long comfy pyjama pants. Everyone admired how cute they looked together, already seeming to have adapted to their new girlfriend statuses.

This was further confirmed when they flopped down onto two laid-out beds right next to each other, Rin cuddling right up to Hanayo while ending up laying down mostly on her girlfriend's bed rather than her own. Nico took her place on the soft bed beside Hanayo, wearing a pink nightdress, as she began to take her jet black hair out of her usual pigtails and let it flow loosely down her back.

All the while Maki couldn't help but watch, before her eyes wandered over to the happy couple who were giggling at each other and cuddling. Part of her heart ached at the sight, causing a deep longing to brew within the pit of her stomach. She wanted to be able to be like that. To have that special someone to share her love with, to be able to openly express how she felt to, to be able to hold them close to her and not feel scared.

Before her thoughts could fester any further, she was brought out of her daydream, a rising scarlet painting her cheeks as she directed her gaze towards her dark-haired senpai and the empty bed beside her. She could take the chance to occupy the bed beside her!

Trying to fight off her growing embarrassment she shuffled her way towards the empty bed and plonked herself down on it, missing the surprised look on Nico's face as she realised who had taken the space next to her.

As much as the pair attempted to deny and downplay their true feelings towards each other, it was obvious to their friends that they actually deeply cared for each other - possibly even having some romantic implications as well.

Nozomi, of course, noticed the little incident and managed to piece together a scenario in her head. Her tsundere tomato-loving friend wanted to get closer to her rather small idol-loving third year. It may have been a subtle gesture to many people but Nozomi knew Maki well enough to know when she wanted something.

She made a mental note to have a talk to Maki about it later and decided she would watch the pair closer tonight, taking the chance to sit herself down on the empty bed beside Maki. As she did she fiddled with the cuffs of her hoodie and adjusted its position, trying to make it as comfortable for her suffering body as possible.

Noticing Nozomi had picked her sleeping place, Eli sat down on the bed beside her, brushing her white and beige nightdress over her knees and reaching her hands up to take her blonde hair out of its signature ponytail.

However a hand suddenly stopped hers, as it wrapped around Eli's. A soft, familiar voice soon accompanied it, the kansai dialect of her best friend fully present.

"Let me."

Eli dropped her hands down, closing her eyes and felt a smooth hand run through her hair, letting it drop down out of its strong hold and cascade down her back.

Before she could open her eyes she suddenly felt the same hand run itself slowly and repeatedly through her golden locks, creating a soothing feeling that gave her goosebumps all over her body. She could have truly fallen asleep like that. All she had to do was lean backwards, resting her weary head on the strong shoulders of her best friend...

But it seemed the rest of her friends had different ideas.

"So, how about we have a talk!" Honoka offered, rolling her body over on the mattress and resting her head on her hands as they propped her up.

Well the quietness was nice well it lasted, Eli thought, before she opened her eyes and sat up properly, Nozomi shuffling to her side where they sat together, their hips touching slightly.

"A talk? About what?" Umi asked, taking her seat on the last unoccupied bed between Honoka and Kotori, sitting in a comfortable position while still maintaining her usual elegance.

"Anything! It's been a while since we've just had a good chat with each other, talking about ourselves and things we want to do."

Everyone's eyes widened at Honoka's wise suggestion, briefly wondering whether aliens did in fact exist and had abducted Honoka and wiped her mind. Quickly dismissing the theory due to its level of insaneness everyone decided to go with the flow, Honoka could indeed be smart in some situations, more so than some of them gave her credit for. Honoka just stared enthusiastically and partly confused as she waited for someone to reply, wondering why they were taking so long.

"What!?" She exclaimed, causing everyone else to start bursting into little fits of giggles, soon even Honoka joined them, despite being blind to the true reason for her friend's laughter. But her friends were all happy so in turn Honoka would be happy as well.

Amidst all the noise, Rin turned to face Hanayo, who's face was creased with happiness as she died down from her chuckling fit. Nothing made Rin happier than to see Hanayo happy so that moment was like her own personal heaven. Hanayo noticed Rin gazing at her and shot a quizzical look back at her.

"I just thought about how happy I am when I see you laughing like this..." Rin said, hoping to answer Hanayo's silently communicated question. Hanayo blushed, a shy smile forming on her lips. She would still have to try to get used to being complimented.

"Aww!" The rest of μ's all replied, watching the cute scene fondly.

"You two are so adorable!" Honoka cried, stretching her body out and kicking her legs around to symbolise her being wounded from the heart-warming display of affection.

"You two getting together was WAY overdue!" Nico commented. After spending a lot of time with the two lovebirds she had been able to witness their love for each other first hand on many occasions, as well as listen to many talks from Rin about how great Hanayo was and vice versa.

"Honestly I was prepared to just lock you both in a cupboard until you got together!" She added, beside her a grin formed its way onto Honoka's face.

"Then they really would have 'come out of the closet', get it!?"

Before anyone could react, suddenly a pillow had disappeared from Maki's sleeping bag and was flying across the room and hit Honoka directly in the face, knocking her over, followed by a grunt of pain from the ginger-haired girl.

"I deserved it." Honoka sighed, plucking the pillow off her face and sitting back up.

Amidst the the chatter and playful antics of their fellow idols, Nozomi gently leant her head down, resting it on Eli's shoulder. Eli momentarily tensed at the sudden contact but relaxed when she turned around to see the content and relaxed face of her best friend. Warmth swelled through her body as Nozomi nuzzled a little deeper into her. Taking the opportunity she slipped one of her arms around Nozomi's body and held her, being able to feel the softness of her hoodie as well as the sharpness of her bones.

Her friend's body was still in recovery so she knew it wouldn't be as soft as she remembered it. But it would be all in due time. Recovery was never easy but it wasn't impossible and Eli knew that. Releasing a quiet sigh, she let the worries leave her mind and drew her attention back to the conversation at hand.

"I hope you all find someone who makes you as happy as Kayo-chin makes me!" Rin announced, hugging Hanayo extra tightly. She was definitely the more confident and openly-affectionate out of the two but even Hanayo could be surprisingly doting at times - especially when it came to Rin.

"I already have! My two partners!" Honoka began, shocking everyone in the room, their eyes all going wide. This was news to them. Everyone immediately began wondering who these 'partners' of hers were, conjuring millions of images in their minds. Even Tsubasa from A-RISE made an appearance in their thoughts. Well, they were both leaders and they would made a cute couple. But who would be the second partner? They needed some answers.

"Bread and strawberries!" She finished, fist-pumping the air as she imagined her favourite foods coming together in perfect harmony, causing everyone to sigh in relief. Trust Honoka to say she was dating her favourite foods, but they wouldn't put it past her. They did have their way of making Honoka drool or her eyes light up at just the sight of them.

"What about you Kotori? Seeing anyone special?" Honoka asked, directing the attention onto her childhood friend. At the mention of Kotori possibly having a partner of any kind, Umi's attention firmly locked on the conversation, desperately wanting to know if what Honoka claimed was true.

"Oh no no no! I'm very much single and besides...I have my eye on someone...But I don't think they like me back..." Kotori's voice became progressively quieter as she spoke. After having a second for her anxiety to die down, Umi was instantly brought into another state of worry as Kotori had just confirmed she did in fact like someone. Part of her was glad that this mystery person supposedly didn't reciprocate but the other part of her felt horrible for how Kotori must have felt if that was the case. Nobody deserved to feel heartbroken like that, especially not Kotori.

"Whoever it is, I know they would be lucky to have you Kotori, and if things do work out well I hope they keep you safe and happy." Umi replied, her words of sincerity touching Kotori's heart, a glimmer of hope seeming to appear in her eyes.

"Thank you Umi-chan..." She replied, completely grateful that despite the topic being one that could be considered borderline 'shameless' in Umi's opinion, she still contributed and helped Kotori feel better.

"Don't we get any clues!?" Rin whined, wanting to know more of who captured their dear costume-designers heart.

"Nope! It's a secret!" Kotori laughed, putting her slender finger against her lips before bringing it away again. Despite this nearly everyone in the group had a feeling of who it could be - all except for the one certain blue haired girl who was clearly as dense as a brick wall.

"What about you Umi-chan? Anyone who takes your fancy?" Honoka pried, having caught onto Umi's strange reaction to Kotori's love life, a knowing grin on her face.

"What!? Of course I don't like anyone!" She spluttered, clearly giving away the fact to the others that she did have her eye on someone. Although it wasn't particularly difficult for them to make a guess on who this mystery person could be.

"Suuuurree you don't Umi-chan!" Honoka teased, causing Umi to turn an even brighter shade of red as if completing her transformation into a human tomato. Truthfully having been around Umi and Kotori for years, Honoka had always been able to tell that there was something between them. She may be a bit ditzy but she wasn't blind!

The way they always spoke so highly of each other, how Umi would become super protective of Kotori if even the slightest hazard appeared, the way Kotori would cling onto Umi as if her life depended on it; it wasn't exactly difficult to connect the dots.

So, of course, Honoka had tried to play cupid for them, but alone it was increasingly hard work, especially as she had to deal with Umi's denseness that was rather painful at times.  However now she had the rest of μ's and with Rin and Hanayo managing to get together, maybe it would help push the bird and the ocean in the right direction.

"What about our dear composer Maki-chan!?" Rin piped up, hugging Hanayo even tighter and closer to her, if that was even possible. Maki was taken back by the attention suddenly being directed onto her and began stuttering.

"W-what!? Of course not idiot!..." She said as if she had just been caught doing something shameless but continued to deny it anyway. Her face began rivalling her hair in a shade of deep red as everyone eyed her. Maki snook a glance in Nico's direction and tried to work out the expression she found on her friend's face. She seemed pleased but also saddened at what Maki had told them, a thoughtful look appearing on her features.

Truthfully Nico's thoughts and emotions were running amuck all over the place. Her curiosity began silently eating away at her, the longing of wanting to know just what Maki's situation was growing by the second. Nozomi could instantly sense that something was going on inside Nico's head, as she tended to have an overactive mind herself and knew what it was like. She had an inkling of an idea about what was making her so worried; the red-headed, tomato-loving tsundere.

Nozomi, being ever the student of tarot and all things spiritual, had had her fair share of card readings that warned her of some love issues having developed in μ's. As much as she wanted to tell them to be honest, she realised that that was exactly what she was not doing herself. But her friends were incredibly important to her and their happiness meant more than anything else in the world - her own problems could wait.

"How about you Eli-chan?"

Eli blinked, her heart increasing its pace. While she didn't have a partner yet, the girl she was in love with was currently resting her head on her shoulders. But she wasn't about to mention that to the others.

"Not really."

_'_ _Good going Eli._ _'_

_'_ _Keep it brief._ _'_

They could hardly continue to question her if she didn't reveal anything. Even with some of her fellow members tendencies to normally pry, she seemed to evade further questioning.

"If you did I'd have to check to see if they were good enough for you, Miss cute and clever Elichika." Nozomi suddenly mumbled, having lifted her head up to gaze adoringly at Eli before placing her head back down into its previous position.

"Haha...yeah..." Eli replied nervously.

 _'You wouldn't need to check "them"...because you're absolutely perfect just the way you are...'_ she thought.

"The same for you too Nozomi, whoever gets to be your partner will truly be lucky." Eli added, gently squeezing her arm around Nozomi's body reassuringly, before un-squeezing again.

"Thank you Elicchi, but you flatter too much." Nozomi joked, internally becoming flustered as Eli called whoever her future partner would be 'lucky'.

"What about you Nico-chan?" Honoka prodded.

"An idol belongs to everyone! I couldn't possibly be-"

"So I take it as a 'no' then..." Rin surmised, cutting Nico off and receiving a stern glare in return from said idol.

"Hey! I'd rather focus on the future anyway!" Nico huffed, crossing her arms

"Ooh good idea! Smart thinking Nico-chan! What do you guys want to do in the future?" Honoka asked, laying down on her back and staring up at the ceiling.

It was actually a good question; what was everyone going to do after they left school? μ's were SCHOOL idols and not to mention the fact Nozomi, Eli and Nico were third year's and were actually graduating in a few months. Nozomi, herself, hadn't thought much about it. She had spent her time asking others what THEY wanted to do and pushing them in the right direction, yet she had neglected to ask herself what she wanted.

"I'd like to go into fashion design." Kotori started, her mind travelling back to the time where she almost left μ's to do a course in fashion.

"That would be great for you Kotori-chan! You're so talented, I bet you're clothes would be all the latest fashion trends!" Honoka enthused, wanting to voice her support for her obviously talented best friend.

Everyone could agree that Kotori was indeed extremely talented and she definitely had a great shot at making it in the fashion business; maybe even her role in μ's could give her a good jumpstart, especially if she was already a well-known name.

"Thank you Honoka-chan, but I don't think it will be that easy." Kotori smiled kindly, appreciating deeply what Honoka had said.

"Well I was thinking about becoming a composer...but it seems like I'll be taking over the family hospital..." Maki said, her tone dreary.

"But what do you want to do?" Nico suddenly chimed in, surprising Maki with her sudden interest in her future. While maki attempted to blurt out a coherent response, Nico waited patiently all the while.

"Well...I don't really have a choice." Maki sighed.

"But this is your life, of course you have a choice...and besides...I think you would be a great composer..." Nico trailed off, eyeing the floor as she hid her head in embarrassment at revealing her true thoughts.

"Thank you Nico-chan." Maki replied, nearly speechless. Recently Nico and Maki had been arguing a lot less than normal, which had not just shocked everyone else but Maki as well. Truthfully she never really wanted to fight with her but she couldn't help herself. Due to being brought up the way she was - being isolated from spending time with other people - her social skills had inherently suffered.

Being cold and hostile was all she knew how to be. Some of her earliest memories were spending time in the corner by herself during school, while all the other children participated in silly activities together. It was lonely, that she couldn't deny, but she didn't know how to behave in the world she was in.

People were unexplored territory for her and she never knew how to react to them, always believing she was better off by herself.

However since joining μ's Maki had learned many things; one being that things were much nicer when you had friends with you. But still this didn't stop her old habits of defending herself and distancing herself from others returning often. Unfortunately this always seemed to happen the most around Nico. She couldn't help but regret a lot of the hurtful things she said to her fellow idol and she wanted to make up for everything. The question was how.

After Nico had asked about Maki's future, she thought it would only be right to ask back. To some it may have seemed like a pathetic attempt but she had to start somewhere.

"W-what about you Nico-chan?..." Maki stuttered, watching as Nico'a traditional smiling face morph into one of surprise. Though it didn't take long before her usual bravado was put back into place.

"Of course the fabulous Nico Nii will be going pro!" After a short few seconds her enthusiasm died down significantly.

"Although...I'm not sure how I'd do it...There's music and lyrics to consider, I'd be able to deal with the costumes but music isn't really my strong point..." She confessed, displaying her vulnerability for one of the first times since they had all met.

"I-if you ever do need any help....I'd help write some music for you..." Maki quietly suggested, catching Nico off-guard again.

The remaining two members of the 'Idiot Trio' that weren't being victim to Maki's 'subtle' flirting attempt began snickering to themselves at Maki's try at getting closer to her senpai. She could be so undeniably gay at times, even if she wouldn't outright admit to it. However she couldn't hide that from them, their fully-functioning gaydars were activated and picking up extreme vibes. Nico hurriedly fought against her surprise and picked up her smile once again.

"Nico would be very appreciative! But it would have to be an amazingly cute song of course!"

Maki felt like she was anything but cute, but whatever Nico wanted. After all composers needed to be open-minded about different types of music right?

"What about you Hanayo-chan?" Nico asked, curious about what her fellow idol-obsessor had planned for life.

"I've been thinking if being an idol doesn't work out...maybe I could open my own restaurant...but I'm not sure I'd have the confidence to deal with all the customers..."

"You make an amazing idol don't worry Kayo-Chin! Rin will help you follow your dream! If you want Rin will help you with your restaurant by assisting with making all the yummy rice and doing all the scary talking! Rin doesn't care what she does, as long as she is with Kayo-chin nya!" Rin mused, enthusiastically hugging her girlfriend as she poured out her words of support over her uncertain future life decision. The future would definitely be bright for those two, Nozomi could tell without the help from her tarot cards.

"That's so nice of you Rin-chan! You would make a fine wife for Hanayo-chan!" Nozomi replied, causing Hanayo to break out into a blush while a look of wonder and excitement flashed onto the energetic ramen-lovers face.

"Rin-chan wants to be the best wife for Kayo-chin!" Rin called out, ignoring the fact that marriage was a bit unrealistic at this point; they were only young after all. But Rin wasn't always one for realism.

"What about you Honoka-chan?" Nico asked, taking the attention away from the younger girls as Umi looked like she was about to faint. Always the embarrassed girl.

"It may seem silly..." Honoka began.

"Compared to some of the things we've heard come from your mouth I bet it won't be THAT bad..." Maki mumbled under her breath to no-one in particular.

"I've kind of been wanting to open up my own sweet and chocolate factory! It would bring smiles to everyone's faces! And think of all the delicious sweets; all different colours and flavours! I could spend all day coming up with new ideas and eating them!" Honoka began to sink into her own imagination, nearly drooling at the thought of her own crazy creations coming to life. It was definitely a classic Honoka-like job choice. Seeing as she did work in her parents bakery, a job in a place like a sweet and chocolate factory would seem quite fitting, along with her genuinely bubbly personality that would fit well with what the job would entail.

"That sounds lovely Honoka-chan!" Kotori replied, praising her best friend for her unique but adorable idea. Kotori was always a lover of particularly cute things.

Everyone had hopes and dreams, regardless of how silly they may have seemed to others and everyone in μ's knew that. If it was what Honoka wanted then they would support her all the way - just like they did with μ's. Honoka had managed to originally form μ's, even when she met with countless obstacles and resistance, so they knew she would be able to do whatever she set her mind to. Perhaps it could also inspire them to follow their individual dreams and aspirations as well.

"Thank you Kotori-chan! How about you Umi-chan?" Honoka asked.

"I'm not fully sure. I may end up taking over my family's dojo..." Umi replied, her voice monotonous as she wracked her brain for any thoughts about her future. She had often fussed over the future of her friends but now she realised how little she had thought of her own, despite her usual habit of planning ahead.

"I think you would make an amazing leader at your family dojo but also I think you would make a particularly beautiful songwriter Umi-chan! But of course it's your decision, as long as you are happy that's all that matters." Kotori chimed in, voicing her thoughts with a smile on her face. She had been worried constantly about Umi and her future, wondering if she would end up doing something that was forced on her rather than what she wanted.

Throughout the years of being her close friend she knew all about her strict family and their hopes of her continuing at their dojo, but Kotori felt that despite her amazing skill with archery that she would be better and more happier in something more creative. Something that could truly show her skill. Considering all the great songs she had written for μ's it wasn't difficult to think of the possibility of Umi continuing professionally.

"We'll just have to see what happens." Umi replied, nervous about what would be awaiting her in the future. Sensing her obvious nerves, Kotori gently patted Umi on her back, another one of her endearing smiles on her face. The tension inside of Umi slowly melted away at the soft touch and reassurance from her close friend. Kotori always knew how to calm her.

"Don't worry Umi-chan, we'll always be here for you!" Kotori said in her sickly sweet voice.

"Thank you Kotori." Umi replied sincerely.

"Hey I'm here too, you know!" Honoka whined, launching herself over to where Umi and Kotori were sat. Honoka the drama queen was alive once again.

"At least I think I'm here..." She finished, receiving giggles from Kotori in response to her strange way of making herself known.

Kotori took her hand away from Umi and moved it onto Honoka's ginger hair and began gently stroking it, as if she was her own pet. Honoka relaxed even further at the nice sensation of her friend playing with her hair. It truly was a good day.

"So, what about you Eli-chan?" Honoka spoke again, her eyes drifting towards the blonde-haired girl.

The entire conversation Eli had spent attempting to create an answer to that question. She wasn't sure at all. On one hand she could go study dancing, but after her past failure she wasn't so confident anymore. On top of that she knew she couldn't bare to leave her friends; Nozomi especially.

"I think Elicchi would make a fine dancer." Nozomi answered for her, looking up kindly at her friend. Nozomi knew Eli was insecure about the topic but she also knew how great of a dancer she really was. If only Nozomi could see Eli through her eyes, which was rather ironic all things considered, especially as Eli had always wished for Nozomi to see herself through her eyes.

Even with her anxieties on the matter, somehow whenever Nozomi said something it seemed to have a stronger impact. Nozomi always knew how to fight away those voices for Eli. She only hoped she could do the same in return.

"Would I now? Thank you but what about you Nozomi?" Eli asked, curious to see what had captured the interest of her friend. Nozomi was difficult to read and Eli had always wondered what would make her happy. Nozomi didn't like talking about herself much but Eli couldn't deny how much she still wanted to know about her best friend. She only knew what she had witnessed or been told, but hazarding a guess she could tell it probably wasn't much.

A thoughtful look creeped onto Nozomi's features as she transcended into deep thought. What DID she want to do in the future?

Her mind had been occupied recently with everything that had been happening and even with graduation fast approaching she had no idea where she wanted to go in life.

She couldn't help but always feel like the weakest link in the group; Honoka had her love of food and family's bakery, Kotori had her talent at fashion design, Umi had her dojo and even the possibility of becoming a songwriter, Maki had her family's hospital and enough musical talent to become the next Mozart, Hanayo had her love of idols and rice with Rin offering to help her, Nico had her idol dreams and even failing that she could had the skills to become a Michelin-Star chef and Eli had her dancing or Nozomi was sure she could secure a position as a famous model or actress if she chose to do so but what about herself?

Nozomi did have her spiritual power but what job could she get out of that?   
A fortune-teller maybe but she was certain that wouldn't pay well and her parents would definitely not be satisfied with that life decision. She didn't need disapproval from her parents over her job to add to her list of worries and stresses in life.

Sure, she had her great grades but they could only take her so far. The rest of the journey was up to her. All she knew was she did not want to follow in her parents footsteps. They were always travelling, always kept busy and never seemed to have anytime for their own daughter. Nozomi didn't want to be like that.

What could Nozomi Tojo, the spiritual shrine maiden, do in this world? She had spent so long helping others do what they wanted and pushed away her own desires. But that was the way she liked it.

"I'm not sure Elicchi." She simply replied, then going back to resting her head against Eli's shoulder. She would need to think about it but right now didn't seem like the time.

"I'll just have to see where the cards take me." She added, smiling brightly. In truth Nozomi was used to going with the flow in her life due to how things had played out for her. That was how life had to go sometimes. But she wasn't one to question the gods on their choices so she would just try and make the best out of the situation. It seemed this theory would have to apply to her future as well.

"Don't worry about it. We'll all be here for you through it all." Eli comforted, able to sense that Nozomi was slipping off into her own mind, despite what her facial expression did to try and disprove this.

After that the conversation settled into that of less taxing matters; possible song ideas, funny memories they recalled of their time together and the like. Somehow along the line the casual conversation turned corners a bit; but Honoka knew how to make it light-hearted once again.

"What is one thing you would like to do in the future?" Honoka asked, eager to learn more about her idol friends.

"I've always wanted to enter an eating contest!" She cheered, waiting for the backlash from Umi that for sure did follow.

"Honoka! Do you know how much weight you could put on!? Just because you COULD eat for the entirety of Japan doesn't mean you have to!" Umi scolded.

"But it's something I've always wanted to try!" Honoka moaned back, forming a pouty face in order to make Umi calm down from her rant.

"Fine." She submitted "As long as you make sure to not go too crazy."

"When have I ever gone crazy?" Honoka laughed.

"Wait...never mind don't answer that!" She quickly added, aware that she did have a tendency to do crazy and strange things.

"Don't worry Honoka-chan, I've always wanted to enter a ramen eating contest!" Rin pitched in, fantasising about her love for said food item. Ramen definitely held a huge place in Rin's heart - and stomach - but it still came in second to her beloved Kayo-chin of course.

"Rin, I don't even know if they do those." Maki replied flatly, causing Rin to pour in disappointment.

"Don't be such a party pooper Maki-chan! I can dream you know!" Rin whined sadly at having one of her dreams crushed in a matter of seconds.

"Then I will help set one up for Rin-chan!" Hanayo announces happily, patting her girlfriend on the head, causing Rin to smile widely and tackle Hanayo in a huge hug.

"You're the best Kayo-chin!" She cried, desperately nuzzling her head into Hanayo's body with her arms firmly wrapped around her. Everyone 'awwed' once again at the adorable display of affection from the two idols, except Umi and Maki who did it inwardly, not wanting to admit that they did in-fact find the scene endearing.

"I'll make sure you get to meet all your favourite idols and get all the merchandise you want!" Rin knew firsthand about how much Hanayo loved idols and she wasn't going to stop until she managed to get her girlfriend to see all the concerts she wanted. If Hanayo wanted to see every idol in the entire world live in concert Rin would sure as heck make sure she got to.

"Eli-chan what about you nya!?"

"I've actually always wanted to go on a road trip with a close friend; just seeing lots of sights, trying new things and experiencing more of the world. When I moved from Russia I was truly fascinated by Japanese culture, probably not as much as Alisa but still very fascinated. Also it would be nice to learn more about different cultures and share those experiences with someone else."

Everyone had expected an intelligent answer from Eli, she was the student council president after all. Most of them were also able to guess who that 'close friend' she was referring to would be - none other than a certain washi-washi loving third year.

Nozomi was known to be well-travelled due to moving constantly from her parents work so it was no doubt she was a very culturally diverse person. They knew Eli would definitely want to be able to experience things like that with her best friend, also being able to learn more about her. As well as that they knew Nozomi would appreciate the company. Nozomi and Eli deserved to spend time together, that much was very apparent.

"Very wise Elicchi." Nozomi quipped, expecting nothing less from her closest friend. She knew her well enough to read her like an open book and wisdom, as well as suppressed curiosity - that Alisa had no problem projecting - was something Eli radiated, well at least to Nozomi's keen eyes.

"I wonder who will be that close friend hmmmmmmmm..." Honoka pried, sending a mysterious grin towards Eli as if to say 'we all know it's Nozomi.' Eli blushed deeply from embarrassment and quickly directed the attention onto someone else.

"Nico, what about you!?" She said, rather frantically as she tried to recover from her discomfort.

"I've been thinking about maybe putting on a concert for all my family. I know Cocoro, Cotaro and Cocoa would like it and it would help make my mother happier, so of course Nico Nii needs to do it! For the sake of her family!" Her hesitance faded away mid-way through her speech and was replaced by her usual confident demeanour.

Everyone was honestly impressed at how quick Nico could change her tone and mood. But they knew she always liked to smile and make others smile too and what was so wrong with wanting that?

Also it was clear that Nico loved her family and was prepared to go to the ends of the earth for them. Not having a father figure in her life anymore made Nico increasingly determined to fill that authority role herself.

"That's really sweet Nico-chan!" Kotori squeaked, happily beginning to imagine her friend performing especially just for her family, wearing the cutest of clothes.

"Of course it is!" Nico stated as if it was painstakingly obvious.

"Anyway what about you Nozomi-chan?"

Nozomi once again didn't really know what to say. All she could think about was hating the possibility of being separate from her new-found friends. The ones that were much more family to her than her real family had ever been. She didn't want to leave them but she couldn't possibly make such a selfish request as to force everyone to stay together could she?

They were amazing people with undoubtably bright futures, they deserved to do what made them happy and deserved to shine brightly while doing so. But having all this on her mind made her never able to rest on a concrete decision on what she wanted to do.

"Y-you could always go on that road trip with me, if you want of course!" Eli suggested nervously, causing Nozomi's heart to race. Eli invited HER to be that 'close friend'! If she was alone she could have screamed in delight but instead she resisted, a joyful smile morphing on her face.. It would be just her and her dear Elicchi taking on the world together. Perhaps the gods did have something good in store for her future.

"I would love that very much Elicchi, thank you."

Everyone watched the tender moment, Nico nearly exploding from how much she wanted to call them out on their obvious gayness. Meanwhile Eli was ecstatic that Nozomi had agreed to accompany her, she was now set on accomplishing her wish more than ever now. But they both managed to suppress their emotions as the conversation continued in duration.

After a while of talking, everyone's eyelids slowly started to droop, the excitement of the day having exhausted them. Even Rin seemed ready for bed and she wasn't one to be tired so easily.

They settled down into their separate sleeping bags, all except Rin who was clinging to Hanayo and burying her face into the rice-lovers side while taking up half of her girlfriends sleeping bag rather than her own. Hanayo did make a good pillow, in Rin's opinion anyway.

Maki laid facing toward's Nico's back, admiring how mature Nico could look when her hair was down. Umi tried to hide her blushes as she snuck glances at her ash-haired friend and watched as she peacefully fell into a deep slumber. Meanwhile Honoka kept sneaking looks between both of her childhood friends, sighing in defeat. Maybe another day they would realise their requited feelings...

Eli had a harder time sleeping due to her fear of the dark, even if it had gotten a bit better over time, thanks to Nozomi of course. She looked over to said girl and watched as her chest gently rose and fell, her long purple hair cascading around her body and the pillow in a majestic fashion. Eli did always enjoy seeing how peaceful Nozomi looked during her sleep and was glad she could witness it once again.

Satisfied with the sight she saw she closed her own eyes, nuzzling her head into the pillow and lost herself in her own dreamland, exhausted from all the excitement that the day had brought.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading this chapter and thank you for all your support! I hoped you liked this chapter. Sorry if it felt like not much happened in this chapter but this is all leading up to bigger things and the next chapter will have a lot more going on.  
> Please look after yourself, remember to eat, drink and take your medication if you need to and stay safe.  
> Original publish date: 26/01/18  
> Edited date: 30/10/18  
> ~Dusk


	16. Anemone Heart

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bonds strengthen and hearts connect.

As the sun made its away further up into view and the sky brightened to a lovely shade of blue, the girls slowly began to rouse from their slumber; Nozomi being the first and Honoka being the last. Blinking the sleep out of her tired eyes, Nozomi managed to support herself up with her arms and scan the room around her - taking in the pleasant sight of each of her friend's sleeping peacefully, except Honoka and Nico who had somehow moved out of their covers and into strange positions, Nico managing to recreate her idol pose and Honoka having managed to wriggle her way half onto Kotori's sleeping bag.

As her vision slowly caught up to reality she noticed a shift in the bag beside her and turned her head towards the movement.

"Nozomi? Are you already awake?" Maki whispered, drowsily as she yawned. Nozomi hummed in response and watched as Maki sat up, her covers partly still draped around her body.

"Good morning Maki-chan, I trust you slept well." Nozomi greeted

"Besides the 'Honoka Train' being full steam ahead during the night..." She replied sourly, causing Nozomi to giggle a little. Honoka was definitely one strange sleeper and definitely one of the noisiest they had ever met.

"How are you feeling?" Maki asked, trying to hide her worry. After everything had happened Maki hadn't really had much of a chance to check on her friend and see how she was doing. Now seemed like a good time to ask, albeit hesitantly. But it wasn't often the great Maki Nishikino was openly showing her concern for people, even when she did mean well.

"Hmm? I'm feeling quite well thank you." Nozomi beamed. Maki wondered if she was telling the truth as Nozomi did have a tendency to hide her true feelings. It was rather annoying but she figured she couldn't say much as she was no expert with sharing feelings either. She decided not to pry further as she noticed a bit more shuffling and light noises coming from some other members, who seemed to be waking up.

Recognising a familiar 'nya' filling the room, even if it sounded slightly different due to the hint of sleep in her voice, it was obvious that Rin was joining them in the land of the awakened. After a few more moments of rustling bed covers and blankets they could make out a quiet voice, which again was identified to be Rin.

"Wakey wakey Kayo-chin..."

Nozomi and Maki turned their heads to watch Rin nuzzle her head into Hanayo's neck as the rice-lover began to move, her eyelids peeling up to reveal dazed lavender eyes. An inaudible conversation was carried out between the couple as they cuddled, enjoying the morning peace together, wondering what the day would bring for them now they had confessed to each other.

Not long after everyone else began to wake up; continuing with Umi who was followed by Nico, Eli, the Honk queen herself and then Kotori was last surprisingly. However Nozomi couldn't help but pay the most attention to Eli's awakening as she began gently mumbling in her sleep. She was able to catch a few words and tried to string them together, before her gaze was met with the sight of her friend's bright blue eyes opening and a tired-sounding greeting. Despite just waking up, in Nozomi's eyes, Eli looked breathtaking - Nozomi wondered whether Eli ever had any morning sleep in her eyes. Due to this she missed the small interaction between two of her kouhai.

"You're going to have to tell her sooner or later you know..." Honoka softly spoke, rising from her bed and rubbing her eyes, causing Umi to snap her head around to follow her as she left the room.

Umi's gaze returned to the sleeping birb, who was snuggled safely under the bed covers, a small smile playing on her lips as her chest gently rose and fell.

"I pick later..." Umi mumbled under her breath.

After Kotori awoke, everyone greeted each other properly, before going off in separate directions to get ready and change clothes, while fighting away everyone's sleepiness.

After this they split off into small groups and went about different morning activities. Maki ventured upstairs into one of the spare bedrooms and rested her head on her arms, leaning against an open window as she watched the world come alive - the distant tweeting of the birds helping soothe her. Nozomi took this as her chance to have that talk she wanted to have and followed her up, knocking politely on the door before entering. She didn't want to startle the girl, she just wanted to help her be more honest.

"Maki-chan? Can I talk to you?"

Within hearing just those few words Maki's heart rate increased and her mind brewed with worries. She wasn't the best with heart-to-heart talks and this was well known by her and anyone that had met her. But she didn't want to refuse, it was Nozomi after all and she always had the best of intentions. She reluctantly peeled herself away from the open window and invited her older friend into the room, perching herself on a chair.

"What is it you want to talk about?" Maki asked, trying to keep her voice neutral but she couldn't help but let a bit of curiosity sneak out. Maki thought that if Nozomi wanted to talk to someone about something she would have chosen Eli, so she deduced it must have been something regarding herself.

Nozomi's gentle voice changed slightly as she began talking, hoping Maki would be honest with her. She decided she would go for the straight-forward approach lest she get no reaction from her stubborn kouhai.

"I know. I know you like her Maki-chan..."

Maki's eyes widened. Out of the thousands of possibilities in her mind of what the conversation would entail, this wasn't what she had expected to happen. But she didn't need her friend to mention any names to know who she was referring to: that certain black-haired best idol in the galaxy.

Maki remained silent, struggling to think of what to even say, so Nozomi continued.

"I've seen the way you look at her...you long to be closer to her but it's not easy for you to express yourself, especially when both of your personalities sometimes clash. But I can tell there are never any malicious intentions in your words, you just naturally say whatever comes to mind in order to not seem vulnerable. But if I have learned anything, I know it's okay to let your true emotions show. You don't have to hide them, especially not from us, we are your friends..."

_Friends_

Nozomi and Maki could both agree that throughout their life they hadn't really had many of those, despite both having their separate reasons for this, but the friends they currently had meant so much to them and each other knew it.

Nozomi did feel guilty for what she said, knowing that it was indeed difficult to showcase your true emotions as she had specifically had a lot of trouble with this in her life as well as Maki. But if she could help her friend, maybe her mind would be able to let her become more open as well.

"I-I..."

"Just think about it...despite what you may think I have a feeling that she likes you too."

With that Nozomi turned to leave Maki to her own thoughts, however just as she did a voice interrupted her.

"Thank you Nozomi...Really, thank you..."

And it was one hundred percent genuine.

~~~

Meanwhile Nico, Kotori, Hanayo and Honoka were in the kitchen making breakfast for everyone. While Honoka spent most of her time eating whatever food wasn't being used, the others were preparing a banquet of delicious-looking treats; the world's fluffiest pancakes drowned in fruits of all colours of the rainbow and sickly sweet sauce, perfectly-crispy toast with jam and butter on the side, eggs in many of their different states and white rice for Hanayo to finish everything off. Everyone knew it was pretty much obligatory to have a bowl of rice prepared for Hanayo every time they ate a meal.

It was safe to say everyone was in for a lovely breakfast, which they would need if they were going to adhere to Umi's strenuous training schedule.

"Thanks for the help Honoka." Nico stated sarcastically as she watched her energetic friend stuff her face with yet another piece of bread.

"No problem!" She mused, with her mouth stuff full of her snack, missing the obvious spout of sarcasm. Nico scoffed at her friend's antics while Kotori and Hanayo just chuckled.

"The food looks delicious you guys!" Honoka yelled, having managed to swallow her bread and miraculously didn't attempt to pick up another slice.

"What do you expect from the fabulous Nico Nii!? Now, let's go plate this up and Kotori can you call everyone in?" With that Nico and Hanayo picked up a few bowls and plates, carrying them into the dining area, with Honoka following them close behind, eyeing up the food.

"I'd do it quickly before Honoka eats it all!" She added from the other room.

~~~

Rin, Umi and Eli had made their ways outside and were admiring the environment around them. While Eli walked off to look at a particularly pretty bunch of colourful flowers, Umi approached Rin.

"Hey Rin?" She asked, already embarrassed from what she was about to talk about.

"Hello Umi-chan! Is everything okay?" Rin replied, immediately noticing Umi's nerves.

"I wanted to ask you...how did you get the courage to confess to Hanayo?" Umi fiddled with her fingers, her mind shaming her internally, but her heart knew it needed to be asked.

"You just need to remember that the longer you put it off, the more unhappy it could make you and the person if they like you too. Also I felt like it was time, I didn't want to hide it anymore and I felt close enough to Kayo-chin that if she didn't feel that way back I knew there would be no hard feelings between us. It had got to the point where I couldn't help but feel all jittery whenever I was with her, she warmed up my heart more than any amount of piping hot ramen ever could! But I know I wouldn't have been able to do it without the help from Nozomi-chan!"

Rin's words sunk straight into Umi's mind as she hung onto every single syllable. She began asking herself all sorts of questions;

_Did she feel close enough to her to know it was time?_

_Would she really feel the same way?_   
_How would she react?_

_What if she had been waiting for HER to confess the entire time?_

In the end she settled on one definite decision; she needed to talk to Nozomi for help.

"If you really like them you should go for it!" Rin piped up brightly, wanting to support her fellow Lilywhite member.

"Thank you Rin." Umi replied, genuinely feeling better after having the talk, despite how nervous she was about it.

Just as they had finished speaking, they noticed Kotori approaching them, skipping happily in her step. "Breakfast is ready you guys!" She vocalised, suddenly appearing right next Umi and making her cheeks tint red. She was so close, Umi couldn't help but get lost in all the aspects of her friend.

The way her hair looped elegantly and then flowed down her back, the kind look that she always carried around with her regardless of the situation, the sweet and slightly higher pitched voice she had that some had criticised yet Umi adored... There were so many aspects of Kotori that she loved, so many that made her stand out.

"Earth to Umi-chan!" Kotori sang lightly, noticing her friend had seemingly frozen. In the background Rin snickered to herself before scurrying off to help herself to the breakfast buffet. Umi's blush increased tenfold as she attempted to stutter out an apology.

"S-sorry Kotori."

Kotori just kept smiling brightly and let out a little giggle, holding no judgement whatsoever. She truly had a heart of gold and the personality of an angel. A genuinely kind person - that was Kotori.

"You don't have to apologise Umi-chan. Now let's go before Honoka-chan and Rin-chan eat all the food!"

With that she reached out and grabbed Umi's hand and began to guide her back into the house.

_'Yes, I definitely need to speak to Nozomi...'_

_~~~_

Breakfast went by with not much issue at all. Everyone took their seats and looked hungrily at the affair placed on the table before them. The last to arrive was Eli, who had lost herself in the act of admiring the various greenery on display; Specifically a bunch of lavender coloured roses.

She happily took an empty seat next to Nozomi and watched her admiringly as Nozomi seemed to sneak glances at Maki with a motherly look in her eyes; One that Eli had seen her wear many times in the past when watching over the girls. It never failed to make her heart soar with affection as she could see just how much Nozomi cared and looked out for them.

Maki had managed to sit herself next to Nico, much to the older girl's surprise. She hadn't expected the girl she seemed to argue with on a regular basis to sit beside her. However it wasn't that she was unwelcome, on the contrary, Nico was happy that she had decided to sit beside her. Unfortunately her personality made it impossible for her to admit that.

But there was another pressing issue in that moment: Nozomi hadn't eaten anything yet. Everyone knew she would be reluctant, not that they minded at all, they understood it wasn't easy for her but she really needed to eat. Eli reached her arm over to where Nozomi's was rested on the table and placed hers on top, clasping it gently and shooting her a smile as Nozomi's head whipped around to meet Eli's gaze.

"Hey. Don't worry, take your time." Eli breathed gently, rubbing her thumb against the back of Nozomi's soft hand.

Nozomi couldn't deny how hungry she truly was and the food all looked so invigorating, the smell and appearance alone was almost able to entice her into eating the entire lot. But that pesky voice had other plans as it attempted to drown out Eli's quiet and gentle morning voice.

Eli knew one way she could help Nozomi eat, but she would have to be prepared for her mind to be embarrassed about it. The longer she registered Nozomi's emotionless expression as she appeared to be stuck in her thoughts, the more she knew she had to do it.

Eli cut off a small piece of her pancake and lanced it with her fork, bringing it up in front of Nozomi's face and letting its sweet aroma fill her nostrils, shocking her slightly. Eli smiled warmly all the while, patiently waiting as Nozomi hesitantly opened her mouth and let Eli slide the fork inside.

Happy that her plan had worked Eli smiled even brighter, directing it all to Nozomi in hopes of showing how proud she was of her as she watched her friend slowly chew and swallow the food.

From the other side of the table, Rin who had been watching with keen interest, suddenly piped up, "Rin wants to do that too! Kayo-chin say 'ahhhh'!" Enthusiastically, Rin sliced a small piece of her pancake and copied Eli's action.

"Now you Maki-chan!" Rin continued but just as she was about to teach for another piece Maki interrupted, putting her foot down and glaring at the younger girl.

"Don't even think about it."

As quick as it took for Rin to form a pout it was rapidly changed into a cat-like smirk.

"Oh yeah, you'll want Nico to do that with you..."

In the matter of milliseconds Maki's entire face was drowned in a deep shade of embarrassed red, joined by Nico jolting to attention as she looked from Rin to Maki, wondering why she had been thrown into the mix. Maki scanned everyone's expressions at the table, six of them had knowing smirks on them all directed at her and the other two held faces of confusion.

"Anywaayyy..." Honoka began, realising that if they were relying on the tsundere to act, now probably wasn't the best time.

"Me, Kotori-chan and Umi-chan thought of a great idea. We could all perform a solo song each at our next live!"

"We thought you could be in charge of your own lyrics but if you do need assistance I'll gladly help you out." Umi continued, elaborating further on the plan.

"It can be about anything that means a lot to you. But will you be okay with helping compose them Maki-chan? After all 9 songs is a lot to do." Kotori finished, Maki nodding in response. Despite it obviously going to be a lot of work, nobody could deny how excited it made them, their creative juices flourishing at the thought.

 _'Something that means a lot to you huh?...'_ Eli thought, her gaze travelling to the purple-haired girl beside her, who also seemed deep in thought.

Everyone's mind became swimming with the images of a person, feeling their hearts swell as potential song lyrics formed in their minds. Different rhythms and melodies floated around everyone's thoughts as they made more casual conversation and finished their breakfasts.

Eli knew exactly what her song would be about, or rather who. Someone who had been through so much, someone who spent her life taking care of others instead of herself, a person who Eli loved very much: Nozomi Tojo.

~~~

After breakfast everyone decided they would spend some time enjoying themselves before any practice was initiated. It took a bit of persuasion before Umi caved in, after she was outnumbered by votes and the logic of their enjoyment counting as a warm-up.

So everyone went into a respective room of the house to get changed in their swimsuits. As everyone filed outside it became obvious one member of their party was missing.

As soon as Nozomi slipped off her clothes and caught sight of her body in the mirror, the critical voices came back, hitting her at full force. She was still unhealthily thin but not as much as before, due to her friend's constant support. Yet she was not happy. If her brain thought she was fat even at her thinnest, she was a gluttonous monster now.

No matter how much she tried to tell herself not to get caught up in what her mind told her about her appearance and weight, she just couldn't help it. She wanted to be like the rest of μ's; beautiful, athletic, energetic and thin. Not this...this THING that she was. She didn't want to be the weak link, the one that held everyone back just because she didn't have what they did. She wouldn't let them suffer from her shortcomings. That would just be too cruel and Nozomi was not cruel.

Realising how she couldn't dare step outside and show off her body like it was she instead opted for a shirt and a pair of shorts; adding sunburn to the long list of negatives about her body was not what she needed. She had no business showing off her body like the others did. They were all beautiful but she felt she just didn't fit in with that category. She felt she wasn't pretty enough to even be around them, especially not Eli.

Meanwhile everyone else was outside, dressed in different colourful and stylish swimsuits, showing off their bodies, even Umi - but that didn't stop her from being embarrassed about it. Eli, Nico and Rin were engrossed in a beachball war against Kotori, Honoka and Hanayo, while Umi and Maki sat out and watched, preferring not to get involved in an activity that could involve them getting hit in the face.

"Hey, where's Nozomi?" Nico asked, gaining a strong hold of the beachball in her grasp, after nearly being knocked off her feet by a projectile attack from the opposing team.

It suddenly occurred to Eli that Nozomi really was missing. The realisation caused an immediate raise in Eli's heartbeat as she began fearing the worst. It hadn't occurred to her that Nozomi would have had trouble coming outside, especially in a revealing swimsuit of all things. She mentally slapped herself and pulled away from the group, intending to go check on Nozomi.

Just as she did a figure appeared in her line of sight. With the familiar galaxy purple hair tied in twin-tails there was no mistaking that it was Nozomi. A wave of relief washed over Eli as she jogged over to her friend; taking in her decision of clothing. She didn't blame  
Nozomi for not wearing a swimsuit like the rest of them, especially with how much damage that could cause her mind to do to her and the last thing she wasn't was for Nozomi to feel uncomfortable. The revelation made Eli frown, hating the fact that Nozomi felt so badly about herself and her appearance, especially when Eli wholeheartedly disagreed; Nozomi was beautiful. To Eli she was perfect.

She suddenly felt a sharp poke against her forehead, causing her to flinch and be brought back to reality.

"None of that frowning Elicchi." Nozomi pouted, removing her finger from its place in between Eli's eyebrows.

"Sorry Nozomi. Everything okay?" Eli asked.

"Everything is just fine." Nozomi smiled. There was that mask again. Eli had the sneaking suspicion that she wasn't as fine as she claimed but decided against mentioning it and focused on helping Nozomi relax and have a good time to distract herself from whatever was going on inside her mind.

Eli reached her arm out and took hold of one of Nozomi's hands, which was not occupied by the presence of a notepad and pencil, gripped it tightly and pulled her along to where everyone was goofing around. Rin waved enthusiastically in their direction and Nozomi mustered a shy wave back with her notepad and pen and flashed her kouhai a cute smile.

As she approached her friend's she was immediately attacked in a hug from the ever-energetic Rin, followed by a loud 'nya!'. Nozomi felt as if her energy had been sapped from her in an instant, making her breathless for a few moments.

"Let's play together Nozomi-chan!" Rin announced, letting her free from her vicious grip and jumped up and down excitedly. Nozomi giggled, put down the notepad and pencil she was carrying, and let herself become dragged into whatever game her cat-like friend wanted to play.

~~~

After engaging in some activities with her friends, Nozomi stepped away and laid herself on a sun lounger, an umbrella shielding the blinding brightness from the sun. Her stamina was still not what it used to be and when she was compared to Honoka and Rin she might as well have been a snail with her pace.

As she laid her head back, stopping it's insistent aching and wailing, she directed her gaze over to her group of friends who were splashing around in the sea, laughing happily. It was a moment Nozomi truly felt honoured to be able to experience. Just a few years ago she had been spending her life by herself, her parents barely even being supporters in her life, but now she had 8 amazing friends who she would do anything for. A sense of pride swelled up inside of her as she took time, internally thinking to herself how much everyone had changed over these past months since joining μ's, Eli especially.

Eli had opened herself up tons more, allowing to show the soft side of 'cute and clever Elichika'. Nozomi could not be any prouder of her best friend. She knew how hard it could be to open up and be honest, it was something she still had trouble with herself, so to see Eli being so stronger and even being more optimistic was a blessing. Perhaps the gods were watching out over them after all.

Eli and the others inspired Nozomi in everything they did. She only hoped one day she could do the same. Despite what her mind told her, everyone did feel that inspiration from their purple-haired friend.

Then it hit her. She had an idea for her solo song after all! Instead of trying to push her brain into focusing properly, she let her eyelids droop down, trying to quieten the sounds of laughter and the waves from the sea splashing onto the shore that echoed around the beach. She directed her thoughts towards all the emotions that her friends made her feel; happiness, joy, laughter...love. All these feelings that before seemed so far away from her reach.

Suddenly her ears picked up the sound of footsteps in the sand, increasing in volume which caused her to open one eye, revealing that Umi was now standing in front of her. Fiddling with her fingers. Check. Cheeks tinted with a red blush. Check. Avoiding Nozomi's gaze. Check. Worry lines engraved inbetween her eyebrows. Check. Yep, she showed all the signs of nervousness that a human possibly could.

Despite these obvious signs, Nozomi would have been able to detect Umi's nerves from miles a way anyway, due to her observation skills. It was one of the many talents Nozomi possessed after spending years watching over people and attempting to read them.

"Hey Nozomi? Can I speak with you?" She asked, her voice jittery. Whatever she was about to say must have been rather important. While Umi was often nervous, she normally wouldn't approach others with the intention of talking about her nerves - unless it came to the rather apparent shortness of the skirts she had to wear for their performances.

"Of course Umi-chan, what's on your mind? I'll be happy to help." Nozomi replied, trying to make her voice as cheery as possible as she gestured for her friend to sit on the sun lounger beside her. Umi complied and drew a large breath, composing herself.

"W-well...I h-heard that you helped Rin with Hanayo..." she began, causing Nozomi to tilt her head and eye her curiously. She had a inkling suspicion of where the conversation was going but hadn't expected it to happen, especially from Umi, the queen of 'shameless'.

"A-and I was hoping you could give me some advice..." she continued.

"Does this have anything to do with a certain costume designer?" Nozomi asked knowingly, trying to keep her expression into an innocent one. At the mention of Kotori, Umi's face lit up bright red, her eyes wandered behind her to the members of Printemps who were splashing around in the ocean together. That was all the confirmation Nozomi needed.

She knew this conversation would be an interesting one.

~~~

"Thank you Nozomi." Umi bowed in respect and appreciation as she began to walk away and join her friend's, before getting roped into a sandcastle building contest between Honoka, Kotori, Rin and Hanayo.

Noticing Nozomi was now by herself and the new sense of exhaustion that washed over her, Eli plodded her way through the sand and went to lay down in the sun lounger beside Nozomi's as her friend picked up a notepad and pencil and began writing something down.

"What were you talking with Umi about?" Eli asked curiously, watching as Nozomi's kind eyes followed her as she stretched out on the lounger. Truthfully she had been rather worried as she watched Umi approach Nozomi in such a nervous fashion. Part of her had interpreted it like a scene which would involve a confession, but Eli quickly shut down that irrational part of her brain.

"It seems our lyricist has a thing for our lovely costume designer." Nozomi replied happily, as if she had known all along and this had just been an official confirmation for her - which was pretty much true.

"Ah, it's about time isn't it." She laughed, fondly recalling all the adorable moments she had witnessed involving the pair. "You're really good at helping with this kind of thing aren't you? You know how to bring us all together." Eli commented happily, watching as a light blush dusted Nozomi's cheeks. It wasn't often Eli could get reactions like this so she revelled in them whenever she could.

"Elicchi really is a flatterer, but it's not just me. I just help lead everyone in the right direction, they do the rest. I can't take all the credit." Nozomi replied, tapping her lip with her pencil as she thought through some more lyrics. Trust Nozomi to give a terribly modest answer.

Eli caught a glimpse of her friend's curvy handwriting and managed to make out the words 'Solo Song' from amongst the forest of other grey words that were dotted around the page. Her mind buzzed with wonder at what Nozomi would be writing about, especially as she was going to be writing about Nozomi for hers. Nozomi's gaze fluttered in Eli's direction, noticing she was trying to sneak a peek at her ideas.

Nozomi hid the words by shoving the pad into her chest, wagging a finger over at Eli. "No peeking Elicchi!" She mused, earning a pout from the blonde.

"Can I at least get one tiny clue?" She begged, emphasising her pout even further and widening her eyes to put the icing on the cake.

As weak as Nozomi was for Eli, especially in that moment, she deflected her feelings with another onslaught of laughter.

"All I will say is it will be something very special to me." She replied in an upbeat tone, trying to keep her answer vague so as not to give anything away.

 _Something special to you?_ Eli thought, her mind running wild with possibilities. She hung desperately onto the thought that maybe, just maybe, it could be about her...

Meanwhile Maki was drowning in her own inner turmoil. Throughout the day her mind had been focused on one thing, which stemmed from the previous conversation she had had with a certain purple-haired friend of hers.

_..."I have a feeling that she likes you too"..._

The words echoed in her brain as if on a constant loop. Could Nico really feel the same way? Or was it just a simple speculation? They didn't have the most positive friendship, in fact when it came to hanging around each other it was mostly when their worst sides came out. But Maki never meant it to be malicious, it just happened. Teenage hormones could do a number on people's emotions.

All of these thoughts are what had kept Maki's feelings locked away in the deepest parts of her heart, but recently they had been getting more and more out of control - sometimes threatening to overwhelm her completely.

Ask her if she had any weaknesses and she would have definitely denied it. Yet she did have one. That one being Nico Yazawa. And said weakness was currently standing right in front of her, an expression of curiosity mixed with concern present on her face.

Maki had been acting a little strange recently, Nico had noticed that much. But the line had definitely been crossed when she had asked Nico to speak privately with her and taken her off to a more secluded part of the beach, claiming she wanting to tell her something. Had she done something wrong and Maki wanted to throttle her?

No, Maki may be a stubborn tsundere but she wasn't violent, well, not physically. But then what could the reason be? Did Maki want to make her dislike towards Nico official by starting some kind of 'Nico Yazawa Hate Club'? Okay, now she was being ridiculous. She was cold but that didn't mean she was hateful, especially towards her fellow idols. That was not like Maki Nishikino at all.

Despite honesty supposedly being the best policy, the theory just didn't seem to apply in Maki's mind. But then again, had she ever been truly happy from keeping her emotions locked up? Maybe it was time to let them free.

"Nico-chan...I have to tell you something..." Maki suddenly spoke, after a few seconds of silence from both idols. Nico would be lying if she wasn't frightened at least a small amount.

"After seeing Rin-chan and Hanayo-chan get together, I have been thinking more and more about something..."

Now Nico's brain switched into overdrive. She couldn't be doing what Nico thought she was?

"And now I'm certain that what I feel is true...Nico-chan..." As she spoke Nico's name she extended her hands and gently took Nico's into her own, beginning to rub her fingers across the back of Nico's soft hand. Both of their hearts joined each other in a fast-paced rhythm.

"Ever since I met you I've had this feeling inside me. I know we argue a lot of the time and I'm sorry for all the things I've said. I just have trouble controlling myself a lot of the time...especially around you...At first I didn't know what this meant. I had never felt this way before and you know how rubbish I am with emotions. But...I need to tell you...I like you Nico-chan..."

Nico tried her best not to laugh at what should have been such a heart-warming moment but she hadn't seen this side of Maki before and it was definitely unexpected. The more rational side of Nico's mind was overtaken by her beating heart, driving her to the only reply she would need to give.

"Maki-chan...I-I...like you too..."

At just those short few words Maki's mood noticeably shifted, a huge smile breaking out onto her face. Nico could tell she wasn't the best at displaying her smiles as it did seem a little strange to see such an expression on the girl's face.

"I've never seen THIS side to you before!" Nico joked, causing Maki to pout and cross her arms. "Hey! I'm trying to be serious here! Don't make fun of me!"

"Calm down, I never said I didn't like it..." Nico added, her voice trailing off towards the end at her honest confession as she took a step even closer to the red-head. As much fun as it was to see all of Maki's different sides conflicting with each other, now was the time for Nico to be honest.

"Despite what you may think there are valid reasons as to why I smile like I do...one being to help keep people I love happy...and one of those people is you."

Maki failed to hide her smirk, wanting to find any chance possible to tease the older member. "So the fabulous Nico Nii is admitting that she does like me?"

"You tsundere tomato! Hmph! You are the one who said you preferred your favourite food to me!" Nico spat, playfully swatting Maki.

"But now I'm YOUR tsundere tomato!" Maki joked.

"Hey, did you just admit you finally ARE a tsundere!" Nico nearly choked from laughter at the realisation. Maki stuttered in response, not realising that she had indeed just admitted that.

"Of course not!" She denied, despite her knowing it was useless but she had her personal pride to think of.

"We've been dating for a minute and you are already being dishonest with me." Nico tutted, shaking her head in a mocking fashion.

Once again Maki fell for Nico's words, hook-line and sinker. In an attempt to stop anymore playful teasing that could involve Maki turning even redder than she already was, she sighed and gave in, knowing when she was beaten.

"Fine, you've got me!" She submitted. "Now let's get back to the others before they suspect we have killed one another!"

Maki walked away, hand-in-hand with her new girlfriend, knowing she would have to definitely thank Nozomi for this.

~~~

After another few hours of messing about - much to Umi's dismay - the next meal was prepared, which consisted of a buffet of different bites, sauces and snacks; ranging from mini octopus sausages to perfectly round rice balls - only the most top quality rice products would do for their rice queen. Honoka reasoned that when on a trip they could eat whatever they wanted, after Umi had consoled them about the possibility of gaining weight, even though the trip was meant to be for training rather than relaxing and slacking off. But she couldn't fault the high spirits that consumed everyone that evening.

Even Nico and Maki were all smiles and sunshine. Nozomi watched the pair walk into the room and noticed them holding hands, causing her to smile back. As they wandered in Maki mouthed a silent 'thank you' to Nozomi, before they took their seats next to each other and began picking some mini snacks and transferring them onto their plates.

Nozomi observed everyone as they ate and chatted, all completely immersed in their conversations, while she picked up a few small bites here and there to satiate her hunger pains. Eli smiled, feeling a sense of pride, as she watched Nozomi eat off her own accord and even contribute to the conversations at the table, knowing how tricky it could be for her.

"Yummmm! You guys have outdone yourself this time!" Honoka cried as she stuffed her face with yet-another pastry, letting the taste savour on her tongue as she chewed. One way to Honoka's heart was definitely food.

Kotori giggled at her friend as she wolfed down half of the fare present on the table. At least the food had gone down well. Kotori took her time to watch her friends as they ate and conversed, no doubt discovering that Nico and Maki had become a couple as she watched them discriminately hold hands from underneath the table. She held back a squeal and directed her attention to her 'other ship'.

Unfortunately her two senpais seemed to be acting the same around each other - incredibly gay but still somehow oblivious to each other's feelings. She sighed and wracked her brain for a plan of what she could do to get the 'parfait gays' - as she called them - together.

Meanwhile Umi glanced over the table at Kotori, who seemed to be stuck in her own mind. Umi wondered what she could have been thinking about so intensely, hoping she was alright. Her expression didn't seem troubled, just as if she was lost in her own world. She knew her friend was quite the dreamer but never had she looked so deep in concentration before. She wanted to help Kotori anyway she could.

It was then her mind went back to the conversation she had with Nozomi.

_..."She really is quite fond of you Umi-chan and I bet her feelings run deeper than you think."..._

After fighting back and forth with her thoughts and anxieties she settled on the idea that it was time. She had observed just how much happier Rin and Hanayo had become since they got together and she wished she could be like that.

As everyone began finishing their meals and leaving their dishes and cutlery in the kitchen sink, Umi pulled Kotori aside for a moment.

"What is it Umi-chan?" Kotori asked innocently, taking a seat on the soft sofa in the living room. However Umi stayed up on her feet.

"Kotori, I have to tell you something." She started. Things were going smoothly so far, but how to elaborate from there?

Meanwhile Kotori didn't know what to think. At first she was just expecting it to be something to do with the solo songs but with the ominous 'I have to tell you something' line being used, it became obvious that it was not as simple as that. Her mind darted to the worst case scenarios. Had she done something wrong?

"Did I do something wrong Umi-chan?" She asked, her expression creasing into one of a pleading manor  
Umi's eyes widened in terror at the sight of Kotori looking so scared and vulnerable. Crap! This wasn't what she wanted at all!

_Well done Umi, you've already made her upset!_

"No no no! You haven't done anything wrong at all Kotori! It's just..."She assured, wanting to see Kotori's smile once again.

"Erm.." Umi's stutter grew a hundred times worse, her nervousness radiating massively off her and her hands growing clammier by the second. Noticing that this was going nowhere fast Honoka took the opportunity to speed things up, unable to take it any longer.

"OH FOR GOD SAKE JUST CONFESS ALREADY!" Honoka suddenly called out, shocking her two childhood friends that were within earshot. Kotori's mouth fell open and her face was drained of its colour while Umi's face was once again starting its transformation into a tomato.

"Erm...i mean...what I was meant to say was......yeeaahh..." She trailed off, realising her mistake and her possible untimely fate after her burst, she then took off, running into a different room before she could suffer any backlash from her very flustered friends. Umi was probably going to kill her later.

Seconds turned into minutes and nobody had moved an inch or uttered a word. Taking a chance Umi spoke again, her voice quiet and concerned as her eyes scanned Kotori for any sign of life. "Kotori?"

Kotori's face still wore the same shocked expression from a few minutes ago, not having shifted at all. Umi was definitely going to have to kill Honoka later. Just as Umi felt she was about to collapse from stress in the tense moment Kotori finally regained her senses.

"I-is that what you were really going to do Umi-chan?" She asked, her voice shaking slightly. She sounded hopeful, as if she wanted it to be true, causing Umi to quickly try to speak before Kotori could be hurt again.

"Y-yes." Umi replied, hanging her head down, unable to maintain eye contact. She knew it she looked into those eyes she would freeze up even more.

"Oh Umi-chan..."

Umi braced herself.

_What had she been thinking?_

_Here comes the rejection..._

Suddenly she felt something gently cup her chin and push it up slightly, angling her face to mirror Kotori's. Their eyes met, each holding longing stares and before Umi could comprehend what was happening, a pair of soft lips gently collided against her own. It sent shock waves all over Umi's body at this sensation that she had never experienced but had secretly wanted for so long.

Unsure of what to do she let her eyes close and focused on the feeling of Kotori's lips gliding against hers. The kiss was gentle and sweet; everything Kotori was.

She realised she hadn't prepared herself at all for such an occasion; what if she made the experience horrible for Kotori? After all she hadn't had time to carry out the appropriate research on how to kiss or formed any kind of plan of attack. It was very unlike Umi to be so unorganised but in that moment she abandoned her usual habits and went with the flow. She just hoped she hadn't disappointed the one she loved most.

_Loved._

Yes, Umi loved Kotori. With every inch of her heart. She wanted to protect her, be there for her and to hold her in her arms. She wanted to be with Kotori.

Slowly Kotori pulled herself away, breaking free from the kiss, while Umi tried to capture her lips once more but quickly retreated when she regained the logical voice in her head. Her lips tingled as she sought to get a glimpse at Kotori's face; to look into those soft, droopy eyes she loved so dearly. It was then she noticed how Kotori's face was hidden from view, causing her to raise an eyebrow.

Suddenly she felt herself become engulfed in a comforting embrace; Kotori's long and slender arms found home wrapped around Umi's neck and draped down her back. Then Umi heard a sniff, followed by Kotori burying her face into Umi's neck. She had no time to be embarrassed by the action as she felt a sudden wetness on her neck, a clear indication Kotori had started crying. Her heart sank. Just the sound of her crying was painful, even when she was shielded from the sight of the heart-breaking action.

Umi quickly wrapped her arms around Kotori's body and hugged her tightly, hoping to dispel all the thoughts that were causing Kotori such distress. Her desire to protect the most precious human in her life outweighed any other doubts that could possibly enter her mind.

"Everything is okay Kotori...please, don't cry...I-I can't bear it..."

"I-I'm sorry Umi-chan..." a quiet, mousy voice spoke, Kotori nuzzling her head deeper to cover up her sniffles and muffle her sobs.

"You don't need to apologise...I just don't like seeing you cry, it doesn't suit you."

The warmth and honesty contained within Umi's voice helped soothe Kotori as she let the last few tears escape before it petered down into heavy breathing as she tried to return her breathing to normal. After her breathing evened out, silence overtook them and they just stood in place, taking a few moments to lose themselves in each other's presence; Kotori feeling safe and warm in Umi's tight but loving embrace. Every time that Umi breathed she caught the faint scent of fresh flowers that seemed to come from the ash-haired girl in her embrace.

Umi found herself burrowing her fingers into Kotori's fluffy hair and gently wading through it as if it was a field of grass. Who needed stuffed animals when they had their own Kotori to hug and hold close? It was a comforting moment all around but Umi knew it couldn't last forever.

"We don't look so shameless anymore now, do we Umi-chan!?" Joked Nico, causing Umi to snap her head around, only just noticing the presence of 2 of her idol friends in the doorway. Kotori giggled, causing Umi's heart to soar at such an adorable sound. Normally she would have felt uneasy about experiencing strong emotions like that but after that kiss it was as if the logical part of her brain had shut down for the moment.

But Umi didn't care about any of that right now. As far as she was concerned they were insignificant. What mattered was taking care of Kotori. Kotori was a strong person, despite her initial cutesy exterior, and it wasn't often that anyone saw her cry, so on the odd occasion when Umi found herself looking into Kotori's glassy eyes, she was overthrown by the urge to protect her and keep her safe. Nobody messed with Kotori on her watch.

Reluctant to pull away, the pair slowly separated, however they both missed the close contact. Umi immediately stretched out her hand and grabbed Kotori's, hoping she hadn't freaked her out or overstepped he boundaries by doing so. But Kotori seemed happy at the gesture which was indeed reassuring.

Kotori then took it further and leaned into Umi's side, her head finding its resting place on Umi's shoulder. Umi had never felt so happy in her life; to have her feelings reciprocated felt as if she had just won more than a thousand archery tournaments (and Umi was very fond of archery)

She would definitely have to thank Nozomi later.

~~~

"I can't believe we didn't get any practice done!" Umi moaned. Everyone knew this conversation had been coming and wished for a less severe scolding than what was expected. Nobody was safe when an angry Umi was about.

"But we did other things Umi-chan and sometimes it's nice to focus on those things instead of practicing all the time." Kotori reasoned, helping to calm Umi down in an instant, despite the warmth which crept up her face as she realised what Kotori was referring to. Classic Umi - mentions of romance never failed to embarrass her even when she was in a relationship and that didn't look to be changing anytime soon.

However most of μ's didn't catch onto what Kotori was actually meaning and assuming that she was referring to the fun activities they did throughout the day. The only three that caught on were the resident tsundere and her super-idol girlfriend, who knew of their new-found relationship status and Nozomi - who obviously had managed to piece the puzzle together with her deduction skills. (Truthfully Honoka didn't believe her previous little outburst could have helped and expected it to be a little longer before her sense childhood friends got together.)

The day had been incredibly eventful, even when they didn't get any practice in. After all it wasn't everyday two pairs of idols found themselves in relationships - and lesbian ones at that. (in their opinion it didn't happen often enough) Life as an idol was no picnic, especially in the emotions department. To add more to the fire, a lot of people claimed that idols were forbidden to involve themselves in seemingly frivolous things, such as finding a partner, which had caused many sleepless nights for the girls as their secretly harboured feelings developed.

It made them all the more thankful for the 'shipper' fans, knowing that those would accept them for who they loved. (Yes, they were indeed no strangers to the NozoEli, KotoUmi, NicoMaki and RinPana hashtags that were floating around, after having encountered them during their time on social media.)

As everyone entered their sleeping bags, after dressing themselves in their pyjamas, Nozomi couldn't help but smile as she noticed just how close everyone had become - especially after today - if the new sleeping arrangements were any indication. Nico had found herself burying her head into Maki's side with her arms gripping tightly onto the back of her girlfriend's pyjamas. It was also worth noting that Nico had neglected to perform her nightly beauty regimen, which clearly showed that she cared about not messing up Maki's pyjamas with her cucumbers and face mask - or if could just be the fact she was too lazy to apply it tonight, but the first idea sounded better.

As well as the tsundere pair, Kotori was now laid completely in Umi's sleeping bag, safely wrapped up in Umi's long arms and her head resting against the bluenette's stomach. It demonstrated just how protective Umi was over her girlfriend, even when asleep - which was definitely an endearing sight.

And to add the cherry on top, Rin and Hanayo laid side-by-side, facing towards each other with their hands intertwined - their grips becoming ever so slightly loosened as they succumbed into sleep.

It warmed Nozomi's heart hugely to be able to witness the overflowing happiness and feelings of affection that surrounded everyone that night - even Honoka got her fair share of the love as she mumbled, albeit sleepily, something about sharing chocolates with someone. Despite this she couldn't fight off the lingering feeling of her heart aching as she turned to look at her dear Elicchi.

She could tell Eli was still having trouble with fending off her fear of the dark, yet she was clearly trying to put up a brave front as if to hide any sign of weakness or vulnerability. How Nozomi longed to be able to snuggle up to her, just like everyone else was doing. To be able to let loose the overbearing emotions that had taken over her. Yet she just couldn't bring herself to do it.

_Not in the state you are in._

She wanted to be perfect before even considering a confession. After she knew the perfectionist Eli was and she thought she would deserve the best and only the best - but in the moments where she found herself alone with her thoughts, she felt like anything but the best.

With this in mind she pulled the sheets even closer to her and buried her head in the pillow, trying to let her exhaustion take over, missing the concerned look Eli threw her way before she settled back into her own sleeping bag - attempting to fend off the darkness around her.

She didn't have to try for long before she heard some rustling and light whispering, before gentle footsteps and four silhouette heads popping themselves into Eli's kind of sight.

"Pssst Eli, we need to speak with you." A voice that Eli deduced to be Nico's whispered. Eli propped herself up and yawned, before scanning the room and noticing how some sleeping bags were now empty and left un-made. Her first look was directed in the direction of Nozomi, causing her to sigh in relief that she was seemingly still asleep. Except her keen eyes noticed how her friend was not in the covers properly, her body sticking out and involuntarily shivering.

"We'll go into the kitchen..." Another voice suggested, sounding rather like Maki.

Eli slowly rose from the ground, tip-toed her way over to Nozomi and gently tucked her in and watching as her sleeping body automatically cuddled into the sheets. Once she was convinced that Nozomi was safe and warm and comfortable, she turned away and followed the girls into the kitchen, where she was greeted by a blinding light and four now-recognisable idols.

"What is this about?" Eli asked, leaning against the counter with her elbows in order to steady her tired body.

Everyone exchanged a few looks, as if debating where to begin. After a few seconds Kotori unravelled herself from Umi's hold and stepped forward.

"W-well, after today we all had a thought. Nozomi had helped us get together and we couldn't have done it without her...We have all seen the ways you both act to each other...and how fondly you talk about each other when the other isn't there...We know you like her Eli and we know she likes you too and we want to help you two get together."

Despite Eli being exhausted when they walked in the room she was now wide-awake and in full alert after what she had just heard.

"I was planning on confessing, but I want it to be in a way that's special. A way that will show her just how much I care, so I was thinking about doing it after the concert..."

Kotori awwed at Eli's words - she had always loved how adorable her friends could be at times, especially when talking about their fellow μ's members.

"We were thinking you could perform your solo song for her after our group song." Umi suggested, causing Eli's eyes to light up. Her song. The song she wrote especially for Nozomi; to be able to play it for her would be a dream come true. But there was an obstacle in her way; she hadn't had much song writing experience and had no where near finished coming up with ideas.

"That's a good idea but...I don't think I'll be able to do it by myself..." she admitted, her attention drifting to the small appliance on the counter that could have easily been a murder contraption from how technological and dangerous it looked.

"It's okay Eli, we are all gonna help you! The fabulous Nico Nii wouldn't let you sing just ANY song for Nozomi!" Nico proudly replied, her persona in full-show.

Eli laughed quietly, remembering the sleeping girls in the other room. "Thank you." She said as she hurried to grab a notepad and a writing implement for them to use.

Together through the night the five girls were hard at work, jotting down various ideas for Eli's solo song, constructing the verses and choruses, while trying to let Eli let her own feelings take the lead. After a while they finished their efforts by naming the masterpiece, Eli writing the name at the top of the page in her fancy scrawl.

_Arifureta Kanashimi no Hate_

Satisfied with their efforts, they exchanged hugs and high-fives, excited for what the future would bring for Eli and Nozomi after performing the song.

Exhaustion taking its toll, the group of girls began drifting off to sleep in their respective seats and positions, narrowly just missing the sound of frantic footsteps, followed by some muffled hacking noises and the sound of a toilet flushing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading this chapter, I hope you all liked it! Also I had to include love NozoMaki bonding time as they definitely my favourite muse rarepair, with NozoRin following closely behind though.   
> Please take care of yourselves; eat, drink and take your medication if you need to.   
> Original publish date: 12/02/18  
> Edit date: 06/11/18  
> ~Dusk


	17. Together

After the realisation of what she had just done dawned on her, Nozomi became sure of a few things; one being that she wouldn't be able to sleep tonight and two being she had to keep this a secret. If the others found out what had happened god only knows how they would react and feel. Anger, disappointment, shame, sadness, guilt. All the emotions she promised she wouldn't let her friend's have to feel.

Nozomi didn't want to hurt them, that was never the intention. She just wanted to improve herself, make herself truly worthy of her place in the group. She didn't care if it hurt her, she just wanted to be at her best for the others. So she convinced it was for the best that she kept this to herself.

With that decided she did her best to dispose of the remains of her stomach contents that had come up and out of her system and then went to brush her teeth, making sure to brush extra well to hide the odour and hopefully prevent the effects of tooth damage that the bile could cause.

Despite having her inner thoughts try to convince her what she did was necessary, the guilt of wasting the delicious food made by her close friends that had gone to such efforts to make ate at her, chipping away at whatever positive image she had left of herself.

She felt horrible - physically and mentally.

With the constant pressure of having to eat around her friend's and the constant guilt of feeling like a burden, adding with the already negative image she held of herself and all the physical effects that were taking their toll, Nozomi was having immense trouble coping - which had lead to a build up of emotions until they had bursted and come flooding out, along with her the insides of her stomach.

Regardless of the regrets she was having she had to accept that it had happened. And it was for her own good right? Well that was what her mind was telling her. Sure it had steered her wrong various times before but it was all with good intentions. She knew she wouldn't be able to look at herself until she was satisfied with her image, she would just have to push through it all.

She didn't know who to listen to, but had no choice but to obey the voice that she constantly heard as it was the most persistent.

_'_ _This is all for my own good._ _'_

_'_ _I deserve it._ _'_

With those ending thoughts she finished cleaning her teeth and opted to gargle some spearmint mouthwash she had found in the bathroom cabinet in hopes of concealing the incident even further.

The pounding of her heart and head had increased tenfold, making it difficult for her to keep stood up and steady.

The familiar feeling of faintness was growing more intense as time passed but she wasn't going to give in to it, nor like last time. She was just going to have to try harder. And she would have to do it all alone. The thought struck her in her heart, the familiar feeling of isolation hitting her at full force. The feeling that she had experienced all the way through her life.

Nozomi loved the joyful and proud expressions her friends would make when she managed to finish a meal, but it was overthrown by the horrible voice that would always chime in and berate her for going off her plan. It was never happy with anything she did. Nothing was good enough. She wasn't good enough.

As her hormones and emotions became conflicted, the tears that threatened to escape overpowered her inner willpower, causing her emotional dam to burst. She couldn't bare to look up for the chance she would catch a glance of herself in the bathroom mirror. She was disgusted by herself.

As the tears continued to fall, she curled herself up into a ball and hid her face away, wrapping her arms tightly around her legs in hopes of anchoring herself down to surpass the empty feeling of weightlessness that accompanied her incident.  

She needed this cry. Letting it all out would do her good, but she didn't like being vulnerable with the ones she held dear. To her it would only inconvenience them so it was better to let it out when she was alone had the chance.

_'_ _I'm sorry Elicchi..._ _'_

_'_ _I want to be better and stronger for you..._ _'_

Once she had managed to somehow steady her breathing back to a more normal rate, she slowly plucked herself up from the floor and quietly shuffled back into the living room, before climbing back into her sleeping bag and hiding herself under the covers, hoping that some kind of sleep would eventually come.

But unfortunately it seemed her body had a different idea, the constant thoughts volleying back and forth in her mind accompanied with the wailing of her stomach as it demanded for its painful hunger to be sated. It was going to be a long night...

~~~

The next morning when Eli rose from her slumber, remembering she had fallen asleep in the kitchen, she gathered up her energy and lifted herself off the seat and wandered into the living room, - walking past the array of sleeping idols that were spread out on seats around where she had been sleeping - where she was surprised to find Nozomi being the only one already awake and was sat up in her sleeping bag.

"Good morning Elicchi." Nozomi chirped, upon noticing the blonde enter the room. As Eli's eyes began focusing properly she thought she could make out bags under Nozomi's eyes, but at first dismissed it upon herself not being fully awake and operational yet.

"Good morning Nozomi." Eli replied, moving closer to Nozomi and sitting down beside her. Eli frowned slightly as upon closer inspection the dark circles around the older girl's eyes were more prominent but she didn't want to point them out, knowing it could hurt Nozomi's feelings. Nobody liked being told something unflattering about themselves after all.

Instead Eli wrapped one arm around her friend and held her tightly as they watched the sunlight seep into the room as their friend's slowly stirred awake one-by-one and entered the living room to join the pair, each greeting the morning in different ways; which ranged from Honoka, who was on the grumpy side after her 'early' awakening, to Kotori who was positively buzzing with energy while clinging onto Umi's arms.

It was a rather peaceful morning for everyone and it went by without issue, until it came time to end their trip and leave, where Umi had to physically pull Honoka away from the mansion as she refused to leave and hung onto the front door handle, stubbornly pleading to stay.

"Uwaaaa! It's a paradise here Umi-chan! I want to staaaaayyyy!"

With the promise of stopping at a café on the way home, everyone managed to lure Honoka away from the mansion and get her to the nearby station in time for their bus.

Upon boarding it, they all took their respective seats, with Nozomi by the window and Eli beside her. It wasn't long before Eli noticed Nozomi's clear tiredness, as she wasn't contributing much to any discussion and she witnessed Nozomi's head lull to the side against the glass window. Naturally due to everything that was happening and hitting the poor girl at full impact, it was going to take a toll on her energy for the worst.

"Are you okay Nozomi?" Eli asked, receiving only a light hum from Nozomi in response - which was enough indication that she definitely was not okay. Lacklustre responses were a surefire sign of problems, which raised alarms in Eli's head. But blowing up and flying off the handle with worry would do no good, so she did what cane naturally to her, adopting her caring 'student council president attitude' that everyone admired - Nozomi being no exception.

"If you're tired you can lean on me and have a rest. I won't mind and it will be more comfortable than leaning on the window won't it?" She suggested, gently stroking down Nozomi's covered arm, feeling the soft fabric of the purplette's coat underneath her fingertips.

"Thank you Elicchi..." Nozomi weakly replied, not having the energy to protest, as she transferred her body weight towards the direction of the blonde and let her head rest itself against Eli, her entire body drooping as sleep easily claimed her. Eli felt warm and safe - better than any soft pillow or fluffy stuffed toy Nozomi had ever owned - which led to her involuntarily burying her face deeper into Eli's shoulder every so often, which the blonde didn't mind at all. She was just glad Nozomi was getting some well-deserved rest.

Due to their incredibly close proximity Eli was able to properly take in Nozomi's appearance and noted how her face looked rather pale, her lips seemed chapped and dry and on top of that there were still noticeable bags around her eyes - despite them being currently closed. She mentally scolded herself for leaving the room last night as it rendered her unable to keep an eye on Nozomi. But at least she was getting some sleep now, which was reassuring, and Eli could protect her in the meantime. She would let nothing harm Nozomi. Not on her watch.

As Eli watched Nozomi's sleeping face, she noticed that her bangs had fallen in front of her face, obstructing a proper view of the purple-haired girl's incredibly beautiful face - that wouldn't do at all. So Eli took the initiative of gently brushing the loose locks out of the way and began wading her slender fingers through the forest of purple hair.

Nico turned around in her seat, away from the conversation that the others were involved in and silently watched the adorable scene involving her two fellow third years, with a smile adorning on her lips. She knew how fond Eli and Nozomi were of each other and relished in the moments she saw their feelings so openly, whether it be through sleepy intimacy or just seeing how their expressions when they gazed at each other. There had always been definite chemistry between them and it had been blatantly obvious to Nico - and pretty much anyone else who had met them - since she became friends with them so it was refreshing to see them being so open and vulnerable.

Whilst they were being clearly gay with each other in their little cuddly moment, Nico reeled herself back from blurting anything out as she was reminded of something she still needed to reveal. She glanced to her girlfriend, who was sat beside her and cleared her throat.

"I have an announcement to make everyone." Nico spoke up, reaching out to grab Maki's hand on the armrest beside her, causing the red-head to look at her curiously as she attempted to piece together what the announcement was before she came to the correct realisation. Everyone averted their attention over to the pair, listening intently.

"Me and Maki-chan...are dating..." Finally being able to say those words out loud made Nico's heart do somersaults in her chest while Maki's joined hers in time, partly from embarrassment but also partly from being able to call the number one idol in the universe her own.

"NICOMAKIIIIII! It's real Kayo-chin!" Rin cheered excitedly, affectionately rubbing her face against Hanayo. It was a happy day; the sun was shining brightly, they were going to have yummy desserts later and her ship was sailing! It was the perfect day.

"Nico and Maki finally confessed!?...I've seen everything now, nothing can surprise me anymore! What's next?! Umi admitting that love isn't shameless!?" Honoka laughed, clapping her hands together as her mind wandered into its own world for a few moments.

"Well about that..." Kotori started quietly, leaning her head against Umi's shoulder, while the blue-haired girl rested her head comfortably atop Kotori's.

"You mean...you two finally got together as well! It's about time! Umi's had a thing for Kotori for aaaagggeeesss!" Honoka droned, recalling the thousands of times when she had found them to be desperately gay for each other, yet so incredibly clueless that the other felt the same.

"Honoka!" Umi scolded, adopting her scary and stern voice, that was usually used when addressing Honoka and going bright red in the face with everyone laughing around them. While Honoka's statement had been true, the last thing Umi wanted was for everyone to know that. She had her pride to think of. But Honoka didn't care about that and would take any opportunity she could to tease her friend. With the reactions she receives, how could she possibly resist?

"And more couples means more weddings and more weddings equals more cake!" Honoka celebrated, happy to have her dense friends finally get together after years of attempting to pair them up. Trust Honoka to be thinking of the good benefits she could reap from the situation, (especially when it involved food) even if the thought of marriage was quite a way off yet.

"Is all you ever think about food!?" Maki moaned, already practically knowing the answer.

"Maybeeee...but food is a good thing to think about!" Honoka defended. Nobody would speak ill of food on her watch! After all food was yummy and it kept people alive! Granted, Honoka sometimes could go a LITTLE bit overboard with her meal portions but she was still a happy, healthy, growing, energetic teenage girl. Despite Umi often getting mad at her, she liked seeing Honoka happy, and if food made Honoka happy then she was fine with it - even if she did have to yell at her for eating one slice of cake too many afterwards.

As the group became wrapped up in another conversation involving teasing the newly formed couples, Eli stole another loving glance down at the sleeping shrine maiden that was cuddled up to her and gently whispered in her ear, her voice barely audible.

"You did it Nozomi. You brought them together."

As if responding to Eli's gentle words, a quiet "Elicchi..." could be heard being mumbled by Nozomi, as she nuzzled further into the blonde's shoulder, causing Eli's expression to soften at the endearing sight. Eli loved how adorable Nozomi was, especially in moments like this, even if she wasn't consciously aware of her actions. It's what made her all the more precious, like the fragile and beautiful wings of a butterfly.

Eli couldn't wait to see her friend spread her wings and fly, but until then Eli promised to be there for her every step of the way.

~~~

After arriving back in Tokyo, the group ventured to a nearby café to indulge themselves in some fancy desserts - after all they had a promise to keep to their spunky leader. Upon first thought it seemed like a good idea but as they entered the building, sat down around a large and nicely decorated table and began scouring through the menu, the idea suddenly had dulled for one of the members - her stomach greeted by a painful sensation as she came face-to-face with the daily obstacle of eating a meal. But this time it was even more difficult - it was eating a meal IN PUBLIC.

Eating with μ's was already proven to be a challenge for the purple-haired girl, so eating in a rather crowded café around a bunch of strangers was a situation Nozomi would preferably not be in.

To Nozomi it was as if her life was now revolving around food and how to avoid consuming it, especially around others. The thoughts of the incident last night were roaming frantically around Nozomi's mind, putting her off her food, no matter how enticing her usual favourite parfait looked when displayed on the menu. She just really didn't feel like eating anything at all but at the same time she desperately didn't want to worry her friends even more than she already had. She didn't want that at all. That was not Nozomi. So she was prepared to carry the burden and guilt by herself, regardless of how challenging it would prove to be.

The café was best known for its top-of-the-line desserts, which Nozomi noted would definitely exceed her self-proposed calorie intake for the day so choosing what to eat was a battle in itself.

After much deliberation Nozomi settled on a fancy and colourful fruit salad - at least it would be healthy and not too fattening, she thought, attempting to reason with herself as she hoped the voice would let her eat in peace even if it was just this once. She would just do some extra exercise later to work it off.

When the desserts arrived at the table, emblazoning it with hundreds of colours and releasing different contrasting scents into the atmosphere, everyone began tucking in - some more hastily and messily than others. All the confectionary did look incredibly enticing, causing Nozomi's nose to twitch and senses to heighten. She was half considering ordering another round of desserts and eating the entire lot, but she had to control herself. She would never be able to forgive herself if she strayed from what her mind wanted.

Despite her inner battle, she didn't let her emotions boil to the surface and kept a smile on as best as she could. She wasn't going to let her or her mind ruin this meal with the people she cared the most about. With as much determination as she could muster, she picked up a silver fork and speared a piece of melon from the fruit salad and placed it in her mouth before quietly chewing it. The taste was incredibly refreshing which did wonders to help combat her dry, scratchy throat. It was just what she needed.

Despite her obvious stray onto the lighter side of the menu, everyone else seemed satisfied that she was eating, Eli especially, who made sure to keep smiling brightly whenever Nozomi's gaze landed on her. Seeing that Nozomi was eating, Eli felt as if she could truly enjoy the taste of her chocolate cake.

"I'd like to make a toast to the two new μ's couples involving Nico and Maki and Kotori and Umi!" Honoka announced, rising up from her seat on the very end of the table.

With that everyone raised their cups happily and applauded for the new couples - who spent a few minutes trying to recover from severe blushes except Kotori who smiled politely as usual.

After everyone had cleaned their plates - the whiteness on their surfaces completely visible - and their stomachs pleas were answered the group began trickling away in little groups as they headed back home in their respective directions; Eli, of course, walked home with Nozomi, their hands firmly glued together as they shared light chatter.

Despite having had a long rest on the bus trip back, Eli could sense that there was something wrong. Nozomi just didn't look right and not knowing what it was truly the matter with her made Eli's heart ache. It was as if there was something she was missing. She desperately wanted to help but how could she?

Luckily she had managed to successfully get Nozomi to eat her meal and a bit of colour had returned to her face from it, however Nozomi did look tired still so Eli decided that probably letting her friend have a proper sleep in a nice, warm and comfy bed when they got back home would be helpful in the healing process. That way she would be well rested for school the next day.

Satisfied with her conclusion, Eli's stress levels began to sink as she settled into the same walking rhythm as Nozomi, their arms gently swinging backwards and forwards as they walked. It was a nice feeling for them both which gave them hope that everything would be alright.

~~~

"Onee-chan! Nozomi-onee-san! You're back!"

As soon as Eli closed the front door behind her, it clicking to indicate it was firmly fixed back in the space, they were greeted by a familiar high-pitched voice before both being tackled into a strong hug. Even without hearing her voice, just by the energy and strength in her arms alone they could tell it was in fact the youngest member of the Ayase family. Alisa always did give great hugs.

"Yup we are back Alisa!" Eli laughed, before remembering her plan of action as she noticed Nozomi seeming to struggle to stay upright from the impact of the hug.

"How did things go!?" Alisa enthusiastically asked, pulling out of the hug and looking up at her sister with a sparkle in her eyes.

"Really good thank you. We can continue our chat in a minute, Nozomi just needs a little rest for a bit okay?" Eli replied, placing her hand on Nozomi's shoulder.

"Okay! Have a good rest Nozomi-onee-san! I've missed you soooo much! Alisa will come and bring you in a snack later so you don't go hungry!"

Nozomi broke out in a huge smile at the adorable look of fascination on Alisa's features. She really was touched by the young girls words. "Thank you Alisa-chan. After my rest we can get together and have a chat, how about that?"

"Yes please! Alisa loves talking to Nozomi-onee-san!" She exclaimed, buzzing with energy in excitement and anticipation for the future discussion. She was hoping to be able to prove then just how much she cared and loved the older girl and how thankful she is for everything she has done for her and Eli.

"I love talking to you too Alisa-chan." Nozomi beamed kindly, trying to stifle her yawn as it hit her, reminding Eli of the task at hand.

"I'll just help Nozomi get settled and then I'll come back okay?" Eli stated, before guiding Nozomi into the guest bedroom and tossing her a pair of comfy pyjamas for her to get changed into. Once Nozomi was dressed, Eli helped her into the bed and safely tucked her underneath the covers, not leaving a single inch of Nozomi's body exposed to the cold air that lingered in the room.

Then Eli leant over to grab the tanuki plushie, that had patiently been waiting for their return to receive some cuddles from the sleepy shrine maiden, and offered it to Nozomi with a smile on her face. Nozomi reached both her hands out, gratefully - and rather adorably -accepting the stuffed toy, before clutching it tightly in her hold and lowing her head back onto the pillow, before nuzzling her face into the toys soft fur.

The action reminded Eli of how cute Nozomi could truly be. She was still a little girl at heart - if her fondness for little knick-knacks and other cute ornaments, including a particularly nice pig-shaped tea kettle, was any indication. Unable to resist the temptation she gently ruffled Nozomi's hair and watched as the expression on her face shifted to one of amusement.

Once she was certain that Nozomi was deep in dreamland and would be safely tucked up in bed, Eli retreated from the room and closed the bedroom door behind her with a subtle click.

She then made her way into the living room, where Alisa was happily waiting for her so they could have their discussion.

"So, how is Nozomi-onee-san doing? Is she feeling any better?" Alisa asked, her voice and expression showing clear concern for the girl she thought very fondly of. Alisa truly was a very caring girl which was one of the many great qualities that Eli admired about her little sister.

"I think she's feeling a bit better but this trip was rather exhausting so she will just need some time to recuperate." Eli explained, not wanting to worry her sister about Nozomi's well-being - despite her being terribly concerned about it. Classic Eli.

However Alisa could instantly see the momentary look of unmistakable worry  on Eli's face as she spoke. She knew how deeply Eli cared for Nozomi so it was a given that she would be concerned for her.

"You don't need to worry Onee-chan...Nozomi-onee-san knows how much you care and with your help she will be able to feel better. Alisa knows it!" The younger Ayase said, determined to show Eli that her actions were having a positive impact on her friend.

"Yeah..." Eli replied, her voice low and quiet as a million scenarios ran through her head.

_'_ _What if she was missing something?_ _'_

_'_ _What if she wasn't doing enough to help?_ _'_

_'_ _What if Nozomi was really struggling much more than she let on?_ _'_

Eli knew of Nozomi's habits of keeping her problems to herself so it didn't seem like such a far-fetched theory. The more she considered the matter, the deeper she swirled into negative thoughts. Alisa wasn't going to let this continue and decided to help pull her sister out of her vortex of pessimism. Cute and clever Elichika was definitely a worry wart.

"Alisa notices how you both look at each other, how close you are when you sleep together, how you both hold each other's hand as if you are scared to let go..."

Those were accurate descriptions of what Eli had also been thinking. It made Eli wonder if Nozomi also felt the same.

Did she also notice how incredibly touchy they had both become with each other?

And did her heart flip as much as Eli's did whenever it happened?

Did she feel that same rush of adrenaline whenever they came into contact with each other - whether it be just a simple brushing of limbs or holding hands and being able to full bask in the warmth of the other. Eli hoped Nozomi felt as happy as she did when they were together. Everything just felt right.

Alisa watched as Eli slipped into her own mind, knowing the topic of her thoughts would be about her closest friend. That was enough indication to sense their bond between each other was incredibly strong, probably surpassing friendship and going into the realm of relationship.

"Onee-chan...please be honest with me...do you like Nozomi-onee-san?" Alisa asked, noticeably nervous - which was a sight that Eli didn't often see from her younger sister. After hearing how fond Alisa was of her friend, Eli's answer was incredibly obvious.

"Yes I do..."

What followed was a sound that was probably only recognisable by some kind of squawking bird. Alisa squealed, clearly happy with the reply she received.

"Ahh so cute!"

"But Alisa really hopes that you two get together. Alisa can see just how happy you make each other. Also if you need any help at all Alisa will do whatever she can! Alisa just wants you to be happy!"

Eli couldn't help but indulge in the overpowering urge to hug her sister in that moment, wrapping her long arms around Alisa's neck and letting them hang over her back. Alisa, being the skilled and experienced hugger she was, despite the initial surprise managed to keep upright and hug Eli back.

"Thank you Alisa..."

It gave Eli an immense feeling of joy that her sister accepted her and the fact she liked Nozomi and how she was willing to help them get together so they could be happy. If only more people could be like Alisa.

She had such a good sister.

~~~

To be able to sleep in a warm, comfy and familiar bed did wonders for Nozomi's fatigue, causing her to wake up a few hours later feeling refreshed.

As she blinked and tried to clear her vision, she sat herself up on the bed, slowly bringing herself back to reality by taking in all of her surroundings - using one sense at a time.

She thought she could hear the muffled sound of kitchen appliances working away, accompanied by the aroma of food, which caused her stomach to grumble - reminding her that she was hungry and should try to eat something. If she did it would help calm the pains she was suffering from.

Picking herself up from the bed, she shuffled over to the bedroom door and slowly pulled it open, slipping into the other room where she found Alisa carrying a bowl of soup, with extreme care, to the dining table.

"Nozomi-onee-san you're awake!" The younger lit up as her sparkling eyes met the sight of the awake Nozomi.

"Alisa made you some soup and bread!" She proudly bellowed, gesturing towards the table where cutlery, a few pieces of buttered bread and the bowl of homemade soup lay on display.

"Thank you Alisa-chan! What a good girl you are!" Nozomi praised, giving the young girl a pat on the head.

"Alisa made it with a whole lot of love!" She giggled, watching as Nozomi took a seat at the table and observed the bowl of liquid, it's enticing smell more prominent now. With her body still being partly drowsy, she managed to pick up the silver spoon and take a few slurps with no protest at all from her brain.

"Say, where is Elicchi?" Nozomi asked, finishing another sip of the warming broth and turning her head around in an attempt to catch a glimpse of the familiar blonde-haired girl.

"Onee-chan's in the living room asleep." Alisa replied, gesturing towards the living room, while smiling brightly at the open concern Nozomi had for Eli.

Nozomi mentally awwed as she imagined the adorable sight of her closest friend sleeping. They had both seen each other sleeping quite a lot of times so it wasn't anything new but Nozomi fondly remembered every moment she had the pleasure of witnessing the blonde when she was asleep, especially when she found out about her friend's adorable habit of talking in her sleep.

With this thought in her mind, she managed to fully consume the entire bowl and the few slices of bread on offer - which were indeed tasty - before helping Alisa to wash up the bowl and the cutlery, while sharing light and airy conversation about whatever came to mind. The two girls enjoyed each other's company greatly as they joked around together and threw soapy bubbles, constructed from washing up liquid, from the sink at each other.

Alisa knew of Nozomi's struggle and wanted to be able to help her forget all that, let loose and have fun, so when Alisa got to mess around with her and see Nozomi smile and laugh, she felt a huge sense of joy. If she could help, even in just small ways, then it would all be worth it.

After they finished cleaning up the remains of the dishes and the mess they made in result of their 'soap war', Alisa suggested that Nozomi check on Eli while Alisa went to finish her school work.

 _'_ _Definitely the sister of the student council president_ _'_ Nozomi thought, giggling quietly as Alisa skipped away into her own bedroom while Nozomi turned in the opposite direction.

Upon entering into the living room Nozomi was greeted by the endearing sight of Eli, laid out along the sofa with her eyes closed and gentle breathing sounds accompanying the rising and falling of her chest. She was internally thanking the gods for blessing her with such a sight.

Nozomi loved how peaceful and innocent Eli looked in that moment, as if there never had been a strict and cold student council president in her body. While she didn't want to disturb the sleeping Eli, she couldn't ignore the desire to get closer to her.

As she approached the sofa and slowly sat herself down in front of it, her gazed fixed on the gentle expression on Eli's face as she slept. She took a few moments just to admire the moment, unaware of Alisa who was sneaking a peek of them together from around the corner.

Suddenly Eli's head shifted a little and a small voice could be heard - it muttering out just one word. A name. "...Nozomi..."

Nozomi's eyes widened as the name reached her ears, her heart rate increasing rapidly in a matter of seconds.

_'_ _Elicchi..._ _'_

Nozomi grew curious at to what Eli was possibly dreaming of that could warrant her to sleep-talk Nozomi's name. Rested her hand against her heart and feeling it's intense thumping, she shrunk down and rested her head on the front of the sofa, trying to calm herself down and steady her breathing, meanwhile hoping not to wake Eli.

Nozomi didn't blame Eli for being tired, but she knew if Eli were to wake up that she would feel guilty for leaving Nozomi - and of course Nozomi didn't want that. As well as that Nozomi felt a sudden urge to protect the defenceless sleeping girl so she decided to stick by Eli so she could keep her safe, despite knowing the Ayase household was an incredibly safe place.

With her belly filled with warmth from the delicious meal, along with the fuzzy feeling of the pyjamas that she was wearing as they hugged her body, she was beginning to feel drowsy. Despite her various naps throughout the day she could still feel a nagging sense of fatigue pulling down at her eyelids, as if forcing them to close. It was also no secret that when a person did not have enough food in their system that their energy levels would be significantly lower than the supposed average.

Her head lulled down onto one of her own shoulders, her body being supported into a slouched seating position as she let her eyes close.

Her last thoughts, before drifted off helped put her mind at ease, letting positive dreams overtake her for the first time in a while.

_'_ _I will always be here to protect Elicchi..._ _'_

~~~

"What's wrong Kayo-chin?" Rin asked, having observed her girlfriend looking deep in thought as if pondering something.

"I-it's nothing! Don't worry!" Hanayo quickly squeaked, hoping not to arouse any suspicion. However Rin knew her enough by now to know whenever something was wrong and that she was not about to let her lover suffer alone.

"Kayo-chin, I can tell something is bothering you. Please let me help nya." Rin added, approaching Hanayo and hugging her tightly from behind, conveying all her support in the action.

"W-well I-it's just..." Hanayo began, wondering how to phrase this. She didn't want to cause any unwanted attention but it would probably be better to address it to one of the group so they could try to help.

"Last night, back at Maki-chan's place...I-I heard something...and I-I'm worried..."

Rin's brows furrowed in confusion, trying to piece together what Hanayo could have heard that was worrying her this much.

"What did you hear? Was it a spooky monster!? I'll protect you Kayo-chin! No scary monsters will ever get to you on my watch nya!" Rin squeezed Hanayo tighter, laying her head on her girlfriend's shoulder.

"N-no it wasn't like that...it was a p-person..." Hanayo continued, unsure of how to approach the rest of the conversation. Admitting she heard it would be like admitting it had happened, which she desperately hoped wasn't the case and that she was hearing imaginary things as a result of her tired state.

However she noticed that a certain girl was not in her sleeping bag at that point, which only confirmed the possibility of her theory being correct.

"Who was it Kayo-chin? What happened? You can tell me nya." Rin pulled away from the hug and stepped forward to take both of Hanayo's soft hands into her own, her mind at full alert for whatever she was going to learn in the next few minutes.

After gulping and taking a deep breath, Hanayo let it out.

"I-it was Nozomi-chan..."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading this chapter, I hope you enjoyed it! Thank you for sticking with me through this book and hearing it out this far. Also I'm sorry for the sad ending of the last chapter but things have to get worse before they get better right??? And Muse won't let their Nozomi be hurt will they? I'm sorry this chapter was shorter than the last one, the next few should be longer as it is all building up to the turning point of the book.   
> Please remember to take care of yourself, eat, drink and take your medication if you need to. :)  
> ~Dusk


	18. Hold Me Tight

Nozomi's eyes shot open as loud coughing sounds filled the air and vibrated in her eardrums. But then it died down so she dismissed it as her imagination. As she took in the familiar sight of the Ayase family living room, she noticed that somehow she was now covered in a fluffy blue blanket surrounded by the morning sunlight which crept through the window and illuminated the room in a warm glow. It appeared that she had slept for a lot longer than she thought, realising it was now a school day. She sighed, rubbing at her forehead as she tried to coax herself into a more awake state - her fatigue still managing to tire her out and exhaust all of her motivation even after she had just slept.

But then there came the coughing sounds again. Quickly blinking the sleep out of her eye, she turned her head around and was greeted by the sight of a red-faced Eli, coughing and spluttering while attempting to sit up on the sofa.

Nozomi immediately became worried. "Elicchi!? Are you okay!?" She frantically asked, as Eli's coughing fit died down and the blonde rested her hand on her forehead, rubbing small and gentle circles into it with her slender fingers.

"I-I'm okay. It's just a little cough." Eli replied, removing her hand from her forehead and trying to wave off Nozomi's concern but the older girl was having none of it. Nozomi took in Eli's appearance and easily summarised that she did not look well. It was clearly kore than 'just a little cough'.

Not really convinced by Eli's weak excuse, Nozomi stretched her arm out and rested the back of her hand against Eli's forehead.

"Elicchi, you're burning hot!" Nozomi cried, moving her hand away from Eli's forehead, worry lines indenting themselves into her face and her eyebrows furrowing.

"I'm okay Nozomi, and besides we should get ready for school..." Eli tried, attempting to move the conversation away from the topic of her health. There were student council files that were calling her name and she knew she needed to get them done.

"No Elicchi! You can't go to school if you're sick." Nozomi tried to lay Eli back down on the sofa as gently as possible, while also trying to stop the girl from resisting and getting back up again. Eli was in need of a rest and some care - which Nozomi would be sure to provide for her.

"But!-"

"No buts! Nozomi here will be your doctor for the day and she will take care of all the student council duties while you recover!" Nozomi interrupted, wagging her finger at Eli disapprovingly. Nozomi knew Eli could be rather stubborn at even the best of times so she had expected some resistance but was determined not to give in.

While Eli didn't want Nozomi to push herself too hard, she didn't feel well enough to argue anymore and instead laid back down and plopped her head back down on the sofa cushion. She knew when she was beaten.

"Now sit back and relax while I whip up some breakfast." With that Nozomi walked off into the kitchen to create an impressive culinary creation for her ill friend. Only the best would do for a friend like Eli. When ill, people needed to get good amounts of sustenance in their bodies to help with their recovery.

In the end she settled with making some of her signature chocolate waffles that she had become accustomed to creating herself over the years of having to make her own breakfast. Eli was particularly fond of chocolate so it was a safe choice from the start. Also Eli could add whatever extras she wanted to create the perfect, personalised waffle platter to tailor to her desires - which reminded Nozomi to get the whipped cream, chocolate curls and sauce out for Eli to drown her breakfast with.

A while later Nozomi emerged from the kitchen, her apron only slightly stained, and with two huge stacks of chocolate waffles for the Ayase sisters, alongside with other fancy topping choices. Eli's eyes lit up from the sight, her appetite suddenly increasing largely.

Nozomi giggled, instructed Eli to sit up and set down a tray on her lap securely before telling her to eat up. She then disappeared for a few minutes to leave the other tray on the dining table, where Alisa was over the moon to find herself being presented with one of Nozomi's delicious creations and wasted no time sprinkling layers of hundreds-and-thousands all over the plate and tucking in with a vigour comparable to a predator feasting on its prey.

"Is that good Alisa-chan?" Nozomi asked while giggling - her laughter light and airy. Momentarily, Alisa lifted her head up to face Nozomi, giving the older girl a few quick, bouncy nods, before diving back into her meal. Both of the Ayase sisters could really be unbelievably cute.

Smiling brightly, Nozomi shuffled back into the living room, where she found Eli happily munching away at her waffles, despite still looking and feeling under the weather. Nozomi was glad she was able to help and make Eli happy, in the end that's all she wanted.

As Eli continued to eat her breakfast, still using impeccable manners and etiquette despite her illness, Nozomi observed her with a curious and loving eye. She loved that not many got to see Eli in such a cute way, where her vulnerabilities were showing and she was unguarded, yet Eli chose to show this side of her to Nozomi. It made her feel like maybe she was important to Eli after all and gave her the slight hope that maybe somewhere inside her, Eli felt the same way about her that Nozomi felt about Eli.

Eli blushed red as she noticed Nozomi's eyes stay fixed on her, along with a cute smile tugging on her lips. Eli flashed her a bright smile in return before finishing the last few mouthfuls of her meal.

"Harasho! That was lovely, thank you Nozomi!" Eli said as Nozomi approached her and took the tray away from the blonde, flashing her a big smile that was really genuine - which Eli was beyond happy to be able to see. It was as if Nozomi was becoming more like she used to be in the little actions she did.

After a few minutes Eli could hear the sound of clattering cutlery and two familiar voices conversing in the next room - undoubtably coming from Nozomi and Alisa.

"Thank you for the breakfast! It was yummy!" Alisa cheered, rubbing her stomach in satisfaction that her longing hunger had been successfully tended to.

"It's no trouble at all, now let's get you ready for school..." Nozomi replied, before ushering Alisa back into her room, where she helped retrieve the younger girl's uniform from the wooden cupboard.

After Alisa was fully dressed, they emerged from her room, Nozomi heading off to retrieve her bag, while Alisa headed into the living room to say goodbye to her sister.

"I hope you get well sooooon Onee-chan!" Alisa enthused, hugging her sister tightly and refusing to let go as the older Ayase jokingly protested as the squeezing became more intense as each second passed.

After Alisa eventually pulled away, Eli took a few seconds to admire just how bright her sister truly was, her caring nature shining through her entire being, despite it still being really early in the morning - too early to go to school in most people's opinions.

Eli watched fondly as Nozomi tended to her little sister, passing her her school bag and giving her a farewell hug. She admired how Nozomi acted so motherly and caring towards everyone she was with, Alisa clearly being no exception.

"Goodbye Onee-chan, get well soon! Goodbye Nozomi-onee-san!" Alisa called, before stepping out of the house and journeying to school for a day of learning.

Wiping her hand gently against her forehead, Nozomi ventured back over to where Eli was lying down and knelt down to her level.

"How are you feeling Elicchi?" Nozomi asked, as she trailed her fingers soothingly through her friend's soft blonde tresses, her voice glazed with gentleness and her eyes glistening with a loving gaze. Eli's breath caught in her throat as she looked up at the fair maiden before her and lost herself in the feeling of Nozomi's smooth and slender fingers wading through her hair.

"Better thank you Nozomi..." Eli gently breathed, feeling as if she could just fall back asleep right then and there.

"I'll go get you some medicine, can't have Elicchi feeling unwell can we?" Nozomi said, giving Eli a few light, reassuring pats to the head before rising up onto her feet and making her way into the kitchen to search for the Ayase family medical supplies.

Once the search was complete, Nozomi returned back to Eli's side, with a container of medicine and a fresh glass of a water that could help combat Eli's illness.

"Open up Elicchi!~" She tunefully hummed, retrieving the recommended dose of the tablets and directing them in the direction of Eli's mouth, patiently waiting for Eli to open it. Eli did as she was told and watched, mesmerised, as Nozomi gently popped the tablets into her mouth and passed her the water to wash them down with.

After taking the rather disgusting medication she prepared herself to lay down, until the thought that Nozomi might not have taken her own dawned on her and she shot back up into a sitting position, startling the purple-haired girl. It was just in Nozomi's character to help everyone else but disregard herself, which was a habit that Eli was still trying hard to get her to kick.

"Wait, don't forget to take your medicine!" Eli cried, watching as Nozomi stiffened a bit in a way that was barely noticeable, yet it stuck out like a sore thumb to Eli.

Yet that stiffness was quickly replaced by her usual gentle and relaxed demeanour, accompanied with one of her trademark smiles.

"Don't worry about me Elicchi." She replied brightly.

 _'But I do...'_ Eli thought sadly. It wasn't often when she wasn't worrying about her closest friend. After all Nozomi was a huge significant part of Eli's life. She would be lost without her and Eli saw it as her responsibility to take care of her, especially when Nozomi ended up neglecting herself and her own needs and welfare for the sake of others.

Looking at her saddened and panicked expression, it became obvious to Nozomi that Eli wouldn't be able to rest until she personally saw Nozomi taking her medication. So she left Eli's company for a few moments to retrieve her own prescribed vitamins, medication and a glass of water for herself - which was slightly less full than Eli's had been but not enough to be exceedingly noticeable. To Nozomi even the lightest of foods or beverages could put her off her goal - yes, that label extended even to water.

She scooped up the correct dosage of vitamins and pills and swallowed them down with a gulp of the water - still being unamused by their taste she made a sour expression, causing Eli to lightly chuckle. A huge part of worry lifted off Eli's shoulder as she could confirm Nozomi had taken her medication.

"I'll just text Nicocchi and let her know we won't be at school today." Nozomi said, taking out her phone to hurriedly type a message, before sending it, switching it off and leaving it on the coffee table.

Afterwards the day went by very nicely for both girls, Eli had managed to have a rest with a reasonably calm mind while Nozomi ventured up to Otonokizaka to collect whatever documents that the student council had to do that day, brought them back to the Ayase household and began sifting through the workload by herself. She wasn't about to let Eli join in in her condition and surmised to let her sleep - she deserved a good rest after all.

Every now and again Eli would resurface back to consciousness, and in a blink Nozomi would be by her side to help; providing her with entertainment, extra blankets or pillows and home cooked meals for the blonde to enjoy. With her motherly instincts in full power, Eli was taken care of extremely well and by the evening came along she was in a lot better shape than earlier on in the day.

Another added bonus came from Alisa regaling her with tales of her day at school when she got back home, which was a fun experience as she got to share laughter with her sister and the girl she loved over the silly antics Alisa and her classmates got up to. A thought Eli couldn't ignore was that they really felt like a family and an extremely happy and close one at that.

But despite the day being a success, it only took one event to turn it all around for Eli. While Nozomi and Alisa were preparing the evening meal (with Alisa mostly watching intently as the older girl to her through the steps to create the meal), Eli was lying down on the sofa watching some television. However she was interrupted by the lighting up and vibrating of a phone on the coffee table close by that belonged to Nozomi. Eli peered over and as soon as she spotted the contact name, froze up.

_Mum_

With just that one word, Eli felt pure anger and terror coursing through her veins. She suspected the neglectful parents of the most wonderful girl in the world were obviously doing their yearly check-in on their daughter. She was close to picking up the phone and starting a ranting and raving match against the woman, but thought better of it. She didn't want to have to explain to Nozomi why she was cussing up a storm over her phone and she didn't have the energy to put up with them. She let the phone run onto voicemail and prepared herself for whatever cruel message would be left for Nozomi to hear - not that Eli would let her hear it, she had already decided to delete it, knowing it's contents wouldn't be anything the poor girl needed.

_"Hello Nozomi, I don't know why you haven't picked up the phone but me and your father have some things we need to discuss with you. After our conversation with your friend, we talked and figured we should have a discussion with you. Now whatever silly, attention-seeking habits you've developed need to stop now. We are expecting a call back from you as soon as possible."_

By the end of the message Eli's blood was boiling. It had been a rather long time since Eli had informed them of Nozomi's situation and only now do they decide to talk about it! But even when they do they make things even worse! To think that such a kind girl had to put up with such horrible parents - it upset Eli to no end. She was certainly not going to pass that message on, not when Nozomi already had so much on her plate. Without any hesitation she turned Nozomi's phone back in and unlocked it (not having to worry as she hadn't set a password on it)

She entered into voicemails and with a few more taps she promptly deleted all traces of the message, before switching the device off and placing it back on the table, feeling satisfied that she had saved Nozomi some worrying and upset.

Still seething with rage, Eli reached out to retrieve her own phone, switched it on and tapped on her messages, going straight to a certain black-haired idol's contact number before typing out a message and hitting send. She didn't even care that her silly nickname from before was still saved as her own contact number - after all there were more important matters at hand.

 ** _Blonde Banana_** 🍌 ** _:_** _Nico, we have a problem. Nozomi's parents just tried to contact her and left a horrible voicemail on her phone._

Within a minute, Nico had already texted back, despite being at school. It showed just how much Nico really did care for her friends, especially when it was Nozomi.

 ** _Nico:_** _WHAT!? Don't tell me she's seen it!? Honestly, if they hurt her I swear to god I will hunt them down and hang them by their earlobes! (_ _҂_ ⌣ _̀__ ⌣ _́)_

Even in a serious situation Nico knew how to add a little comedy into the mix.

 ** _Blonde Banana_** 🍌 ** _:_** _No, I deleted it before she could hear it. But they want to talk to her, if she doesn't answer she could get hurt even more..._

Eli sighed. Nozomi didn't need to deal with anymore trouble, she didn't deserve it. Why did her parents insist on being so neglectful, Yet Nozomi still wanted to try to rebuild their relationship. She truly had a heart of pure gold and didn't have it in her to hate; but that didn't stop Nico and Eli from feeling hatred towards the pair.

**_Nico:_ ** _We can stick by her so if her parents do call her back, then we can be there to give them a piece of our mind. The great Nico Nii won't let Nozomi get hurt!_

Eli didn't really expect anything different from Nico. She would always be a caring person towards her family and friends.

 ** _Blonde Banana_** 🍌 ** _:_** _Good idea, I'll keep a watch over her. Hopefully the concert will help make her happy._

Eli couldn't believe it was only a few days away. Before when they had the idea the actual date seemed light years away. The passing of time really could freak Eli out at times. The approach of the concert also meant the approach of Eli's confession - which she didn't think she would ever be truly prepared for.

**_Nico:_ ** _Don't worry Eli, it's only a few days until the concert, I know it will make her really happy and you two love-birds can stop being so dense and get together already!_

Eli blushed at the last part, still wondering if Nozomi really did return her feelings like everyone said. Others could see it plain as day but Eli had seemed to miss these signs.

**_Nico:_ ** _Anyway I've got to get back to practice now before Umi bites my head off. Get well soon Eli and make sure the Washi-monster takes care of herself, okay?_

Eli concluded the messages with a final 'thank you and goodbye' text before smugly attempting to get her own back for her ridiculous nickname. Nobody jabbed at Eli Ayase without being jabbed back. Sure, she would get some backlash from Nico later but it would be worth it.

 ** _Blonde Banana_** 🍌 _changed Nico's nickname to_ ** _You Nico Nico Need To Be More Honest With Your Feelings_** 😉

Satisfied with her stupid pun, she exited the app and returned her attention back to the bright and colourful television screen.

"Onee-chan, dinner's ready!" Alisa called from the other room, catching Eli's attention. Shoving all the negative and angry thoughts to the back of her mind for the moment, the blonde pushed herself upwards and off the couch, giving herself a few seconds to gain her balance back on her two feet. After she was certain she wasn't going to fall over, she made her way into the dining room she was greeted by the cute sight of her little sister tucking into a bowl of homemade curry udon. Eli smiled at her younger sibling's enthusiasm and plopped herself down on a chair where a similar, but slightly larger, bowl was waiting for her, tempting her with its tantalising scent.

As she began eating she noticed that Nozomi hadn't joined them, which struck her as odd. "Alisa, where's Nozomi?" Eli asked, upturning her head to face her younger sister who was still happily eating away.

After finishing off her mouthful, Alisa replied "She said she's just finishing off some work."

"Ah okay." Eli replied, hoping Nozomi wasn't too overwhelmed with work after such a longer day of catering to Eli's needs while also balancing household chores and taking care of Alisa. She made a note to make sure to convince Nozomi to take a rest once she was finished with her meal, after all Nozomi needed to rest too.

Meanwhile Nozomi sat in her assigned guest room, tapping her pen away on the various sheets of paper containing important school information that needed organising and signing off. It didn't take long for her to develop hand cramps and a dislike towards her own signature after having to repeatedly scribble it down about a thousand times - which was enough to make anyone sick of anything.

In honesty she was glad to be able to lose herself in something, no matter how rigorous, as it took her mind away from the pit of darkness it had chosen to sink into. She felt like she was in control for once, like she could do what she wanted to do without being forced or tricked by her minds little games. Having a distraction and some time alone was just what she felt like she needed. However it unfortunately didn't mean the problems went away.

Despite her stomach growling and her bones begging for a rest, Nozomi persevered and battled on through the seemingly never-ending assortment of documents, promising herself that she would get it all finished. She was going to make sure Eli didn't need to lift a single finger or sort a single file out. Eli needed rest and Nozomi was surely not going to get in the way of that.

With this in mind she managed to rattle through a vast amount of the work, but was interrupted by a gentle knock on the bedroom door and a familiar sweet voice from the other side. "Nozomi? Everything okay in there? Can I come in?" Eli asked, concerned about how her friend had locked herself in her room and wasn't even coming out to join her to eat.

"Everything's fine Elicchi and yes, come in." Nozomi replied, tapping the edge of her pen against her cheek in thought as she mulled over the application to form a new club that was in front of her. The door opened with a creak and Eli stepped inside, wrapped up in a fluffy blanket as she shuffled closer to Nozomi and leaned down to her friend's level, wrapping her arms around her friend's body and cloaking her in a bit of the blanket.

"Hard at work I see." Eli began, taking a moment to look over the piles of documents that Nozomi was working on. Nozomi hummed in response, signing off the application and setting it aside while settling into the warmth of the embrace that Eli was providing her with.

"Come on, you can take a break." Eli's voice was soothing to Nozomi's eardrums - that were delighted to hear something other than the clicking of her pen and the crinkling of the paper as she handled it.

Upon seeing not much of a reaction Eli decided to whip out her ultimate method that never failed to persuade Nozomi in any situation. She curled her lips down into an adorable pout and let her lips wobble, feigning tears and sadness. As much as Nozomi wanted to surge on through it, she knew there was no use fighting against Eli, the blonde had her way of getting what she wanted when things came to Nozomi - especially when Eli's signature pout was her ultimate weakness and who could blame her? Eli with her pouty face was equally comparable to a baby puppy begging for a cuddle, which anyone had to admit is rather cute.

"Okay okay Elicchi, don't be sad!" Nozomi giggled, giving in and putting her pen down to the side along with the paperwork.

Eli brightened up considerably and helped Nozomi rise up from her seat, before guiding her out of the stuffy and darkened bedroom and into the brighter atmosphere that was the Ayase family living room. It always had been a lively household where Nozomi had created some fond memories with Eli and her family. Whenever her brain finally allowed her to have at least a single positive thought, she thought about how she felt like a part of the family.

It was as if Eli's parents were her own, which were incredibly kinder and more caring than her birth parents had ever been but Nozomi was too kind to even consider thinking that despite the fact it was the obvious truth.

Eli plonked herself back down onto the sofa, her body weight gently pushing down into it. However Nozomi stayed standing, not wanting to get too comfortable as she couldn't get the nagging thoughts about the uncompleted student council work off her mind. Eli noticed this and frowned, Nozomi deserved to sit down after a tiring day of work and taking care of her.

"Nozomiiiii! Come sit down with meeee!" Eli pleaded, Feeling much better and wanting nothing more than for Nozomi to sit down and relax after a difficult day.

Nozomi giggled, trying to resist the temptation to sit down and cuddle up with Eli - despite her wanting to do that more than anything. She still had to finish some last few student council documents and she was determined to make sure Eli wouldn't have to worry about them.

"I'm the patient here and I say the doctor needs a rest!" Laughed Eli as she attempted to pull Nozomi down to join her on the sofa.

Nozomi chuckled lightly at Eli's playful side and gave in, letting herself be held onto and pulled down on top of the blonde. The two girls felt lost in their own little world, chuckling happily and feeling the warmth of each other's presences. It was another moment where Eli could see just how beautiful her best friend really was. The endearing and incredibly genuine smile on her face was electrifying and sent shock waves all over Eli's body. The way her eyes glistened brightly as small droplets of laughter tears built up behind them. Everything about Nozomi was incredibly beautiful like always and Eli wanted nothing more than to let her know that and soon she would be able to.

Eli patted the space next to her and watched adoringly as Nozomi gave in and sat down properly, snuggling tightly up to Eli as they attempted to direct their attention to whatever was playing on the TV - despite neither managing to focus as they tried to quell the fast racing of their hearts, hoping the other wouldn't hear. "Elicchi is all warm!" Nozomi said revelling in the heat of Eli's body against her own.

Eli smiled at the cute display and took the moment to grab another nearby fluffy blanket and lay it over them both, watching as Nozomi shrunk underneath the blanket and the adorable expression on her face as she noticeably relaxed - which she definitely deserved to be able to do.

The date of the concert that μ's had planned for Nozomi was quickly approaching which was causing a build up of nerves for the blonde. It had to be perfect - it just had to be. Eli wouldn't accept anything less. Not for the goddess of μ's.

That brought her back to dwelling on her solo song that the others helped her write. It was about Nozomi, which made her wonder what was Nozomi's song about? She hadn't managed to get any insight whatsoever and the curiosity was tearing her apart, but she didn't want to pry or be forceful so she tried a simple and straightforward approach.

"How are you getting on with your song?" Eli asked, manoeuvring her head away from the television screen to face the girl cuddled up beside her.

"Good I think. But I'm not going to reveal anything yet~" Nozomi replied cheekily, flashing a smirk at the blonde, knowing her intention to find out what she was writing about. Eli pouted, hoping to be able to convince Nozomi to give in and tell her even the most minuscule detail. Her desire to find out what Nozomi was writing about was growing vastly over time and she would take any glimpse into her friend's mind that she could get.

"Oh no I'm not falling for that one anymore Elicchi!" Nozomi giggled, prodding the blonde on her nose and watching as Eli's expression shifted to one of laughter. Eli decided not to press on, knowing her attempts would be futile. If Nozomi has managed to resist 'the pout', then Eli knew she wouldn't be getting her way this time.

After that they settled into a comfortable silence and directed their gaze back to the film that they hadn't really paid much attention to. Slowly but surely Nozomi's fatigue caught up with her and she dozed off, her head resting gently against Eli's shoulder - which had become recently one of her favourite bedtime pillows to rest on in her slumber -, causing the latter to blush, a pink tint appearing on her cheeks.

Having Nozomi resting against her had quickly become one of Eli's all-time favourite things in life, outranking even her most prized chocolate selections. The atmosphere was always peaceful and serene which made Eli feel relaxed, knowing that Nozomi was sleeping safely and nothing could harm her.

These were the thoughts that helped Eli drift off into a comfortable state of slumber, knowing her day off with Nozomi was just what she needed.

~~~

The next day at practice, everyone was in high spirits, especially since Eli and Nozomi were both back. Rin made sure to pounce on them both as they arrived and give them huge hugs, to emphasise how much she had missed them. Despite almost knocking them both down and resulting in some injuries, the elder girls laughed and thoroughly appreciated Rin's caring antics. After all they knew Rin's positivity had helped them through many difficult situations.

As Eli and Nozomi recovered from their hug assault and approached the other members, with Rin bounding quickly back to her place beside Hanayo, Eli couldn't help but notice how close everyone looked; Kotori gushing and feeding Umi with some of her leftover mochi, Nico and Maki playfully teasing and arguing with each other, Rin nuzzling herself into Hanayo (which wasn't much different than normal) and Honoka casually drooling over a piece of bread she was holding (which also wasn't much different than normal). Everyone shows love in different ways she supposed.

Eli glanced back at Nozomi and couldn't help but want them to be like that. She wanted to be with Nozomi. She wanted to be able to forget the world around them and just focus on each other. She wanted to hug her, to hold hands with her, to kiss her...

"Elicchiiii!"

Suddenly Eli snapped back to reality as the familiar voice she adored hit her eardrums. Unbeknownst to her she had actually been spacing out and ignoring the poor girl.

"Ahh sorry Nozomi!" Eli apologised, trying to cover up her stutters while her cheeks tinted red after she heard Nozomi's melodious giggles.

"It's okay Elicchi." Nozomi replied, her voice sweeter than honey and filled with warmth that Eli longed to bask in. But they had come to the roof to partake in another difficult and strenuous practice session - unfortunately not to admire Nozomi and all of her beautiful features and qualities, but that wouldn't stop her from doing so anyway. After all most of the others had someone and Eli was still waiting, so by proxy it seemed only fair for her to get to mentally fawn over the girl her heart belonged to.

But throughout the session, despite how draining it was, the hardest part was the dealing with the onslaught of doubts and worries about the upcoming performance for Nozomi. There were a million things that could go wrong and no matter how strange they could seem to outsiders, to Eli even the strangest possibilities could all happen.

But she was not the only idol struggling with an inward peril as there was an aura of uneasiness amongst them radiating from a certain rice-loving idol. Rin was fully aware of her girlfriends nerves and the reasons behind them and wanted to be as supportive and helpful as she could so she gently placed her hand on top of Hanayo's shoulder enthusiastically. The energy she had even during serious situations was truly remarkable.

"You can do this Kayo-chin, I know she will really appreciate this..." Rin quietly spoke, gaining a nod in response from the other girl.

Hanayo took a deep breath and walked towards her purple-haired friend, who was stretching her arms out by herself, as Eli had left her side for a few moments to discuss the latest choreography with Umi. She gently reached her arm out and tapped her senpai on the shoulder, alerting her attention.

"Erm...Nozomi-chan?..." Hanayo stuttered, causing Nozomi to raise her eyebrows in worry and curiosity as to what could be bothering her friend.

"What's wrong Hanayo-chan?" She asked, watching the nervous girl fiddle with her fingers.

"Can I t-talk to you?"

"Of course you can." Nozomi replied, following Hanayo to the other side of the rooftop where they could talk privately.

"How are you Nozomi-chan?" Hanayo began, wanting to do her best to help. She fully understood about the problems with body image, having been instructed to go on a controlled diet once herself so she could sympathise with how her older friend was feeling and wanted to let her know she was here to help. "W-with everything that's happened I mean..."

"I'm getting on quite well Hanayo-chan, but thank you for your concern." Nozomi smiled, a little worried about where the conversation could end up as to why Hanayo was asking her about her wellbeing. She knew her friend was a indeed very caring person but she could tell there was a reason that she wanted to talk.

"Are you sure? I don't want you to feel like you have to hide your emotions from us, you may be the closest to Eli but I can tell you might not want to tell her everything you feel...b-because I'm the same with Rin-chan...I want you to know that if you do want to talk, you can trust me you know?"

Nozomi knew how shy Hanayo was and was extremely touched by her words and the effort she went to for her sake. Considering this, she pulled the shorter girl in for a tight hug. "Thank you Hanayo-chan....if you need to talk to someone your big sister Nozomi here will always be here to help."

As they embraced each other, Hanayo swore she could feel Nozomi's body quivering a little, whether it was due to the cold breeze that was whipping around the rooftop or something else she wasn't sure. She knew it would be best not to pry and try to converse with her at a later point, not wanting to draw unwanted attention from any concerned eyes of their fellow idols and she felt her resolve of confidence crumbling away from the effects of the warm and loving hug. Nozomi's hugs always stood out, having a calming effect on others, which was something that despite her struggles, had seemed to not change. It was a quality that would always remain just like Nozomi.

The hug caught Eli's attention, her eyes drifting away from her focus on the topic she was currently discussing with Umi to Nozomi, which the blue-haired girl noticed right away.

"Don't worry Eli. Not long now." She reassured, giving Eli a gentle pat on the shoulder. Eli relaxed a little but not entirely. She wanted to confess more than anything. She wanted to help Nozomi get better and show her how beautiful she knew Nozomi was - without needing to lose any weight whatsoever. But there was always the chance that something could go wrong; she could stumble while dancing and mess up the routine, she could clumsily sing the heartfelt lyrics she had put so much effort into and not allow the true message get through, there could be an equipment malfunction or a damaged costume, there were so many things that could go wrong and Eli didn't want them to happen. She swore she would make it perfect - a memory Nozomi could treasure forever.

Despite her strong sense of determination, Eli couldn't shake the feeling that something was going to go wrong...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading this chapter, I hope it was to your liking, sorry if it wasn't too productive but we're now extremely close to the turning point and IT'S ABOUT TO GO DOWN!  
> I hope you are all doing great and taking proper care of yourselves; make sure you eat, drink and take your medication if you need too! And if you ever need to talk to anyone I'll always be here, even if it's just to talk about your favourite ships, I'll gladly love to. Stay safe everyone! :)   
> ~Dusk


	19. Snow Halation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's the day of the concert but will things go to plan?

A few days passed involving the same routine for the pair; waking up, going to school, practising, coming back home exhausted and either sleeping in their separate beds, or whenever Eli's fear of darkness overwhelmed her Nozomi slept by her side in order to help quell the blonde girl's phobia. Despite all the happiness Nozomi felt when she was with her friends, her physical and mental health was suffering severely; her skin was getting ghostly pale, her energy had depleted and practice sessions were becoming incredibly difficult to get through and she was becoming closed off from the others.

Eli noticed these signs and continuously tried her best to help her friend, but Nozomi always had her ways of getting around things. It was something she had become increasingly good at recently. Eli figured that the best way to help would be to put her all into the performance when it came.

The day arrived sooner than anyone could comprehend and deciding to begin the day off in a mysterious way - in order to make the surprise even better - , Eli left the house early to meet up with the others, while Nozomi slept on, completely unaware of what was happening.

When the sun began to trickle its way into Nozomi's bedroom, the drowsy girl woke from her slumber, her eyes blinking to remove any morning crust that found its way around her eyes. As she shifted her body around, her sight wobbled, the room a relatively dark blur.

Within seconds a shooting sensation began pecking at her head, causing her to wince in pain. Dismissing it as not having woken up properly yet, she stretched her arms and legs out, trying to wake her body up so she could face another day with her dear Elicchi and the rest of the Ayase family. Feeling the soft texture of the bed sheets as they cradled her body almost enticed the fatigued girl back into slumber, but Nozomi knew she needed to get up lest she cause anymore worrying for Eli and send her anxiety into hyper drive.

Ignoring her aching body, she wiped her face and sat up, reaching her arm out automatically towards the bedside table to retrieve her phone. After being blinded by the sudden brightness of the screen she was able to make out a few text notifications.

 ** _Rice-chan_** 🍙 ** _:_** _Good morning Nozomi-chan! Hope you are doing well!_

 ** _Starry Sky_** 😸 ** _:_** _Nya! Good morning Nozomiiiii-chan!!! I hope you have a great day and that got tons of sleep, if not Rin will have to come and make sure you get fully rested okay?!!! \\(_ _ᗒᗨᗕ_ _)/_

Nozomi quietly chuckled, admiring the always-lively nature of Rin that even showed in her text messages, compared to the cutesy and innocent way Hanayo would act in hers - yet the pair still matched so perfectly. Ever since Hanayo had spoken to her during practice that day, her and Rin had made sure to check up on her everyday and even invite her on little outings to restaurants (usually places that sold either rice or ramen dishes), the cinema to see whatever film they thought looked funny or even for a trip to the shrine as the couple knew how much Nozomi thrived when in her element and after having her spiritual power recharged. Nozomi really felt lucky to have such caring friends.

Quickly typing out her replies, she tried to wade away the feeling of light-headedness that still hung around, before switching off her phone and cautiously rising up off her bed, attempting not to stumble in her movements.

Once she had maintained a sense of courage that she wouldn't fall over, she hobbled out of the bedroom and entered the bathroom to begin her first challenge of the day: getting ready.

As usual she shuffled over to the sink, turning the tap handle and letting water begin pouring out, which she scooped up with her pale, shaky hands and splashed it in her face - effectively making her more alert and awake. As she surfaced her face up and peered into the mirror, her tired face stared back at her. She took in her appearance - even with her distorted view she could definitely tell that she looked run-down in general.

Trying her best to ignore the constant jabbing of the self-depreciating voice in her head, she got washed and wandered back into her bedroom to get changed into her clothes for the day, deciding to keep with a simple purple jacket over a plain t-shirt along with a black skirt and her usual addition of long black stockings. To complete her look she scurried around the room to find her hair scrunchies and put her hair up into her regular twin-tails.

Once she was ready, she left her room and wandered around the house in search of Eli - guessing that she was just sleeping in today. It wasn't characteristically like Eli to be so quiet in mornings as Nozomi was the one who was fond of naps, so she couldn't ignore the feeling of curiosity that plagued her mind. She knocked quietly on Eli's bedroom door and spoke softly "Elicchi?....Are you awake?..."

She received no reply so she gently pushed the door open a crack and caught a glimpse of Eli's empty and un-made bed, the sheets all crumpled and pushed towards the wall. Wanting to investigate further she pushed the door completely open and looked inside, seeing no sign of the presence of the blonde girl. That was until she turned around to Eli's desk and spotted a plain white envelope sitting neatly on the top with Nozomi's name written in neat cursive, surrounded by a few small flower doodles in ink pen. Nozomi loved seeing Eli's more fun and playful side whenever she decided to show it.

She gently picked it up and flipped it over, running her finger over the line where the envelope had been sealed before opening it up and taking out a letter. Trying to get her eyes to properly focus she began to read the letter, hoping it would shed some light on the situation.

_Dear Nozomi,_   
_I hope you slept well and had a good breakfast. Meet me at the park at 10:00am, I have something to show you._   
_-Eli x_

The somewhat cryptic message left Nozomi baffled. Eli was one for routine and didn't often tend to break it so an impromptu meet-up at the park was very odd and concerning. What was so important that Eli had to leave in the early hours and ask to meet her somewhere rather than just show her at home? Whatever it was it must have been important.

Catching a glimpse at the clock she realised it was 9:30 already.

 _'Definitely not enough time to eat anything'_ Nozomi thought, despite the fact she didn't plan on having any breakfast in the first place but was glad she had a reason to avoid it.

Ignoring the wailing of her stomach, she ventured towards Alisa's bedroom door and gently nudged the door open slightly, peering in through the gap to catch sight of the young girl, sound asleep with her chest rising and falling underneath the covers. She silently squeezed through the space and tip-toed to Alisa's bedside before bending down and placing a gentle kiss on the girl's forehead.

"I hope you're having sweet dreams Alisa-chan..." she whispered softly, before turning back around and leaving the girl to sleep, satisfied that she had been safely snoozing away.

With that she went back into her room to grab her belongings for her impromptu venture out of the house. As she did so, she caught eye of her usual aid of that would help her with combatting doubts; her deck of tarot cards. As a child they had been her only friends, their messages always honest and true, leading her further along the path of life. In fact they predicted the encounter that changed her life, the day she met Eli. She would never forget that specific card reading when she drew the 'Wheel of Fortune' card that led the two girls to meet together like they did.

In order to attempt to quell her current thoughts and worries she decided to turn to her trusted cards, knowing they had never led her astray before. She could count on them. So she reached over to the table beside her bed to retrieve her deck, gave them a good shuffle and pulled the top card, flipping it over.

_The Hanged Man_

From her vast knowledge in the art of tarot card reading she was able to surmise that it was hinting towards an event that could involve looking at something from a new perspective. But what could that event and perspective be exactly? She put the card back in the deck and placed it safely in her jacket pocket, hoping they could give her the encouragement she needed to get through the day.

With this in mind she finished smoothing out her chosen outfit, before walking towards the front door and beginning her journey for the mysterious meet-up with Eli, her mind throbbing with millions of scenarios along with the painful pecking sensation of her ever-growing headache.

However, despite all of this, she soldiered on and continued down the road towards the direction of the park.

~~~

Meanwhile at the park, the other 8 idols were all busily getting ready for the show. Hanayo and Maki we're finishing with their costumes and make-up, Rin and Honoka were going through the routine for the umpteenth time in an attempt to get it as good as possible for their beloved senpai, Kotori was helping Umi put the finishing touches on the snow-themed display on the performance stage and Nico was watching Eli frantically pace around, mumbling to herself in Russian and fiddling with the bracelet she was wearing that Nozomi had bought for her on their last outing together. It calmed her and made her feel like Nozomi was always with her. But there was nothing that could completely help dispel the sheer amount of nervousness she was feeling then.

No matter how organised she was she couldn't beat the feelings of anxiety, which included irrational doubts like even though she knew she had brought Nozomi's present along with her, she continued to panic and look back at it, as if it would disappear in a puff of smoke at any moment.

"I don't think I can do this Nico!" Eli suddenly piped up, stopping in her tracks and letting Nico regain her vision after watching what could have been compared to as a human table-tennis match with the tall blonde girl.

Nico walked right up to Eli and put both of her hands smack-down on Eli's shoulders, holding her in place and adopted a stern tone in her voice as she spoke.

"Eli, we've been preparing this for ages, it's time for you to do this before all of us do it for you! And if you leave me high and dry with this, my fist will cause you all sorts of damage externally in the face department!" Driving her point home, she took one of her hands away from Eli's shoulders, bawled it into a fist and imitated punching movements a few centimetres away from Eli's face - which was already nerve-wracking enough without the threat.

"But!-" Eli began, but was quickly interrupted.

"Eli, listen to me. You've been waiting to do this for so long. Ever since you told us you were going to do this we were all so happy for you. You can't back down now can you? Do it for her. In a few minutes Nozomi will be standing there, lost and confused and she will need you to be there for her. Nozomi needs this, she needs you"

Eli couldn't deny how great Nico could be in moments like this, she sighed and submitted.

"Good. Now you can't be helpful to Nozomi if you are being all scared and nervous can you? Take a deep breath and calm yourself."

Eli did as she was told, figuring it was better than going back to nervously pacing around where she could end up injuring herself or something else.

Eli couldn't believe the day had arrived. She was going to do it. She was finally going to show Nozomi how much she loved her and let out all feelings that had been bubbling up inside her over the past three years of knowing the magnificent girl. Today was the day she would ask Nozomi to be her girlfriend.

"Now lets go get the others and do a final run through, we should just have enough time." Nico concluded, shooing Eli onto the stage where the other members were currently also making their way to to take their starting positions.

~~~

After the music faded out and everyone had struck their final poses, they all heaved a sigh of relief, satisfied with their hard efforts.

"Well done everyone!" Honoka was the first to break her character and fist-pumped the air with all the rest of her enthusiasm that she could find.

"Except a certain SOMEONE's singing was off!" Maki chuckled, prodding at her stubborn girlfriend in order to provoke a reaction.

"My singing was not off!" Nico defended, crossing her arms over her chest in a huff.

"You're whole life is off!" Maki jabbed back jokingly, still all in good taste and meaning nothing truly malicious in her words. Nico was used to messing around and squabbling with Maki so she took her mock-insult with a pinch of salt.

Despite her front, Nico was actually terrified for the performance and couldn't deny that it take a toll on some of her performing but if she couldn't help motivate her fellow idols to do their best then she had failed her job as the great 'Nico Nii' and that was not an option in her mind. It was only natural to be nervous at a time like this after all.

But of course Maki could sense her girlfriends hidden worries after spending so much time with her she could notice the tell-tale signs that she would display when she was keeping things to herself.

"Don't work too hard Nico-chan." Maki assured, trying to play it off casually as she wasn't used to be so open, even with her own girlfriend.

"Don't worry, if this is going to be the greatest fiasco of modern history I want to be wide-awake enough to witness it. " Nico muttered under her breath, directing her gaze to the Russian who was fiddling with the hem of her costume's skirt.

It was approaching 10:00 really quickly so now all they could do was wait for Nozomi to arrive and cross their fingers that whatever was going to happen next would be good.

~~~

After finishing her morning routine, Nozomi stumbled out of the house and cautiously made her way to the park, her thoughts volleying back and forth as she debated what could be happening.

The closer she got the more worried she became, causing her headache to grow even more intense than it already was, however the thought of meeting Eli overthrew any desire she could have possibly created to turn back around and go back to rest a bit longer.

_Be strong for Elicchi!_

If it was Eli, Nozomi would be prepared to do pretty much anything. Their bond overpowered any terrifying task or event that the world could throw at her.

Suddenly in front of her was a rather large stage, nicely decorated with a winter-style display as if set up to begin a performance, however nobody was currently in sight and the stage seemed to be unattended. Confused, Nozomi approached it, her face an open-book to the other 8 idols who were secretly observing her from behind the curtains. It was a rare sight to see Nozomi's true emotions so visible to the human eye without having to look deeper to discover the truth.

She surveyed the scene around her, hoping to find some answers or some sign of her friend, admiring the delicate patterns and decoration that framed the stage. She couldn't help but be reminded of the creative flairs and quirks that her friends all had; The curly snowflakes reminded her of Kotori and Hanayo's fragility and innocence, the organised structure reminded her of Umi's passion for routines, the splashes of colour reminded her of the bubbliness of Honoka and Rin, the complexity of the patterns reminded her of the dual personalities of Maki and Nico and the bright and shining lights reminded her of Eli: her star.

She treasured all of her friends dearly and after spending her life alone, being able to have such amazing people with her was the best feeling ever - however she wanted to be her best for them, to not hold any of them back and to support them through anything and everything. She knew putting others first and leaving herself out was not healthy but it was something she couldn't help, she had simply become used to being like that. But in the end if her friends were happy then so was she.

Just as she was contemplating to leave the area in search of Eli a familiar blonde figure stepped out into the open, her costume glinting in the natural light of the morning sun as the purple-haired girl spotted her in her line of sight, her mouth dropped open.

~~~

The other 7 idols winked and motioned at Eli to go and reveal herself to Nozomi. _It was time._

Nothing could have truly prepared Eli enough for that moment, standing behind the curtains as she watched over the girl she loved caused her stomach to fill up with butterflies, creating a feeling of nausea in the pit of her stomach.

In order to give Eli the final push, Nico placed one hand on the blonde's shoulder and whispered with determination "Go get her Eli."

With that she emerged from the hiding spot and let herself bask in how angelic Nozomi looked as the sun rays danced along her body, highlighting all of her beautiful features.

"Nozomi..." Eli called out gently, as if beckoning the girl to come closer. Nozomi looked up in a daze, her confusion only growing as the seconds passed.

"Elicchi?..."

Feeling a surge of confidence and her protective instincts kick in, she made her way over to Nozomi and took her by both of her hands, gently rubbing the back's of them with her thumb.

"Elicchi...what's going on...?" Nozomi asked, visibly confused and shaken-up. The last thing Eli wanted was for Nozomi to feel upset so she knew she would have to do this quickly and meaningfully before she ended up losing her nerve altogether.

So she took a deep breath and just began letting everything out, as if when she stopped Nozomi would disappear and never be seen again.

"Nozomi....Ever since we met you've brought so much joy into my life. I've never smiled, laughed or enjoyed myself so much before. Despite how cold I have been you were always there for me, to let me have a shoulder to cry on, a hand to hold, someone to always have by my side who accepted me wholeheartedly. You are the miracle I never knew I needed before."

Eli curled her hands up, intertwining them with Nozomi's as their dual warmth collided together and spread all over both of their bodies.

"You helped me open up and do what I wanted to do, even when I was being stubborn, which I hope you can forgive me for. Without you there wouldn't be a μ's like there is today. You complete us. You complete me. I couldn't imagine not having you by my side, whether dancing or singing or just as my Vice President or partner in crime. Without you by my side I know I'd lose my way. You keep me grounded and I cannot thank you enough for that. The thought of losing you is painful to me. To think one day I won't be able to sing and dance with you, hear your voice or even see you makes me more upset than I could ever describe. I know that without you I would break all over again."

She stopped for a moment to take in some air to refill her lungs, before continuing

"Everything you do causes my heart to race, at first I was scared and confused and I wanted to know what was happening and why it was happening. But the more I spent time with you, the more it happened. I'll never forget the day I finally worked out my feelings, but I was always scared of ruining this bond that we had.  But now I know that it couldn't be ruined."

Eli found that the more she spoke, the harder it became to stop - not that she wanted to. She was determined to see this through, to let Nozomi know how Eli felt.

"These feelings, many wouldn't approve of, but I don't care about them or their opinions. What matters is you. And they are stupid to think that I couldn't feel this way about such an incredible person."

Bringing her speech to a finish, she took a deep breath and closed her eyes, scared to make eye contact with those endearing turquoise orbs, belonging to the girl who owned her heart.

"So, what I'm trying to say is...I love you Nozomi...and I have done for a long time..."

After the heavy words she had struggled to say for so long, left and hung in the air, Eli eased open her eyes and caught sight of a shocked-looking Nozomi, who had a single tear trailing down her cheek, her lips trembling as if she was trying to reply but struggling to form the words.

Throwing all caution to the wind, Eli took her chance and leaned forward, capturing the soft lips of the girl she loved into a blissful kiss, searing with years of unsaid words and emotions, hoping to convey them to Nozomi through her action so there would be no doubt in her mind how much Eli truly loved her.

Neither knew what they were doing but neither cared. All they cared about was each other. They were so enraptured in each other that they could barely hear the cheers and muttering, the muttering done by Maki and Umi of course, from their fellow members.

All they could think about was each other and how long they had been waiting for this moment - a passionate memory which would last a lifetime. There hadn't been a feeling greater in their lives than this - to know that their feelings were reciprocated and they wouldn't have to hide them from each other anymore. It would be the fresh start that both the girls needed.

Unfortunately the need for air came at the two girls much quicker than they would have liked so, hesitantly, Eli slowly pulled away, attempting to catch her breath and still savouring the tingling feeling that had spread all over her lips, which made her next words increasingly difficult to form.

"We all came together and wrote a song as a gift to you, our goddess, Please listen to it..."

After that Eli turned over Nozomi's hand and planted a gentle kiss on the back of it, before parting from Nozomi and going to join the rest of Muse in their respective positions on the stage, leaving the gap right in the middle for Nozomi to take in future performances.

"Well done Eli." Nico murmured, which was only just audible to the blonde before the sound of melodic piano keys ringing out filled the air.

~~~

Nozomi watched on in awe as her closest friends sang with all their heart and soul - a message directed to her. Her heart bubbled full of emotion as her eyes fixated on the graceful movements of the blonde girl she loved. Their eyes kept meeting in perfect harmony, azure blue and turquoise. Both calm outwardly, but upon further inspection were bustling with raw feelings and emotions.

Eli sang with all her energy, all her willpower and all her bottled up feelings, the kiss floating around her mind and egging her on even more, accompanied by the adorable look of shock and appreciation for what was happening on the purple-haired girl's face.

_Yume dake miteru you ja tsurai yo_   
_Koibito wa kimitte iitai_   
_Yasashii me ga tomadotteru iya dayo_   
_Kono mama ikki ni aijou azukete Please!!_

Eli extended her hand out towards Nozomi as she let the words ring out and the acoustic guitar take over for its solo, further showing her just how much Eli loved her, before taking her next position.

There are precious moments when your heart connects with another's, the simple act of seeing your other half infatuates you with immense feelings of affection and your hearts beat as one as if you are the only two people in the world. How you love everything they do, the qualities and quirks they possess and want to keep them safe and happy regardless of what it takes. To desire someone so much that it can be painful. When everything just feels right when you are together with them.

That's what love is. That's what both girls knew they were feeling.

Nozomi's heart pounded in her chest, her blood began rushing around her body in a frenzy as she tried to comprehend everything that had and was happening. The whole experience felt surreal to her, but reflecting back on the reading she did earlier she connected the dots and realised that Eli's confession must have been that new perspective - the perspective that her feelings were returned.

However she had little time to bask in any pure feelings of elation as suddenly her body became disorientated, her legs desperately tried to scramble their way to keep up with the sudden weight she was feeling.

The tightness in her stomach became overwhelming - her vision betrayed her as the world tilted in different directions. Her breathing became ragged, a pounding sensation in her head matched the increasingly rapid rhythm of her heart as it relentlessly battered itself against her rib cage. This wasn't right. She needed help.

She found it difficult to keep herself upright, attempting to reach her arm out to steady herself on the nearest wall to her. The loud singing and thrumming of the music was drowned out by a high-pitched squealing sound that rang through her eardrums, muffling everything around her. Her body ached tremendously, as if it was being anchored to the ground. Tears pressed against the back of her eyes, rendering her even more helpless. With the last remaining amount of energy she could muster she begged, her voice croaky and weak "Eli...help...".

The last thing she saw was a blurry figure rushing closer and closer to her before she collapsed, everything turning black.

~~~

Everything seemed to play out in slow motion. Eli felt as if something just wasn't right. Directing her gaze to where Nozomi was standing, Eli noticed her hunched over slightly, her eyes blank and she was seemingly breathing heavily. At the sight the blaring song became muffled, her singing grew quieter as she registered the sight in front of her. Something was desperately wrong.

The others noticed Eli's strange behaviour, which carried a sudden lack of enthusiasm in her dancing and singing, but not before they saw their blonde friend take off sprinting to the stage in a panic.

Just as Nozomi's body gave in and began descending to the ground, Eli swooped in and managed to catch her in her strong arms.

"Nozomi!?" Eli called out but received no response except Nozomi's head slumping back in her hold.

It hurt. Everything hurt. Eli's already-rapid breathing increased a thousand-fold as she desperately attempted to get a reaction from her unconscious friend. In that moment it was like all of her hope had been taken away from her, leaving her a shell of her former self. Her joy had been stripped away right in front of her eyes.

This was girl Eli loved more than anyone in the world, the girl who Eli swore to protect, the girl who made Eli into the person she was today...

Without Nozomi she wouldn't know what she would do...

If only she hadn't waited so long to show her true feelings, if only she had been there for Nozomi, if only...

"Nozomi-chan!!!!!" Rin's cry out alerted Eli as she realised she was now surrounded by the other members who were all in varying states of shock and upset.

Rin was soon in hysterics, sobbing loudly into Hanayo's neck and hiding her distraught face away from sight.

Eli had experienced the cruel nature and harsh realities that the world could bring but this was on a new level. To give her the hope that she had secured her love, only to snatch it away from her not so long after as if it was some kind of twisted game. Feelings aren't to be messed with, that much everyone should be able to fathom, yet as she stood with the girl she loved lying limp in her arms, her positivity had long since ebbed away.

"Eli, we've got to take her to the hospital!" Umi yelled out, attempting to get the blondes attention to focus properly. They would be no use to Nozomi if they couldn't get her help. Panicking and breaking down wouldn't do any good.

"S-sorry and yes we should..." Eli stuttered, turning her head to face Maki who was walking up to her.

"Eli, can I see her for a moment?" Maki asked kindly, worried that she might be over-stepping her boundaries but she wanted to make sure her friend was okay.

"O-okay..." Eli replied, helping to gently lay Nozomi's unconscious body on the ground so Maki to put her medical expertise to use.

She started by checking Nozomi's vitals for a pulse, along with bringing an ear to Nozomi's chest to listen to her breathing rate, which were both at significantly dangerous levels but they were to be expected. Maki chalked it up to the sudden overwhelming performance and, if her hunch was correct, lack of nourishment. Even before getting a close inspection of her, Maki could tell her friend didn't seem right - from her ghostly pale complexion to the way her outfit had long-since become too large and baggy on her body, which definitely didn't mean good things for her welfare.

"I-is she g-going to be o-okay?" Eli sniffed, having begun crying profusely after the situation registered in her mind while looking down and bearing a worried hole down into Maki's eyes.

"Her body is very weak and she will need to be seen by a doctor." Maki replied, her serious voice ever-present.

Eli wanted to help, no, she was going to help. She would get her safely to the hospital and protect her the entire way, no matter what.

"It's okay, you're going to be okay Nozomi, I promise." Eli repeatedly assured, her eyes focused on the cold and weak body of her friend, only darting up at odd intervals to check their surroundings rather like a mother cub protecting its child. Even though she knew Nozomi won't be able to reply, she still had a feeling she needed to reassure Nozomi that she wouldn't let anymore harm come to her. She just hoped the comforting messages would somehow reach her.

"It's okay...you're safe....you're gonna be okay..."

_Just hang in there Nozomi, help is on the way!_

_~~~_

Waiting for the ambulance to arrive was excruciatingly painful for the girls, who every second became more nervous for Nozomi's health as the longer she went without treatment, the more serious it could get.

After what seemed like an eternity the ambulance arrived, two paramedics hastily exited the vehicle carrying a stretcher and approached Eli, who was still tending to the unconscious Nozomi in her arms.

Eli turned her head upwards to face them, showing off her swollen red eyes and teary expression. Wanting to be as cooperative as possible, despite feeling like she was going through her idea of hell, she helped pass Nozomi over to the men.

"Unfortunately we can only take two of you in the ambulance with us, the rest will have to find another way of transportation." One paramedic said, as he helped the other heave Nozomi's relatively weightless body onto the stretcher, before whisking her away back towards the ambulance.

After little to no deliberation, Nico and Eli followed the paramedics back into the vehicle, while the rest agreed to wait for Maki's car to drive them to the hospital.

The other 6 idols watched as the ambulance took off with their friends in, its siren flashing and blaring its call through the town. As the deafening sound diminished, the girls were left in a suspenseful silence, only a few sniffles coming from them.

"Nozomi-chan will be okay right?" Rin asked hesitantly, gazing up at the others as she hoped to put her worries at bay.

Unfortunately the others didn't know how to respond. This had been the second time she had been hospitalised as a result of her disordered eating and could only mean bad things. Nevertheless Umi stepped closer to Rin, Kotori still held in her arms, and replied "Don't worry, we can trust the doctors. They do come from a respectful family after all."

The last part made everyone direct their gaze onto their resident tomato-loving friend, her face eliciting into a bright red blush.

"Yeah, Maki's family won't let anything bad happen to her. We can trust them!" Honoka said, placing her hand on Maki's shoulder reassuringly.

All they could do now was comfort each other and wait to be picked up, hoping that their close friend would be okay.

~~~

_How could this have happened?_

_Why didn't I notice?_

_Why didn't I do something?_

All throughout the ride back Eli couldn't help but mentally chide herself for allowing this to happen. The silence in the atmosphere from the blonde was unnerving, the only sounds coming from the movement of the paramedics as they hurry to grab medical supplies and them occasionally asking questions regarding Nozomi and her health - all of which Nico took initiative and answered, knowing Eli wouldn't want to talk about such things. All the while Eli watched the madness ensue, while keeping hold of Nozomi's ice cold and limp hand, vowing to never let go if she could help it.

"Is it okay for us to get a quick look at her body?" One paramedic asked, receiving a silent nod in reply from Eli.

Following that the man proceeded to lift up a small patch of Nozomi's clothing, just enough to catch a glimpse of the damage that her body had sustained. Eli gasped at the horrific sight, even when her body was quickly covered back up she could not get the sight of Nozomi's frail body out of her head; the way her bones protruded outwards as if her ribcage was a xylophone, the overall chalky paleness of her skin and the stick-thin figure her body had morphed into. She found herself holding back bile just thinking about it.

She had sworn to help Nozomi to recover but as she watched over the weak and unconscious body of her best friend, she couldn't help but feel like a failure.

The only thing keeping Eli from tumbling off the face off the Earth was the death grip she held on Nozomi's hand and the mantras she kept repeating. "You're safe. You're going to be okay. I won't let anything happen to you Nozomi. I'm right here for you."

After a suspenseful journey, the ambulance came to rest at the entrance to the hospital. The paramedics exchanged a few words before taking both sides of Nozomi's stretcher in their firm grip and began to whisk her away - shocking Eli and making her lose all hold on Nozomi's hand. The second their contact was broken Eli's hand felt empty and she began to chase after them, shouting loudly for Nozomi to come back, her voice cracking as another wave of emotion hit her.

"Nozomi!!!!"

However Nico was quick on her feet and bolted after the blonde, pulling her into her hold and restraining her from moving any further and from humiliating herself any further to the patients and receptionists that were in the waiting room.

Despite Eli's efforts to break free, her urge to see Nozomi growing more intense as the seconds passed, her worries had taken a toll on her strength for the worst - leaving her victim to the arms of Nico.

"We can't get in the way of them Eli, we'll have to let them do their jobs and we can wait for her okay?" Nico spoke gently, trying to reason with the currently irrational-minded blonde. It seemed to work as Eli gave up her onslaught of thrashing and hung her head down, her eyes fogging up with tears.

"She'll be okay Eli, she's safe in their care and we'll be able to see you real soon. Let's get inside so we can wait for the others."

Eli sniffed and tried to wipe her eyes, before following Nico into the hospital entrance, knowing all she could do now was wait.

Eli Ayase learnt that day just how much love could hurt...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Huge apologies for the large amounts of pain here, writing and editing this chapter has been one heck of an emotional ride that's for sure but hope is not lost, things aren't over yet.  
> Please be sure to take good care of yourselves, remember to eat and drink, get some good rest, talk to others if you are feeling upset and take your medication if you need to.  
> ~Dusk


	20. The End Of Ordinary Sorrow

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A trip to the hospital followed by an honest discussion with Eli's family.

Hospitals were scary but never before had they been more terrifying to Eli.

Entering the reception and waiting area was like being washed over by a wave of despair as Eli turned towards the other people sitting on the provided seats, no doubt friends and family members of those admitted there, all deeply worried and consumed in emotion just like her.

Ever since they arrived at the hospital Eli has been in hysterics, unable to hold back her emotions. How could it have gone so wrong? Why did this have to happen, especially to Nozomi of all people? Nobody deserved that, especially not her; a girl who was always kind, helpful, caring, bright and funny. A girl who put others above herself with no questions asked. There were so many reasons, more than she could possibly list, of why Eli loved Nozomi.

This led to their current situation of sitting in the waiting area, Eli slumped over in her seat, sobbing her heart out into her hands, with Nico awkwardly patting her back in a futile attempt to calm her down.

"Nozomi wouldn't want you beating yourself up over this" Nico calmly said, unable to take anymore of Eli's frantic behaviour, fearing that something bad would happen if she was to continue.

Eli being utterly powerless to what the outcome of the situation could be was draining her of all the positivity that Nico tried to give her.

But Nico honestly couldn't blame her for how she was acting, the fabulous Nico Nii herself was still in shock from the previous events that had occurred that day. A day that was supposed to be memorable and a momentous occasion, where the two star-crossed gays could finally cement their love and start letting the flowers in their garden of glass blossom.

Nico knew she had the responsibility to cheer Eli up until the others arrived but for once she was stumped. Her idol catchphrase and persona could only help so much in such a situation - if at all some would claim. Perhaps the only way she could help would be to try and keep the poor girl from losing her head with a conversation.

"Hey Eli...I know it might not mean much now but...I'm proud of you. You performed your heart out out there and you conquered your fears and confessed to Nozomi. It's not at all easy for anyone to do that, heck, with me and Maki she was the one to do it to me. It takes a lot of courage and you did it, I'm so proud and I know that Nozomi would be too. She loves you so much so I know she won't leave us."

It was pure speculation on Nico's part as she knew Nozomi wouldn't be able to chose her own fate but if it would help calm the irrational blonde down then it would be worth it.

"T-thank you Nico...but if it wasn't for you I probably would have remained stupid and kept quiet..." Eli replied, still staring at her shoes and the tiled floor beneath them.

"Well the great Nico Nii will always be here to help you know! You guys are...my close friends a-and I cherish you a lot. God knows you've both helped me through so much, so I want to do the same for you both. I want you to be happy and everyone knows how happy you make each other so it's simply a fact that you two lovebirds have to be together!"

The thought that she made Nozomi happy caused Eli's lips to curl up slightly into a small smile. Being able to make the one you hold dear happy was truly a feeling like no other. It's what Eli always wanted to be able to do, especially after everything Nozomi had done for her but not just because of that; because of the deep bond they shared with each other. A bond that was special and unbreakable. They could always count on each other and they knew each other like the backs of their hands - well, Eli thought she did but wasn't so sure after everything that had transpired...

Before she could slip deeper into that thought her ears perked up to the sound of familiar voices chattering as they hit Eli's eardrums, accompanied by her fellow 6 idols appearing in her line of sight, even despite the soreness and blurriness her eyes were still feeling. They were still clad in their costumes from the show, indicating they hadn't had time to get changed but Nozomi was clearly more important than changing their clothing and there was no doubt about that.

"Hey, have you heard anything yet?" Umi gently asked, not wanting to upset the already broken girl any further as she took a seat. Despite how much the situation was affecting them all, nobody could quite imagine the sheer feelings of despair that Eli had been consumed in.

Eli just shook her head, staring down at her knees, which seemed increasingly more captivating as the seconds passed.

"H-how are you feeling Eli-chan?" Hanayo asked, stepping forward with Rin clutched tightly onto her arm.

Eli sighed, her violent sobbing having petered down and her breathing had improved slightly overtime. "Better than before I suppose..."

They weren't all entirely convinced with that reply but at least she looked more put together.

The other idols all took the remaining seats next to each other, all attempting to have conversations to distract them from the arduous waiting process. Eli pitched in a bit but only when her mind would take a break from its wandering but everyone knew just how much the incident had affected her, knowing she wouldn't be the same until she could be with Nozomi again.

After what felt like an eternity they were approached by one of the doctors, who was clad in his uniform and looking very professional.

"You're here for Tojo-san right?" He asked, addressing the group of 8 girls as they broke off their conversations.

Everyone nodded in response while Eli rose in her seat, an alarmed look constructing itself onto her features.

"Is she okay!?" Eli demanded, wanting confirmation as soon as possible, not able to take the agony of waiting any longer. She was completely considering barging into every single patients room so she would be able to see the girl she loved so deeply again.

"Her body is very weak but in order to help her properly I need to know what happened, anyone care to explain?" He asked, scanning the expressions of the girls to see who wanted to speak.

Everybody nervously glanced around at each other, wondering who was going to talk about it. Deciding that they were getting nowhere and to save Eli further heartbreak Nico took initiative and took a deep breath, everyone's eyes directing themselves to her.

"Well...I'll start from the beginning...."

~~~

After they explained what had happened to the doctor, they watched as he thought for a few moments, scribbled down some notes and cleared his throat before speaking, his voice formal and profession - very befitting of his occupation.

"Thank you for this information. From what you've told me Tojo-san's body had most likely been too overwhelmed with everything that was going on and, since she hadn't fuelled her body properly, it wasn't able to handle everything that was happening and caused her to collapse."

"She always was one to push herself incredibly hard..." Umi muttered under her breath, clutching onto the skirt of her idol costume as she looked down in despondency.

Everyone continued to listen intently to the doctor as he maintained the discussion. All the while he furrowed his eyebrows in thought and continued making notes in an attempt to figure out what the best course of action would be.

"Now, you tell me that she has been hospitalised before for this?" He asked, looking at the sad expressions each girl held, which were to be expected and told him all he needed to know, showing just how much they cared for their friend.

"Yes." Eli replied, trying to make sure her mind didn't divert back to that equally terrible and painful time.

"Thank you for your time. Considering that the damage may be slightly more serious she may be more difficult to treat..."

Before the doctor could finish, Eli's anxieties bursted out in a small torrent of words, her voice cracking throughout.

"You will be able to make sure she gets better right!?" Eli bellowed, vulnerability present in her voice and expression as she tried to ground herself from being on the verge of another breakdown.

"I can assure you we will do everything we can for her. I'll come back later and give you an update on the situation and talk about a plan to make sure she recovers safely. Until then I think you should get something from the cafeteria, it can help calm your nerves and I know from what you've told me that Tojo-san cares very deeply about you all and wouldn't want you neglecting food because of her..."

Nozomi was indeed incredibly caring, the most caring girl Eli and the others had ever met so it was no question that she would be feeling incredibly guilty already for what had happened but even more so if she caused them upset or harm. Nozomi's motherly instincts always made her feel like she had a sense of responsibility over everyone else in the group; to care and nurture them as if they were her own children and she did a damn good job of it.

"Thank you Doctor." Umi responded as the man turned away and disappeared through a set of double doors, armed with knowledge and a determination to help the poor girl.

Eli sank back into her seat so far that she could have been mistaken as part of it's structure (despite her humanly features obviously contrasting). The atmosphere grew silent as everyone tried to process the conversation, the silent question of who was going to speak next loomed over the group.

Upon it seeming like nobody else was going to speak, Nico stood up, alerting everyone else into a more focused state before declaring their next move.

"Lets all go get some food, like the doctor says we'll all do better on a full stomach."

At the mention of food Honoka perked up and grabbed hold of Kotori and Umi's arms, before excitedly dragging them off to find the hospital canteen - no doubt in the wrong direction.

The first years giggled at the sudden burst of energy they had just witnessed and started going after their senpais in an attempt to redirect them to the correct destination. Nico smiled fondly at the sight of her younger friends all enjoying themselves, before turning around to see Eli still sitting in her own pit of despair.

"Come on Eli, we should all get something to eat."

Following the silent reply she sensed Eli's insistence to want to stay put so she carried on prodding further, knowing how stubborn Eli could be as Nico herself also possessed a similar trait. "You need to eat and Nozomi won't be going anywhere, as soon as something happens we'll know okay?"

Eli sighed and rose from her seat, submitting to follow Nico and the others to the hospital canteen - despite not feeling even the slightest bit hungry. How could she eat after what had just taken place?

Nico could sense the obvious tension but had no idea on how to help. Normally when Eli was out of sorts Nozomi would always be the perfect way to calm her down and revert her back to her normal self - yet in the current situation it was simply not possible.

Upon reaching the canteen, Eli and Nico sat themselves down at the long table along with the rest of their friends - Nozomi unfortunately not there with them. The empty seat where the purplette should have sat was a constant reminder to Eli how different everything was without her, how μ's wasn't the same.

As Nico and Eli glanced around the table they noticed that the others had already taken the liberty of getting them their food, already knowing their preferences - so of course Eli had a bar of chocolate amongst her main meal.

Eli stared at the snack in front of her. Food had been a huge contributing factor in Nozomi's recent health problems. Nozomi didn't feel like she deserved to do something that everyone needed to do in order to survive which sent a stab right to her heart. She really thought so little of herself and it caused Eli so much heartache - the girl she loved didn't see herself the way she saw her; kind, caring, beautiful and perfect inside and out...

With that in mind, Eli picked up the silver cutlery that was nearly laid out for her and began to cut up her food, before placing it in her mouth and chewing on it. It wasn't the best food in the world but it was pleasant nonetheless and with the chocolate waiting for her she would probably eat anything.

The more she ate the more she felt herself coming back into focus with the world and the buzzing conversation going on between her friends became clearer.

"...I could definitely eat more than Hanayo!" Honoka challenged, the raising of her voice suddenly snapping Eli to attention.

"You wish nya! Kayo-chin is the queen of rice!" Rin replied, coming in to defend her girlfriend's title.

"Well, I'm the queen of bread and I challenge you to a duel!" Honoka quipped back, dramatically posing and watching as Hanayo shrunk under her enthusiastic gaze.

"Don't worry you can do it Kayo-chin! Rin will be right here for you!" That was all it took for Hanayo to give in, receiving head rubs from Rin.

"This is not a good idea..." Sighed Umi, shaking her head at the display of greediness she would certainly have to punish her fellow idols for later with some rigorous exercise.

~~~

After a few minutes the entire table that had been completely covered in ceramic bowls and plates of rice and bread had become scarce, as Honoka struggled to shove the last remaining piece of bread in her mouth and Hanayo had slumped down over the table, her stomach completely filled with the fluffy white substance while Rin rubbed her back and kept repeating reassuring mantras to the stuffed girl.

"You did so well Kayo-chin! Rin loves you!"

It was definitely a sight to behold. Despite the obvious stomach cramps that were going to arrive for the two idols soon, the eating contest had done wonders on Eli's mood and she had lightened up significantly. Something about watching two of her kouhai duke it out in a food contest had her attention completely wrapped up and she even managed to choke out a few giggles here and there - much to everyone's else's joy.

But Eli couldn't help but miss the nagging prospect that Nozomi couldn't be there with them to share in the hilarity of the moment.

"I-i'm...done!" Honoka cheered, before joining Hanayo in slumping over the top of the table as Kotori tried to comfort her on a job well done.

"I can't believe that you just did that..." Maki groaned, struggling to believe how one of the partakers in the contest had been her senpai. Sometimes she really wondered if she actually was a first year when she was around the others.

"And I can't believe how much money you just blew in order to get a stomach ache!" Nico added, readying herself for the barrage of moaning and groaning in pain that would be coming from the two girls throughout the remainder of the day.

"Don't worry! I'll be fine!-" Honoka started before stopping as she felt bile rising in her throat, until she suppressed it. "It's okay! False alarm!" She continued, waving her hands up to reassure to everyone that she was fine.

"I haven't felt this accomplished since I got that card saying I won that beauty contest!" Honoka groaned as Kotori stroked her hair comfortingly in an attempt to ease her stuffed stomach.

"We were playing Monopoly at the time weren't we?...." Kotori replied softly as if cooing into her ear.

"Yes, I was so proud!" Honoka yelled in response, sounding partially drunk from her binge.

While everyone was busy tended to the food stuffed idols, Umi took the opportunity to pull Eli aside, still sensing the blonde girl's nerves.

"Eli, how are you doing?" Umi asked, even though she already knew the answer that would be coming.

Eli sighed and placed one of her hands on her forehead, brushing back her fringe slightly.

"I'm fine...just worried..."

It was obvious that Eli was more than 'just worried' but Umi didn't want to push her.

"She'll be okay Eli, and when she wakes up we'll be right by her side to help."

"I know...but I can't help but feel guilty for not helping prevent it" Eli replied, hanging her head down, ashamed.

"You did what you could and you shouldn't beat yourself up about it. The doctors will be able to help treat her and come up with a plan so then she can get better."

Umi's words helped soothe Eli but the added feeling of helplessness in the situation couldn't be overthrown.

Suddenly the canteen door flew open, the doctor from before, clad in his work attire stepped in and made his way to the group of girls.

"I have some news about your friend Tojo-san." He started, grabbing the attention of every girl at the table, Eli's especially as her head whipped around faster than lightening, almost flicking one of her friends in the face.

"We performed some tests on her and discovered that her oesophagus had been ruptured due to her excessive purging along with her salivary glands having swollen quite largely..."

Eli felt her blood run cold. She was no good with anything medical but she knew that none of what they had been told had been a good sign. The doctor continued to list off a few symptoms, each going in and out of Eli's ears, knocking her hopefulness down like a ton of bricks.

"B-but will she be able to make a full recovery?" Eli asked, her eyes watering and stinging, attempting to cling onto any words of reassurance that she was offered.

The doctor felt his heart soften, doing his job was never easy, especially when he had to see the pure expressions of sadness as he watched the friends and family of his patients break down but he knew that Nozomi could be helped which made everything much easier for him.

"Yes, as long as you are all willing to help her out. She won't be able to do this alone and it will be a difficult process but I know you won't give up on her. We will do what we can on our end but that won't be enough, she needs you all to help her."

"Never. We would never give up on her." Eli assured, her expression etching into one of a determined nature.

"So what can we do to help?" Maki interjected, twirling a lock of her hair nervously as she mentally took notes on everything that was happening.

The doctor flicked through his notepad and opened it on a prescription page.

"First things first, you will need to help encourage her to eat normal meals again and make sure that she doesn't leave to throw it back up afterwards."

"But how will we do that nya? She...she thinks she's fat...b-but she's really not!" Rin cried, feeling upset that someone she looked up to thought so negatively of herself. Rin knew what it was like to feel uncomfortable with herself and knew how difficult it was but she had increasingly got better with the help of everyone else but she knew Nozomi's condition might not be as easy to cure.

"Don't worry Rin-chan..." Kotori assured, gently patting the upset girl on her back in an attempt to calm her.

"You will need to help her combat the mindset she has put into place. Let her know that she needs to eat while trying not to be forceful. Let her know that you'll be there no matter what and no matter how long it takes. As much as she may not like it at first, we all have to eat; it's a natural human need. Her distorted body image is just that - distorted. Those flaws she may see are not real and it would be a good idea to keep reminding her of that."

Everyone nodded, their minds all filling up with different ways they could help their friend. Nozomi was far from flawed in their eyes - if anything to them she was flawless.

"Also I think it would be the best if she were to see a therapist. From what you have told me it seems like she is not the best at opening up about her own feelings with you because she is close to you so maybe it could be an opportunity for her to learn to be more open where she knows she would be safe."

"..."

If Eli's heart hadn't already been so broken then hearing that was the final nail in the coffin. Nozomi, the girl that was always staying strong and smiling for others, was fighting such a terrible war by herself. The girl who spent her time helping others when she needed help herself.

The thought of Nozomi not feeling like she was safe or that she could trust them with her problems sent Eli's kind even further into darkness. Everyone had always come to her when they needed help and support; she always listened, always cared and always gave such great advice.

Looking at everyone's gloomy expressions showed just how much the news was affecting the group - they valued and loved Nozomi so much, if only said girl was there to see it.

Eli vowed that she would do whatever it took to make Nozomi comfortable; to make her feel safe and secure in her environment, to make her feel like she had the support there when she needed it.

"Whatever it takes to help her..." Eli finally spoke, after gathering her bearings and finding a new and intense surge of determination.

"Very good. Also according to our records we already prescribed her some antidepressants and vitamins so we will have to up her dosage but before then in order to help her body recovery we will need to keep her in hospital for a bit just to keep a track on her and her internal organs to make sure they heal and recover properly."

"Okay. But we'll be able to visit her right?" Asked a worried Honoka, her usual cheeriness attempting to stay in her voice.

"Of course, but if we do perform any surgeries we suggest that not everyone visits her all at once to avoid overwhelming her. But I know she would love having some company with her, after all supportive friends and family are key when it comes to recovery."

Eli bit her lip hard as she heard 'family', knowing Nozomi's parents had definitely not been at all helpful during her struggle. However she suppressed her anger as best as possible, not wanting to focus on those horrible people that didn't deserve to share the same bloodline as Nozomi.

"Then we'll be sure to visit her everyday to make sure she is as happy as possible!" Rin enthused, finding her energy again.

"I'm sure she will appreciate that. I've seen how close you girls are and how much you care. I know that if she has you all supporting her that she should be able to make a full recovery."

Gathering up his things and closing his notepad, the doctor gracefully leaned over and passed Eli the prescription page.

"Unfortunately she is still unconscious and it may take a while before she wakes up but you are welcome to come and see her..." The doctor confirmed, before guiding everyone through the various hallways to the room Nozomi had been assigned to.

Eli lead the pack as they entered the room, the brightness and cleanliness of the room only highlighting the severity of Nozomi's condition. The only sound in the room was the faint footsteps of the girls accompanied by the quiet beeping of the heart monitor - the only indication that the purple-haired girl was still alive as she lay in the bed, buried and mostly concealed under the covers, her pale and sharp face just on display.

Eli approached the sleeping girl, memories of the last time she was doing it flooded her mind, causing her to chew on her lip. The need to reach out and touch the girl she loved overwhelmed any other desire, causing her to gently brush her fingers against Nozomi's own limp ones. They were as cold as ice but still as smooth as always as if letting Eli know that the girl she knew was still there with them.

She turned her head and casted her glance to the bedside table, where she noticed a deck of tarot cards that belonged to her friend, along with a very familiar worry stone that Eli had gifted to her while on their outing together. Knowing that she had kept it on her warmed Eli's heart up, she really did always treasure the possessions that others gave her - like a true caring person.

She slowly retrieved it from its place and settled the stone in her palm, curling her fingers tightly around it, wishing it could help take at least some of the worries away that she was feeling. Yet it would take more than a small trinket to heal Eli's emotional wounds. She needed her beloved to be okay, to wake up and shine brightly again.

The others approached her from behind, each holding expressions of sorrow as they took in the deflated form of Eli and the unconscious form of Nozomi. It wasn't fair. Nobody deserved to go through such things, especially not Eli and Nozomi.

Nico took a deep breath in and walked up to Eli, standing by her side and placing one of her hands on Eli's that held the stone. Eli's blue eyes looked back up into Nico's and watched as Nico hinted towards the neat deck of cards.

It was as if Nozomi's spirit remained in that very deck of cards and Eli felt like it was her only connection at that moment to her best friend.

Hesitantly, Eli reached out and plucked the top card from the pile and flipped it over, revealing the image to the group of girls.

_Upright, The Star._

"What does that card mean?" Rin asked, tilting her head to the side in confusion.

"I think it means that we should remain hopeful...and that she will be okay." Nico replied, smiling at the thought.

"It's like a message from Nozomi herself." Umi chuckles lightly, reminiscing on her fellow Lilywhite member's spiritual powers. Most people would think it was silly to have their spirits inflated by such a thing but they knew Nozomi and her cards enough now to know that they were both interlinked somehow and it was a comforting thought that Nozomi could be using them to let everyone know she was okay and would be returning to them soon.

Eli placed the card back, her hope and spark having relighted after doing so. All she had to do was wait for the power to take effect so she could once again see those beautiful turquoise eyes flickering open and filling the room with colour and life. She had to remain hopeful, for everyone, for herself and for Nozomi...

~~~

A while later visiting hours came to an end and everyone was ushered out of the room, while Eli attempted to resist - wanting nothing more to stay by Nozomi's side every single second possible. She knew she wouldn't be able to even sleep while she knew Nozomi was stuck in hospital by herself, awake or not. She had promised that she would be there the instant Nozomi woke up and that's exactly what she intended to do.

Unfortunately Eli's worries had gnawed away at her energy and made her fatigued, unable to stand her ground for long before she was persuaded to leave by the others and a very kind and patient nurse, luckily without having been the cause of any injuries.

Everyone said their farewells in-front of the hospital and left in separate direction for their homes, all making sure to give Eli an extra warm hug, or in Umi and Maki's case, an extra few reassuring words as they were not known for having touchy-feely human comforting techniques.

Once Eli reached home and safely returned her shoes to their usual place, she was met by the worried gazes of her family members. To her surprise, even her grandmother was there, smiling sadly at Eli, causing Eli's heart to throb painfully. She knew of Eli's feelings and knew how painful it must have been for her granddaughter to go through this so she made sure she would be there for support.

Eli had never thought that that morning she would be returning to the house without Nozomi by her side. With the loss of the presence of the spiritual goddess it was as if the house had lost some of its warmth and love.

Eli had contacted her family about what had happened and they were all absolutely distraught at the news - Alisa especially, if her running straight into Eli's arms and sobbing was any indication. Nozomi was like family to all of them which made the turn of events even more painful to process.

As Eli led Alisa and the rest of her family into the living room for a chat, she caught a glance inside the guest bedroom where Nozomi had been lodging recently. Despite the layout being exactly the same as when they had left it that morning, it lacked that homely feel and spark that Nozomi never failed to bring. In Eli's opinion, Nozomi could probably make even the dingiest of places feel so safe and cozy.

_It's not the same without you Nozomi..._

As they took their seats, Eli stared down, refusing to meet their eyes and gulped.

"Well...

She struggled to get the words out until Alisa sat next to her, cuddling right up to her side as if trying to show her support.

"As you know Nozomi was hospitalised today..."

~~~

"I want to help her but...yet I haven't been able to so far...I thought she was doing so well but she must have just gotten better at hiding it. I don't want to have to witness her in that hospital bed anymore. It hurts..." Eli confessed, choking out the last few words between a few trails of tears.

"You won't have to. We're all going to be there for her. We won't let all you girls shoulder this alone..." Eli's mother kindly interjected, making her way over to her daughter and holding both of her hands

"You've worked out a plan to help her so I know everything will work out okay in the end. You always work so hard, especially if its for somebody close to you. We are all so proud of you." Eli's grandmother added, her own set of tears threatening to join the party.

"Grandmother...thank you..." Eli looked up in awe, teary-eyed.

"You really are cute and clever Elichika." She mused, proudly admiring the determined and caring side of her granddaughter, while remembering their previous phone conversation where Eli had admitted her feelings for her friend and smiling at how Eli was prepared to do anything for the girl she held dear to her.

"You clearly care so much about her and she is a wonderful girl after all, I'm so happy that she has come into our lives, now it's our turn to repay her for that." Eli's father stated, flashing a reassuring smile at Eli.

"Yeah...you really REEEAAALLLLYYYY care about her don't you Onee-chan?" Alisa teasing, smirking as if attempting to mirror Nozomi's usual behaviour, causing Eli to become flustered and stutter in response.

"W-what!?..."

"What does she mean Eli?" Asked her mother, raising her eyebrows in curiosity, despite having a slight inkling of where the conversation would be heading. She was just wondering if her dense daughter would be able to admit her true feelings and the true matter of the situation. She had listened to Eli rambling on about Nozomi for countless hours and she loved every minute - hearing Eli so happy and having someone so great in her life was just what she needed and deserved.

But the way she spoke so fondly of the purple haired girl was enough indication to know what the blonde felt and thought, whether she would admit it or not. However this was unbeknownst to Eli as she believed in the possibility of her family being disappointed in her for the love she held. Would they be okay with the fact that their cute and clever Elichika Ayase was in fact a lesbian? Due to her family having Russian roots, the negative outcomes seemed more likely for a few moments as Russia was definitely not always known for its kindness towards those in the LGBT+ community.

_No...they aren't like that..._

Eli tried her best to suppress her worries and calm her quivering body and decided to just tell them. She knew her family loved her dearly and they loved Nozomi too, so she hoped they would be accepting of her feelings.

What was the worse that could happen? Besides getting kicked out, Nozomi's parents being involved and contacted and making things worse, being unable to properly support and care for Nozomi, being taken away and separated from the girl she loved...

Eli had forgotten where she was going with her thoughts but if she was attempting to make herself feel better then she had promptly failed.

_No...they wouldn't do that..._

_They know how much Nozomi means to me and I don't care who thinks my feelings are wrong...._

_I..._

_I love her..._

_And that won't change ever...._

_And everyone should know how I feel about her!_

"Well...the thing is....I am in love with her..."

Eli squinted, closing her eyes right and withdrawing back into herself, wishing for the ground to have to swallow her up. Admitting she was extremely gay for her best friend out loud to her family wasn't something she had envisioned herself doing but yet there she was. Every second became more painful than the last, her anxieties and doubts washing over any positive thought or reassuring mantra she attempted to create.

Suddenly she felt two soft hands grab her own, smoothing the backs of them which caused her to turn her head up, exposing an expression filled with vulnerability as she looked into the caring eyes of her dear mother.

"We will all love you and her no matter what. We know she is such a sweet girl and absolutely perfect for our wonderful Elichika. She has always been like family to us and we won't rest until she is better."

"Mother..."

Eli broke out into a teary smile at the pure acceptance she was receiving in that moment. She felt so lucky to have such an amazing family that supported her, it made her wonder why she was so scared to tell them in the first place; they had never shown any reluctance or hostility towards Nozomi since they all met her.

"Yay! Nozomi-onee-san can be my new big sister for real!" Alisa cheered, causing Eli to blush and become flustered while everyone else chuckled at the character Alisa truly was. However Eli couldn't help but inwardly smile at the prospect of being wed to such an amazing girl.

Acceptance truly was a heartwarming thing. After a life of trying to do what was deemed right by others instead of following her own heart, Eli knew that maybe creating her own path and listening to her own needs wasn't such a bad thing. It's how people grow and figure themselves out after all; Another lesson out of the millions that Nozomi had taught her.

If Nozomi's family wouldn't support her, then the Ayase's would - with fully open arms.

For once Eli Ayase felt confident in her decision and abilities. She felt at peace. All she needed now was for Nozomi to wake up so they can write the rest of their path together and Eli vowed to be there the moment she did.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you enjoyed this chapter and thankyou so much for reading it.  
> I also want to spread a message to appreciate everything and everyone that's currently in your life as time does change things, for better and unfortunately for worse sometimes and you truly don't know what you have until you lose it (yes, I was indeed listening to a sad song while writing this, how could you tell?)  
> I hope you are all having a good day/night and please remember to take good care of yourselves, please eat and drink and rest well and take breaks when you need them ^+^   
> ~Dusk


	21. Welcome Future

"...So then we all had a talk about it and they all said that they would support us both together. Isn't that great Nozomi? I knew from the very beginning that you were so special and they definitely knew it too, so...please wake up soon okay? I promise I won't let you go ever again, I promise I will make you happy, I promise that I will take care of you - we all will...." Eli smiled sadly, watching over the resting girl as she reminisced on the events of the previous day.

She didn't know why she had been so scared to open up and come out to her family properly but she guessed it was down to the fear that naturally came along with the process of coming out. She had been ecstatic to know that every single member of her close family accepted them wholehearted but now she reflected on it she didn't know how anyone could possibly reject someone as amazing as Nozomi, the girl who had ultimately made Eli into the person she was today. Without Nozomi, Eli dreaded to think what state she would be in.

"Hey, do you remember our first performance in μ's together? I definitely will never forget it. In truth I was scared, the usually cold and aloof Student Council President joining a school idol club, what would people think about that? I was worried about the mockery I would receive for my seemingly sudden change of heart but to be able to sing and dance with you right by me made all those worries go away. And I was so proud of you too, you broke out of your shy shell and became so much more open, you shone like the brightest star in the whole galaxy. Standing by your side on that grassy field made me realise just how much I treasured you, how much you had given me and how much I wanted to keep on being an idol with you by my side..."

Eli let herself smile at the fond memory, feeling at peace for at least having spoken about how she felt - hoping that somehow and somewhere Nozomi could hear her.

"Also remember when we began with our duet, when we recorded it I think it was the first time I could recall seeing you blush like you did and truthfully I think it was back then when I started seeing you in a different way, at least knowingly,...where I wanted to be more than just your close friend...I found myself wanting to be more intimate with you; to hold your hand, always be the one to sit next to you, to rest our heads together a-and to even share kisses..." Eli broke out in a blush as she recalled her inner desires that she had kept inside her since they formed all that time ago.

"It was safe to say that I had fallen completely in love with you, everything you did had me hanging onto you even more; every word, every action, every look you gave... I couldn't believe that someone so... absolutely incredible was apart of my life and wanted to have me by their side, It still feels unreal but every time I look at you I am reminded that this is all real, you are real...the most alluring, kind-hearted, considerate girl I could ever hope to have met...I love you Nozomi, I love you so much..."

To emphasise how true her words were she bent down and placed a gentle kiss on Nozomi's hand, clasping her own hands around Nozomi's as if protecting them.

"And..." Eli paused, gulping as she licked her lips.

"I know I will never forget that kiss we shared...it felt like pure electricity, like all of my worries and troubles were silenced and no longer existed...all my feelings for you flowed out of me, but I bet your spiritual power had no problems picking that up right?"

As Eli gazed down tenderly at her best friend she felt herself become washed over by a wave of emotion.

"Please...Wake up...Elicchi wants to see her Nozomi..."

Eli's voice wavered as fresh and gentle tears found themselves cascading down her soft cheeks, her eyes shimmering to reflect the pain she felt towards Nozomi's state.

 _'It's all your fault.'_ Eli thought, succumbing to her own self-hatred.

She just needed to hear her voice again. She needed to know that she was going to wake up - that she was going to be okay. She would give anything to hear her own nickname once more, which despite her initial shock she had grown particularly fond of as their bond developed. She just needed a sign - anything.

Eli found her gaze drifting over to the table beside the bed, which held a few of Nozomi's belongings that were recovered from her and a few small containers of various different medication, each as confusing and disheartening to Eli as the last. A few pills wouldn't be able to cure years of loneliness and development of bad habits, Eli knew that. Yet if there was even a smidgen of a chance that they could be of any help to Nozomi then Eli would take that chance.

Suddenly the door creaked open and expecting a doctor to be standing there, Eli turned around to greet them but was shocked to find out her intuition was wrong. She saw, not a doctor, but the two people she least expected - or wanted - to turn up.

An aura of intimidation followed the pair as they stepped closer, letting it penetrate the sterile hospital air that lingered in the room. Eli could recognise them anywhere; how one bore the same perplexing shade of purple in their hair and how the other had bright turquoise eyes that shone like two flawless emeralds. Their appearances were just like Nozomi's; soft and gentle - and had Eli met them randomly on the street she would have never known what they were capable of - except their true attitudes and personalities said differently.

Now she thought about it she should have known they would appear soon, ready to make their daughters life a living hell once again, not many moments of happiness could be savoured once the couple found themselves clawing their way into the situation. Eli found her entire face contorting into a sour expression, knowing that they did not belong with them, especially not now - not on Eli's watch.

With everything going on Eli had yet to have that talk with them that she promised herself she would have. So now was the time and she could do it face-to-face.

"Why are you here?" Eli started, her voice angry and deep, unable to keep her pure anger seeping through her into speech.

"To see our daughter Ayase-san, I could ask why you are here?" Nozomi's mother bitterly replied. Eli could tell this conversation was not going to be easy.

"To see my gir-"

Eli paused, wondering whether she could even call herself that and gulped before continuing.

"M-my friend...Unlike SOME people I promised to never leave her alone when she needs someone." Eli knew that was a low blow but maybe it would help her stubborn parents come to the correct realisation about how badly their treatment had affected Nozomi.

Nozomi's parents scoffed and turned their attention to their unconscious daughter, their expressions remaining neutral despite her shocking and heartbreaking condition. It sent a painful stab to Eli's fragile heart, knowing that Nozomi's parents never gave her the love she truly deserved - the love that Eli wanted to give.

"Tell me something...Why did you leave her alone for so long? Why would you go for ages without so much as even contacting her? Why did you react in that horrible way when all Nozomi needed and wanted was for some help, it's because of you that she believes she is unworthy of it! Why don't you seem to care!?"

Eli couldn't help it - her patience had worn thin, she was sick of seeing Nozomi so hurt and constantly let down by her neglectful parents - it was time for some answers, no matter how painful they would be.

After a few seconds of silence Nozomi's mother replied, her tone showing signs of aggravation while she kept a strange calm manor. "Of course we care, we did what we did because it was what was best for her."

"Best for her!" Eli scoffed, unable to believe that anyone could ever think all of the things that Nozomi's parents did could possibly be with her best interests at heart. "You don't know what was best for her! She just wanted to be loved! To be cared for! To know that she belonged in her family! Do you even know how lonely she felt and still feels everyday because of what you did? I can see it in her eyes, the way she looks over all of the group like a caring mother - there is loneliness in those eyes that doesn't deserve to be there! The best for her would be to have stayed with her, helped her when she was struggling and given her love and care! Your neglect made her feel like she was unwanted but there is nobody on earth that the world could want or need more than her! " Eli paused to close her eyes and take a deep breath, trying to prevent herself from going berserk but now she was facing them she didn't know how much she had wanted to say for such a long time and found that she just couldn't reel herself in.

"Despite all of what you have done to her, Nozomi still turned out to be a beautiful, kind and incredibly caring person! She's an inspiration to me and to all of μ's! She has a heart of the purest gold and she always puts others before herself! You should feel honoured to have such an incredible daughter!"

After Eli had stopped, the Tojo's turned to look at their daughter again, their facial expressions shifting into one of sorrow - as if something had clicked inside of them - before quickly morphing back into scrutinising gazes. They thought about the long lengths Eli had gone for Nozomi's sake, how happy she seemed to make their daughter and how much she truly cared.

"Why do you bother with her Ayase-san? You shouldn't be getting involved in her private life you know..." Nozomi's father grumpily stated, eyeing Eli and crossing his arms.

"Why do I bother!? I bother because I care about her, because I refuse to let her be hurt, because she brings out the best in me and because...because I love her with all my heart and soul!" Eli had no idea where she was going with this but she had no strength to fight her urges to stop her spiel.

"Nozomi brings out the best in everyone she meets, me especially! I was cold, lonely and intimidating and such a mess before I met her, everyone was afraid to even approach me and, heck, I am the Student Council President! But she saw beyond what everyone else saw and was focused on helping me become better and happier. Without her there is so much I wouldn't have done and I'm just one example! What about the rest of μ's!? I could go on forever about how helpful and supportive she has been to all 8 of us and without her μ's wouldn't have even properly come into fruition! Your daughter helped create μ's, helped recruit its members, helped all our performances, songs, costumes and dances come to life - she is a really talented girl. But you wouldn't know anything about that would you?" She spat, before pausing to take a deep breath.

"Now if you are going to cause a fuss I recommend you leave us..." Eli glared daggers at the couple before turning away to tend to Nozomi, her accusations creating a tense atmosphere in the air as she tried to calm herself down from the outburst and calculate what their response would be.

The older woman sighed and the couple stepped further away from Nozomi's bed while Eli turned back to Nozomi and gently caressed her forehead, feeling the soft purple hairs from her friends fringe fall through her fingers.

The Tojo's watched the tender scene play out, examining the way Eli would be so gentle but also attentive with their daughter. Something about it made their hearts soften, as what little memories they had created came flooding back to them, reminding them of just how much they had been away from their own daughter - the daughter they still did truly love very much. But with every memory they had, they had never seen Nozomi look more safe than they had in that moment with Eli. The thought that perhaps they hadn't been very good parents crossed their minds, causing the pair to look downcast.

They had never meant to hurt their own child but with their busy schedules and their little parenting knowledge they didn't know how to go about looking after a child. But after witnessing their own beloved child unconscious in a hospital bed, covered in wires and patches that were there to keep her alive, they knew they had dealt serious damage.

"Ayase-san..." Nozomi's mother called out, shocking Eli slightly as she wasn't aware that the couple were still present, however she kept her attention firmly fixed on Nozomi alone and tended to the pesky purple hairs that seemed to protrude out as the girl rested - which Eli would not let happen on her watch.

"...Thank you..."

Eli's eyes widened at what she heard. She turned her head in confusion, returning to cupping Nozomi's hand in her own, before pushing out a reply.

"Why?"

Nozomi's mother stepped closer, hesitantly, observing both teenage girls as she did so.

"For taking care of our daughter for us..."

Eli was frozen in shock and kept quiet, listening intently.

"I can tell she really means a lot to you and I know that you really mean a lot to her. I'm sorry that you had to get mixed up in this. We never intended for this to happen..."

As the older women spoke Eli found no trace of fabrication in her tone. She appreciates the attempt at trying to make things right but Eli wasn't going to cave in so quickly - a few words could not reverse 17 years of painful neglect.

"Thank you but you shouldn't be apologising to me." Eli replied, gesturing towards the sleeping shrine maiden.

 _'Not that a simple apology makes it okay'_ Eli thought sourly.

The room settled into another comfortable silence as the group protectively watched over Nozomi. The situation drove the older woman to speak again, her mind having casted back into her very small amount of past memories with her daughter.

"I remember the day Nozomi told us she wanted to stay in Tokyo...She begged for the moving to stop but she never fully explained to us why but I think I've fathomed the truth now..." Her voice turned melancholic as she casted a glance towards the caring blonde.

Eli's eyes widened at the discovery. All Eli knew was that somehow Nozomi was able to persuade her parents that she could live by herself but never before had she properly known the reason why Nozomi was so insistent upon staying - she had never stopped to consider that Eli, herself, might have been that reason she had to stay.

"You know she never once mentioned to us about any of her friends, even as a young child she never brought one home and we were a bit worried. But what could we do about it? She never told us how she really felt so we assumed she was fine."

The revelation made Eli frown, every time she heard about Nozomi's lonely past she felt like tearing up, Eli had been surrounded by a supportive family since day one and for most of her life had been lucky enough to share her life with her younger sister, Yet Nozomi was an only child who had trouble with communicating with others and whose parents were naive to her struggle. If only she had been able to somehow cross paths with her years ago, become friends and light up her world like Nozomi had done for her. But she knew she couldn't do anything about that, her duty now was to help Nozomi have a brighter future; one that she could look forward to and know that she always had people standing with her.

"She is always like that...hiding what hurts her from those around her, a quality of hers that worries me to no end. I always wonder if she truly is okay and try to search through every single thing she does but she is a very good cover-up artist...I tell her that it's not healthy to hold things inside, especially at the rate that she no-doubt does it and try to let her know that I'm there with her but she still feels she has to fight through things alone... She isn't alone anymore, I won't let that happen again..."

The Tojo's watched as Eli's eyes soaked themselves in gentle tears, her determined voice cracking slightly under the weight of her emotions. They felt their hearts drop as they were acting so poorly towards a girl who clearly had nothing but the best intentions for their daughter.

They knew the best thing to do would be to leave the younger girls together, knowing they could try and make things right on a later date when Nozomi had had some time to recover.

"I think we will take our leave now, we know she will be in safe hands..."

Just before the couple turned to leave, Nozomi's mother pivoted back around to face Eli one last time.

"Also Ayase-san?"

Eli hummed in response.

"You really are a great match for our little Non-tan, I know she will be happy with you. I look forward to seeing more of you on a later date..."

Eli's breath caught in her throat as she took in the words she had just heard; they worked like magic on her nerves. Was this an actual approval of Eli being Nozomi's partner - a step to acceptance? Perhaps Christmas does indeed come early.

Eli had often wondered about the future for them as a couple and had frequently had dreams of the day she would have to face the deadly wrath of the Tojo's firsthand, ready for the spouts of abuse at Nozomi's choice of a partner and maybe even separation - if they were that confident in their homophobia - although nothing would ever stop Eli from seeing the one she loved. But now it seemed like a civilised exchange could be possible between them all.

Sure, it may not involve skipping around to wherever the Tojo's household was situated and laughing merrily together over a beautifully cooked and prepared Christmas dinner during the holiday season but nevertheless Eli was excited (and albeit a tad nervous) for what was to come for her and Nozomi.

Eli left the hospital that day with some more peace of mind as she thought that perhaps Nozomi could now have that close bond with her family that she desired after her parents seemingly change of heart - she knew it may take time but if she had learned anything recently is that there was always hope for things to improve, somethings just took time.

~~~

"I was just trying to help..." Maki whined, feeling guilty and helpless at the mess she had created. She knew she had good intentions and she desperately wanted to be of help to her girlfriend but years of being babied and spoilt rotten by her family had made her incapable of doing many things - which happened to include the successful transportation of a freshly baked and decorated cake.

"And does your version of help mean destroy my kitchen?" Nico quipped, swatting the red-head's clumsy hand with a mixing spoon before putting it down and grabbing some nearby kitchen towel in order to wipe the top of kitchen cabinet, ridding it of any stray cake debris.

"No..." Maki mumbled, staring down at the linoleum tiles on the floor, which were now mostly caked in batter and frosting.

It wasn't the first time Maki had been the result of a kitchen disaster, which led to her reliance on others to cook for her - luckily she was rich and she could exploit that but she would be lying to herself if she didn't feel a bit subpar for her shortcoming, especially when Nico's culinary skills could be compared to that of a five star chef.

"The plus side is I can't wait to tell everyone this later when we present them with the new cake, especially Eli because you know how she hates wasting chocolate." The black-haired girl smirked, waiting for the predicted response from her girlfriend.

"You can't embarrass me like that..." Maki protested, already imagining the future scenario where she would no-doubt become victim to relentless teasing from her friends and a stern death stare from her blonde senpai.

"You're the embarrassment in our relationship." Laughed Nico, earning a pout from the red-head. She really was such a spoilt princess. But she was Nico's spoilt princess.

Sensing Maki's discomfort, Nico disposed of the used kitchen roll and turned back to her girlfriend, sighing. "What am I gonna do with you?"

Maki remained silent, unsure of how to respond, which led Nico to stepping closer to her and taking her soft hands into her own, catching the younger girl off guard. "Wha-a!"

"Hey, it's okay, nobody else is here. And besides you shouldn't be embarrassed about showing your love to the great Nico Nii!" The older girl huffed, inflating her cheeks like a pair of balloons.

"I-I'm not embarrassed..." Came a weak reply.

"Yeah, sure you aren't." Nico paused, quickly giving her beloved a gentle kiss on the nose before spinning herself around to face the rest of the war zone that was the Yazawa family kitchen.

"Now come on, we've got to clean the rest of it up if we ever want to give Eli a chocolate cake sometime soon..."

~~~

"What are you laughing at?"

"Nico-chan just texted me saying Maki-chan managed to ruin the cake." Sniggered Rin as she typed back a lightening-fast response and finished the text off with one of her usual energetic emojis.

Umi shook her head, knowing that letting Maki help out was a bad idea but she didn't want to be against others wanting to improve themselves and their skills.

While Nico and Maki had been trusted with the cake, Umi and Rin were currently sat at a café in town, after having browsed a few shops for possible gift ideas for their distressed senpai and Nozomi when she woke up.

"Why couldn't we have been put in charge of the cake?!" Moaned Rin, fantasising all of the mouthwatering leftover ingredients she could feast on after creating it and all of the fancy decorations and patterns she could have added - which Nico and Maki would have never understood as they didn't seem to share the same creative flair.

"Maybe because you would eat it and I don't trust you near any possibly dangerous appliances." Umi stoically replied, not looking up from her notepad of possible gift ideas after their first window shopping attempt, before she took another careful sip of her chai tea.

"Hey, I'm trustworthy!...Sometimes..." Rin protested, slamming her fists down on the table and almost being the cause a tsunami of molten hot chocolate lava spilling onto the table.

"That's a matter of opinion..." Umi replied, placing her mug back down and earning a pout from the younger girl.

Rin slumped back into her seat, defeated. Sure, she adored food but she knew when things were important enough to not be messed with or eaten, she cared deeply about Nozomi and Eli after all.

"I wonder how the others are getting on..." Rin thought, tapping the edges of her warm mug rhythmically and waiting for its contents to cool.

"Knowing Honoka they would probably be getting distracted..." Umi tutted, shaking her head, already able to picture the excuse the subunit would have to give on behalf of Honoka and her antics for why their task had not been completed yet.

"But she has Kotori-chan and Kayo-chin to help out, I'm sure they'll be doing fine!" Rin replied, her confidence towards her girlfriend being high as ever. She trusted Hanayo with her entire life and - despite being originally upset that she would be separated from her - was certain that the experience would be good for her girlfriend.

"Yeah..."

As Umi replied, her head drifted away into her own thoughts, Rin catching on immediately and grinning at the vacant expression that formed on Umi's face, knowing that her friend was currently lost in her thoughts about a specific costume designer.

"Ne ne Umi-chan...what would Kotori-chan say about you slacking off the job to think about her?"

"Rin!"

That was how Umi's entire face became as scolding hot as Rin's mouth after taking a large gulp of her drink before carefully checking it's temperature - both girls reducing to spluttering messes. They really were clumsy.

They were definitely lucky to have their girlfriends around to sort them out as without them they would probably be in worse incidents with more than just their dignities on the line. All that became certain in that moment was that both girls would certainly be giving their significant others an extra lot of love and appreciation when they next saw each other.

~~~

"Oweee!"

Honoka cried out, her bottom lip trembling as she held out her pricked finger for her best friend to observe and patch up.

"You've got to be more careful Honoka-chan." Kotori gently warned, no anger present in her voice at all, just concern which was welcome.

"Maybe I should have just done the sewing..."

"But I wanted to try something new you know! Prove that I could do it!" Honoka bellowed, smiling as she looked at her safely covered up injury and her saviour, while half expecting to be presented with a lollipop like she would be on her precious encounters with nurses as a child. Her sweet tooth always seemed to win out.

"Why don't you join me with creating the card Honoka-chan?" Asked Hanayo, as she presented the large partially-decorated and folded piece of paper to the pair.

"You can use lots of shiny, colourful pens!" Kotori added, knowing of her friends fondness for such things.

"Okay! Yay shiny!" Honoka celebrated, picking up a random marker from the pile of stationary and examining it as if it was a relic of some kind.

Satisfied with her friends safety and new decision, Kotori put away her box of plasters back into her bag and went back to focusing on her sewing pattern (silently thanking her past self for packing her medical supply bag with her for just such occasions).

When split off into their groups, Printemps had been tasked with the responsibility of creating a handmade fancy card for Nozomi in hopes she would get well soon and if ever they could not visit her and she felt alone she could look at it and be reminded of each and every one of her friends that loved her immensely.

Kotori had strayed from the initial plan and had begun fashioning a decorative hair bow that Nozomi could use, putting her advanced craft skills into good use. She had interwoven blue thread to some purple material with the purpose of matching the image colours of Nozomi and Eli with the hope that the gift could serve as a good remainder of their beautiful relationship that will surely be able to flourish when things get better.

Hanayo began by designing the front of the card, drawing lots of cute little symbols and words that she thought represented μ's and it's members, which included the likes of; their individual coveted idol catchphrases and small scenes each member indulging in one of their favourite hobbies (which included a chibi style Nozomi doing a reading with her tarot cards, a Hanayo gazing lovingly at a large rice ball and a particularly embarrassed Umi wearing a short skirt).

Honoka focused more on the interior of the card and started to fill both sides with funny and inspiring quotes for Nozomi to read in a plethora of different colours - while leaving enough room for each member to sign it later, preferably each with their own image colour type glitter pen.

"So how are your relationships going?" Asked Honoka, intrigued mostly about how on earth Kotori manages to deal with Umi when even the slightest of actions - that might not even be remotely romantic - could fluster her to no end.

Hanayo blushed at the sudden change of topic and shifted her gaze around the room, which urged Kotori to reply first.

"Good thankyou Honoka-chan! Whenever we are alone Umi-chan is always really sweet and keeps trying to tell me how much she loves me..."

"Woah! Who knew Umi-chan was so romantic!?" Honoka giggled, inwardly grinning at the endless teasing material she was receiving to use against her friend later.

"...and then she gets all cute and embarrassed and I have to help calm her down." Kotori finished, smiling fondly at the memory.

"What about you Hanayo-chan? Is Rin-chan being a suitable partner, or will I have to sort her out?"

"No no no that's okay! Rin-chan is being a great partner! She's been cooking me lots of meals-"

"White rice." Kotori and Honoka both leaned into each other and murmured under their breath before returning their attention to Hanayo

"-and whenever I get worried, Rin-chan is always there to help me."

"Awwww so cute! I want a girlfriend now!" Honoka cried in response.

"Has anyone specific caught the eye of our Honoka?" Kotori asked curiously, wondering if Honoka could ever stray her loving looks to something or someone that wasn't food.

"Hmm...well Tsubasa from A-RISE seems cute!"

Hanayo's mouth dropped open while Kotori smiled brightly and clapped for her friend.

"But wouldn't I have to talk about my feelings and stuff? You know I'm not good at that, it's like me and math all over again!"

The ash-haired friend chuckled, remembering all the past troubles Honoka had gotten into because of failing math - which even included μ's nearly having to withdraw from Love Live!

"Anyway for now I'm just going to focus on helping Nozomi-chan get better!" Honoka finished, going back to her colourful pen escapades.

"That's nice of you Honoka-chan." Kotori replied, also returning to her stitching.

They settled into a comfortable silence, all equally intent on getting their individual tasks complete (lest they feel the wrath of Umi later).

Suddenly Honoka spoke up, cutting straight through the silent atmosphere.

"Maybe when she's feeling better I could get her some manjuu! Food is the best medicine I know of!"

Kotori sighed, wondering whether food would ever not play apart in a conversation she was having with her fellow ginger-haired idol.

"Oh Honoka..."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading, I hope you enjoyed this chapter! I got the title of this chapter from one of Aina Kusuda's songs. Words can't describe how much I adore her. Anyway gushing over 😂  
> Please take good care of yourself, remember to eat and drink and take time to rest and relax and take your medication if you need to. Stay safe and make sure to have a well deserved rest when you can.  
> ~Dusk


	22. Song Of A Waiting Love

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> μ's have a day out together but Eli cannot shake the missing presence of one of their members away.

As the next morning arrived - signalling the passing of another day without their other members presence - everyone grew increasingly more worried for Nozomi. She had not woken up yet and Eli was close to tearing her hair out from worry, her fingernails already having suffered through a dramatic episode of biting - a habit the blonde thought she'd never pick up.

She wasn't sure how much more of this she could handle. She just wanted to be able to see Nozomi properly again and hear her voice. It seemed like the only thing that could fully calm her down at this point.

They knew even when Nozomi woke up, she would still have to be in hospital for a while longer due to needing time for her oesophagus to heal and for her organs to be able to begin functioning properly again as well as her being able to be trusted to start taking full meals again. But Eli didn't care - she was still prepared to wait as long as it would take.

Her love could hold on for longer and it would always be there for the purple-haired beauty no much how much longer it would take.

But they didn't want to be down, they know Nozomi wouldn't have wanted them to suffer like they were, which was why it was suggested that they all have a day out together; where they could have a good laugh, buy some nice things and take their mind off what was happening.

So that's why they were all standing in front of Homura bakery the next morning, dressed up in their casual clothes, the morning sun rising in the pale blue sky as they waited for Honoka to get ready after sleeping in and greeting everyone in her pyjamas, half-asleep.

"Honestly, it's just like Honoka to do this..." Umi sighed, crossing her arms.

"We should have brought some bread or some strawberries, that would have got her ready quicker." Nico chimed in, impatiently tapping her foot on the sidewalk.

"What IS taking her so long though?" Maki groaned, adopting the same foot tapping as Nico before realising her mistake and stopping herself.

"She's always been like this. It usually takes her a while to wake up properly and get changed. Once I came to wake her up for school and then she was taking a while so I came inside and found her asleep sitting down, half-dressed in her uniform." Kotori replied, laughing nervously.

"Typical." Umi scoffed, unfolding her arms to run a hand through her hair, wondering how on earth Kotori managed to put up with Honoka for even longer than she has. But it was only natural for Kotori to be so kind and understanding towards Honoka - despite her faults - it was in her nature. The more she thought, the more she found herself forgetting the thoughts of Honoka's irresponsibleness and slipping into loving thoughts about her girlfriend.

The girl who was so patient, so tender and loving, so-

"I'M HERE! I'M SORRY!"

They were all interrupted by the loud, echoing voice of their ginger-haired friend, accompanied by loud thundering footsteps before being followed by loud crashes as said girl tumbled down the stairs.

"Ow..." Honoka groaned, gently rubbing her knees as she attempting to get up and hobble to the front door of the bakery. After a few seconds she emerged from the building, greeted by the sight of all of her friends who were glad she had finally decided to join them.

"I'm okay!" Honoka cheered, nervously giggling and rubbing at the nape of her neck. Honoka knew she wasn't the brightest crayon in the box but she tried her best for her friends and despite their sternness with her, she knew they still loved her.

"Now that we are all here, I say we get this day started!" Eli announced, clapping her hands together.

The first stop of the day was the Kanda Shrine, as Eli had suggested using their visit as a dedication to Nozomi. If she couldn't be with them physically then Eli would be sure that she was with them spiritually.

They walked up the steps to the shrine, a gentle breeze flowing through the tendrils of their hair as they did so. Upon reaching the summit they walked along the path and stepped just in front of the shrine, letting it tower over them as they clapped their hands in prayer - everyone wishing for Nozomi's speedy recovery so they could all truly be together once again.

As if answering their wishes, the breeze kicked up slightly, engulfing them in cold air as they gazed up at the sky and gripped tightly onto their clothes to stop them whipping around in the wind.

_This must mean Nozomi is going to be okay..._

_The spiritual power is on her side..._

_Gods please keep her safe..._

After everyone was satisfied with their visit they began suggesting ideas of where they could go; Nico and Hanayo enthusing about going to the nearby idol shop, Kotori suggesting a highly rated clothes shop, Rin happily boasting about going to the arcade and Honoka bringing up the idea of a nice café for them to have lunch at.

Taking charge, Umi decided they would go to each place so everyone would be happy.

Noting how excited the two idol fanatics were, everyone journeyed to the nearby idol shop, all in awe at how much merchandise one relatively medium-sized shop could sell.

While Nico and Hanayo rushed over to the A-RISE section to scope out their competition and fangirl over the latest kinds of merchandise on sale, Maki and Rin hung back together and watched their girlfriends drown themselves in happiness from the idol world.

"They're both hopeless..." Maki sighed, folding her arms in disbelief at her partner and friend's bad attempt at keeping their cool in public.

"I think it's cute to watch them both get so happy! Whenever Kayo-chin's happy then so am I!" Rin replied enthusiastically, beaming a huge smile as she watched her childhood friend pick up some kind of DVD boxset with fancy colours and text emblazoned all around it.

Meanwhile the others were drawn to the μ's themed section; Honoka and Kotori were fawning over the vast amounts of different Umi merchandise, flustering the poor bluenette, while Eli giggled at their antics and turned her attention back to the racks on the wall.

Her gaze went straight for the purple coloured items, which most of them displayed the girl she loved. It baffled her how much stuff people had already made for them, indicating that their popularity was building vastly. It baffled her even more that so many people were wanting all of it and buying it, the thought made her smile as she imagined a large group of their fans rushing over to buy the latest Nozomi merchandise. It made Eli wonder whether she should have done that, even if it was something small and simple, she knew it would have meant a lot to her friend.

If only Nozomi had been able to witness that. It was something that Eli knew Nozomi would have been so touched to see - as the poor girl never seemed to have a good opinion of herself, even if she never voiced those thoughts Eli could tell and it killed her to know that that was how she viewed herself. Maybe if one day she could see how much her fans truly adored her, as well as the rest of μ's, then maybe, just maybe, Nozomi would be able to see that she was more than her insecurities convinced her she was. That she really was a beautiful, talented and loved idol that others looked up to.

Umi, upon noticing Eli being trapped in thought, left the company of her childhood friends - as their attention changed to that of looking at merchandise of each other - and ventured to the blonde's side.

"Everything okay Eli?" Umi asked, watching as Eli seemed to be caught up in looking at some items with Nozomi on them.

"Mmmhmm, I'm okay. Just thinking." Eli replied, never taking her eyes of the shelves.

"I can see that. You look as if you are about to shoot lasers out of your eyes with how you are eyeing that badge over there!" Umi chuckled, watching as Eli's attention was finally pulled away and was now directed towards her.

"Sorry. It's just...It's crazy how popular μ's has become, but despite having fans there are so many people that want to bring us down..."

"Like they did with Nozomi..." Umi finished sadly, hanging her head in deep thought.

"...And all for such a stupid reason that isn't even true! I just don't understand...Why would anyone enjoy doing such a thing, knowing how bad the consequences could be!? It makes me so angry that the people who caused this are probably just sitting at home not even caring that Nozomi is in the hospital!" The more Eli spoke, the more trouble she had fighting away her tears, her voice growing more and more aggravated as anger courses through her body.

How dare people berate Nozomi like they did and not even care in the slightest! To top it all off she knew there was realistically nothing she could do to make them pay for their wrongdoings.

Umi saw the distressed state Eli was in and gently placed her hand on Eli's shoulder, trying to comfort her.

"Eli...Nozomi wouldn't like seeing you this upset about her...We have to be strong for her okay?..." Umi paused, getting no response from Eli except a few more tears - egging her on to continue.

"The best thing we can do now is wait for her to wake up so we can be there to support her. We may not be able to punish those who hurt her but there are ways we could help make a change in the world; for Nozomi and for anyone else who may be also facing such terrible things."

After a few seconds Eli's tears ceased, a few sniffles coming from her before she gently wiped her swollen, red eyes with her hand.

"You're right Umi. Thank you. I promise I will do my best to remain positive today. Then we can put together a plan of action altogether."

"That's the spirit!" Umi cheered, gently patting Eli's back in a celebratory fashion.

"Now let's go check on the others before they end up getting too excited and buy out the whole shop!"

Eli nodded, laughing response as she watched Umi jog back over to the join the group, some of them holding various pieces of merchandise ready to be purchased.

As Eli was about to join them she suddenly turned back to the shelves of merchandise and unable to resist the temptation, picked up two different keychains from the pile and went back to join the others.

Everyone paid for their items, thanked the clerk and exited the shop, buzzing with energy about their lucky findings. The aura of happiness spread around the group, making even Eli's spirits raise. She was just happy that everyone else was enjoying themselves, which in turn caused her to enjoy herself more.

"Where to now?" Asked Umi, turning her head to face the rest of the group, seeking an answer.

"Ooh lets go to the arcade nya! I've got really good at those crane games and want to win a prize for Kayo-chin!" Rin cheered, everyone soaking up her radiant energy like a sponge - except Hanayo who was too busy blushing madly at Rin's words - and admiring how openly Rin could express her love and affection for her girlfriend

"Hmph you can't possibly beat the wondrous Nico Nii, she was born to win on these games!"

"That sounds like a challenge! Be careful though Rin-chan, Nico-chan is really good. The last time we went she won a HUGE stuffed bear on her first try!" Honoka said.

"Oh it's on nya!" Rin challenged, grinning while leaning towards Nico as if to intimidate her, with Hanayo clinging onto her free hand, trembling slightly at the aggressive match that was about to go down when they got there.

Suddenly the playfully violent atmosphere shifted as Umi's expression contorted into one of anger, directed at two certain members.

"Hey! So that's where you two disappeared off to that day when we were supposed to be studying together!"

Honoka and Nico gulped in unison, , the tension in the air palpable as they began laughing nervously, not ready to face the wrath of one Umi Sonoda.

Nico gripped tighter hold of Maki while Honoka flailed around in panic before running up to the only other person not holding hands with another.

"ELI-CHAN! SAVE ME!"

Eli giggled as she watched the vulnerable and pleading expression on Honoka's face as she attempted to bury her face away into Eli's chest - clearly adopting the popular 'I can't be hurt if I can't see you' tactic.

"Sorry Honoka but I can't save you here." Eli replied, still giggling as Honoka lifted her head away and pouted.

"Today was supposed to be fun but I'm getting attacked here! Can't you save the scolding for later Umiiii-channn?"

Umi's expression softened, as she rolled her eyes and tutted. "Fine but I'll find a suitable punishment which WILL take effect after our day out!"

Honoka fist-bumped subtly, happy to be free from torture for at least a few hours longer as everyone became engaged in their own conversations as they made their way to the arcade.

As she was walking Eli peered into the small plastic bag she had received from the shop which held her newly bought items. She took them both into her palm and inspected them; one looked back at her with blue eyes and blonde hair that matched her own while the other looked back with familiar purple hair and turquoise eyes which seemed to glow brightly - despite being made out of plastic. Anything that reminded Eli of Nozomi always shone bright in her eyes. That was simply the effect she had on her.

She had bought the two keychains with the intention of keeping the Nozomi one and gifting the Eli one to Nozomi, so they could keep them on each other as a permanent reminder that they would always be there for each other, even when they both couldn't physically be next to each other at least they would have something to represent each other.

It was rather sentimental but Eli thought it was a good idea and if it would help Nozomi, as well as herself, then it would be all worth it.

Nico broke her gaze away from the others and turned to face Eli, who was staring at the two key rings with a loving look in her eye - causing Nico to gag jokingly.

"You big gay." She tutted, chuckling lightly.

"You're one to talk Nico." Eli stabbed back, catching the raven-haired girl off guard.

"Oooh she got you there nya!" Rin, who had been listening to the exchange, chimed in.

"Fine fine, I'll let you have it just this once Ayase!" Nico spat, causing the other members to look at her in shock - the great Nico Yazawa was not one to give up so easily, especially when it came to firing attacks at others due to her pride.

"Who are you and what have you done with Nico-chan?" Asked Honoka, thunderstruck.

"Of course I'm the fabulous Nico Nii, nobody else could replicate such perfection!" Nico replied confidently and smugly, receiving an eye roll from Maki who was walking beside her.

"Yeah sure, whatever you say nya..." Rin teased, her usual bubbly energy shining through her words.

Nico glared at her angrily and huffed in response, her talent and cuteness was completely wasted on her friends sometimes but one day she'd show them all just how brilliant she could really be with all of her idol star power! Until then she would put up with being in a group with 8 other strange people that consisted of; A few having unhealthy obsessions with food and animals that probably meant they should seek help, her annoying tsundere of a girlfriend who's personality clashed with her own but she still secretly found it cute sometimes, the wise spiritualist who had a weird obsession with girls breasts (it wasn't difficult for Nico, or anyone for that matter, to discover Nozomi's obvious lesbianism), a strict blonde girl who couldn't possibly do a worse job at hiding her feelings for a certain big-breasted shrine maiden and a girl who could get so red from embarrassment that it wouldn't be difficult to mistake her for a tomato with a body.

Nico didn't know how on Earth she had become friends with these girls but she wouldn't have it any other way, they were like family to her.

"Hey Nico...?" Maki suddenly spoke up while everyone's attention was elsewhere, her voice timid and softer than normal.

"Don't listen to them...ugh I feel like I'll regret this but...I think you really are... p-perfect as you are."

Nico almost fainted right there and then. Getting Maki to be honest was like pulling teeth, even for the simplest of compliments so this was entirely new. Maki instantly picked up on Nico's surprise and turned her head away, embarrassed.

Nico giggled at her girlfriends reaction - perhaps she wasn't so bad after all - and leaned over to plant a kiss in the red-head's fluffy hair.

"Who's being gay now?" Eli whispered teasingly, earning a glare from her fellow third year.

"Watch it." Nico growled lowly before turning back to face her girlfriend before they lost themselves in their own conversation.

Soon after they arrived at the arcade, it's bright illuminated sign beckoning them to enter. Rin span around in glee before taking off at full speed into the building towards the crane games while dragging Hanayo along behind her, causing Maki to face palm at her friends childishness in a public place.

The others began to hurry after the duo, admiring the cheery atmosphere of the other people as they played different games together, accompanied by different blends of catchy music and the sounds of coins jingling around.

"Look Kayo-chin! It's a cute cat plushie! I'm gonna win it for you!" Rin enthused, prodding with her finger at the glass case of the claw machine in the direction of a large plush orange cat.

"Hmph, bet Nico could get it quicker than you..." Challenged Maki, twirling with a strand of her hair as she attempted to be supportive of her girlfriends arcade game skills while also appearing partially disinterested.

"Is that so Maki-chan? Well I challenge her to a duel! Fastest to get the plush gets to keep it and gets to treat the other to a dessert of their choice!"

"Okay you're on!" Nico spat, lining up behind Rin as she began to insert some of her loose change into the machine to begin her first try.

As Rin manoeuvred the claw with the joystick she stuck her tongue out into concentration, her eyes fixed firmly on the prize and her desire to treat her beloved Kayo-chin to a cute toy (accompanied by the strong want to beat Nico.)

When Rin thought the claw was in the right position she pressed the button which began the claw's descent. Sweat-dropping slightly Rin pressed her face close to the glass so she could get a full view of what was happening, hoping to be able to soon cement her victory with a dance of glory.

The claw grabbed hold of the plush cat and began riding back up into the air. However mid-way in its journey the claw lost grip of the plush and it fell back to the soft ground to join its brethren again.

In response Rin pouted and hung her head, "Aww!"

"Don't worry Rin-chan, you did great!" Hanayo encouraged her girlfriend and her bruised ego, patting her on the shoulder as Nico strutted up to the machine - beaming with confidence.

"Now watch how a master does it!" She declared, inserting her money into the coin slot and preparing her hands around the buttons and joystick.

Rin watched with nervous eyes as Nico smoothly guided the claw back towards the plush and picked it up with ease, it clearly having a much more secure hold than her own attempt.

Honoka bit her lip in anticipation as she watched her arcade buddy's practice and hard work come into fruition as the claw dropped the toy down the prize shoot.

"That was great Nico-chan!" Honoka cheered as the raven-haired girl retrieved the plush from the machine and smiled smugly towards Rin.

"Best two out of three!" Rin bellowed, wanting desperately to beat her senpai.

"I'll beat you this time! I was just a little rusty and needed some practice!" Rin defended, before taking her position back at the claw machine controls - her eyes set on a different plush which resembled a cute bird.

~~~

"Uwaaah! I can't believe I lost again!" Rin collapsed in defeat after her fourth attempt at trying to beat Nico into getting a prize.

How the heck Nico managed to win so flawlessly was beyond her but Rin knew when she had lost as she looked back up to see Nico's hands filled with four new large plush toys, her menacing grin brighter than ever while Rin worried for her wallet as she wondered how much Nico's taste in desserts would set her back.

"Although I did win them I would like to share these with my friends." Nico said, passing the grey bird plush to Kotori - who received it with a beaming smile before cutely nuzzling into its soft fur.

Nico then handed the black bear plush to her stubborn girlfriend - who although was reluctant to accept it seemed to smile genuinely after having taken it into her arms.

Rin sadly looked towards the colourful carpet of the arcade as the winnings were passed out, until suddenly she felt someone approach her and hold something out in her direction, causing her to lift her head up in surprise.

"Here you go Rin!" Nico smiled, her arms outstretched towards the younger girl, in her clutches was the first cat plush that Rin spotted.

"Thank you Nico-chan!!!" Rin cried joyously, receiving the plush before running back to Hanayo's side to gush about the toy to her girlfriend, who was just glad to see her own girlfriend happy.

Finally, the last plush in Nico's arm was a medium-sized fox with reddy-brown fur - knowingly exactly who she had saved it for - walked over to Eli who was standing by Kotori and Umi, watching Kotori still snuggling into the bird toy.

"Here Eli..." Nico offered, watching as Eli's initial shock shifted into a look of thanks.

"Thank you Nico, I really appreciate it." Eli replied as politely as ever, her voice soft and appreciative as she took the toy from Nico and looked at it, admiring how cute it looked, before gently placing it in her shopping bag along with the keychains she previously bought.

After the exchange, everyone split off into little groups and went to play different games together; Maki and Umi favouring to watch as Kotori and Nico competed in a dancing competition game, Honoka and Rin going head-to-head in a racing simulation game while Hanayo and Eli went to try out the penny slots casually while keeping an eye on the other groups.

After they were satisfied with their time together, they all met up again by the slots as they tried to think of where to go next.

Suddenly a loud grumbling of someone's stomach interrupted the cheery atmosphere, cutting right through it.

"Honoka!" Umi yelled, knowing it was indeed her greedy food-loving childhood friend that was the cause for the distribution.

"Hehe sorry..." Honoka blushes, awkwardly rubbing the back of her neck.

"Should we go get something to eat then?" Asked Hanayo, already fantasising about her next bowl of fluffy white rice.

"Yes! Food sounds nice! But where sshould we go?" Rin replied, taking Hanayo's soft hand back into her own.

"I know of this nice restaurant that sells really nice food." Eli chipped in, thinking back to the time when she visited said restaurant with Nozomi on their day out.

"Any objections?" Umi asked, turning back to the group to receive only nods, accepting Eli's suggestion.

"Okay lets go! I hear bread calling my name!" Honoka yelled, charging off out of the arcade despite having no idea where the restaurant Eli had mentioned actually was.

_Nozomi..._

_If you can hear this..._

_Know that we all are thinking about you..._

_Everyone is doing so well to be strong..._

_But I promise I'll watch over them..._

_Until you are back by my side..._

_Then we can do it together..._

_There's a space just waiting for you to refill it..._

~~~

Eli found it strange to believe that she was now sat in the familiar restaurant, around a table of eight, everyone happily chatting away while waiting for their food.

Kotori sat on the edge of one side, beside Honoka, Umi and Maki while on the other side sat Rin, Hanayo, Eli and Nico.

"Ooh look at all these choices!" Honoka piped up, her gaze travelling straight in search of any bread dishes.

"Kayo-chin look! A whole section of rice dishes! They must have known we were coming nya!"

After a bit of decision making they all placed their orders, all agreeing on similar choices of drink; Honoka, Kotori and Hanayo settling with orange juice, Umi, Maki choosing fresh water while Rin, Nico and Eli all chose some fancy chocolate milkshakes to treat themselves with.

Not too long after two waiters appeared, carrying trays with plates and glasses of enticing looking and food and drink. They dished out the meals in front of each member; Hanayo with the large bowl of rice, Rin with the equally large bowl of ramen, Nico with her burger and fries, Maki with her pasta and tomato sauce, Kotori with her finger sandwiches and cheesecake slice, Honoka with her bread and cheese platter, Umi with her miso soup and Eli with her pelmeni.

"Itadakimasu!" Everyone said before tucking into their meals and engaging in light conversation all the while.

As Eli skewed her food with the prongs of her fork and bring it to her mouth she couldn't help but be reminded of Russia, her order having been a Russian delicacy. Things in Japan certainly were a lot different but after spending the last few years here she had come to love Japan and everything that it had brought her.

Sure, she had most of her family back in Russia but she had all of her close friends and her immediate family with her and she truly couldn't be happier. Everyone played such a huge role in her life and in her becoming the person she was today. It was thanks to them that she was where she was - enjoying a delicious meal with her friends, happily chatting away.

Yet it wasn't perfect. It couldn't possibly be without-

No.

She wasn't going to think about that now. Things were going to get better, she would make sure of it. She just needed to enjoy today as best as she could and make the most of it. She would have wanted it that way.

"Thats very impressive Hanayo-chan!" Kotori beamed, chewing gently as she finished one of her sandwiches as she inputted into the conversation involving Hanayo winning an idol box set competition.

"Yes! Rin-chan is very proud!" Rin happily cried, rubbing her cheek affectionately against Hanayo.

"T-thank you." Hanayo stuttered, embarrassed at all the compliments.

"I don't know how you did it Hanayo-chan! I can't stay awake that long!" Honoka added, her mouth half-filled with food.

"Yet when we had that sleepover together you seemed

"Well yeah...because I was with all you guys! And you know how much I love you all so of course I'd want to stay awake late to talk to you..."

"Aw Honoka-chan..." Kotori smiled, watching as her friend spotted a cute red tint on her cheeks as everyone's attention fixed on her.

"Uwaaahhh! Stop embarrassing me you guys!"

Honoka responded by hiding her face away into the tablecloth and wrapping her arms around her head to conceal it.

Something told Eli that this meal would be an eventful one - or rather a strange one.

~~~

"That was delicious! I'm soooo full!" Honoka cried, rubbing her full stomach and smiling at the empty platter in front of her.

"Well done Honoka-chan." Kotori congratulated her, patting her on the head - much to Umi's dismay.

Suddenly as everyone was getting finished up Rin remembered something, causing her to quickly attempt to get everyone paid and finished as quick as possible to drift the attention away from her previous deal.

"We're all finished right!? So let's all pa-"

"Hang on Rin!"

Rin squeezed her eyes closed in defeat, knowing she wouldn't be getting out of their bet.

"You owe me a dessert." Nico finished, before taking the dessert menu out of its display stand and looking it over.

Rin slumped back into her seat, watching as Nico took an excruciatingly long time mulling over her dessert choice before settling on a particularly mouth-watering large red velvet cake, making sure she ordered it with extra heapings of cream and ice cream when the waiter came back around to take away their finished plates.

When the cake arrived it was quite large and stood in the middle of the table like a grand centrepiece.

"Woah that cake is like a beast nya!" Rin marvelled, staring at its size in disbelief.

"Harasho..."

It was then that Nico began cutting the cake into eight separate pieces before dishing them out to everyone, while the others thanked her while looking in astonishment.

Everyone was taken back at how uncharacteristically kind and reasonable Nico was being today but decided against mentioning it as they liked to see this side of their friend.

Rin was the most pleased as despite her savings have plunged in value, nearly all of her friends got to enjoy the dessert rather than just one so she didn't really mind anymore.

"I thought you said you were full Honoka." Maki pointed out, watching as Honoka attacked her cake with gusto and soon all that was left as evidence of its existence was a few stray crumbs.

"Well yeah but that was my main course stomach! Dessert is different!" Honoka defended, proudly mentioning about her supposed extra stomach.

"One day you'll become a balloon and burst I swear..." Nico chimed in, tutting.

"Ooh yay I love balloons! That means I'll be able to fly like them!"

"What!? Did you even hear what I said properly!?" Nico spluttered, unable to believe that she was supposed to be the leader of the group.

Once everyone was finished they received the bill from the waiter and began dividing up the amounts.

"So where to now?" Asked Eli as she forked out her part of the bill and placed her money on the table alongside the others.

"Next I was thinking we could go to a clothes shop, also it could give me and Nico-chan some inspiration for new costumes." Kotori voiced, covering her expenses by adding to the money pile.

"That's a great idea Kotori." Umi replied fondly, admiring the girl's creativity and drive to think of new outfits - despite often worrying about their lengths.

Once the waiter came back to take their money away, they all thanked him for his services and left in their earlier walking formation.

~~~

"Ooh look at this Honoka-chan!" Kotori squealed, pointing at a pretty dress on the racks.

"Ah it's so beautiful! Umi-chan looook!" Honoka joined in, grabbing Umi's arm and whisking her to look with them.

"Don't you think it's pretty Umi-chan?" Kotori asked her, her soft eyes glistening brightly as she waiting for her girlfriends reply.

"E-erm...yes it's lovely! J-just a little short..." Umi stuttered, already going red just at the thought of how short it was, her blush only intensifying as she watched Kotori pick it up - fearing what was to come next.

"Go on Umi-chan, try it on!" Kotori urged, reaching the dress out on the hanger for Umi to take hold of.

"B-but..."

"You don't need to worry, If it helps I'll try on something too, so then if we do look a bit silly we will look silly together." Kotori replied, taking an outfit and a hat, that she had been eyeing from the rack and giving Umi a quick peck on the cheek before scurrying off into a private changing cubicle.

Umi knew there was no use in fighting it, she would always lose Kotori and her endearing pleads, so she sighed and took the dress before plodding her way to the dressing room - with Honoka following closely behind.

While Umi struggled to get changed and keep her sanity at the same time, Eli and Rin were looking at the jewellery section of the shop; admiring the many racks of different fragile objects, each beautiful in their own way.

"Eli-chan! Look at these! They are so pretty!" Rin cheered, bouncing up and down as she showed off two decorative boxes, each filled with a pair of golden earrings - both with a different coloured gem as the centre, one a bright turquoise and the others a pleasant blue like the ocean sparkling under the sun.

"They remind me of you and Nozomi-chan!" Rin continued, catching Eli off guard.

Eli lost herself in staring right into the turquoise jewel, as if she was staring into her favourite familiar pair of mesmerising emerald eyes. A thousand memories came barrelling into her mind all at once

_Those eyes..._

_The eyes that held so many secrets within them..._

_Even when I first met her I could tell there was something about her eyes..._

_They held so much emotion behind them..._

_Emotions that she wouldn't let herself show on the outside..._

_Oh Nozomi..._

"Eli-chan?" A concerned voice prodded at her eardrums, awakening her from her deep thoughts.

"Ah, they are beautiful Rin, thankyou."

Eli replied, ruffling Rin's hair, eliciting a happy and highly cat-like sound from the younger girl.

"I was thinking we could buy them as a present for Nozomi-chan!" Rin suggested, rocking backwards and forwards on the balls of her feet.

"What a good idea. You are very smart Rin!" Eli praised, watching happily as her junior lit up at her compliment.

"Thank you! I'll go and pay for them to help show Nozomi-chan how much I love her nya!"

Not giving Eli anytime to reply, Rin sped off towards the counter, positively buzzing with excitement as she purchased both sets of the earrings with some of her remaining money and watched in awe as the cashier safely packaged the earrings and gave them back to her in a shopping bag.

Rin enthusiastically thanked the cashier and ran back over to Eli so they could go back to the others.

"Oooh sugoi Umi-chan!" Honoka cheered, clapping as she fawned over how elegant her friend looked in the dark blue china dress.

"You're so gorgeous nya!"

Umi shyly tilted her head away from the bout of compliments that she was being hit with before she heard the sound of a dressing room cubicle unlocking followed by a gasp.

Umi turned around and as soon as her eyes focused on the sight in front of her her breath caught in her throat.

Standing out in front of her was her breathtakingly beautiful girlfriend who was clad in; a black hat with two cute little horns poking out of the top, a pink shirt partially concealed underneath a black dress, accompanied by a striped navy blue and pink skirt, a long black flowing tail streaming around her body and a pair of black bats wings attached on her back.

"Kotori-chan..." Honoka whispered, enthralled at such a beautiful and alluring Kotori.

"Wowwww!" Hanayo clasped her hands together and squealed at the sight, while Umi stood frozen in the spot.

Everyone's attention turned to Umi, who hadn't said a word since Kotori's outfit change, the ash-haired girl beginning to become worried and self-conscious.

"Umi-chan?" Kotori spoke up, her voice gentle and loving.

"Kotori...you look incredible..."

Umi slowly approached Kotori, drawn to this new (almost seductive) side of her girlfriend that seemed so different from her usual sweet and cute demeanour.

"So do you too Umi-chan..."

"Everyone is being so gay today!" Nico announced, causing the group of girls to erupt with laughter, completely forgetting the previous awkward moment.

During the fuss, Umi shot a loving look at Kotori and was unable to resist taking her soft hand into her own, proud to call the girl beside her her girlfriend.

Kotori leaned into Umi's side, resting her head on the top of her sturdy shoulder, the top of her hair gently tickling against Umi's head - but she didn't mind. She never minded when it came to Kotori. As long as she was happy that's what she was most concerned about and it was clear to Umi in that moment that Kotori was indeed happy.

"I think this is enough shopping for one day." Eli said, noticing the time on her watch as evening was fast approaching.

"Let's get this paid for and we can all have a walk together." Umi replied, gently guiding herself and Kotori back towards the dressing rooms with two new outfits that were definitely being bought.

~~~

The group found themselves strolling through the nearby park, the sky a calming mixture of shades of orange, yellows and reds.

They were fully immersed in conversations regarding what they had all bought throughout the day and future ideas for songs, costumes and dance routines - being ever the hard workers they were.

Only partly listening to her friend's discussion in the background, Honoka pulled out her phone and her eyes widened as she stared at the new message alert she had just received on her social media - which was from none other than the great Tsubasa Kira herself.

 _'Hello Kousaka-san, I've been wondering if you would like to meet up with me_ _to discuss some things and maybe get to know each other.'_

"Guys! I got a text from Tsubasa! What should I do!?" Cried Honoka, frantically waving her phone around in the air, her shopping bags swishing and clattering around as they clung to her arm.

"Calm down Honoka, geez!" Nico spat, instinctively and protectively wrapping her arms around Maki in an attempt to prevent her from getting hurt in Honoka's line of fire. It was nice to see that the couple had become better at openly showing affection towards each other which demonstrated the good things the future had for them both.

"Well you don't have to worry, you already have a girlfriend but this is MY love life we're talking about here!" Moaned Honoka, pouting sadly before whipping her face around to her childhood best friends - who were walking beside her, hand-in-hand.

"Don't worry Honoka-chan, just text her back like you normally would with us." Kotori replied, hoping to quell her friends worries. Umi shot her a look from the side as if to say 'are you joking, you know that's a terrible idea' which Kotori completely missed. Everyone knew of Honoka's overly exaggeration way of texting after witnessing it first hand in their group chats and one-to-one messaging exchanges.

Honoka tapped her chin gently before she brought her fingers down onto her phone keypad to type out her reply, her fingers lightening fast as they bounced from letter to letter, everyone else staring at her.

"Finished!" She finally yelled, after what felt like an eternity, and showed off the glowing phone screen to her friends, the finished message brightly emblazoned on it.

_'Hi Tsubasa-chan! I would love to to meet up at some point, whenever works for you will be fine by me!'_

Umi face-palmed at Honoka's blatant informality in the message to their rival idol group that they barely knew and had only met a handful of times but at least Honoka seemed happy with the event which brought some peace of mind and Honoka was always a friendly person- honourifics only ever seemed to apply if she felt threatened or intimidated by someone older.

"So how is it!?" Honoka asked, rotating her attention onto each of her fellow members individually, hoping for their validation.

"It's great Honoka-chan." Kotori giggled, patting her friend on the head, making Honoka smile giddily.

"Honoka-chan's getting a girlfriend nya!" Rin sang out, laughing freely while swinging her arms around as she walked, Hanayo swinging along with her with their interlocked fingers.

Umi's face scrunched up as she imagined the suffering poor Tsubasa would have to go through if she got together with her silly childhood friend. Although she was secretly pleased that Honoka was able to find someone she liked, everyone deserved love after all and Umi just wanted everyone to be happy.

"Ooh maybe if we get together we could all go on one large date later on!" Honoka cheered, happy with her idea, knowing without looking that Umi was spluttering and averting her gaze to everywhere but Honoka herself from embarrassment.

"Or is Umi-chan too scaaarreeedd?" Honoka teases, grinning widely as she noticed Umi's cheeks flush even darker and her posture stiffen.

Meanwhile Eli watched over everyone with a fond smile, admiring how much closer everyone had become and how they all behaved together. She truly couldn't have asked for a better bunch of friends but she knew that without Nozomi she never would have had the chance to make such amazing friendships.

Silently, she lifted her head up to the evening sky, which was still painted joyfully like a canvas painting with different oranges, yellows and reds and wished for her beloved's quick recovery.

It truly had turned into a perfect day, everyone was all smiles and laughs, their spirits higher than they had ever been recently.

However unbeknownst to them at a certain medical facility, doctors and nurses were frantically rushing around in an attempt to tend to a certain purple-haired patient who's blood pressure and pulse had become very dangerously low...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading once again and I hope you enjoyed this chapter and that it hopefully didn't suck! I can never tell because I reread and edit my chapters so many times before posting that I can never tell anymore if it's bad or good.   
> For an authentic crying experience try listening to 'idontwannabeyouanymore' while reading this book oof, it's a beautiful song that I think fits this quite well. But I did try to make this a happier chapter, well, happier than the others anyway.  
> I based the Kotori outfit from her Little Devil set SR because I always think she looks so beautiful in it.  
> And I got the title from the English translation of the Aqours song 'Mattete Ai no Uta' because I'm a sucker for naming chapters after Love Live! songs now it seems.  
> Please take good care of yourselves, remember to eat and drink and get a good rest and also always remember to do what makes you happy and is the best for you, it's not selfish to think of yourselves, it's simply self care and that's very important.  
> ~Dusk


	23. Garden Of Glass

After having such a successful day all the girls decided that, to round it off to a satisfying conclusion, they would visit Nozomi and leave her a fresh and fancy bouquet of flowers - which lead them to their current situation of standing in a local flower shop, surrounded by dozens of colourful bouquets filled with many different, unique types and patterns of flowers.

The shop was rather small but had been rated highly around Tokyo for having great customer service by the two joint shop owners and good quality flowers for fair prices. Now that they were stood inside the store they knew they had picked the right place to make their purchase. There was a nice, homely atmosphere in the air that comforted the girls from the instant they arrived, despite not having even properly looked at anything or interacted with anyone yet.

Towards the back of the room, past the walkway of various plants and bouquets, was the cash desk, where a short and smiley brown-haired woman was stood - carefully tending to the small, decorative plants that lined the desk. Eli admired the way the woman was so gentle and caring towards the flowers.

"Ooh should we get these?" Rin said, jumping up and down enthusiastically while pointing at a bouquet of bright orange chrysanthemums.

"They might be a bit too flashy..." Hanayo replied, nervously shifting her gaze around to see what the other members thought while wringing her hands together.

"Oh...well what about these!?" Rin cheered, shifting everyone's attention onto a nearby batch of freshly cut roses while spinning around the shop with glee, not at all deterred.

"We're not asking her on a date Rin!" Umi scolded, her cheeks flaring in embarrassment.

"Well maybe some of us aren't..." Nico added, a knowing grin appearing on her face as she eyed a certain blonde-haired girl.

However Eli didn't notice as her eyes were now preoccupied with scanning for the best bouquet of flowers she could find on display - she wouldn't accept anything that wasn't absolutely perfect, Nozomi deserved that much.

Her eyes wandered over to a specific bouquet which held a bunch of neatly organised purple bellflowers, which were labelled as 'Purple Campanula's', each having a pleasant and floral scent that closely resembled the familiar aroma of a certain someone's perfume. Looking at the beautiful petals, Eli couldn't help but be reminded of Nozomi even more - she knew then that they were exactly what she had been looking for.

The others noticed her spacing out and followed her gaze to the flowers, before then each turning to face each other and nodding in unison. Kotori walked over to the flowers and picked up the bouquet, securely gripping it before smiling sweetly at Eli and bringing them to the cashier desk, where a cheery shop assistant was waiting to help them out.

"Would that be all?" The brown-haired cashier with twin-tails said, after scanning the flowers and turning back towards the girls, her eyes shining with a kind and friendly aura which reminded Eli of the girl she loved.

"Yes thank you." Kotori responded, taking responsibility for the purchase, not trusting Eli to converse properly - as she knew Eli tended to be in her own little world whenever something concerned Nozomi was taking place.

As the woman punched a few numbers into the cash register, Eli's eyes travelled down to the woman's uniform - her name badge more specifically, which simply read 'Aina'. Eli didn't know why but she felt as if she knew the woman, but the more she analysed her the more she realised how much Aina reminded her of Nozomi.

They both had this same glint in their eyes, indicating a mysterious and cheeky personality which was concealed by shyness - showing they needed the right people to break them out of their shell. Nozomi had μ's (and she would make sure that Nozomi knew that). She only hoped that this 'Aina' woman had someone like them too. When she had similar resemblances, it was hard to not sympathise with the stranger.

"These are said to represent humility and gratitude did you know?"

They all thought that the meaning behind them was quite apropos to the situation they were in - making them even more fit to be the right gift.

"May I ask what the occasion is for?" Aina asked, her voice soft while holding a hint of curiosity with no traces of insistence.

"Our friend is in hospital and we wanted to get something nice for her." Honoka replied, trying to keep her tone upbeat as not to sour the mood. Eli momentarily shifted her gaze to the floor at the declaration, hearing it aloud made it seem even more painfully real.

"I hope you're friend gets better soon, but I'm sure with supportive friends like you that she will be fine."

The comment made everyone smile as they imagined Nozomi's teary - but incredibly thankful - face as she received the bouquet. That expression would be priceless to Eli and would be worth every second she had to wait.

"That will be 9,000¥, please."

Despite Eli's protests the other members insisted on taking care of the bill, stating that it was a present from them all and that Eli already had something to give her that the others couldn't - earning a puzzled look from Eli in response.

"Thank you, I hope you have a pleasant day." Aina bowed politely after taking care of the money and smiled as the members thanked her and began to file out of the shop.

As Kotori passed the bouquet gently over to Eli, the blonde peered back through the large glass window into the flower shop and watched as another woman with short brown hair revealed herself and came to stand behind Aina, before wrapping her arms securely around the slightly taller girl and seemingly saying something to her which made the latter break into a beaming smile. More inaudible words were exchanged before Aina turned her head around and gently planted a kiss on the other woman's cheek - a sight that made Eli's lips curl into a smile.

Happy, Eli turned away from the sweet scene and let out a breath of air before setting off with the others in the direction of the hospital - carefully clutching the bouquet.

~~~

Arriving at the hospital was never a pleasant experience for the group (and today was, of course, no exception), looking at the same pristine walls, lined with posters and safety notices to do with health set them unease. Not so long ago none of them could have predicted the fact that someone they loved and cherished would have been admitted to the hospital twice for serious health issues and every time they came to visit her it was a physical reminder of what had occurred right under their noses - that they had been unable to prevent.

No matter how many times they would try to convince themselves that what happened was not their fault, they couldn't help but feel guilty. It was Nozomi that had been brought to the hospital after all. A person who had influenced them all greatly and someone who was kind, caring, supportive and would never let the others suffer alone. She was selfless - many would say perhaps TOO selfless - but they loved her for who she was and didn't want her to change in the slightest. But they knew the current Nozomi was not well and was not in a good headspace. In order to make sure she recovered they would have to try to change the toxic mindset she had developed but that was easier said than done. Nevertheless they were determined to help her through this tough time and the best thing they could do now was to be right by her side until she wakes up.

With this in mind, the group found themselves exchanging nods as if to check everyone was ready before they began walking through the halls in search of the ward where Nozomi had been situated for the past few days.

They passed room after room, sign after sign and patient after patient - each girl feeling more aware of the amount of people that were really admitted to the hospital than ever before, all feeling sadness for the thousands of loved ones that were in pain and worrying about the health of another, all of varying ages.  Illnesses truly took no pity on anyone regardless of age, gender, race or lifestyle. A hospital was certainly not the nicest place to be.

Maki, having her life largely revolving around said hospital, had been used to things like this but it didn't make them any less easy to deal with. But the more she saw people suffering, the more it fuelled her desire to put a stop to it. In a way she could connect with her girlfriends dream of making others happy, just in a different way.

"Kayo-chin..." Rin murmured quietly, squeezing herself even closer to Hanayo protectively. She wouldn't know what to do if Hanayo was put in the hospital. Looking at the fellow patients passing by in wheelchairs and connected to manoeuvrable drips sent Rin's imagination into a frenzy. She couldn't help but see Hanayo in their place. Normally if she was having thoughts of a similar calibre Nozomi would be there to calm her down, give her a reassuring chat and hug her until she felt better. But that wasn't possible in their current situation.

Suddenly as the group began nearing Nozomi's room, a small group of uniformed doctors came hurtling past them and were soon out of sight.

"Must be a busy day..." Kotori commented.

"Hmm must be..." Eli replied hesitantly, unable to dispel the growing feeling of uneasiness that was multiplying rapidly the closer they got to their destination.

As they turned the final corner Maki, who had been tasked with leading the pack, came to a sudden halt - with Rin narrowly avoiding running into her.

Sensing something was wrong, Eli thrusted the bouquet of purple flowers into Umi's firm grip.

"M-maki? What's wrong?" Eli asked, approaching the terrified-looking girl and peering around the corner, wondering what could have elicited such a sudden stop.

It turned out all of those doctors had indeed just entered the room they were intending on visiting; the only room that held a familiar 'Tojo' plaque displayed by it.

Never had Eli felt her entire mood plummet so significantly in such quick timing. The sight cut right through her heart and tore it in two, an aching throb developing throughout her body. Something serious must have happened and that terrified her. What if Nozomi had endured too much damage and her body couldn't handle it anymore? What if she...

Eli didn't even want to think about THAT.

Her legs grew weak and began trembling, struggling to hold her body up as she tried to ground herself - losing herself right now would do nobody any good, especially not Nozomi. She needed to be ready for no matter what she would find out in the next few minutes. She was going to be the strong girl she had been brought up to be - the strong girl Nozomi had always told her she was.

She slowly, but urgently - made her way to Nozomi's assigned room's door where a doctor was currently standing as if on guard, before letting out a stained gulp.

Her eyes quickly travelled to the wall and was met with the sight of an activated hospital emergency light, which emitted a glowing light that pierced straight through Eli's eyes (and heart), causing her to subconsciously place a hand over her own heart as it struggled to keep beating normally.

"Doctor, what's wrong with Nozomi!? What's happening!?" Eli demanded, her voice strained as a familiar wetness pressed against her glassy eyes.

"I'm afraid that Tojo-san is unstable at the moment so I'm sorry but we can't have you in here."

The admission only added more fuel to the fire that was Eli's pent up distress about the situation.

Before Eli knew it she found herself attempted to barge past the doctor into the room, refusing to step aside. She had been waiting for too long and nobody, no matter who they were, was going to stop her from seeing Nozomi. She wanted to be there for her and if she had to resort to holding a hostage or violence then she has no qualms about doing so as her rage continued to burn - pure anger and determination written on her face as the tear floods slowed down slightly.

"Hey! What are you doing!?" The doctor asked, trying to control the angry Eli. He could only imagine what Eli was feeling but she needed to wait and stand aside to give the doctors a better chance at doing their jobs.

"Look, the girl behind that door is my entire life, I don't know what I would do without her. I've waited so long for her to wake up so I could see her again and I promised to always be by her side, especially in a crisis, so I'm going to get in this room and be with the girl I love and there's nothing anyone can do to stop me!" She declared, baring daggers at the poor man who only wanted to help. She did feel a little bad for taking her anger out on the doctor but she could feel guilty for that later, for now she had other priorities. At least the doctor would still be around later, although she couldn't be so sure about Nozomi.

"I think Eli's gone insane..." Maki muttered, sharing a worried look with others who had also witnessed Eli's suddenly cold and aggressive behaviour.

"Can you try to talk to your friend?" The doctor asked, turning to the group of girls as he massaged his forehead gently, already worn-out from his days work and now dealing with a difficult person - which he was no stranger to.

"We've tried for ages..." Honoka replies glumly, looking sadly at the pristine tiled floor.

"But she's always been like this when it comes to Nozomi..." Nico added, shooting a concerned look into the emergency room that Eli had just burst into.

"I don't think there's anything that could persuade her to leave unfortunately..." Umi sighed, casting her gaze over to where Eli just barged into the room, knowing that her stubborn friend wouldn't listen to any type of reasoning until she knew that Nozomi was okay.

The doctor sighed after taking in everyone's saddened expressions. He had dealt with plenty of uncooperative patients and visitors in the past but it was never easy for him. He never wanted to cause any trouble or split up loved ones from each other.

However they had to deal with whatever that was wrong with Nozomi fast, so he had no time to waste attempting to drag away the freaked out blonde girl, who clearly had no intentions of ever leaving the purple-haired patient's side.

"Okay, just please keep an eye on her." The doctor sighed, receiving nods from the other girls before following into the room after Eli.

As Eli burst into the room she became faced with a group of doctors frantically blurting out orders and responses as they attempted to revive Nozomi's heartbeat and blood pressure to a normal level.

"How is the patient?" The familiar doctor asked and approached the others, as he slipped on a pair of surgical gloves.

"Her blood pressure is still alarmingly low, along with her pulse." Another spoke, their voice muffled slightly by a mask that was concealing her mouth.

"We'll have to administer an injection." The doctor then replied, turning towards a metal trolley which was filled with thousands of strange containers and tools - each more terrifying than the last as Eli struggled to figure out what they were. He picked up a syringe, before filling it with an unknown liquid, giving the end a quick push, sprinkling a few small drops of it to get rid of any air bubbles.

Eli squinted as she was forced to watch a doctor administer an injection of some kind into her best friend, sending a rush of bile up her throat, which she quickly tried to push back down. Gulping, Eli steeled herself and stayed back out of the line of fire as her worried eyes locked themselves onto the pale figure that lay motionless on the bed, her ears twitching at every remark that echoed throughout the room and for every beep the heart monitor made - clinging on as if when the monitor flatlined, she would too.

Hyperventilating, Eli's vision began betraying her as the world seemed to speed up without her, leaving her dazed as she watched the scene of panic blurrily take place, her own nerves skyrocketing and her heart thundering.    
  


_'Stay calm Eli'..._   
  
  


_'Do it for Nozomi'..._   
  
  


_'She will be okay'..._   
  
  


_'She won't leave you'..._   
  
  


_'She promised she wouldn't'..._   
  
  


_'She wouldn't break that promise'..._   
  
  
  


"Come on Nozomi, please...Wake up..." Eli mumbled to herself, rapidly blinking and biting her lip in an attempt to ground herself back to reality.

The doctor then placed the used syringe onto a paper towel on the trolley, while the other doctors observed the heart monitor - one taking a few notes down on a document they were holding.

Whatever that injection had in it had already began rushing around Nozomi's system, working its magic, which was physically represented by the sudden raise of Nozomi's pulse on the screen.

"All we can do is wait now..." A remorseful voice said, before the doctor turned to Eli and gave a slight bow before exiting the room along with the other doctors who had been hurriedly summoned to the scene.

The rest of μ's waited for some of the doctors to leave before leaving the doorway and further entering the room, slowly approaching the depressed blonde. Honoka gently reached out and placed a hand on Eli's stiff shoulder as a reassurance.

"She'll be okay Eli. We just have to stay positive." She spoke, filled with determination. Honoka always was one to have high hopes and she would be damned if she didn't try to pass them onto Eli in her time of need.

However Eli was currently fighting a whirlwind in her head, barely able to process the presence of the other girls at all, her mind focused solely on the unconscious girl who continued to remain scarily still. Time was running out and she was struggling to keep herself positive or together at all. Every second that she had to see the same sight of Nozomi in the hospital bed was another second that she felt her heart sink deeper and deeper. She didn't want to give up hope. She desperately didn't. The world couldn't possibly be so cruel to take Nozomi away from everyone, from her. After all it was the same world that made her little sister light up with joy so often, the same world that brought μ's into fruition and the same world that brought Nozomi and Eli together those few years ago. If the world was capable of doing such amazing things then what would it gain from destroying all of that.

However Eli knew that there were people who did have it much worse, much harder than any of them could ever imagine, which saddened her immensely because that was still this world that had brought them so much good. She supposed there had to be some balance, not everything could always be positive. Life simply didn't work that way.

The others watched helplessly as Eli slowly shuffled towards Nozomi's bedside, her head hung low and a cloud of despair settling over her. They desperately wanted to join her but none of them knew what to say anymore. The time for simple reassurances seemed to have fleeted, ones that held meaning or any type of bearing anyway. All they could do was watch as the third year kneeled down and clasped her shaky hands over Nozomi's - as if trying to bring warm and life back to them.

Eli's droopy eyes glanced at the heart monitor, the gentle beeping seemed laboured but at a much safer level than previously which brought a small ounce of comfort to the taller girl, however not enough to dispel the feeling of dread that was growing larger by the minute.

She didn't want to get her hopes up. Especially if there was the possibility of having them destroyed. She didn't know if she could take that.

After all there was always the chance of medical error, even if it wasn't too common, there was always a chance. What if the injection suddenly failed? Or Nozomi's body couldn't properly take it in and it was too much for her to handle? What if everyone was too late and Nozomi was already too far in?

She stuck her head deep into the plush bed covers, gripping Nozomi's ice-cold hands even tighter as her breathing once again grew more rapid - her throat so dry she felt like she wouldn't ever be able to speak again. The bed felt soft against Eli's face, it reminded her of all those nights she would come running to her mother for comfort during a particularly rough night when she would be allowed to cuddle up next to her mother and leave the scary darkness behind. It also reminded her how overtime the person she had gone to for support and comfort had changed too, she no longer found herself cowering in fear with her family but rather with Nozomi; her saviour these past few years.

She was more than just the girl she loved; she was her light when the darkness threatened to take over, she was her angel when the world seemed like hell, she was her reason to keep pushing to be better. For herself. For Alisa. For μ's. For everyone.

She was irreplaceable. Nobody could ever be quite like her.

She was unique and would always be that way.

Despite all of who she was, she had been through many hardships.

She was someone who had suffered through so much;

Neglection,

Bullying,

Mental abuse.

The list went on and on.

Someone who only wanted the best for others, someone who only wanted to help, someone who WAS exceptionally beautiful in more than just looks - but in soul.

It wasn't fair, Eli thought. It really wasn't.

To lose such an important figure in her life would destroy her. Not just her but the lives of many others too. She would never forgive those horrible people, but most of all she would never forgive herself for letting everything happen.

She bit down hard on her bottom lips in an attempt to hold back the tears that threatened to appear once again as more and more negative thoughts ate at her, constantly berating her for not being able to help Nozomi, for not noticing sooner what she was doing to herself...

She should have noticed. She was her best friend for crying out loud. She knew Nozomi better than anyone else, yet she ignored the obvious signs that something was wrong. During the entire week off while Eli received no reply from her friend, when she went over to her apartment and check on her she could have made an effort to stay there or be more persistent in trying to see her personally, yet she didn't. She let Nozomi fester in her own pool of negativity until it became too much and consumed her. She should have noticed. She should have done something way back then. But it was too late.  
  


_'I'm sorry Nozomi'..._   
  
  


_'I can't even take care of you like I promised I would'..._   
  
  


_'I should have been there for you'..._   
  
  


_'I...'_   
  


Being too caught up in her own inner monologue, Eli completely missed the shocked gasps that radiated from the back of the room for the other girls had witnessed what she hadn't.

Eli's attention was soon diverted as she heard some rustling coming from the bed, indicating movement was happening. Eli's eyes widened as large as dish-plates as she watched Nozomi's hand twitch gently and then heard a gentle groan.

"N-nozomi?..." Eli choked out, her heart still hammering rapidly in her chest.

And then it happened - Nozomi's eyes began to flicker, before slowly opening to reveal a dazed-looking pair of emerald eyes, which sent a huge rush of emotion through Eli's body as she could fully confirm that Nozomi was indeed alive.

"Nozomi...you're alive! You're alive! I-I thought you were dead! I thought you were going to leave me!" Eli cried, tears falling freely from her already swollen eyes as she pounced onto the bed and wrapped Nozomi into a large bone-crushing hug, pouring every ounce of feeling and emotion she could into the action - fearing that the worst would happen if she let go.

"Eli?..."

As quiet and weak as the words came out, the effect they had was immense, the entire atmosphere lighting up as their beloved goddess was back with them, the one they had missed so much. Even if it wasn't her usual nickname that had been said, Eli didn't care. It was her name. HER name and nobody else's was the first thing that Nozomi said. The name that sounded like heaven when it left Nozomi's lips.

The others watched the scene unfold, all holding onto each other as they sobbed at the revelation. Nozomi was going to be okay.

"You're going to be okay, I promise. You're alright, you're safe." Eli kept repeating, as if trying to reassure herself as well as the dazed girl who lay in front of her.

"W-what...happened?" Nozomi's voice was sore and strained, showing she clearly. It reminded Eli that Nozomi probably didn't know what happened. Everything happened so fast after all; one second Nozomi was stood watching their performance, the next she was collapsing into the arms of the blonde.

"You're in the hospital...Y-you...you fainted...we were all so worried about you...I'm so glad that I caught you in time...I'm so sorry Nozomi, for everything...Your parents were so worried too, they came to visit you and we had a talk and I know they really do care about you, they said they are sorry for all the trouble they have caused you..."

Nozomi's mind was barely functioning, everything still foggy as she slowly tried to ground herself back into reality - unable to understand why Eli was apologising and why her parents were being mentioned.

"I should have paid more attention. I knew you were still having trouble yet I wasn't doing everything I could to help you. I was overbearing and I knew you were going through so much. But I promise it wont be like that anymore, I'll be here whenever you need me but I won't force you into anything, I'll let you take things at your own pace...I swear..."

She paused for a quick breath.

"But please..." Eli's voice grew quiet and wobbly as she gently placed her forehead against Nozomi's, elated by the reunion with the girl she loved.

"P-please don't hurt yourself anymore...Don't bottle up your feelings...I can't bare it...Seeing you view yourself in such a way...seeing you suffer...it breaks my heart! You're such a beautiful and amazing person; inside and out, yet you don't see that. But we all do!" She yelled, gesturing to the other girls at the other side of the bed.

"We've always seen it in you! I...I see it in you. There are so many amazing qualities you possess; you're so talented, your dance skills are incredible, your voice is unique and beautiful and I love hearing you sing...you have your own hobbies that may not be well known but we know they are important to you so they are important to us too because it's what makes you who you are...and who you are is so amazing. We love who you are and don't want you to ever change a single thing about you. The Nozomi we know is one we love and will always love."

Eli could have spent forever listing all the things she adored about Nozomi but there would be more time for that later, for now she had to make sure Nozomi knew she could talk to them and trust them with all of her fears and insecurities. All humans had them, combatting them and discussing them in order to help get through them was the hardest part.

"I promise you can talk to us, to all of us! We'll all listen and would never judge you for anything because we love you. And your feelings aren't to be judged. We just want you to be honest with us, you spend all your time helping us but you don't let us help you in return...We will listen to everything that's on your mind, no matter what it is. You dont have to worry about burdening us or anything because we want you to talk to us, we would rather you tell us than hold it all inside, then we can help you through those thoughts. We want you to be happy and yourself again and we will do whatever it takes to make that happen. You've all had such an impact on all of us, you're the reason μ's is what it is today, you gave the name, you helped push us into being honest and doing what we wanted to do and not only that but you've continued to support us all in everything we do. It's our turn to do the same for you."

"Ever since μ's began I was always worried that you only joined to make sure we were okay...but seeing you there on that rooftop, or on stage, dancing and singing your heart out made me realise that it's what truly makes you happy, it's where you deserve to be. It's not easy being in the public eye but we will be with you every step of the way, there will be times that horrible people get involved but there will always be the people that truly do support us to give us strength. We can't please everyone in the world, nobody can, unfortunately it's physically impossible but what matters the most is not them. What matters the most is yourself; that you are happy, that you are healthy and that you are doing what you want to do. Nobody should ever take that away from you and we won't let them. Ever. There will be times that we question if we are doing the right thing, there will be times where we mess up, where we aren't happy but we will get through them altogether; we're more than just an idol group, we're friends...we're like a family. And true and loving families will always stick together."

By the end of Eli's speech there wasn't a dry eye in the room, or anyone within hearing distance at least. She had poured every single ounce of love and affection and emotion that she felt towards Nozomi and laid it flat out for everyone to see and take in. She didn't care about how much of a mess she looked, Nozomi was more important to her.

It was then that Nozomi decided to let everything loose, thousands of unsaid emotions flooding out of her as her emotional dam burst as she collapsed against Eli and sobbed into her, gripping tightly onto the blonde's clothes.

"Elicchi...I..."

There it was. Her nickname. The name that was special to her and Nozomi alone, something they shared deeply and meaningfully. It solidified the thought that Nozomi really was with them.

"...I'm so sorry for everything...I've caused so much trouble for you all...I don't know how to thank you for everything you've all done for me...I don't know what I'd without you all...I know what I have been doing has been wrong but..."

"...I just..." Nozomi stopped, her emotions overwhelming her for a moment, the crack in her voice echoing deep into Eli's heart.

"I just can't stop! I don't know what to do! You all say I'm beautiful but that's not what I see at all! Every time I catch sight of myself in a mirror all I can think of is how...how **disgusting** I look! All my flaws in such clear view, making them outshine whatever parts of myself I liked! I couldn't help but think that you were all lying to me, that those things you said were untrue and you were just being kind to me...I didn't want you thinking you had to lie to me to spare my feelings...After all other people voiced how they thought about me, regardless of whether it was negative or not...but I just wanted the truth...and in my mind the only thing that could have been the truth was painful. It involved me having to change myself, but I just couldn't stop thinking that I had to go through with it - even when I could tell it was wrong and could end badly - I just couldn't stop...My mind wouldn't let me..."

"It would just say that those people knew what was right and that I had to accept that in order to be good that I had to make some changes...that it would be for the best for everyone...I never meant to make you all worry, that was what I tried to avoid, I couldn't shake the thought that although I knew you wouldn't like what I was doing that in the end you would, that you knew it was what I deserved and what had to be done...And when I began getting clumsy and messing things up everything just got worse...I felt like if I couldn't even improve myself for the people I loved then how was I worthy to keep my place in μ's? Or how could I make everyone happy? If I couldn't do that then what kind of idol was I?..." Nozomi choked out the last few words, unable to say anything else.

Seizing the moment, Eli wrapped her arms tightly around Nozomi, gently tracing circles into the back of Nozomi's hair as she gently whispered in her ear in an attempt to calm her down and let her know she didn't have to speak. "Ssshhh...."

Everyone felt utterly powerless and desolate as they took in everything Nozomi confessed. It was one heck of a lot of difficult feelings to suppress and to hear exactly how she felt and thought of herself was incredibly painful. Yet they knew she had been one for holding things in, it was only natural it would come out in such a flurry. It was clear that Nozomi needed this. It was also clear that Eli needed to be the one to comfort her.

"Hey no apologising okay? This is not your fault." Eli replied, gently pulling back to stroke Nozomi's soft cheek as she revelled in the touch. She wanted to be able to fill all of her senses with the girl laid in front of her. She wanted to never forget how soft Nozomi's skin always felt, how everytime they touched - whether it was a simple brush of the hands as they walked together or during one of their many loving hugs - Eli felt like everything would be okay, as long as Nozomi was with her. However this time it was Eli's chance to make Nozomi feel safe.

"We're all going to help you and we'll do whatever it takes. We'll approach your idol training differently to allow you to catch up again, we'll make some plans and help you during mealtimes, we'll help get rid of that nasty voice in your head that is feeding you all these lies...we'll get through this, I promise."

Nozomi's head whirred, the gears in her head frantically turning around and jumbling her thoughts up just as the dreaded voice that she had tried her best to fight away, made another appearance, attempting to shut out all the positives thoughts as they tried to climb themselves into her subconscious.  
  


_'They will never be able to take away how disgusting you truly are.'_

_'They will just make you fat again!'_

_'You'll just slow them down even more than before now.'_

_'They are only doing this because they pity you, can't you see that?'_   
  


Nozomi's mind attempted to try and counter every one of Eli's promises but Nozomi found herself not wanting to listen anymore - the look of pure, genuine sincerity on Eli's face showed her that she was serious, that they wouldn't let her suffer alone.

 _'I won't let you control me anymore'_ Nozomi bit back at the voice, determined on trying to change herself. She just wanted to be happy. She knew that she could trust Eli.

Seeing everyone so torn up about her and her state made Nozomi realise just how much she needed to stop, to get rid of this negative and unhealthy lifestyle she had adopted. All it had brought her was misery and even more negative thoughts. She knew if she fell victim once again to that damned voice that she probably wouldn't be able to stop - that she wouldn't be able to control herself.

If her friends were trying so unbelievably hard to help Nozomi, she knew she can't have been as terrible as the voice claimed she was - the true Nozomi was someone they all deeply cherished. If she could keep that in mind, then maybe she could do it. She could learn an grow and maybe even learn to love herself along with all her little quirks.

Meanwhile Eli couldn't bare to stay quiet anymore. Not when she had almost lost Nozomi. She wasn't about to go another minute without letting the girl know that she was most definitely NOT the sum of all those hateful comments she had received.

"And Nozomi...we would never lie to you. We always tell you how beautiful and great you are because we mean it and we know it. Those cruel people don't know you like we do, they only get to see what we let them see. How can what they say be true when they haven't seen the true you. They don't go through hours of intense practice sessions with you or take trips out for parfaits, do they?"

"Nor do they get to joke around with you in the club room." Rin voiced.

"Or get to see how much you truly do to keep all of us together." Umi helpfully contributed.

"Or get to share some of your spiritual power everyday." Hanayo piped up.

"Or witness the cute expressions you make when you are focusing on something during class or practice!" Honoka added, making the others smile and chuckle fondly.

"See? Who knows you better, us or them? Us, of course! And we know just how amazing you are. We understand that you may make mistakes but all of us do, you've seen me make plenty in the time we've known each other. But the main thing is that we will all help each other when we are stuck and we wouldn't let you do anything we thought could hurt you or embarrass you, we only want you to be safe, healthy and happy. We'd all do anything for that to happen."

"Even the tsundere tomato over here, who clearly has some trouble displaying and expressing emotions, especially when it comes to love-"

"Hey, are we trying to help Nozomi or insult me here?" Maki snapped, interrupting her girlfriend from her speech.

"-anyway, even she has expressed on multiple occasions how much she loves you just like we all do and we know how hopeless she can be." Nico finished, attempting to lighten the serious mood with a joke while comforting Nozomi too.

"And here I thought you two were incapable of showing emotions!" Nozomi laughed, a genuine laugh that made all of the other girls smile brightly, their eyes all lighting up with happiness at the Nozomi they knew rearing her head back to them.

Amidst the laughter, Eli and Nozomi's eyes met once again, both girls smiling at each other, their hearts connecting back together as they found comfort in each others presence.

"Now Eli are you gonna hog her forever?" Nico suddenly yelled, peering her head back through the door causing the group of teary girls to break out into laughter.

"Yeah! Rin wants to give Nozomi-chan a BIG HUG NYA!"

"Wait, be careful Rin-chan!" Hanayo yelled, her attempt being futile as said girl had already taken off in a mad dash into the room before leaping over to Nozomi and enveloping her in a loving hug.

"We love you Nozomi-chan!" Rin cried, frantically nuzzling her head into Nozomi's chest.

"I love you all too...thank you everyone." Nozomi replied, her heart positively bursting with emotions as she ruffled Rin's hair and returned the embrace.

"These are for you Nozomi..." Umi stepped forward, extending the large bouquet of flowers that they had bought especially for her, (which had surprisingly survived the whole emotional ordeal) watching as Nozomi's eyes widened significantly at the sight.

"You guys..." Nozomi trailed off, taking in the sight of the colourful bouquet, which would no-doubt have cost an arm and a leg to purchase for her. As bad as she felt for them having to spend so much money on her, a quiet and shy thought popped into her head - the normal negative voice no longer seeming to have the energy to counter it.  
  


_'They do care about you.'_   
  


The journey to recovery was not going to be easy but she couldn't have asked for a better family to help lead her through it. She knew with their guidance that she could do it, she could come out on the other side.

~~~

Nozomi stood behind the curtain, nervously gripping the microphone in her hand as she watches her fellow third year dancing and singing her bubbly anthem, the crowd frantically waving their king blades - all set to the pink colour.

Eli, who had just finished getting changed into her own outfit for her solo song, caught sight of Nozomi by herself - waiting for her onstage cue - and saw the telltale signs of nervousness in her girlfriend.

Deciding to intervene, wanting to help quell Nozomi's fears, the blonde snook up behind the purple-haired girl and wrapped her arms securely around her neck.

When she felt the girl stiffen and flinch at the surprise in contact, Eli remained in her position.

"It's okay, you don't need to struggle..." She calmly spoke as she gently leaned her head into Nozomi's shoulder.

"Hi Elicchi." Nozomi responded, resting her free hand over the top of Eli's hands as they lay lazily around Nozomi's front as if protectively shielding her from any possible harm.

"You ready?" Eli asked, her breathing light and airy, while her voice whistled through Nozomi's ears pleasantly.

"It's been a while since I've gone out on stage by myself..." She reminisced, a pang of nostalgia and regret forming in her stomach as she looked back on the previous incident which had caused her to be unable to do what she loved with who she loved for such a long time.

Being cleared to perform again made her more happy than she could ever explain, things could begin going back to normal - how they should be - and it indicated that she was making progress with her recovery, even if she hadn't noticed many changes herself. But she knew things would take time. She just needed to keep on going, keep pushing through and she knew that she had her friends and her girlfriend to support her all the while.

Despite her noticeable improvement in the relationship between her and her parents, she just wasn't ready yet to trust them completely. That would take time. After years of having a rocky and distant relationship it wouldn't be so easy to open up to them and let them in, it would take more than just an apology.

However despite her life seemingly having turned around and her being able to do what she had missed, she couldn't get rid of the inescapable feeling of nervousness that was consuming her as she awaited her chance to be reunited with the stage and the crowd by herself once more.

Going out and performing alone was a lot different than as a group. They still harboured the same rush of adrenaline as each other but when it was just her with the crowd everything felt a lot more stressful and personal. It was just her, without the others; the people who she loved so dearly and had got her to where she was today. The entertainment of the audience rested entirely on her hands and after everything that had happened, she couldn't bare to let them down.

"I know you can do it and if you get scared, just grip tight onto that keychain, it will be like I'm right there with you on stage okay? And I'll stay right here, waiting to congratulate you on an amazing performance once you've finished. I'm not going anywhere."

Nozomi looked down into the pocket of her outfit and pulled out an Eli keychain, which she has been given back at the hospital - while Eli kept hold of a similar Nozomi one which they both vowed to bring with each other everywhere they went as a symbol that they would always be there for each other. A few weeks ago that pesky voice would have tried to convince her that Eli was lying, that she would step out onto that stage and Eli would disappear - yet she heard nothing. After all it was Eli, she could trust her. She knew that now. She felt stupid for even questioning it but she couldn't help it. All she could do now to make up for it was trust her.

She gripped the keychain tightly before placing it back in her pocket and directing her gaze back to the tall blonde. "Thank you Elicchi..."

Suddenly the bubbly music tuned out and the stadium filled with a sea of frantic waving of kingblades and deafening cheers, the stage lights blackening to signal Nozomi's entrance.

"Good luck Nozomi, you've got this." Eli whispered, releasing her grip on the purplettes hand before she made her way onto the stage, where a single spotlight turns on and shines over her, illuminating the stage once again - the bright light glistening in Nozomi's eyes and enveloping her in a baking heat.

_'I can do this...'_

Nozomi knew she could. She had done it so many times before.

A gentle melody began playing as everyone in the crowd switched their kingblades to purple and waved them smoothly and slowly to the melody of the song. They were here for her. They supported her. Nobody was going to hurt her. She could do this. 

_"Moshimo..._   
_Watashitachi..."_

_("If..._   
_We never met...")_

All the while Eli watched on from the side-lines, just like she had promised, listening to the lyrics that she knew deeply resonated with the singer - a wave of pride washing over her as she followed Nozomi's elegant movements.

_"Zutto yume no kakera o sodateru tabi ni_   
_Itsuka onaji kurai atsuku natteta_   
_Minna no kibou ga kumoranai you ni_   
_Mamoritai mamori tsuzuketai"_

_("While fostering the fragments of all your dreams_   
_I found myself, at some point, growing just as passionate_   
_So that everyone's hopes will never dim_   
_I want to protect them, I want to keep on protecting them")_

Through every step, spin and leap Nozomi performed, Eli could tell just how far she had come in her recovery - her movements were as fluid as ever, her sense of rhythm was impeccable and her voice had begun to strengthen again - letting it hit the higher notes with much less trouble. In addition to this Nozomi's body had already gone through a noticeable improvement; Her face was starting to fill out again, her bones become much less prominent and even her genuine bubbly and cheerful personality was beginning to return, with less and less fake smiles or noticeable eye bags. Which was thanks to her attending regularly scheduled therapy sessions regarding her mental health and her eating habits - that Eli had always been adamant to attend with her, with Nozomi and the hospital's permission of course, in order to be that shoulder to cry on and to lend her full support as she was able to lay bare her true feelings in those sessions.

_"Kitto..._   
_Watashitachi deatteta hazu hanarebanare demo_   
_Kitto...kitto kyou ga kagayaku yokan ga afureteta no"_

_("I'm sure_   
_We were destined to meet, even if our ways will eventually part_   
_The promise of today's brightness overflowed")_

Hearing exactly what Nozomi was thinking, feeling and experiencing was never easy for Eli but at least she was finally being open and honest about herself, which was already an indicator of improvement and filled her with hope.

_"Soshite yume wa minna ni tsubasa o kureta_   
_Itsumo takusan no egao no naka de_   
_Daiji na omoi wasurenai you ni_   
_Dakishimetai dakishimete itai"_

_("And then my dream gave everyone wings_   
_Surrounded by everyone's smiling faces_   
_I never want those precious feelings to fade_   
_I want to embrace them, I want to hold them dear")_

With help from her therapist and the rest of μ's, they had managed to put together a cohesive plan to help Nozomi in her recovery. To help her get used to taking regular meals again they had begun sticking to eating at each other's houses to avoid any public eating insecurities and had put together some healthy meals for them to enjoy - many of which Nico had recommended and whipped up herself with her vast culinary skills.

In an approach to training, regularly scheduled breaks had been added into their sessions and Nozomi was encouraged to go at her own pace when exercising or rehearsing dance routines to help her body build up her stamina again while another member was always at her side to watch over her just in case.

_"Toki ni wa kujikesou na kanashimi ni mune ga furuete mo_   
_Mimamotteru kara kitto...kitto..."_

_("Even if at times crushing sorrow fills my heart_   
_I'll keep watching over you, always, always")_

Eli knew it had been working well and the way Nozomi gracefully danced around the stage in front of her was evidence of that.

The therapy had also taught her how to rely less on the persuasive voices in her head and more on the friends she had around her - reminding her that it was not selfish to open up to others and that everyone needed to ask for help at times. To keep everything inside would only be worse, as Nozomi had experienced firsthand. It would take time but they all remained hopeful.

One tip that they had recommended was in order to help Nozomi to be more honest was that whoever she was opening up to would also share their feelings, in order to avoid Nozomi feeling guilty about unloading her suppressed emotions when she needed to.

Of course Eli was the main person Nozomi would come to during extra difficult days of crisis. Whenever days were at their darkest and bleakest Eli told Nozomi to let her know and she would drop everything and take care of her - letting her know that she could in fact get through this and that the voice in her head was wrong.

"You are so strong..." Eli would say, as she wrapped her arms tightly around the teary-eyed girl, gently smoothing one hand repeatedly down the back of Nozomi's fluffy head of hair.

"I'm so proud of you..." She'd add, as she watched Nozomi clean her plate during mealtimes, before always going to give her a congratulatory hug. Eli had never given so many hugs in her life but she didn't care, she would gladly hug Nozomi whenever she needed it.

The other members of μ's also made sure to each show that love and appreciation for her in their own ways; gifting her with cute drawings that Rin and Hanayo would do at home and proudly give to her during practice, handmade accessories made by the legendary Akihabara maid herself, late night concert watching sessions over at Nico's and even Umi had gifted Nozomi with a special diary that she could write down how she was feeling if ever she wanted to or didn't feel like talking as much.

All these little things brought the light back into Nozomi's eyes and Eli personally relished the day she had noticed her spark beginning to rekindle, wishing to never see it fade again.

There was also the situation with Nozomi's parents to consider.

Family therapy had been suggested for them but Nozomi quickly shot down the idea, being unable to cope with being completely honest to her parents with herself and her situation, especially as their relationship was only just starting to heal, the wounds were still fresh so to speak.

Everyone deserves to go at their own pace and with what they are most comfortable with after all.

As happy as Eli was, knowing that Nozomi was getting the help she needed and deserved, nothing could compare to how much happiness she felt from getting to spend time with her normally again, whether it was just as a pair or whether the rest of μ's accompanied them. They could laugh freely again, enjoy an odd parfait or two if Nozomi felt up to it and it didn't matter that they had to get them to takeaway and eat in the privacy of their own homes. It was a delicate process and Nozomi would regain her confidence of publicly eating in her own time and Eli made sure to always respect that (it was also a bonus as they had an excuse to stay up late, cuddling together on the sofa watching whatever they wanted while enjoying their desserts).

_"Yume no kakera o sodateru tabi ni_   
_Itsuka onaji kurai atsuku natteta no"_

_("While fostering the fragments of all your dreams_   
_I found myself, at some point, growing just as passionate")_

On top of everything else the others did everything they could to make sure Nozomi took the correct dosage of her prescribed medications, while also trying to make it seem as natural as possible for her. Sometimes either Rin or Honoka would bounce up to Nozomi during practice with some of her medication and a bottle of ice cold water to wash them down with.

"It's time for your daily sweets!" They would exclaim cheerfully, flashing a cheesy grin that never failed to make Nozomi reciprocate with one of her own.

Also sometimes Maki would play doctor for her and administer her with small check-ups - while claiming with a bright red face that it was purely to give her practice for her future medical career despite the others knowing that she was glad to be able to help Nozomi in anyway she could.

Everyone worked as a team to make sure that their friend was well looked after - no, scratch that. They worked together more than just a team but as a family; a very loving one. This fact was further cemented as the other girls had made their way to Eli's side, watching over Nozomi's performance proudly.

_"Yume wa minna ni tsubasa o kureta_   
_Itsumo takusan no egao no naka de_   
_Daiji na omoi wasurenai you ni_   
_Dakishimetai dakishimete itai ..."_

_("My dream gave everyone wings_   
_Surrounded by everyone's smiling faces_   
_I never want those precious feelings to fade_   
_I want to embrace them, I want to hold them dear...")_

They continued to stay by the blonde's side as Nozomi finished her song, the spotlight highlighting her sweat-lined skin and teary eyes as she tried to steady her breathing after successfully completing her 'un-official comeback' performance. The others all clapped and cheered from the side-lines, flashing bright smiles as Nozomi hurried her way off the stage and in their direction.

"You did great out there!"

"You were like a professional singing ballerina!"

"The audience absolutely loved you, just like we do."

"Nozomi-chan is the best idol in the world nya!"

Nozomi was barely able to process the compliments as they came flying at her from each other her enthusiastic friends. Everyone shared quick hugs and a few happy tears amongst themselves before they scuttled back into their dressing areas to get prepared for their subunit performances - leaving only Eli and Nozomi by themselves.

Eli was up next for her own solo and she was going to perform the song she had written about Nozomi. She just hoped the girl would hear the true meaning behind the words she sang.

"Please, listen carefully to my song..." Eli quietly whispered, retracting herself from Nozomi and beginning to walk onto the stage, microphone in-hand.

As the gentle melody of the song's introduction began echoing through the venue, Eli casted one last glance towards the side of the stage before turning away and focusing all of her energy into her performance.

_"Kitto shirazu ni ita hou ga yokatta?_   
_Sonna itami o kakae nagara_   
_Nani mo iwazu waraunda mainichi_   
_Wasureyou to ii kikasete "_

_("I'm sure that I would've been better off ignorant_   
_Holding such pain in my chest,_   
_I smiled each day, not saying a word about it_   
_and told myself to forget")_

She relived the past few months, every single event that Eli picked up on when she noticed Nozomi's change; The disappearance of the frequent messages and calls they used to share during their break away from school, the first day back to school when Eli met up with Nozomi and detected various differences, when Nozomi no longer brought food at lunchtimes, when she began loosing her footing during dances to the point of collapsing, the day she suddenly didn't turn up anymore, followed later by the news of her being in hospital for the first time...

_"Omoide o tojikometa heartbreak"_

_("I shut away my memories, heartbreak")_

How every little thing hurt her as much as it did to Nozomi herself. How she felt like she was losing the one she loved the most. How would she be able to cope with that after all? The person who made her who she was, the person she held so dear suddenly not being that way anymore? All because of others who didn't know her personally and couldn't be bothered to think before they wrote and spoke. It was all projected into her tone, her movements, her thoughts and the song she was performing.

_"Arifureta kanashimi arifureta itami to_   
_Koboresouna namida koraete miru hoshi wa_   
_Itsumo yori mabushiku kagayaite ochisou da_   
_Watashi o shizuka ni terasu keredo "_

_("With this clichéd sadness and clichéd pain,_   
_I barely hold back tears and watch the stars_   
_They shine brighter than usual, and seem to fall_   
_As they quietly illuminate me...")_

Eli knew everyone could hear the song's message, if some of the audience members being reduced to tears was any indication. She wished the whole world could hear it, to know exactly how thousands of people like Eli and Nozomi have felt. 

_"Dandan kimochi ga ochitsuiteku no darou_   
_Jikan ga sugite kimi mo satte_   
_Tooi kioku ni kawaru no wa itsu darou_   
_Jikan wa sugita kimi wa satta "_

_("These feelings will settle down gradually_   
_As time passes, you too will fade_   
_When will this become a distant memory?_   
_Time has passed, you have faded")_

She sang with all her might and found herself feeling weightless as all of her suppressed feelings were spewing out for the public to hear, in the form of a beautiful song. 

_"Toikake o kurikaesu heartbreak"_

_("I repeatedly question why, heartbreak")_

Spilling everything, she regaled the audience with her past; from her shock of finding out of Nozomi's condition to her hopelessness as she sat by her side on the hospital bed - day after day - just waiting for her to come back to her.

_"Tomaranai kanashimi tomaranai itami wa_   
_Nami no you ni ima o nagashite yo ga akeru_   
_Itsumo yori hageshiku uzumaita kanjou dakara_   
_Watashi no subete ga kuzuresou da yo "_

_("My never-ending sadness and never-ending pain_   
_Flow like the waves until dawn breaks_   
_My feelings swirl more violently than usual_   
_And I feel as though I could fall apart completely")_

She knew that without Nozomi there was so much that wouldn't have happened. As she stared out into the sea of light blue kingblades, she knew there would be plenty in there that were Nozomi fans that had no-doubt been worrying about her like many fans had been, people that would always love her for who she was and knew she didn't need to change - the song was also meant as a message to let them know that Eli  would take care of her and that they had nothing to worry about.

_"Nemurou ka tsuki ga yagate shirande_   
_Odayakana yume o mune ni otosu "_

_("Should I sleep? The moon eventually grows light_   
_A gentle dream falls upon my chest")_

Before she knew it, the last few lines of the song had approached and Eli's voice had lowered to a soft melody, slowly fading out as the instrumental backing track followed in her footsteps - before the venue was plunged into a quick few seconds of silence before being promptly broken by a loud applause, thousands of hearts all connected and brought together in unison.

_"Arifureta kanashimi arifureta itami to_   
_Koboresouna namida koraete miru hoshi wa_   
_Itsumo yori mabushiku kagayaite ochisou da_   
_Watashi o shizuka ni terasu keredo "_

_("With this clichéd sadness and clichéd pain,_   
_I barely hold back tears and watch the stars_   
_They shine brighter than usual, and seem to fall_   
_As they quietly illuminate me...")_

As the spotlight faded away, drowning the stage in complete darkness, Eli hurried off the stage, drowning out the cheers and ran straight to Nozomi and wrapped her up in a warm hug, holding onto her as tight as she possibly could without causing hurt.

"You did so well..." Nozomi whispered gently, her breath tickling the end of Eli's ear. Eli was too caught up in the moment to be embarrassed by such contact and instead just gently rubbed her hand up and down Nozomi's back, noting how the appearance of her spine had lessened overtime.

"So did you...you were so beautiful out there, just like always..."

One breath.

A second breath.

"Hey, Nozomi?"

Another breath.

"I love you..."

To finally hear those beautiful words out loud rivalled any previous feeling of happiness Nozomi had ever felt. It wasn't said half-heartedly like she had heard so many times from her parents as they hurried away to their jobs and left Nozomi alone for the umpteenth time. Neither was it said in the way friends would say it to one another - there was no mistaking that what Eli felt was true, pure and romantic love. Nozomi's response had never been easier to create in her life.

"I love you too Eli..."

Now that she had said what she had been so scared to say for so long, she regretted never having said it earlier. It seemed like a silly worry. Now she thought about it; regardless of whether Eli reciprocated her feelings, she knew Eli would never make fun of her or leave her side for how she felt - that was not like Eli at all.

Yet Eli felt what she had felt. She wondered for how long the blonde had known about her feelings, although it didn't matter in that moment. They had finally said it. Both of them knew, no assumptions, no lies, how each other felt. This moment was for the two of them and the two of them alone.

Eli gently pulled away, to get a better look at the girl in front of her, before gently smoothing her cheek with her slender finger and cupping it safely within her grasp. Nozomi gazed lovingly back at the taller girl, admiring the way Eli managed to always look so breath-taking even after a draining performance, smiling softly at the way strands of her blonde fringe had cemented themselves to her forehead while others stuck out slightly showing that even someone as gorgeous as Eli was not perfect all the time, yet Nozomi didn't care about 'perfect', to her Eli already was perfect - regardless of societies stupid standards.

Eli noticed how Nozomi was looking at her, her emerald eyes shimmering in awe as they gazed up at her, brimming with emotion.

"What could possibly be going on in that weird and wonderful mind of yours?" Eli laughed, gently pressing the tip of her nose against Nozomi's.

"I'm just thinking..." Nozomi replied, gulping quietly as she registered the sudden atmosphere change. They were so close, their noses were touching, she knew what could come next. But was she ready?

"You've been doing a lot of that, I think it's time to give your mind a little rest for a minute..." Eli replied and in those few words Nozomi knew for certain that it was silly to even doubt if she was ready, of course she was. She had been for a long, long time now. With that internal conflict solved, Nozomi leaned closer to Eli - so close they could feel each others laboured breathing against each other's lips as both girls confirmed that, yes, this was indeed happening.

In one movement, Nozomi pushed her lips against Eli's to claim them for her own while Eli had no trouble reciprocating. Both girls moved their lips clumsily, clearly inexperienced but to each other it couldn't have been any better than this. It was just the two of them together, more than they could have ever wished for.

Their kiss was short-lived, as they quickly grew breathless and pulled away, still keeping themselves as close together as possible as they attempted to catch their breath.

They were quickly passed by a flourish of colour and thundering footsteps as Printemps took the stage but neither girl moved or reacted. They swore they could have heard a quick 'aww', followed by a deeper voiced sigh and simply the word 'lesbians'  but they were caught up in each other to fully notice; the way they both laughed gleefully and the way they didn't care that they were both glistening with sweat - they both thought the other couldn't have looked more beautiful.

Their foreheads collided, some sweat cementing them together like glue, as they closed their eyes and held onto each other - both girls feeling that everything was perfect in that moment. They were back together, they had just performed (really successfully too) and they knew openly about how each other felt.

They knew love couldn't solve every problem but perhaps it could be a guide for both girls as they travelled into their future, graduation just weeks away from their grasp.

They could have some peace of mind as they were certain of two things; the school would stay open and would be completely fine and both girls had each other as they began their journey into adulthood.

Everything would be just fine.

It wouldn't be easy but they were ready.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This may have partially been the product of a long nostalgia music playlist. I wanted to show how incidents like this can also immensely impact those who have to see their loved ones suffer, how it can cause them to think irrationally. So everyone please keep safe and take care of those around you.  
> I don't know anything really about flowers or how much they cost so I apologise if it's not a realistic price, I just tried to picture a high quality bouquet that would be nice for the members to get for Nozomi. Also yes, the 'mysterious' other girl in the flower shop was Nanjolno, my gay heart just had to include some JolKs in this story, I couldn't resist.  
> Also this gay tale is coming to an end soon as we just have an omake left. It feels so strange as I've spent pretty much over year writing this but I'm really glad I did. Because of this I've met some really nice people and I never expected me, someone's who so introverted and has lived quite a big portion of their life pretty much silent, to be able to do such a thing. I hope you enjoyed this chapter and that you have enjoyed this journey, but it's not quite over yet.  
> Hope you are all well and please remember to eat and drink and rest well and take good care of yourselves and stay safe and I hope you have enjoyed this book.  
> ~Dusk


	24. Omake: You're No Longer Alone

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A look into what the future has in store for the wonderful girls of μ's.

"Nozomi? What do you think about this one?"

A voice echoed throughout the apartment; summoning the older girl away from her task of making tea for her two guests, into the living room area - where a familiar blonde girl was lounging comfortably, laptop resting on her legs and another familiar girl with black hair was curled up into a ball on a comfy seat, scrolling through her phone.

The three girls had just graduated together from Otonokizaka a few weeks prior and had decided to meet up together for a celebration. Of course μ's had already made sure to throw a celebration party for the leavers back closer to the actual day; which had included a lot of chaos, tears and food (thanks to Honoka and Hanayo's appetites) but it was nice for them to have one last meet-up before they started separating into their hectic grown-up lives.

"What is it Elicchi?" Nozomi replied curiously, leaning down towards the laptop screen to get a better view, her face only inches away from her girlfriend's. Eli took the opportunity to place a gentle kiss on Nozomi's cheek before turning her attention back to the device. The simple act made Nozomi's heart leap up happily. It felt almost magical to be able to have such love and affection given to her - by Eli, the girl she had yearned for, no less.

"I've been searching for vehicles for our road trip and thought this would be suitable."

On the screen was displayed a medium-sized camper van, described with having; a bedroom, a bathroom, a kitchen area and a small living area at the front merged with the driver and passenger seats. Eli, being ever the organised and perfectionist she was, had triple-checked through all the reviews to make sure they were positive - only the best for her beloved after all. After everything that had happened over the past years, Eli wanted to treat Nozomi to something special - sometime where they could be alone together and just have fun with no pressures and nothing looming over them.

Nozomi and Eli had made the decision to wait before attending any further education, giving themselves a year to spend together, doing whatever their hearts desired while also giving them some time to sort out future plans - both girls preferring to know what they were doing rather than just running blindly into something because they thought that had to, whilst being unprepared. Ever since they made the decision, the first thing they knew they knew they needed to do was their promised road trip together, there was no questioning that. In order to prepare, Nozomi had taken extra hours working at the shrine for some extra pay, while Eli had settled into taking driving lessons so she could be ready at the wheel (while also not having to worry for Nozomi's safety by delaying her desire to begin driving for a while, thanks to Eli's neurotic and overprotective side).

"It looks perfect!" Nozomi replied, ruffling the top of Eli's hair cutely as if praising her for her cleverness. 

"So you two are really going on that trip then huh?" Nico suddenly spoke up, her eyes drifting above her phone for a few moments as she waited for a reply.

"Yup! Jealous are we Nicocchi?~" Teased Nozomi, her signature playful smirk having returned.

"N-no! Why would I be?"

"Maybe because you still have to wait another two years before your girlfriend graduates?" Eli added more fuel to the teasing fire. These two girls would certainly be the death of the number one idol in the universe; they were lethal when together, nobody stood a chance. Especially not poor Nico.

It was no secret that Nico and Maki were having some trouble due to the latter still having two years left of her high school education. Yet Nico was determined to wait for her. They had made a promise that once Maki had graduated both girls would work together to help their dreams come true; Maki would compose music for Nico, which she would then perform with, both girls would get to do what they truly wanted. Despite Maki's parents having a few qualms about the idea, Nico had given them an extremely good talking to about letting Maki live her own life and follow her dreams, knowing about her insecurities behind having her future at the hospital already planned out and had been adamant that she would look after their daughter. After another night of tears, both girls had come out of the situation relieved and closer than ever, knowing that despite the wait that would be ahead of them for the next two years, what would happen after that would be worth it. They had the rest of their lifetime to spend together after all, compared to that two years was very little.

"Hey! My love life is going VERY well I think you'll find!" Nico pouted, hiding her face back behind her phone.

"Mmhmm...what was that about an argument that I heard you two were having just last week then?" Eli eyed the shorter girl, her blue eyes narrowing accusingly - although no malicious intent was present.

Nico was truly cornered. She honestly didn't know how she had survived so long in the company of those two parfait lovers. But as much as she complained about them, she loved them a lot - maybe a bit less when they were embarrassing her - but she still loved them. A happy, teasing Nozomi was much better than a hurt Nozomi. She didn't deserve what happened to her, nobody did and Nico was just glad she was getting better and that she was seeming to be much happier.

"Hey, it was just because she was being stubborn! That silly girl was thinking of trying to graduate early but I can't let her pass up her chance at a full length education! I know how much she's looking forward to doing music at college now that she has her parents acceptance."

Many people's first impressions of Nico Yazawa tended to be that she was too stuck-up and self-absorbed but it only took a deeper look to notice that when it boiled down to it, Nico looked out for her friends and loved ones first. She would give up anything and everything for family and friends because that was just the type of person she was, that person was just hiding behind her idol persona, which gave her the buzz and confidence she needed to go up and try and achieve her own dreams. So when Maki had suggested trying to cut her education as short as possible in order for them to spend more time together, Nico wouldn't have it. Truthfully she would have loved to spend more time with Maki, with none of society's expectations looming over them, but she knew that wouldn't be right. Waiting would give them the opportunity to put up with a bit of distance, to give them something to keep inspiring them and making them fight through any hardships - with the certainty of being able to be together and create music together in just a few more years, months, weeks or days.

"So, what are you planning to do yourself then Nico?" Eli asked, absentmindedly smoothing her hands through Nozomi's soft hair - another act of affection that she had begun doing without properly realising it, it just seemed right.

"I'm taking a performing arts course at college and they have ties with the music industry so they said they might be able to sort out some venues for me to perform at!" Nico enthused, her eyes lighting up - showing just how much happiness she got from being an idol. Eli and Nozomi were beyond elated for her, she had worked so hard to get to where she was and she deserved every bit of success she got.

"Let us know when you're gonna perform, we'll both be there in the front row, cheering you on!" Nozomi replied, cheerfully waving her hand in the air as if mimicking the movements of an audience member with a kingblade.

Just visualising herself back on stage, performing in front of thousands of adoring fans - those of which also included her close friends - felt like such a dream to Nico a few years ago. Yet she kept hoping and trying despite every deterrence that came her way. It truly had paid off in the end; every tear, every all-nighter she spent practicing and every pushback. She was definitely glad that she joined μ's, even if the girls did initially get on her nerves and stubbornly kept bothering her, she wouldn't have it any other way.

"You better! Otherwise who else am I going to have join me to celebrate at the after parties?" Nico replied, her usual tough bravado present. 

"Anyway, did you hear about any of the others?"

"Oh yeah, I heard that Honoka is still appointed as the Student Council President, with Umi and Kotori at her side of course."

"Thank god for them otherwise that school might have some trouble on their hands!" Joked Eli. They didn't mean it maliciously at all. They knew that they would all be fine together, the trio had been close friends for so long and helped balance each other out so well.

"She certainly adds a bit of character to the school." Nozomi inputted, reminiscing on how brighter the atmosphere of the school was at times thanks to Honoka. Her energy and enthusiasm was incredibly radiant and shone off her like sun rays. With a person like Honoka around, it felt impossible for things to be hopeless no matter how dire the situation. Even when things stumped the ginger-haired girl, she would always carry a spark with her.

"Speaking of Honoka, how is she doing with Tsubasa?" Eli asked curiously, remembering how hyped up the younger girl had gotten after receiving a message from the other idol in regards to a meetup.

"Last I heard from Kotori, her and Tsubasa have been having these 'meet-ups' rather frequently recently so who knows? Maybe she finally put aside her love for food for another human?"

"As nice as some foods are, love from other people definitely comes out on top." Eli replied, casting a fond look to her girlfriend beside her. Having Nozomi's love and affection would always be better than anything else in the world - no matter how much chocolate the world could throw at her. Nozomi would always mean more to her than anything.

Honoka and Tsubasa had indeed been meeting up more frequently since the graduation of the third years as everyone had left education for their break - freeing up the schedules of both girls. They would meet up at the same café every time; Honoka ordering a different dessert (after claiming she needed to try them all) along with some servings of bread for main course while Tsubasa was more than happy to go along with whatever the energetic girl wanted - clearly just more interested in the company of the ginger-haired girl than the food that was on offer. Both having experience as leaders of their idol groups they found that they could understand each other easily and talk about their experiences together. Over time the conversations developed, both girls showing a clear attachment to each other as they admired how easy it was to converse and feel comfortable in each others presence. To Honoka; Tsubasa never judged her for her energetic habits, food obsessions or clumsiness and instead loved her for those exact reasons. To Tsubasa; Honoka was the bright star in her life that she had always been searching for, always making her laugh and smile and never being afraid to reassure her when she needed it.

As much as they wanted to know the nature of their relationship, they respected that they would need their privacy and would announce anything in their own time - despite this all of the girls had their own suspicions. If Honoka running back home and happily keyboard smashing in messages with Kotori and Umi after every meeting they had was any indication, it didn't take a lot to tell that their friend was positively whipped - and from what Erena and Anju had gathered, their leader was also extremely fond of Honoka. It seemed like all good things were waiting for them in the future.

"What about Kotori and Umi? How are our seagull and ocean getting on?" Asked Nozomi.

"Apparently Umi is trying to get the courage to take Kotori on a date to somewhere nice." Nico replied, turning off her phone and placing it safely in her pocket.

"Wow, look at Umi go. The girl who has always been scared of affection has managed to kiss someone, get a girlfriend AND is planning a proper date all in such a short amount of time! Woah I need to sit down, I'm already sitting and I need to sit down again!" Eli chuckled, clearly surprised at such a new type of behaviour from her kouhai.

"It's great that she's trying, I'm sure Kotori will appreciate it." Nozomi looked down at her fingers, absentmindedly fiddling with them as she began to imagine the ash-haired girl's reaction to her girlfriend doing something remotely romantic. Kotori knew how embarrassed Umi could get and didn't mind if she had to be the one to initiate most of the new relationship advances but Nozomi could tell that she would enjoy it if Umi would join in too - strong relationships worked best both ways after all.

However Umi also had a feeling of Kotori's inner desires, despite her never voicing them and wanted to prove that she did indeed love her and she wanted to make a noticeable effort to please her. Whenever Umi had some time alone, she would spend time researching possible ways she could gain confidence in the romance department and after hours of searching late into the night - and hiding her face when websites that were a little too...intimate showed up - she had settled on the idea of taking Kotori on a day out to help get her away from tiring schoolwork and duties. She knew of her lovers passion for design and fashion so she managed to score tickets to a fashion show that they would attend together in order to give her some inspiration, followed by a trip to a fancy restaurant (which she made sure to check that they sold cheesecakes in the dessert menu before booking) and then they would round the day off with a stroll up into the hills where they could watch the stars come up and look over out to sea. Umi had always loved enjoying nature and to enjoy it with someone so special to her would be a great experience which she hoped would give her the confidence she needed to initiate some kind of love and affection towards the girl who meant so much to her. She didn't want Kotori to ever doubt her feelings for her, she wouldn't dare allow that. 

"It's so strange that we won't get to see them all everyday anymore..." Nozomi spoke up, her tone melancholy as she felt a familiar feeling of sadness tug at her heartstrings. She really loved and treasured all her friends and to graduate felt as if she was leaving them. But she knew it wasn't goodbye, not really. They would all keep in contact for sure - meeting up when they can and updating everyone on how they were all getting on. μ's would always be together.

"At least we know the idol study club is in good hands with Hanayo as the new president and Maki as the vice president. It will be nice to see what things they can do with new members..."

"Of course we'll have to go back and check on them from time to time, especially if Rin is involved, you know how overly excited she can get!"

"If she gets her way, instead of water during practice breaks, they'd hand out bowls of ramen!" Nico exaggerated, the trio bursting into laughter.

"Hanayo knows how to keep her in line, just like Rin does for her. They really are a good match those two." Nozomi added, having always admired how both childhood friends had stuck together for so long and their bonds continued to grow stronger. She knew as long as Rin and Hanayo were alongside each other that they would be okay. They always knew how to balance each other out, when each of their insecurities became too much the other would always know exactly how to remedy the situation. If all else failed they were both very skilled at making each others favourite foods and giving each other affection, as the other members had so often witnessed. In their eyes it seemed almost impossible for both girls to be partners with anyone but each other. Nozomi was a strong believer in destiny and all things spiritual and she would definitely say that those two were made for each other.

It was a good feeling to be assured that their friends would all be okay. As the older three of the bunch they carried that extra feeling of responsibility for the welfare of the younger girls, despite knowing that they would be okay. However Nico was worried about more than just her friends. 

"How are things with your parents now?" Nico asked, eyeing Nozomi worriedly - not sure if it was an appropriate time to ask such a thing yet, with the Tojo's being so early in their attempt at rekindling.

"They are trying and that's all I could ask for." Nozomi replied. She was grateful that her parents were attempting to change. She knew they couldn't really do anything about their busy work schedules but whenever they had a free day every-so-often they would contact Nozomi and ask about how she was doing.

"I'm glad." Nico smiled, happy to see that the parents that had once been so neglectful and cold had finally seen the error of their ways and were adapting. Nozomi deserved a loving family, even if it took time. 

"We are actually currently in the stages of planning a day-out together, with Elicchi tagging along of course - she IS part of the family now after all!" Nozomi continued, noting how touched Eli looked as she added on the last sentence.

"You better take good care of Nozomi then, alright? Or I'll be coming for your ass!" Nico joked. It was a loaded comment and everyone knew that. She knew she could trust Eli to take good care of her after all, everyone knew just how much Eli loved her and how protective she was of her, she'd always take good care of her no matter what. Those two would be just fine together. The future was definitely bright.

"No worries. Elicchi always takes good care of me." Nozomi fondly replied, leaning her head against Eli's shoulder, feeling safe and cosy as she was right where she belonged.

"Well I can't let you get hurt can I? I love you too much for that." Eli said, automatically wrapping an arm around Nozomi's frame and holding her securely. Eli found herself doing this more often but neither of the girls minded, it was nice to be able to give each other affection and know the true intention behind it - knowing their love was requited.

"Ugh, geez can you two go a minute without being gay or is that a stupid question?" Nico gagged. Truthfully she was happy that they had finally gotten together, they both deserved each other but she couldn't deny that sometimes they seemed too perfect. Watching them finally being honest with each other about their feelings was rewarding, especially after the process was like pulling teeth. At least they weren't making out in front of her and had the decency to keep all PG 13 and above things in private.

"Hmm, I don't know..." Eli pretended to ponder, before pulling Nozomi even closer to her and attacking her beloved with kisses in her hair, earning an eye-roll from the shorter idol.

"I'll take that as a 'no' then." Nico concluded, tutting.

"No fighting you two. I'll just go get the tea now." Nozomi chided, ceasing Eli's affectionate assault while jokingly waggling her finger in Nico's direction and then Eli's.

"We'll be good I promise." Eli replied, smiling obediently up as Nozomi and Eli parted away from each other, the blonde watching as Nozomi disappeared back into the kitchen, already missing the elder girls presence by her side. It was very rare recently that both girls weren't seen with each other, not that it was much different before. They, themselves, just seemed to be more aware of it now.

"Don't forget to make sure mine is extra sweet!" Nico shouted, her voice echoing and rebounding off the walls in order to reach the kitchen. It was no secret that Nico adored the taste of sweet things, which of course extended to her tea preferences as well (how she ended up with Maki was a complete mystery then, Rin had often teased her, having knowledge of said preference).

As Nozomi scuttled back towards the counter, where waiting for her lay three filled mugs of brewed tea; one with a simple fox design on it, another with a tanuki face and the last having a drawing which depicted a pig-tailed idol singing into a microphone (the latter having been a special creation courtesy of the purple and blonde haired couple).

Nozomi always made great cups of tea - anyone who had ever tasted them knew that. She knew how to perfectly time the brewing and add the correct ratios of milk and sugar to suit each individuals taste.

Her delicate fingers guided the silver spoons around the inside of the three mugs for the final few times before she removed them from the warm liquids, tapping them on the rims of the cups before leaving them in the sink to wash later.

As she neatly arranged the steaming mugs onto the tray and brought them up, she caught eye of herself in the reflection of the oven. It seemed almost silly to stop and stare back at a smaller version of herself yet necessary in her mind. Her face had since starting recovery had filled out more, giving her a sweet and gentle appearance which she was beginning to become rather fond of; beauty came in all shapes and sizes and was in every human that existed, it just took different forms but because they were different, people often had trouble seeing and realising them - this was something her therapist had reminded her. It was something Nozomi had strongly believed throughout her life, yet when it came to her it just didn't seem to apply. She began to ask herself why she thought that? She was a human just like everyone else wasn't she? So why shouldn't that same principle apply to her? The voice, which had continued to torment her for so long before, now could never come up with any kind of valid response - in fact recently it had made itself rather scarce and Nozomi barely heard any input from it, much to her contentment.

_'You ARE beautiful.'_

_'You ARE loved.'_

_'You ARE enough'._

She repeatedly told herself.

She had spent so long trying to please others that she had neglected to think of the most important thing, living her life for herself. She deserved to love herself, everyone did. When she stopped to consider what she had been doing, none of it had made her truly any happier. The more weight she lost, the even more she wanted to continue to lose. She knew she wouldn't have been able to stop herself if she hadn't have gotten help. But now that she was in the process of recovery she had learned so many things, one of which being the fact that she would be much happier as she was before. She had never done something so severe until she was faced with the negativity of thousands of unknown commenters. It was that that had derailed her thoughts and made her see what she hadn't seen before. Yet this was her. Nobody else should have control over who she was.

Nobody was going to be stereotypically perfect in the way that society seemed to push forward but it didn't mean that people weren't perfect in themselves.

Sure, there were many parts of herself that she did not like; perhaps she could maybe have a less prominent nose or maybe even a different sized bust, but this was her. Everyone had insecurities, but it didn't mean those things made you less beautiful. She knew for a fact that Eli loved every part of her, as she had expressed on many occasions since they had gotten together - her nose and bust included. As long as she learned to love herself that was what mattered, there would be others who would love and accept her too - and those were μ's. They were behind her, even if she felt like she was alone. They always would be.

She could beat those thoughts. She knew she could, especially with the help of her friends, no, they were more than that - more like a second family. One day she knew she could securely look at herself in the mirror and accept herself, even when she was presented with a head of aged grey hair and a face full of wrinkles looking back at her - that didn't mean she was any less Nozomi than she always had been. It also didn't mean she was any less beautiful.

"We're waiting for some of your famously delicious tea here Nozomi!" A stern voice called out, interrupting Nozomi's inner monologue.

Satisfied, she nodded to herself and turned away from her reflection, whisking away the tray of tea into the other room - abandoning her negative thoughts behind her, hopefully for good, but if they decided to return then she knew she would be ready. She would just take things one step at a time.

~~~

**The End.**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And that's the end, thank you to all of those who have read this and left comments and support for me all the while, I wish I could express how thankful I am to have you all in my life. As much as I'd love to continue writing I believe that this story is now complete here and that after a year of writing this I can move onto another story, we can say farewell to all the lovely members and wish them happy lives together in their couples and as friends. However this will always stay in my heart as while this story has changed, so have I. All the things I have learned in this past year can hopefully inspire me to write more stories, including our wonderful girls of Love Live!, I don't think I'll be parting from this franchise for a long time. I feel right at home here.  
> The title of the chapter is the English translation of Honoka's song 'Mou hitori ja nai yo', which I think is a beautiful song and should be praised more often. I have a soft spot for all of μ's' solo songs.  
> I decided to add an omake to show that life doesn't end when you achieve a large goal or get into the relationship you've been dreaming of, it's just the start of an even bigger adventure. As cliché as it sounds, the journey is always one of the most important (but also difficult) parts and whatever may be happening it's best to focus on what you can do in the present to enjoy it as much as you can, rather than simply being solely focused on that future goal. Like with Nozomi's recovery, taking it little steps at a time can help make the end goal much more manageable for her and I know with the help of her loving friends and family that she will be okay. And I know this isn't the end for μ's, they will still be seeing a lot of each other. When bonds are strong, a little distance won't break them as I have experienced with me and my other 3 close friends as despite me having gone to a completely different college than them, where I still don't really know anybody, we still keep in touch and I try to visit my closest friend whenever I get the chance. If you do have any close friends please keep in touch with them, just because you cannot be physically next to each other everyday doesn't mean you can't still be close. But anyway I digress...  
> To close, I hope you are all well and please remember to eat and drink and rest well and take good care of yourselves and stay safe. Also please remember that YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL AND PERFECT AS YOU ARE, we are all different as humans and beauty comes in so many different forms. I believe everyone is beautiful, people just have different preferences of beauty, but I know that there will be so many people out there that love and appreciate you, whether you have met them yet or not and I'm telling you now when I say that I do love you all. My messages will always be open and I'm usually on my Instagram most of the time so if you ever need to talk for anything, whether it's for some help or just to make a new friend, I'll always be there for you. I hope you have enjoyed this book and this journey we have shared, thank you again to everyone for all your comments and support over the time I've been writing this. I'm excited to see what else I can write in the future for you all, I hope to get something new up soon and that you can enjoy it too. I've got plenty of ideas, just need to decide which I want to write first. I'm going to try to make every story I write have a strong meaning to it as I've always wanted to write something while also tackling real issues and important subjects. I only hope that you can enjoy reading them as much as I enjoy writing them. Please take care.   
> ~ Dusk


	25. Thank You

Thank you everyone for taking your time to read this, I hope you have enjoyed it.

This book was truly written from my heart as a person who has struggled with disordered eating for a long time and I know they are not easy to deal with but if I've learned anything is that weight truly does not matter as much as the media make us believe. The only time it should change is if it is actually endangering your life/health. You are all incredibly beautiful as you are and we all deserve to eat and drink properly, Our bodies need fuel after all. Also I thought Nozomi would be the perfect character to write in this way (as well as the fact that she is an actual goddess and my best muse girl)  I've always thought of her having inner struggles that she keeps to herself and I wanted to write something that had a good message to it as well as making it NozoEli. I figured if something I write could help somebody in anyway or just entertain them for a while then I'm happy to do it, no matter how long it would take.

Thankyou for supporting me all this time, I hope you enjoy what's to come in the future! You are all amazing and wonderful people, never forget that! I love you all, please remember to take care of yourself, eat, drink and take your medication if you need to.

Also if anyone ever needs someone to talk to or just wants to chat about random things, my messages are always open, you'll usually find me hanging around on Instagram (@dusk_drawings)

For all those who may be struggling with a hard time at the moment I want you to know that as cliché as it sounds I promise you that things do get better! Things will be tedious and difficult but if you keep persevering there is always something good waiting for you at the end. I'll leave a few tips that have helped me to get through particularly difficult times, however I know not everything will work for everyone as we are all different, I only hope they can help someone, somewhere.

1\. Create YouTube playlists filled with songs that inspire you, that make you feel empowered or give you hope. Or create a YouTube playlist with videos that have ever made you laugh or smile, If ever you feel hopeless you can stick them on and direct your focus away from possible problems you may be facing and help lighten your mood.

2\. Don't be afraid to reach out for help. You are NOT a burden by asking for help and you will most certainly NOT annoy people. Those close to you love you and want you to be okay. But if you do have trouble confiding in others, there is no problem with getting help from a professional. As someone who has been with different therapists and different groups I can tell you that it does help to have someone to trust and someone to talk to.

3\. Find one thing (or multiple if possible) that you enjoy or have found yourself enjoying and make time to pull yourself out of your situation and lose yourself in whatever it is that you enjoy, whether it be; drawing, singing, acting, cooking, playing an instrument, writing, designing, doing a sport or something completely different. No matter what it is, as long as it doesn't hurt you or another person it can remind you that you CAN do something and that you DO have talents. In times when you feel low and unaccomplished, pushing yourself to do something again can seem hopeless and first but when you get back into doing things it can give you things to help pass the dark times. It could be something like keeping going because you want to finish the end of a tv show/series (for example I'm currently obsessed with this years Big Brother, especially Brooke, and it's been giving me something to look forward to every night).

4\. Make sure to eat and drink well and properly. With society's pressures these days it can be difficult to like ourselves and our bodies but if somebody ever makes you feel like you and your body aren't beautiful then tell yourself; is it somebody you want to be listening to if all they do is put you down? There is nothing wrong with wanting to lose weight but there are safer ways to do this and please try not to become absorbed in it, the only time you should have to change your weight/health is if you are physically in a dangerous state that could harm your life. Abandoning meals will make your body become unable to function properly and we don't want that. If you have trouble eating out in public, you can always use apps that can help deliver food to you, use shops that have self-service checkouts or even try to make something yourself using what you have at home.

5\. For those who have a hard time making friends or feel alone and like they have nobody, a good way to make friends is through social media. In my college I currently have been unable to make any friends yet but knowing that I have caring friends online and caring friends elsewhere helps me get through the day. Find a community of people who are into the same things as you and don't be afraid to talk or reply to others. One way is to look for confession accounts and send one in which lets others know a bit about you and that you are looking for some friends. Chances are there may be many others just like you looking for a friend. Despite how some people portray online friends, I believe they are great to have and I always find talking to them much easier than to others in person, but I know it's not the same for everyone.

6\. If things are getting busy and you feel like you don't have much time to yourself, know when to come away and take breaks. Give yourself treats and rewards after completing certain tasks, chores or bits of work in order to give yourself things to work towards and look forward to to keep yourself going.

I hope that you all take good care of yourselves and stay safe, I love you all.

Sending you all lots of spiritual power~

~Dusk


End file.
